“I never said you were.”
Mac sat all the way up in the bed, leaning back on the wall as he stared. “Are you sayin’ Shan? She’s…No way in hell!”
“Like I said, we didn’t have sex. I met her when she was much different than the woman you know. She was scared of everything, shy to the point she was having trouble in certain classes because she couldn’t bring herself to ask for help with assignments or anything. It was hard to watch. I shared two classes with her, and each time I saw her drawing in on herself, it broke my heart.”
With his demeanor still tense, Mac squeezed Leo’s hands, like he was preparing himself for the worst. Leo didn’t want to hurry through, even if it took that apprehension from him.
“See, I was just coming into my own in college. I was a mess in high school, then the first year of college, I went a little wild. I met someone who recognized in me something I never saw. That I had a knack for making people see the best in themselves, but people were taking advantage of me.
“He talked to me about the leather lifestyle. I didn’t want anything to do with it at first. Then, I realized there were parts of it that I was drawn to. Power play, or power exchange. It fit me, and I started training with him, and then on my own for a while.”
“Power exchange?”
“Yes, it’s where one person gives up their control to another, in a safe way. A Dom, like me, will take all a sub’s troubles and worries and give them other things to focus on. Then, working with them, I help build them up, make them see their own strengths while not having to worry. There’s a lot more to it, obviously, but that’s the Cliff’s notes version.”
Side-eyeing him, Mac looked skeptical, which Leo expected. “How’d you help Shan with that? She ain’t shy or scared of anythin’.”
“No,” he said, quite proudly. “Not anymore. We worked together, after I talked her into trying, and she was a quick study. As soon as she didn’t have to worry about how others saw her, only me, she started to come out of her shell. When she had anxiety, I took it from her. It sounds easier than it is, but really, it’s not as difficult as you’d think, either.”
“What’s this have to do with me? I ain’t shy. I don’t run off when I’m scared, and I ain’t all that scared.”
Before he continued to explain, Leo moved over Mac, straddling his legs, holding is face and looking into his beautiful eyes, which were more shadowed than the dim room made should have made them.
“Mac, you are strong, but your confidence is low, you don’t have great self-esteem. You’ve lived under a man that tried at every step to put you down and make you feel worthless. You’re anything but worthless.”
“Leo…”
His heart broke as a single tear started trailing from the corner of Mac’s eye. Before anything else, Leo moved in close, kissing the tear and then up the line it made to his eye. “Give it to me, Mac, all of your worries, your fears. Let me help you.”
With a small voice that cracked with deep, pent up emotion, Mac croaked, “Yeah. Yeah, okay. Help me, please.”
Chapter Eight
Mac didn’t know what way was up, he didn’t know anything about what Leo had talked about, but he did know that he wanted to stop being scared all the time. To even admit to fear would have had his father chewing his ass for weeks, telling him to “man up”, and that “real men” aren’t afraid of anything.
“Mac, it’s not your fault, and you did nothing wrong. Shan saw in you what she felt. It’s different, yeah, but your fears and insecurities can ruin your life.”
Mac turned on his side again, burying his head in the pillows that smelled of Leo. If he could, he knew that he’d stay right there, in that camper, loving Leo, and hiding away from everything. It didn’t pass his attention that those thoughts were exactly what Leo was trying to help him with.
“What do I gotta do?” His words were muffled in the pillows, but he couldn’t face Leo.
He felt the bed moving, and Leo was over him, his warm breath on his face as he whispered, “You don’t have to do anything but hand me your control. Let me take the reins until we can slowly let you take back over.”
“What if I’m too far gone? Or…or what if I can’t be fixed? What if this is just who I am, like being gay?”
A light laughter came as a breath on Mac’s face, Leo turning his face from the pillows. “Everything broken can be fixed, baby. Being gay isn’t being broken, but being bullied into drawing into yourself, that is something that not only can be fixed, but needs to be.”
His mind was lulled, no longer spinning, and he felt like he could sleep for months. “Can we sleep and start tomorrow?”
