by Rachel Lacey
“I bet she’ll be relieved too,” Phoebe said with a laugh. “She’s definitely been enjoying more time away from them lately.”
“I would too if I had four babies trying to nurse on me all the time.” I walked to the table on the patio and pulled out the four folders I’d brought home with me, one for each puppy. I got everything ready for the adopters while Phoebe went inside to clean up in case anyone needed to go in the house.
“That was the last time I have to clean up puppy pee,” she announced as she came back out a few minutes later. “And if I start to feel sad about saying goodbye to them, just remind me of that fact, because I am so over the pee.”
“And the poop,” I agreed. The sound of tires crunching over gravel in the driveway reached us at the same time, and Phoebe gave me a nervous smile. “I’ll go greet them,” I told her. “You stay with the puppies so no one gets tangled in their bow.”
I walked around to the front of the house, where a tall man was getting out of his car. This was Brody Reynolds, one of the vet techs who’d seen the puppies for their checkups. He had the first appointment of the afternoon, and coincidentally, he was here to adopt our firstborn puppy, Elizabeth. “Hi, Brody,” I said.
“Hey, Taylor.”
I led him around the side of the house. “I’m sure you recognize her, but she’s in the pink bow.”
“She’s hard to miss,” he said, smiling broadly as Elizabeth bounded across the playpen to topple Blaze. He walked over to greet her, rubbing her head while she attempted to chew on his fingers, and then we sat at the table to fill out the adoption paperwork.
A few minutes later, he was on his way back to his car with Elizabeth tucked under his arm. Phoebe watched with a somewhat wistful expression, but whatever she was feeling was tempered by the arrival of the next family—sisters from the local university who were here to adopt Sunny. They cooed over him as they signed the paperwork, arguing good naturedly over who would drive home and who got to hold the puppy.
Next up was the young couple who was adopting Blaze. They’d bought him a fancy matching collar and leash to wear home and were already snapping happy selfies with him before they made it to the car. Last but certainly not least, Holly arrived to pick up Cherry. Her senior dog had passed away two weeks ago, and she’d been doting on Cherry extra hard in the weeks since.
“I’ll miss you, little one,” Phoebe said, lifting the puppy to give her a squeeze. Cherry kissed her face enthusiastically. We’d spent so much extra time with Cherry, nursing her back to health after her surgery. I’d still get to see her since Holly volunteered at the shelter, but Phoebe…well, it depended on whether she stayed.
We sent Holly and Cherry on their way, and then it was just me, Phoebe, and Violet left in the backyard. Violet stood beside the empty playpen, whining softly.
“Aw, she’s sad,” Phoebe said, pressing a hand over her heart.
“Let’s take her for a walk,” I suggested. “She’ll be a little sad this evening, but she’ll be just fine. In fact, her personality may start to really blossom now that she’s on the receiving end of all the attention instead of having to share us with her puppies.”
“I hope so.” Phoebe ducked inside for Violet’s leash, and we led her over the stream and onto the path. Violet sniffed as she walked, not looking particularly upset to be without her puppies. “When will we try to bring Minnie over?”
“Let’s give Violet a day or two to adjust to life without her babies first.”
“Sounds like a good idea.” Phoebe looked at the dog and then at me. “And then, don’t forget I have an interview in Boston on Wednesday.”
“Right.” I hadn’t forgotten. On the contrary, I was terrified she’d drive to Boston and decide she didn’t want to come back. And what if she got the job? Then she’d have to stay.
“Even if I get the job, it doesn’t mean I’m leaving Vermont permanently,” she said, obviously having read the direction my thoughts had taken.
“Doesn’t it?” I countered. It was only a three-hour drive between here and Boston, but combined with our work schedules and my dogs, we’d be lucky to see each other every weekend. Probably, we’d only see each other a few times a month, and would that be enough?
“If things between us keep going the way they’re going, I’ll keep interviewing here in Burlington, even if I get the job in Boston, okay?” She took my hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “I just need to feel out my options.”
