Another way to fight back against trolls is to report them. As I was writing this chapter, Gavin McInnes, the founder of the far-right group the Proud Boys—the self-described “fraternal organization of Western chauvinists” that spews plenty of hate online—called me a “stupid bitch.” I reported him to Twitter, and he was suspended. Social media are not completely lawless—each platform has guidelines on what is and isn’t allowed as well as consequences for flouting those guidelines. By reporting offenders, you protect yourself and you make social media platforms safer spaces for everyone.
Of course, along the way on your social media journey, you’ll make mistakes. You’ll write something without nuance, share an article that turns out to be fake news, or slip up unintentionally. I did this myself after one of our annual conferences called Gun Sense University. I sent out a tweet paraphrasing a speech that Stacey Abrams, then–gubernatorial candidate for Georgia, had just given to our group. And I got it wrong. My tweet made it sound like she was anti-gun, which she’s not—and neither are we. It may seem like a small distinction, but we go to great lengths to be clear that we are not anti-gun, we’re anti–gun violence. We really are seeking common ground with gun-rights supporters, and my tweet had the potential to undo a lot of the mutual understanding that we’ve been able to create. I deleted the tweet as soon as I realized what I’d done, but it was too late—gun-rights extremists in Georgia had already taken screenshots of my tweet and were sharing them with their networks. Articles were written about it, and I was mortified.
When you make a misstep on social media, how you handle it dictates how much damage it can cause. If you apologize and explain yourself, you’re much more likely to see it die down pretty quickly. But if you get defensive, blame someone else, or, worse, attack someone else, it’s like pouring gasoline on a fire. It’s worth it to do a little thinking ahead of how you’ll handle it when something goes awry on social media, and if you’re seeking to organize others in your efforts, to put codes of conduct in place as soon as possible if you don’t have them already. Your opponents and trolls are just waiting for something to use against you, so take precautions to minimize the chances of giving that something to them.
Moms Demand Action created a formal social media policy for our volunteers to follow when posting to their state chapter Facebook pages. For example, we ask them to never engage in personal attacks and to stick to subjects that are related to gun violence. We have moderators for all of our Facebook pages—public and private—who help monitor conversations and address concerns or redirect negativity whenever possible. On some of our Facebook pages where the conversation can be more sensitive, our moderators review individual comments before they are posted. Given that our subject area includes politics and violence, and that many of our audience members are survivors still dealing with trauma, our guidelines help ensure that we’re providing a safe space for people to strategize about gun violence prevention.
It’s not always easy to refrain from attacking someone, especially when dealing with online trolls. The conversations can inflame your emotions pretty quickly, and it’s so tempting to fire back. But as Glennon Doyle, creator of the online community Momastery, says, “There are not two of you—Internet you and Real you. There is only one of you. If you aren’t kind on the Internet, then you’re not kind.” That’s just one more great reason to have an online policy about what you can and can’t say as a representative of an organization, paid staff or volunteer. In the most heated moments, it helps to have a defined direction before you send off something you’ll later (or, usually, pretty much immediately) regret.
Harness the Power of Social Media to Change Minds—and Lives
So much of the work that we accomplish via social media isn’t the result of anything I’ve done—it’s thanks to the hard work and big hearts of our volunteers. I want to let them share, in their own voices, some of the ways social media have helped them bolster our cause, create community action, and even enhance their own lives.
Find places to show up in real life. Jane Hedeen, the leader of the Indiana Be SMART initiative—which educates parents about how to store guns safely and talk to their kids about gun use and suicide—uses social media to follow various public safety groups (such as police and fire departments) and community organizations (such as antiviolence groups and neighborhood groups) to suss out opportunities to showcase Be SMART. She says that social media have been “especially helpful in increasing the diversity of events we participate in and the diversity of communities we can partner with to spread the Be SMART message.” Reba Holley, local group lead of the Mercer County, New Jersey, chapter, uses social media to find events where she can show up in her red Moms Demand Action T-shirt and spread the word about gun sense simply by being there. “I hand out a lot of business cards, and some people even join us,” she says.
Break the ice. I’ve heard from volunteers that interacting with others on social media makes it easier and less intimidating to attend their first in-person events. Jack Kohoutek, one of our many male volunteers, admits that “social media is where I do most of my relationship building; without it, I’d probably have had a few (at best) awkward conversations with Moms Demand Action volunteers in real life and maybe not come back.” Kristi Cornett of our Tennessee chapter echoes that sentiment: “As someone who struggles with social anxiety, getting to know Moms Demand Action people online before I actually met them also helped me to keep showing up.”