Leo purred, “Sure, but then we’ll wait to have sex again for a week.”
Attention focused, he sat up, Leo barely able to move out of the way as Mac whined, “A week? Why?”
“Right now, you’re going to help me clean this camper, and then we’ll go into the house to take a shower. We’d do that in here, but we wouldn’t both fit.”
“Then we’ll…we’ll fuck?”
Leo smiled at him, and Mac could tell he wanted to laugh a little, but probably worried Mac would think he was laughing at him. Mac didn’t feel like Leo would ever mock him, though. Not like his father and others had.
“Let me ask you something, Mac. Did you like making love with me just now?”
Mac laughed at that, surprised at the question. “I told ya I did, Leo. It was great.”
“Yeah, it was. And, to be honest, I’ve never enjoyed it more either. So, that’s your reward. Our lovemaking is your reward for doing what I want. For giving me your control, I’ll give you all the sweet lovemaking that you can handle.”
That was a perk unlike any he’d ever been given. “Well, I’ll be damned. I think you jus’ got yourself a deal.”
With the smile fading on his face, his eyes narrowing, Leo moved Mac’s body until he was lying flat on the bed. Mac’s arms were held down, like Leo had done earlier, when they’d been making love, and Mac felt his cock coming right back to attention.
Leo, however, didn’t have sex in mind. “Tell me, baby. Tell me that you’ll hand yourself over to me, completely. That you’ll give me your control and your body. If you have a problem, you let me take it. If you’re afraid, give me your fear. If you’re angry, give that to me. Let me take over all of that and I promise not to hurt you or take that trust you’re placing in me for granted. Not ever.”
The arousal he felt changed somehow. He was still aroused, but it wasn’t his groin that was pulsing, it was his heart. Trust, love, all the things he never thought he’d have, and the man was offering them to him, giving them freely. And all he was asking in return was Mac’s trust and love, and to let himself go, handing over something that Mac had never thought he had in the first place. Control.
“I want it, Leo. I…” Suddenly, the fear Leo had spoken about was there, in his chest, his mind, his limbs were numbing from it. “What if I disappoint ya? Maybe he was wrong ta do it all the time, but it wasn’t all my daddy. I did mess up, I didn’t pay attention enough. I shoulda known all his was goin’ on, and I didn’t. What if I mess it up with you? I don’t want to do that, Leo!”
“Shh, Mac. Stop. This, this fear, give it to me. Let me worry about your disappointing me. If you don’t do everything I tell you, then you don’t get fucked. How’s that?”
“That’s it? What if-”
“Mac!” His demeanor changed and his grip on Mac’s wrists tightened. “Give this to me. Let me worry about you fucking up. You don’t have to worry about that anymore.”
“But…”
“But nothing. No more arguing. If you need to talk about something, when we’re done with cleaning and showering, we’ll talk, and you don’t ever have to worry about what you’re saying to me. There’s nothing off limits, nothing that will piss me off or make me angry at you.”
“Never?” That was something he couldn’t imagine. No matter what he said, he’d get in trouble. For years he
lived that way.
“Never,” he promised, leaning over and kissing him tenderly. “When I let you up, you go into your house, get some old clothes on, come back so you can help me clean this place up, and I’ll do the same in here. Do not think while you’re gone from me, Mac. Don’t fret and worry over all this. Just go and get dressed. That’s all you need to worry about.”
He was let up, absently rubbing his wrists while looking to Leo for confirmation. With one sure nod, Mac knew it was okay, and he got up, stepping out the door and he gasped at the mess they’d made.
“Leo…”
Leo moved ahead of him, but instead of the anger Mac expected, he was laughing. “Well, shit! We rocked his trailer, huh?”
Mac walked into the main area after him, and just stared at it all, moving from one huge mess to the other. Food had come out of the cabinets, a plastic canister of what looked like sugar had spilled, another full of pasta, his utensil vase had overturned and most of the spatulas, and spoons were on the floor.
