by JL Madore
“Then I don’t understand why you won’t take me in there with you. We’ve always had fun with sexplay. Why do Jaxx and Brant rank and I don’t?”
He huffs and rounds the desks to stand in front of me. “What if I don’t want to show you that side of me? Maybe I’m not ready.”
“Why? I know who you are. I accept you and love you no matter what? I’m not going to judge and I’m certainly not worried about me.”
He nods. “I get that you think that… I just… can I protect our love a little longer? I don’t want anything to change yet. I don’t want to be like that with you… at least not yet.”
As disappointed as I am, I think I understand. For people like us, who fought and scraped for everything, to have everything we ever wanted is scary as hell.
He’s waiting for the shoe to drop.
“Okay. For now, we’ll play it your way. Just know that it’s something both Kotah and I are looking forward to.”
He rakes through his hair with rough fingers and sighs. “I don’t know why that is such a big deal to you two. Honestly, I love the sex we’ve been having.”
“So do I but it’s a part of you that you won’t share with us. We want all of you.”
A text bings in on his phone, but he doesn’t look over. He’s solely focused on me, his internal struggle palpable. “I promise it’s not about keeping you two at a distance. I love you both and love who I am with you without all the things BDSM and hard kink bring into play. Does that make sense?”
I didn’t mean to get heavy with him right before he has to navigate a day of corporate minefields. I’ve told the guys not to push him. Just let him grow and get his footing.
Now I’m the one pushing him off balance.
Stepping into his arms, I hug him and press my cheek to his silky dress shirt. “It’s fine. Forget I brought it up.”
“No. Don’t do that,” he says, his voice a low growl.
I ease back and look up at him. “Do what? I agreed with you. I don’t want it to be a thing between us.”
He sighs. “But don’t negate what you want because we’re not on the same page. Just give me time to work through my insecurities.”
I brush my lips over his and smile. “As it happens, we have time. I’m not going anywhere, and neither are you.”
“And thank fuck for that.” He drops his head and presses his forehead to mine. “I hear you and I’m working on things.”
I kiss him again and this time when the text notification bings, I step back and hand him his phone. “Enough talk. Get to work, slacker.”
He takes the phone and clasps my hand. “Are we okay?”
I smile. “Oh, baby, we’re so far beyond okay it blows my mind. You work and I’ll bake. I’ll be back in a while with some cinnamon seduction.”
CHAPTER THREE
Jaxx
Calli’s in the office with Hawk when I come down to get things started in the kitchen. Heightened hearing isn’t always a blessing. I don’t mean to hear their conversation, but I do. The fact that my mates are still struggling to completely lock down makes me hurt for them. It will happen, I don’t doubt that for a second, but it still hurts.
“Hey, kitten. Good morning.” I round the island, capture her in my arms, and hug her tight. My cat lets off a long purr of contentment and she relaxes into my embrace. When I’m sure she’s feeling a bit more grounded, I ease back and point to the tray of sugary wonder thawing on the counter. “I take it you have a hankerin’ for sweet this mornin’.”
She climbs up onto one of the island stools and smiles. “Yeah. Your mother’s cinnamon bliss is hard not to crave.”
“True enough. Do you want to do it, or can I take over in the kitchen?”
“Not it.” She chuckles and raises her hands. “Riley and I fought almost every day over who had to make the next meal. If you want to take the reins, be my guest.”
I turn the oven to pre-heat, spray a glass pan, and get to work. “Speakin’ of your mysterious bestie, have you had any cranium conversations lately?”
She shakes her head. “No, and I’m surprised. I thought it was because here at the palace we are the closest to the connection point between the two realms, but now, nothing.”
“Maybe that’s because Hawk’s daddy blew up that connection.”
“Maybe. If that’s the reason, all we have to do is comb the entire nation and if Riley talks to me, we know we’re close to a prospective spot.”
I chuckle. “Oh, is that all. I’ll tell Lukas to get the bus tuned up for our road trip.”