Feel less isolated. Whatever cause you’re passionate about, it may not seem like the people who are currently in your life share your views, and that can feel awfully lonely. But there generally comes a point when it’s more painful to not speak your truth—even if it means you alienate family and friends. That’s what happened to Julia Chester of the Indiana chapter. When she started posting her views about gun safety, she lost touch with many family members and friends “because they just couldn’t handle it.” But what social media taketh away, they also giveth: “The friends I’ve gained have changed my life; they also gave me the emotional support that’s required to stay in this movement.” Jessica Pettigrew of the Colorado chapter has had a similar experience. She was nervous to re-post Moms Demand Action posts on her own page, but she says that more times than she can count, women (and men) whom she went to high school with have reached out privately to encourage her. “They say ‘thank you,’ or, ‘Wow! You are saying what needs to be said.’” Social media make it easy to share your views and discover who else in your life belongs to your tribe.
Plant seeds in people’s minds. While social media move quickly, using them helps you play the long game—every post is a seed planted, and you never know when it will sprout. A member of our Arizona social media team, Kara Waite, reports that after the 2018 Parkland school shooting she received “heartfelt notes from friends who have seen me post time and again about gun violence and a) wanted to thank me and Moms Demand Action for our work, and b) wanted to be connected with a chapter.” Kara fielded so many of those messages that she was able to match about a hundred people who reached out to her with a member of their state chapters of Moms Demand Action so they could hit the ground running.
Inspire others to do intimidating things. Democracy may not be a spectator sport, but sometimes getting a picture of what it actually looks like makes it easier to dive in. Rachel Guglielmo of the Indiana chapter has found that “sharing pictures of ourselves having fun doing ‘scary’ things, like phone banking or canvassing, encourages people to try it out for themselves.”
Be a lifeline to people in need. Having a social media presence means that when people are upset and in need of support, they have a much better chance of finding solidarity with like-minded people. That’s what happened for Pooja Mathur of our California chapter: “At my saddest moment, reading about Sandy Hook, as I cried in front of the computer, feeling helpless, Moms Demand Action appeared in my Facebook feed. I clicked ‘Like.’” And now her local group regularly has one
hundred people showing up for meetings—one hundred people who can understand that sadness when it crops up. Kristin Bell Gerke of our Florida chapter shares, “After every tragedy, I get messages from people who say, ‘I know you’re involved. What can I do? Where do I go from here?’ People know where to turn when they feel powerless, and we can help them gain their power back.” Our social media platforms have also helped many survivors find each other and realize they are not alone, as happened when Tony Cope, the social media lead of our North Carolina chapter, shared his thoughts on his own Facebook page about being a survivor of gun violence. Much to his surprise, “I discovered three friends were also survivors. They said hearing my story helped them start telling their own stories.”
Be findable by media. When using social media like Twitter or Instagram, posting about the cause you care about along with a searchable, relevant hashtag will make it much easier for reporters to find you and interview you about your work. Becky Morgan of Missouri Moms Demand Action has had this experience, noting that “numerous reporters who probably wouldn’t have found me have reached out to me for interviews via Twitter.”
Rally the troops. Social media platforms are also incredibly convenient for getting the word out to a large group of people whenever you need to summon a crowd. Kristi Cornett of the Tennessee chapter says this is how she’s gotten others to show up at the statehouse to support some important gun-sense bills: “By being able to put out calls to action on social media, we packed the room with only a few hours’ notice.”
Keep an eye on your opposition. Moms Demand Action’s campaign to get Chipotle to change its open carry policies might never have happened if it hadn’t been for Mindy David, a Texas chapter volunteer, who was browsing gun extremist social media pages when she found a photo of two armed men taking their guns into the restaurant. She shared the photo in a private group of her local Moms Demand Action chapter—it was then shared with our social media team, who posted it along with our #BurritosNotBullets hashtag. It went viral. The image of the two men became ubiquitous on social media and was highlighted on Stephen Colbert’s The Colbert Report and on Bill Maher’s HBO show Real Time with Bill Maher. Within just a few days, Chipotle changed its gun policy to disallow open carry inside its stores. That one photo created such a big ripple, that we realized we had a strategy on our hands. A team of Moms Demand Action volunteers from Nebraska, New York, Virginia, and more went looking for others, and their research played an important role in our campaigns to influence Sonic, Target, Chili’s, and other businesses.
