“Seems your father had no right to sell that equipment or the cows. He’d bought the cattle on credit, which was buried in the records, of course. The bank owns the cattle, and they’ll likely be suing us for letting that rancher take them.”
Like another piece of stone, weighing ten tons, landed on him, he was flattened by the news, and his lungs couldn’t take in air. They sat at the table, supper forgotten, and Leo was watching him closely. He knew why, it was clear. He was waiting for Mac to lose it, to throw things and scream, but that wasn’t Mac.
“So, I’m going to be sued. What are they going to take if I lose, which I will?”
“The property is mortgaged to the hilt, so they already basically own it. I don’t know how your father got more credit, it’s insane.”
That was an answer that was all too easy. “He was known in this town; the family reputation was impeccable. He banked on it, literally.”
“Literally. Wow, it’s insane. I can’t imagine people still do business that way. Mac, we’re going to have a hard time saving anything. You’ve got to keep up the payments on the ranch, and maybe you can use that same reputation to get extensions. I’ll find something, I swear, I’ll do what I can. It’s a mission for me now.”
Mac’s eyes met his, saw his concern and more. Bitter, but trying to hide it, he asked, “Like a friend would do.”
Blinking with his confusion, Leo stammered, “W-well, yeah. Of course. Looks like I’m not alone in that. I see the hands working still. I know you were trying to get them to move on, find other employment.”
Mac took his uneaten food to the trashcan, dumping it in, mumbling, “Yeah, I have some good friends.”
Leo was behind him, and warm hands gripped his shoulders. “Mac, talk to me.”
He didn’t want to talk, and sure as hell didn’t want to be lectured. “I’m fine. I’ll deal with it.”
He was turned so he could face Leo, who’s brows were wrinkled together, his lips were thinned into a straight line. “You’ve kept shit bottled up your whole life. Get it out now. Yell, cuss, hit me!”
As close as he was, as piercing his eyes were into Mac’s, Leo still could not see what was right in front of him. Mac didn’t want to yell, cuss and he sure as hell didn’t want to hit him. He didn’t care that more debt was piling on, being that it was already so much, more didn’t matter in the long run. What Mac needed was him, Leo. For all that he’d missed in life, taking care of the ranch and his father, Leo was the one thing he felt the deepest. He hadn’t realized how much he wanted him until that moment, when everything else seemed so lost.
His eyes moved from Leo’s to his lips, partially open, fast breaths coming through them. Mac could almost feel them against his, how much they would fix with one touch…
“I’m okay, Leo. Eat, do yer laundry, whatever you gotta do. I’m goin’ ta bed.”
Like a friend, Leo let him go, and Mac closed the door of his father’s bedroom, sitting on the edge of the bed, quiet in his sadness.
All of it would be gone soon. Somehow, he’d have to declare bankruptcy, see everything that his family had fought for all those years go into the hands of someone else and he found he didn’t care about any of it. If it was gone, Mac could move on, move away, start a life, but without Leo, he’d still have nothing.
Chapter Six
The following couple of days, the hands left the ranch, letting Mac know all he had to do was call and they’d be back. He didn’t blame them, he told Leo, being the cattle was gone. There were only so many fences that needed fixed, wells tended, irrigation saw to, and without the cattle to eat it, it was no use messing with the hay.
Leo asked him to come to the office for the morning, and together they went over the books and whatever Leo could find. They’d hit the wall, there was no more debt to find, but what had already come to light was enough for ten ranchers.
“Bankruptcy is an option, sure, but with the laws changing on it, especially those state to state, we’ll have to look further into them to see how much we can count on that.”
Mac fiddled his thumb on the seam of his jeans, not casting so much as a glance his way. “We can do that, sure.”
“They’ll likely do an auction, but we might try that first, before we go to the courts. There’s a ton of antiques around here, old equipment. I don’t know the sentimental value to you, so we’ll have to go through things piece by piece. Salvage something for you to keep and try to knock down a little of the debt too.”
“Mmhm,” he mumbled, nail scratching the seam. “We done?”