“Right,” I said, but I wasn’t sure I believed it. Now that the puppies were gone and I’d bought the cabin, there was nothing keeping Phoebe in Vermont, and I was terrified that she’d realize it. “Well, I’ll try to get Minnie and Violet acclimated to each other before you leave, and then I’ll stay here with them while you’re gone.”
She nodded. “It’s only for one night, Taylor. I’m coming back.”
31
Phoebe
I strode down Boylston Street on Wednesday afternoon, cell phone in hand, as the wind tossed my hair in my face and my heels thumped against the concrete. I’d just come from my interview with Bellair Innovations, and I was cautiously optimistic that it had gone well, although it was hard to know for sure. After more than two months away from Boston and the corporate world, it all felt a bit like culture shock now.
Consequently, I felt vaguely out of sorts as I walked toward the nearest T station to catch the subway back to my condo. I missed Violet, who wasn’t even my dog. I missed the cabin that wasn’t my house. And I missed Taylor…who maybe could be mine, if I found a way to give up my life here and move to Vermont permanently.
The meme that had driven me out of the city felt like a distant memory now. I’d only been back for a few hours, but no one had given me a second glance, and when I’d dared to reinstall Twitter on my phone, my notifications had gone silent weeks ago. No one was talking about “girl against the patriarchy” anymore. If I wanted my old life back, it was mine for the taking, especially if I got this job. But did I want it back?
I boarded the subway and slumped into an available seat, closing my eyes as the train began to move. Wheels screeched against the rails, and the seat rattled beneath me, submersing me in the familiar sounds and sensations of Boston. I’d missed this. As much as I missed the things I’d left behind in Vermont, I loved it here. I loved the convenience of the subway and my favorite restaurants and going out with my friends whenever I wanted.
When I walked into my condo thirty minutes later, it felt an awful lot like coming home. How would I reconcile my life here with my life there? Could Vermont be enough for me? I went into my bedroom to ransack my closet for something fun to wear tonight. I was having drinks with my two best friends, Courtney and Emily, and I could hardly wait to see them.
After wearing the same suitcase worth of clothes for over two months in Vermont, the freedom to pick something different today was thrilling. I put on dressy jeans and a sleek red blouse that had always been one of my favorites. Then I touched up my makeup, going extra smokey on the eye shadow and heavy on the eyeliner. I was overdue for a night out with my friends, dammit.
Before I headed out, I took a selfie in front of the window in my living room with the Boston skyline visible behind me and texted it to Taylor with a bunch of x’s and o’s. I wished she could be here with me tonight. She said she hated the city, but I couldn’t imagine anyone truly hating an occasional night here.
Fancy drinks, lots of laughter, and maybe a stroll through some of my favorite spots in the city before I headed back to my condo tonight? It felt pretty perfect to me. As I picked up my purse and headed for the door, Taylor replied with a selfie of herself sitting on the couch in my grandmother’s cabin—Taylor’s cabin now—with Minnie on one side of her and Violet on the other.
My heart ached at the sight. Can’t wait to see all 3 of you tomorrow, I texted back.
Before I made it out the door, my phone started to ring with an unknown Boston number, and my pulse kicked into overdri
ve. It was probably too soon to hear back about the job, but… “Hello?”
“Is this Phoebe Shaw?” a woman’s voice asked.
“Yes, it is.” I pressed a hand against the kitchen counter, bracing myself.
“Hi, Phoebe, it’s Allison Renwald from Bellair Innovations.”
Butterflies flapped in my stomach. I’d just interviewed with Allison an hour ago, and she’d told me they were looking to move quickly on this position, but even so, I hadn’t expected to hear this quickly, and now my knees were shaking. “Hi, Allison,” I managed, sounding breathless.