Besides the dried mud coating everything, and the sugar, the towels from the cabinet Leo must not have closed well enough were blanketing the floor near them, broken glass was littering the table, seats and floor around them. Leo was still laughing as he stepped back, glass close to his feet. “I’ll be damned. We need to fuck in your room from now on.”
“Yeah,” he whispered. “or in an open field where no one will get hurt.”
Leo turned to him, grinning. “That’s funny, and it would be fun, too. Fuck you right there in the field.”
He didn’t want to get another erection, so he bent and reached for his mud caked boots. “I’ll run naked to the house, get some clothes and be back. Don’t you step anywhere and get hurt.”
“I’m not stepping an inch in there.” He grabbed Mac’s hand after he got his boots on, telling him seriously, “Don’t worry about this, Mac. This is just stuff. Easily replaceable and it means nothing. We did this, both of us.”
How he knew that despite his laughter, Mac worried that he’d trashed his camper and wanted to clean it himself, worrying Leo would find him not worth the effort. The nagging eased some, but not completely. “Leo, I’ll try, okay?”
“No. You’ll go in there, and the only thing you need to worry about is getting dressed. We will clean this, no problem. There is nothing here that meant anything more to me than a pain in the ass to cart around. People count, Mac, not things.”
His dark, narrow eyes were warm, not threatening, not mocking. He wasn’t used to that, but he did find himself drawn to it. “I’m going to get dressed, that’s all.”
“Good,” Leo hummed, kissing him quickly. “Hurry back. The sooner we get this clean, the sooner we go take a long, very hot shower together.”
If he was trying to get everything else off Mac’s mind, that had done it. “Okay. Okay, yeah.”
The rain had slowed to a light drizzle, which made it cold to run to the house, especially with no clothes. He got inside, ran to the bedroom and stopped, remembering what Leo had said. They’d fuck in the house. His father’s house. His father’s bed.
Reaching for the footboard, he held on as he thought of it. Being with Leo there…how they’d touch, kiss, make love. Could he do it? Could he make love with another man in the bed his father had slept in for decades?
“Don’t think ‘bout that, dumbass,” he scolded himself.
Reaching into his bag, he pulled out a pair of jeans and a T-shirt, getting them on quickly. When he got back to the camper, Leo was already on the floor, picking up pieces of glass and utensils. “Be careful, baby.”
He squatted to him, taking his hand, ready to confess, but there was no need.
“You got in the house and started worrying about something, didn’t you?”
“How’d ya know?”
“I see it on your face. You don’t have two eyebrows anymore because they’re so drawn together, and your mouth in one thin line. If you’re still worried about whatever it was, tell me. If you’re only worried that I’ll be mad about it, don’t be. I’m not angry with you, Mac.”
Relief flooded him, making his legs weak until he had to lean back on the cabinet doors under the sink. “Really?”
Leaning over the glass and mess, Leo looked into his eyes, smiling, his voice as soft as the easy rain outside. “I really love that you were ready to tell me. I love that you know it was wrong to leave me and start to worry the second I wasn’t there to stop you. I also love that when we’re done with this, we’ll be in the shower, and I’ll hold you under the water, kissing over your body to show you how happy I am with you right now.”
As hot as that was making him, he was still stuck on why Leo wasn’t upset. “But I went ahead and did what you said not to.”
Leo sat on the filthy floor, crossing his legs like a pretzel. His eyes held no more humor or lust. “Do you want me to be pissed off at you?”
Did he? “I don’t know. I just don’t git it!”
Leo sighed, softening, “No, I’m sorry, Mac. Yeah, I’m disappointed you went inside and immediately started worrying, but I also expected it. It’s not like a light, you can’t flip a switch and turn off the things you’ve been doing since you were a kid. The thing is, I’m so happy that you recognized it, changed it and then told me about it. That, right there, is huge. I’m guessing you didn’t offer up the things you did wrong to your father.”
That made a laugh burst from him like a balloon popping. “Are you kidding?”
Leo simply smiled, asking, “See?”
“Oh! This is what they call growin’, right?”