Leo nodded over to him, and Mac stood, stalking out of the office and away before Leo could think of a thing to stop him.
He called Shan, who placed her side on speaker, so Wayne could hear the conversation. “Guys, I am failing, badly. He’s lost in a pit of despair that I can’t get him out of.”
It was Shan’s voice that came over the speaker first. “I told you, his gauge is gone, Leo. He had a magnetic north to go by all these years, even if it was a racist dirtbag with no positive qualities.”
Surprised to hear Wayne’s low laughter, Leo chided Shan, “That’s a little harsh. You are married to the man’s son.”
“Hey, Leo, no worries. I know better than anyone what kind of piece of shit my father was. He saw my son, who barely takes color from his mother, and wouldn’t so much as hold him.”
He’d heard the stories, Shan had let him in on all of them before she’d sent him to help Mac. Still, he couldn’t imagine anyone hating their father so much. “I know, but Mac stayed. He may have gotten his own apartment, but he truly lived here. His whole life was here. I can’t just shove that off and tell him he’d better rid of it.”
“Why not?”
Shan hushed her husband and said to Leo, “He is as submissive a man as I’ve ever seen. He doesn’t know how to express himself. That’s why I sent you over all the other managers I could have found to do the job.”
“Hey,” he whined, though he was barely cuffed by the comment.
“You know I love you, Leo, and I know you’re the best at what you do. Still, you have something they don’t. He needs your help for a lot more than getting that place off his back, so he can have a life.”
“That’s all well and good, Shan, and I’d love to help him in that area. Believe me,” he said, thinking about Mac’s shy smile, the way he ducked his head when he was asked direct questions or was embarrassed, which he was a lot. Leo’s heart could barely be contained in his chest when he was anywhere around Mac. Except, lately, Mac hadn’t seemed too thrilled with his presence. “I think he’s about sick of me. I’ve tried to be his friend, but the moment I asked that of him, he backed off.”
“That’s weird. I wouldn’t think Mac would be rude or dismissive,” Shan said.
His mind wandered on the man for a moment, the tiny dimple on the side of his mouth, his shining eyes, the sadness that surrounded him, and the sadness from his lack of control over everything around him. He was perfect, lovely, everything Leo had looked for his entire life.
“What feel do you get from him, besides that?” Shan asked, though he wasn’t paying close attention, thinking about Mac the way he was.
When he didn’t answer her, she prodded, “Leo? Where’d you go?”
Gathering his thoughts, and trying to remember her words, the only ones that stuck were feel and him. Defensive, not ready to admit out loud the things he knew were happening to him to himself, let alone the guy’s sister-in-law, he shouted, “I don’t have feelings for him! I’m trying to be professional and get him through this!”
Her laughter and Wayne’s made his face heat so much, he thought back to his weekend job while he was in high school. Cooking for Old Chicago, shoving pizzas in the oven, the heat from it coming close to melting those idiotic yellow contacts he used to wear.
“That’s not what I asked, Leo, but maybe it should have been.” Before he could comment, she confided, “I am in the kitchen now. Wayne is
chasing the kids, and he probably shouldn’t hear this anyway, but spill it, Leo. What’s going on with you two, and don’t say it’s nothing. I happen to know how that particular generation of Blaylock men can worm their way into a heart.”
He deflated from his defensiveness and admitted, “He’s the most remarkable man I’ve ever met.”
“I thought so,” she said, not keeping the smugness from her voice. “He’s a good man, Leo. Besides Wayne, no one better, but he’s damaged. That may be your specialty, sure, it worked wonders on me, your version of confidence therapy. But what he’s been through, how lost he really is, just be careful.”
“I’m being too careful, I think, or he just doesn’t like me all that much, especially in that way. I don’t know what I’m doing, and you know that’s unlike me.”
“Love does that,” she mused.
“Love? Shan, come on, interest, sure, I can admit, but it’s a little soon for love.”