“I have some good news for you,” she told me. “We were very impressed with your prior experience in the financial sector, and everyone on the team enjoyed meeting with you today. I confess I rushed things through since I know you’re headed to Vermont tomorrow, and I wanted to have you come back in before you leave to go over salary and details if you’re interested, because you’ve got the job.”
“Oh,” I said, staring out my window at the Boston skyline, so different from the thick trees and rolling hills I’d gotten used to. “Wow, Allison. I don’t know what to say. I’m floored. Thank you so much.”
“I know you’ll want to take some time to think it over,” she said. “I’ll email you with the full details of our offer, including the benefits package. And if you’re ready to accept tomorrow morning, please come in before you drive back to Vermont. If not, we’ll handle it later virtually.”
“Okay, I’ll look it over and get back to you before I leave tomorrow,” I told her. When I hung up the phone a few minutes later, I stood in my kitchen for several long minutes, just staring out the window. I couldn’t say no to an opportunity like this, but it didn’t mean I was tied to Boston forever either. I could keep looking for a job in Burlington in the meantime, and I could drive up to see Taylor on the weekends. We could make it work.
Speaking of Taylor, I picked up my phone and dialed her.
“Missing me already?” she asked when she answered.
“Always, and I also have news.”
“You got the job.” She said it matter-of-factly, as if she’d known this was going to happen. Maybe she had, but I hadn’t.
“I did.”
“Congratulations,” she said, but her voice was flat.
“Thank you.” My stomach twisted uncomfortably. I was so excited about my new job. Truly, it was exactly what I wanted to be doing, the kind of job that would be so hard to find in Vermont, where there weren’t many large financial firms.
“I guess that’s that, then,” she said.
“What’s what?” I asked, rubbing a hand over my brow.
“You’re back in Boston.”
“For tonight,” I told her.
“You’re not taking the job, then?” Taylor asked.
“I am, but that doesn’t mean we can’t still see each other. I’ll drive up on weekends, and I can keep feelers out for a job in Burlington. If things seem to be going in the right direction for us, then I can still move later on.”
“I don’t know if I can do long-distance,” Taylor said, and I heard the anguish in her voice. It brought tears to my eyes. “I just…I feel like I’m losing you all over again.”
“But you’re not,” I insisted. “I live here in Boston, Taylor. I’ve always lived here. I’m trying to find a way to bridge the gap, to stay with you, to transition my life to Vermont if the opportunity arises, but you just have to be patient with me while I figure it out.”
“I know you are. I just don’t know if it will be enough for me.” Her voice cracked. “I’m a simple, small-town girl, Phoebe. All I want is you and this little cabin and a house full of dogs.”
“You can have all of that.” I blinked to clear my vision. “You already have it.”
“I’m not so sure that I do.”
“Jesus Christ.” I started to pace then, treading a path around the living room. “I can’t believe we’re arguing about this, especially on the phone.”
“You’re right,” Taylor said with a sigh. “We’ll talk about it in person when you get back tomorrow, okay?”
“Fine.” And because my feelings were hurt, I hung up the phone without saying goodbye.
“I’m so happy to see you, Phoebs,” Courtney said as she sipped from her martini. “Between everything going on with the cabin and the puppies and your new relationship with Taylor, I wasn’t sure you were coming back.”
“I might not be,” I admitted. “Everything’s kind of up in the air right now.”
“I want to be devastated about this, because I’ll miss the hell out of you if you move, but I can’t be sad about you being swept off your feet by a woman,” Courtney said.
“Your high school sweetheart,” Emily agreed. “It’s so romantic.”
“Your first love.” Courtney pressed a hand against her chest. “But how in the world did we not know about her before you took this trip?”
“Because by the time I met you, Taylor was ancient history,” I said as I sipped my own martini. “I wasn’t still pining over her. In fact, I had barely thought about her in years until I bumped into her this spring.”
“And how do you feel about her now?” Emily asked as she reached for her phone. She’d been checking it every few minutes to make sure she hadn’t missed a call or text from the babysitter.