“Road trip?” Kotah says, jogging down the stairs with Brant. “Are we on the move?”
“I wish,” Calli says, recounting the conversation to bring Brant and Kotah up to speed. “If our lives were our own and time meant nothing, I can’t imagine anything better than the five of us meandering the world in our tour bus of bliss.”
The temperature gauge beeps on the oven and I slide the rolls in to bake. After setting the timer, I pull out the eggs, peppers, mushrooms, and milk. “Kotah, do you want to play brunch buddies and cook with me?”
His face lights up and I give myself a solid point for putting that look on his face on a day I know he has dreaded his entire life.
“You’re becoming quite the chef in your own right,” Calli says, squeezing his hand. “I thought maybe tonight we could shut the world away and you could treat us to a round of your pulled chicken nachos.”
Kotah smiles. “I look forward to it more than you know.”
Brant pats his belly. “We’ll look forward to it too, buddy. Something to focus on through the trials of the day. I’m thinking we challenge Jaxx to come up with a drinking game to accompany the nachos. Hopefully, something that ends with us all being naked.”
I laugh. “All my drinking games end with us naked.”
“Yes, they do—”
“Knock, knock,” Daddy says from the hall. “Parental ears on the other side of the door.”
I roll my eyes as Calli, Brant, and Kotah all bust up laughing. Strolling over to the door, I unlock things and usher them inside. Daddy’s laughing. Mama pats my hot cheeks and giggles. “Naked is good, baby boy. No need to blush.”
I’m shutting the door when Doc and Keyla come out of the suite up the hall. By the wide-eyes they flash me, I get the sense that they didn’t mean for me to catch Keyla coming out of his room first thing. Busted.
“You guys joining for brunch?”
Keyla looks to Doc for the answer and he shrugs and nods. “Sure. I could eat.”
I laugh. “You’re a bear. You boys can always eat.” Before I shut the door this time, I take a last look. The only person we’re missing is Lukas. I’m not sure if he’s back from cleansing the portal site yet or not. He’s not in the hall though, so I’m good to get back inside.
“Good morning, all,” Keyla says. She hugs her brother and Kotah holds onto her longer than usual. Damn, I wish I could take the weight of this stupid Fae Prime position from him. Sadly, it isn’t my burden to bear.
“We’re going to get through today, Wolf,” I say. “One hour at a time and as a family.”
“Definitely as a family, son,” Daddy says, meeting his gaze across the kitchen. “That’s how we Stanton’s do things. Now, let’s spend the day together and forget about things for a few more hours.”
Kotah
“It’s just a day,” I say, staring at the reflection of my sister in the mirror. The hours with the Stantons went by too fast and now there’s nothing to be done but get ready to face my duties as the Fae Prime. “I’ll get through this one, horrid day, and then I have my whole life with my mates ahead of me.”
“Exactly,” Keyla says, her fingers skimming through the lengths of my hair as she plaits it in the ceremonial fashion for our people. “It doesn’t matter who says what before, during, or after the ceremony because by sundown tonight, it’s over and you’re the man.”
I chuckle. “You should be the man. You’ve al
ways been better suited for navigating the inroads of prime duties.”
“But you have the penis.”
I roll my eyes. “That’s so stupid.”
“But that’s the way of things. It’s okay. Everything happens as it’s meant to. Someday soon, the logic of things will become clear and we will see why this isn’t my destiny. For some reason, this is all you.” When her braiding meets the ends of my hair, she reaches over my shoulder.
I pass her the leather tie and try to draw breath through stiff lungs. “A leader must embrace his duty—despite personal sentiment, obstacles, dangers, or pressures from others. To fail in this is to lose the honor of being a male of worth.”
“How many times did Father try to castrate you with those words?”
“Too many times to count.” I think about my father and our relationship both through my childhood and at the end of his life. If I am ever blessed to have young, my child will know to the marrow of his or her bones that I love them more than my own life. I’ll never do what our parents did to us. “Will you do my war paint?”
“War paint, eh? That’s dramatic.”