“Sure. Well, whatever it is, be careful with yourself and be careful with him. He’s special, Leo. His heart is fragile, but he also needs a steady, strong man to guide him. That’s all he’s ever known. Guide him a little until he finds his own footing and his own way.”
Leo parted the curtain in the camper to peer out at the house where Mac was sleeping. “Hopefully I won’t lose mine while I’m at it.”
The next few days, he had little choice but to be completely professional. Mac kept his distance, finding chores around the ranch, even though there were no longer cattle to tend to.
The place was in disrepair, sure, and would need a lot of work before it could start making money again. He hoped it wouldn’t be auctioned off, that they could save it. Sure, it would be easier and most likely better for Mac in some ways, but he thought a piece of Mac, a very important one, would be lost.
Despite the slave quarters and what they represented, and the racism of his father and probably grandfather and so on, his history was there. Leo’s secret project was going slowly, but he hoped that wouldn’t be the case much longer. He made a few calls after begging off the ride from Mac another morning, and got some wheels turning.
That evening, he went in when he saw Mac home, seeing him taking a beer from the fridge and sit at the table.
In the distance, the thunder clapped, signaling a storm was coming outside, but in that kitchen, a brew was already on, in the normally laughing blue eyes of that man at the table. “Mac?”
“Yeah,” he huffed without looking over at him.
“Everything all right?”
“It’s great,” he mumbled, sarcasm dripping.
Carefully, he sat across from Mac, asking, “If you’re up for it, I had a couple thoughts on the place.”
Without speaking, he moved his from one side to the other, the brim of his hat casting a shadow over his face that was haunting. Mac never sat at the table with his hat on. It would be hung on a hook next to the door when he was home. Not bothering to shed it, that told Leo a lot. Mac was giving up.
“Listen, if you’d rather I leave, you just need to say the word. I’d like to stay and help you through this. I thought maybe we’d go by the bank tomorrow and speak with them about all this.”
“Don’t matter to me.”
He slugged his beer and Leo watched his throat working, Adam’s apple moving there where Leo knew he wanted to kiss and nip his skin. In his belly, he felt heat coiling, his heart picking up speed.
It wasn’t the time, not at all, but Leo had to do something. If Mac gave up, feeling like he’d lost everything, he could do something stupid. The least of which would be to keep drinking until he lost what little of himself he had hold of.
“You’ll get through this, Mac, but not if you throw in the towel and act like a damn coward. Yeah, life threw you a big rock, hit you right in the face with it, but only someone with balls can throw the damn thing back.”
Hat tipping back as Mac moved his face to look over at him, his voice was nothing but gravel as he asked, “What do you care?”
Anger flared in him, making him bolder. “I wouldn’t still be here if I didn’t care, Mac. Maybe I care too fucking much.”
Again, his face was in a shadow as his head dropped. “Yeah, ya do. I’m a worthless fuck. Daddy always said it. I wasn’t a real Blaylock, not like the men that came ‘fore me. They had guts and balls, and I was just a pitiful thing.”
Leo had seen it, the effects of abuse. Physical abuse, the bruises and cut, but emotional abuse, those wounds were deeper. He got up from the table and moved to the other side, knocking Mac’s hat from his head, surprising him.
“Get up,” Leo ordered, his voice deadly serious.
He wasn’t shocked when Mac did it, he’d been well trained to obey by his father. Though, he was sure Mac’s face wasn’t flaming with rage when his father ordered him around like it was at that moment.
“Pick up my hat.”
“Why? You think you can sit there and talk all that shit about the guy I care about and I’m just going to listen and pat you on the back? Yeah, you got a raw deal when they were handing out fathers, but he’s gone now. You are a fucking man, so start acting like it.”
A flicker in Mac’s eyes tensed Leo so badly, he thought his heart may have stilled in his chest. Ready to take the punch he figured coming, he was off kilter when Mac’s voice came, meek, unsure. “Care about me?”
This was a pivotal moment, Leo knew. Placing his surprise behind him, Leo knew he had to play this right. If he gave in too quickly, Mac would never come around, and see his own worth and how amazing his life could be. He was so burdened with the sense of family and history that he couldn’t get out of his own way.