“A lot of things,” I told her, going for another hearty sip of my martini. I didn’t have to drive tonight, and maybe I needed to get drunk with my besties. Maybe it would help me figure out what to do with my life.
“Well, walk us through some of them,” Courtney said.
“I think I love her,” I said, surprising myself. But after just a few hours away, I already missed her with a fierceness I’d never felt after Sabrina left me. My life felt brighter and happier with Taylor in it and somehow empty without her.
“I think you do too,” Emily said with an amused smile. “It’s written all over your face every time to talk about her.”
“Then how am I going to fix this? Even if I decline the offer from Bellair—which I’d really hate to do because it’s a perfect fit for me and I’m kind of desperate for a steady paycheck—how do I not feel like I’m just giving up my life here for Taylor?”
“Is that how you feel?” Courtney asked.
“Part of me does,” I admitted. “I think I could be happy in Vermont, but I don’t know…this all happened so fast, and I feel like she’s not willing to give me any time to figure how to make it work.”
“I think you’re both panicking right now,” Emily said. “She’s afraid of losing you if you stay here in Boston, and you’re torn between your life here and what you had with her in Vermont. You both need to take a breath and be patient with each other.”
“It felt an awful lot like she was about to break up with me on the phone,” I said.
“Well, hopefully you’ll be able to have a more civilized conversation face-to-face tomorrow,” Emily said. “And if she’s not willing to do that for you, then maybe this isn’t meant to be.”
I picked up my martini and downed the rest of the glass in a single gulp. Emily was right about one thing. I was definitely starting to panic. By the time I got back to my condo that night, I wasn’t sure what to think, but one thing seemed certain. I had to tell Taylor how I felt about her when I got back to Vermont tomorrow. And maybe I needed to give myself some official closure with Sabrina while I was here.
To that end, I sent her a quick text to ask if she could meet me for coffee in the morning, and then I got in bed, exhausted but wired. I’d missed this luxurious mattress, but my bed felt cold and empty without Taylor and Violet in it. Sabrina responded, and we made plans to meet at our favorite café, and then I finally fell into a restless sleep.
The next morning, I was up and showered and packed by eight, already anxious to get on the road and back to Vermont. But first, coffee. I reached the café before Sabrina, so I went ahead and got my own cappuccino so there’d be no confus
ion over whether this was a date once she got here, no awkward moment where she offered to buy me a drink.
I sat at a small table in back and sipped my cappuccino while I read through the offer package Allison had sent last night. The salary and benefits were better than I’d hoped for, one of them in particular.
“Phoebe.”
I looked up to find Sabrina standing in front of me. Her blonde hair was shorter than it had been the last time I saw her. It barely reached her chin now, with long layers and a streak of lavender on one side. She looked great, and yet, I felt absolutely nothing at the sight of her. Not hurt, not anger, and definitely not affection. “Hi, Sabrina.”
“It’s really good to see you,” she said, sitting in the seat across from me. “You look fantastic.”
I smiled. “I was just thinking the same thing about you.”
We stared at each other for a few long seconds of silence and then reached for our drinks at almost the exact same time. Sabrina let out a sound that was half laugh, half sigh. “This is awkward, isn’t it?”
“It is,” I agreed. “But we were both so upset the last time we saw each other, I thought maybe we deserved a proper goodbye.”
“Is that what this is?” she asked, giving me a cautious look.
“Yes,” I told her. “I’ve moved on.”
“Oh.” She blinked, dropping her gaze to her drink.
“You didn’t think…?” My stomach soured that she might have thought I was taking her back.
“No,” she said quickly. “Although I’m glad you agreed to see me today, because I owe you a real apology. It was shitty of me to dump you the way I did. I just got overwhelmed, and…well, I think the truth is that I wasn’t ready for a serious relationship.”
“We weren’t that serious,” I said, frowning. My relationship with Taylor already felt a hundred times more important than what I’d shared with Sabrina.