“It’s how I feel. It’s how I’ve always felt.”
“Then yes. I’ll get you painted and ready for battle.”
“Thanks.”
She leans against my back and wraps her arms around me. “I love you, Kotah. You are my big brother and my best friend and my hero—but just so you know, you’ll never be my king and I’ll kick your ass if you try.”
I exhale and smile. “Thank you.”
Hawk
It’s after one when Jaxx catches me out on the balcony having a smoke. ”Hey,” he says, “are you ready to join us? Keyla’s up getting Kotah ready. I think he could use some time with all four of us before it’s time to go downstairs.”
I take a long pull on my cigarette and try to settle my nerves. “My computer is off and I’m gathering myself for what’s to come. It guts me that he’s being forced into something he so desperately doesn’t want.”
Jaxx sidles up beside me and confiscates my smoke. Putting it to his lips, he inhales and lets his eyes roll closed. “Damn, I needed that.”
“Too bad it doesn’t do more than take the edge off.”
“It’s enough,” he takes another long draw and blows out a breath of exotic smelling smoke. “Listen… I know you’re accustomed to bein’ the alpha and the Dom and the CEO, so I know what the loss of control is doin’ to you. I’ll say to you the same thing I said to Kotah. We’ll get through today, one hour at a time, and as a family.”
He hands me my cigarette back and I finish it off and butt out. “Thanks, puss.”
“My pleasure.” He opens his arms and meets me chest to chest. Holding me tight, he speaks close to my ear. “Having faith in love is new to you, so follow my lead on this. It’s going to be fine. We’ll make it fine for him. No matter what comes, we’ll cover his ass.”
I close my eyes and images of my private moment with Kotah in the night fill my head. “And what a fine ass he has.”
Jaxx’s chest bounces against mine and he steps back with a Cheshire grin lighting up his face. “No shit. One look at that body and I’m hard and horny.”
I laugh and adjust my cock behind the zipper of my dress pants. “Okay, stop or I’ll be tenting at the royal coronation.”
Jaxx nods holding the door open for us to head back inside. “I’m sure that’s on an etiquette list of what not to do at a Fae Prime event.”
“I’m sure.” When I pass him, I brush my hand across the front of his pants and find the solid length I suspected I would. “Ha, at least I won’t be the only one black-listed.”
“Nope. I’ll be right there with you in exile.”
Calli
In the almost three months since I resurrected as the Phoenix of the Fae Realm, I’ve learned tons about species and expectations and lore. None of it prepared me for the magnitude of what it means for Kotah to take his place as the Fae Prime.
He’s dressed in traditional warrior leathers and a wolf-pelt cape with a thirty-foot train. His hair is braided all fancy, and his beautiful face is unrecognizable beneath a dramatic mask of colors. It breaks my heart.
Nothing about this is Kotah.
Traditionally, the Prime’s mate walks up the aisle of the outdoor auditorium on his right arm. We discussed me filling that spot but Kotah wouldn’t hear of it. No mate left behind. I take his right arm and Jaxx is to my right. Hawk is on his left arm and Brant to his left.
We are the Phoenix Quint, and no one will leave here not knowing it. Even if anyone had something to say about it, what would it matter—the magic of the fae universe chose us.
Suck it, critics.
The distance from the ceremonial entrance of the palace out to the auditorium is about three times the length of the red carpet outside the Academy Awards.
Growing up in California, Riley and I went a couple of times to watch the rich and famous walk the walk.
Never in a million did I think it would be me someday. And certainly, I never could’ve dreamed I’d be walking the walk with my four wildling husbands.
Mind. Blown.
“Too bad we didn’t get a turnout,” Brant says.
I’m not sure if he’s joking or not until I see Jaxx fighting a smile. Okay, I thought he was kidding because there are thousands of people here.
“Behave, Bear,” Hawk says.
“And if I don’t?” the suggestive tone goes unanswered but our bear’s smart-ass strategy hits home. Kotah’s gait becomes marginally less stiff and I think part of him finds Brant’s insouciance charming.