“Yeah. That’s exactly right. I knew you’d take to this…like, oh what would you southern boys say, like a duck takes to water?”
The rolling laughter that came from him felt more natural and free than he thought joy could feel like. He got down to start cleaning, and the two of them had the place put back together in record time.
Mac checked outside to see the rain was still coming down, but it was nothing like the original storm. They carried the trash bags to the house and Leo made him promise not to worry about the broken items for another minute.
“It’s not like I can replace them. I’m gonna be broke.”
Leo nodded, in agreement. “Sometimes we have to get knocked down to the bottom to rise back up better and stronger. I think tomorrow morning, we’ll go and speak to the hands. They deserve to start finding steady work, and we’ll go to the bank and see what we can do about not getting sued.”
Mac’s stumbling over Leo’s words left him with the feeling he was falling off a tall cliff. “What do you mean, we?”
Leo turned from him, heading for the fridge to gaze inside while shrugging. “If you just want a fuck buddy, that’s cool I guess, but I kinda wanted to be partners.”
“This isn’t your problem, Leo. This isn’t your debt.”
The fridge door closed and without turning, Leo declared, “Fuck buddies it is. Now, what’s to eat? Once we’re out of the shower, I’m going to be starved.”
Mac went to him, flipping him around and all he did was lean back on the fridge, crossing his arms over his chest. “Leo, I ‘preciate all you’re doin’ for me, but this…I can’t share this! I’d never do that to ya.”
“What did I say to you, Mac? Hmm? That I didn’t do anything I didn’t want, and I do exactly what the fuck I want. I’m going to help you with this place, and all that goes with it, and in return, you just shut the fuck up and let me.”
Before he could say another word, Leo took his hand and he was led through the kitchen, the dining and living rooms, through the short hall to the bathroom where he was taken inside and ordered to strip.
The half of him that wanted to be in that shower with Leo was fighting a war with the side that was proud and knew he could never beg off half this worry and debt on the man. Partner, sure, that sounded great, and more than he could have wished for, but still…
He was naked again, something he would
have to get used to around Leo, obviously, and Leo was looking him over from head to toe. He squirmed under the scrutiny, but Leo shook his head slowly as he whispered, “Stop that. Let me look.”
Unused to being stared at, especially naked, he whined, “Can’t we git in the shower?”
“Sure, when I say so.”
His words, unhurried, not stern or frivolous, Leo kept his perusal, the corners of his mouth twitching a little.
Unsure of what else to do, he simply stared at the floor, waiting for Leo to release him from this embarrassing predicament.
“Start the shower.”
Let out a quick breath, Mac turned to the old shower and turned the knob, flinching at the high-pitched squeak. Leaving his hand under the water to check the temperature, he asked Leo, “How hot do you want it?” Realizing his words, his face heated as he glanced over at Leo’s sly smile.
“You’re pretty in pink, cowboy. You might want to reconsider not wearing it to clubs,” he teased, poking Mac in the ribs playfully.
Mac grabbed his hand and pulled him close in his own show of dominance. “Why are yer clothes still on?”
Leo’s lips moved to his, and he was treated to a kiss that was both tantalizing and held delicious promises at the same instant. “Mmm, so good,” he murmured as his lips parted from Mac’s. “Get in and I’ll be right behind you.”
Mac got under the water, and he usually let his head fall back to gather the wetness over his hair, so he could start washing, but not that time. The water ran over his head, ears and face as he kept his eyes on Leo.
The stare was returned, Leo’s face never turning from him as he slowly got undressed, taking off the dirty clothes that were covered with mud, sugar crystals and rain.
It was a sensual striptease, the shirt lifting from his stomach and chest, Leo’s biceps moving up, flexed as the material came off and dropped behind him to the old tiles. With one hand, he unbuttoned his jeans, the same hand moving the zipper down and the waistband hung loose on his slim hips.
With little effort, he hooked his thumbs under and pushed them down, past his hips, thighs, letting them slide the rest of the way until he kicked off his sneakers and stepped from the pants.
Remember the Alamo (Legacy Book 1) Page 7