“Yeah, Mac, I care. Too much, but that doesn’t mean shit. You have to see that you’re worth a lot, and no matter what your family’s done in the past, you have the power to change it all.”
As Leo feared, Mac ducked his head, mumbling with a heartbreakingly cracking voice, “I can’t change nothin’.”
Leo turned and headed for the door, pushing it open with all his frustration. The rain had come, and it was coming in sheets, pouring over him and soaking him in seconds.
It didn’t matter to him, he was pissed, and instead of running to his trailer, he started down the road, anger lighting his way in the storm as much as the lightning that was flashing all around him.
The road was already muddy, and he splashed through it as he took to it, wanting nothing more than to run from the ranch, from Mac and from himself. There were few times in his adult life that he felt helpless. Since he’d found his calling, that he was a dominant man, able to help submissives find their voices, their strength, he’d reveled in his own confidence.
Mac, he’d changed that. Leo knew he was deep into self-hatred, raised by a callous man who would only love his boys if they shared his hate. Passed down through countless generations, the hatred they invoked had landed on two men of a new generation, one defying their legacy face on, and the other quiet in his rebellion.
Mac had to find his voice, but Leo was unsure he was the one who could help him. The rain belted him in the face as he fled his own failure. Even that couldn’t wash him clean of it.
“Leo!”
The voice was muted in the torrential storm, but he’d heard it, his name called out with pain that cut through the middle of him. He spun and nearly slipped in the slick clay mud.
Mac was there, running to him, sliding as he’d done, catching his balance and running again. “Leo! Don’t go, please!”
When he got to Leo, Mac dropped to his knees, splashing muddy water up over him as he did, begging, “Don’t go,” on a voice that was strangled with emotion.
As cold as the rain was, Leo’s stomach heated, reaching his raging heart, and he let the tears that welled in his eyes to fall, getting lost in the rain. “I have to go!”
“I’ll do whatever you want! If you care, if you care at all, help me! Help me!”
Leo dropped to his knees in front
of him, grabbing his face in both hands, watching anguish turn to hope in those beautiful bright blue eyes. “I can’t unless you see what I see! You’re good, you’re beautiful and you are the best man I’ve ever met!”
“I…I love ya, Leo. I don’t want to be yer damned friend! I love ya, and I’ll do anythin’ for ya!”
That made him forget about the rain pouring on them, about the cold mud under his already aching knees, about everything in Mac’s future that was dismal and bleak. All he saw was a man that needed him, who’d fallen in love, and yeah, made Leo do the same.
He was no knight in shining armor, there to save Mac from himself and his past. That’s what he realized. He was there for one reason, and that was to love Mac until he could do those things for himself.
“I love you too, Mac. But…that doesn’t change a fucking thing.”
Chapter 7
He started running, knowing that was the worst thing he could do, but he couldn’t help it. The ground under his feet wasn’t solid, it was slippery, unstable and he fell several times in his haste to get away from those stricken eyes.
Passing by the house, Leo wanted familiarity, home, and that for him at the moment was the camper.
He barely got up the two stairs without busting his face into the door, got inside and leaned over the table, closing his eyes as his heart thudded so hard, his chest hurt.
Despite the muddy mess he was making, he sat at the table, pulling the curtain to the side to watch Mac go into the house, but that’s not what he saw. When the lightning struck close by, he saw that Mac was still on his knees in the mud on the road.
“Damn it, Mac.”
He left the door swinging in the wind when he rushed out to fetch Mac, running the whole way, warier of the slickness of the mud. Sliding to a stop, he was back on his knees, grabbing Mac’s face. “Why are you still out here?”
Mac’s gaze was on the ground, and Leo knew he’d never answer. He grabbed the front of Mac’s shirt, dragging him to his feet, which wasn’t easy. He shook him once, and yelled, “Didn’t anyone ever tell you to come in out of the damn rain?”
Remember the Alamo (Legacy Book 1) Page 5