When we get to the end of the line, we climb a ramp to a raised dais. The officiant of the ceremony is there, standing in emerald robes looking pompous, to his right is a private seating area with the eleven members of the Fae Council, to his left is the private seating area with Kotah’s mother, sister, Raven, Doc, and Jaxx’s parents. Straight back and behind the efficient stands a massive pyre.
The wooden platform rises eight feet off the dais and is topped with a wooden totem of a man lying in state. Even made of wood, the realistic rendering of the man is quite impressive. I never met him, but it doesn’t take a genius to realize that it’s Kotah’s father.
“Is that a sarcophagus kinda thing?”
Jaxx leans closer and whispers. “No, kitten. Wildling bodies are lain out in the wilds of forest or field to be consumed by wildlife. The Prime’s body would’ve been returned into the forest to reassimilate into the cycle of life by now. This is representational.”
Gross. “Do I have to be eaten? Is there an opt-out?”
Before Jaxx can answer, the officiant comes forward and starts the ceremony. He asks the dignitaries and guests to please take their seats and then gestures with his hands for Jaxx and I and Hawk and Brant to move to the sides.
We take the cue and leave poor Kotah alone as the center of attention. Gripping Jaxx’s hand, I reach into myself and find the mating bond tethering us to Kotah. Taking hold of it, I send him as much love and strength as I can.
I smile as Hawk slides his hand into Brant’s and the others follow suit. No one else can see or feel it, but privately, the five of us have shut out the world and are having a love-in.
For the first time since we were lined up and he shrugged on the cloak, Kotah smiles.
That’s it, Wolf.
We’ve got this.
Kotah
The influx of love feeds my soul and I remind myself of what matters. My mates are here. I can be the change I need to see in the Fae Realms, and as soon as we’re done with this ceremony, it’s nothing but Jaxx’s latest drinking game, chicken nachos, and getting naked with my mates.
Calli’s right. I can play the part for a couple of hours.
With them at my side, I can endure anything.
As the officiant drones on about my father’s legacy and lists off all his contributions to the world we live in today, I stare at the wooden
replica of his likeness and realize that stiff, wooden, and inanimate suits him.
That’s a terrible thing to think, but it’s true.
He doesn’t hold the power to control me anymore.
He can’t hurt me.
So, when the coronation minister hands me the torch, I touch the thirsty twigs of the pyre and don’t mourn the man.
I mourn what I never got from him. I mourn the fact that what was wrong between us will never be put right. I mourn for the pain my sister feels over the loss of her father.
But I don’t mourn him.
After circling the pyre once with the symbolic flame meant to release him from his earthbound duties, I reclaim my place at the front of the auditorium and watch the flames burn. I’m not sure if I thought it would change anything or not.
It doesn’t.
The part of me that should ring in with anguished thoughts and emotions about losing the head of my family shut down long ago.
As the flames roar in the foreground, and the Coronation Minister drones on about duty and the exciting days before us, I glance to where my mother and Keyla sit.
Mother is perched on the front of her seat, her back as straight as an iron rod, her chin raised, her jaw clenched. She is the image of self-contained, emotionless strength.
As usual.
Keyla is holding up well. I know and respect that she had a different relationship with Father. She’s hurting and mourning a man I didn’t know. I both pity and envy her that.
Our gazes meet and I offer her a smile.
True to Keyla’s nature, she presses her index finger to her thumb and makes the universal ‘okay’ hand signal. It’s something she started when we were kids and our parents berated me for any number of perceived offenses. She’d stand silently on the sidelines and make that signal. I shift my hands clasped at my front and return the signal.
Yeah, I’m okay.
“—and as the wheel of the year dictates, the leaves have fallen and the reign of our beloved leader slips into the slumber of winter. We mourn the fact that he was taken too soon but take comfort in the knowledge that the new growth of spring is upon us. From the death and decay of winter comes the bloom of new leadership. Nakotah Northwood….”