Support one another in times of need. The sharing we do on social media isn’t just about our work; we also talk frankly about when we’re feeling down, which then helps us get the support we need just when we need it. As an example, Jennifer Rosen Heinz of the Wisconsin chapter was feeling super burned out after Parkland and posted something about it on Facebook. “An hour and a half later,” she says, “Mindy Rice, a fellow volunteer, was on my doorstep with a home-baked chocolate cake.” Jennifer emphasizes that social media help us display our commitment to one another and show that “Moms are ride or die.”
As I’ve said, I know social media can be a time suck, and it may be a little frightening to put your views out there in such a public way. But ultimately, social media platforms provide a powerful bullhorn. I hope you’ll be inspired to pick up one, or two, or more of them and start using them to find your people and make the changes you want to see in this world. Moms Demand Action is living proof that your people and your power are only a click away.
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Tap into the Priceless Power of Volunteers
The word volunteer sometimes gets a bad rap, conjuring up images of bumbling, disorganized, and well-meaning but naive people trying, and failing, to get things done—like the characters in a Christopher Guest mockumentary. And in our capitalist society, Money = Value, and unpaid work is often not considered “real” work, whether that’s volunteering or taking care of kids.
Both volunteers and moms—and perhaps to a greater extent, moms who volunteer—often don’t get enough respect for the work they do. But being a volunteer in fact gives us enormous credibility because we don’t get paid. We have no financial skin in the game. Contrast that with NRA leaders and lobbyists, who are driven by money. Their spokespeople and lobbyists are pulling down fat salaries to help gun manufacturers sell more guns. In 2015 executive vice president of the NRA Wayne LaPierre took home $5.1 million; I took home $0. Whose motivations do you trust?
From the very beginning, I vowed not to take any compensation for my work with Moms Demand Action. That’s because I want to do this work as an advocate who is driven by passion and commitment, not money—and because I want our volunteers to know that I am just another member of their army, even if I often serve as the tip of the spear. Of course, I’m lucky and privileged that my husband is able to support our family without my needing to earn an income, and I’m honored to be able to put that good fortune to use doing such important work. This makes it incredibly ironic when the NRA accuses Moms Demand Action volunteers of being paid to show up and protest. But really, we shouldn’t be surprised—it’s a classic hallmark of manipulation and narcissism to accuse your opponent of doing the exact thing that you yourself are doing.
Moms Demand Action volunteers are motivated by something much more powerful than just fear: love. Love drives us to protect kids, women, people of color, trans and gay people—everyone who is vulnerable to gun violence, which is everyone. Protecting our families and our communities is something we can’t not do. It’s absolutely authentic to who we are at our core, and it puts us in stark contrast to the cold calculations and manipulations of the gun-manufacturing industry.
As volunteers—and as moms—we provide a counterbalance to the NRA in so many ways beyond the most obvious (we’re primarily women; they’re primarily men). These differences are what give us our unique power:
We care about protecting children; the NRA cares about protecting profits.
We believe in dispelling myths and making decisions based on data that illuminate the most powerful ways to save lives; the NRA traffics in misinformation and fear-mongering anecdotes.
We stand for collaboration and partnership—true hallmarks of the feminine archetype; the NRA is about bullying, posturing, and attacking—the classic components of toxic masculinity.
We have a growing base of engaged volunteers who show up and aren’t afraid of heavy lifting and who have the know-how to leverage modern tools such as social media; the NRA’s base is primarily older white men who generally don’t show up (we continually outnumber NRA members in hearing rooms) and are either apathetic about or flummoxed by social media.
Our biggest weapon is our grassroots army of volunteers who show up when they’re needed, for however long they’re needed; the NRA’s is its annual budget of more than $300 million.
We’re on the right side of history; the NRA is clinging to a past that no longer exists.
We seek to bring people together, from red states and blue states, within families, and among different populations; the NRA seeks to divide by standing down in the face of propaganda that promotes violence against “others.”
Often, we’re also a visual counterbalance to the NRA in the halls and hearing rooms of statehouses across the country. Gun-sense candidate Jennifer Wexton, who is now the new congresswoman for the tenth district of Virginia (the literal home of the NRA), served in the Virginia State Senate from 2014 to 2018. “When I first got to the state senate,” she says, “every Martin Luther King Jr. Day was gun lobby day, when the Republicans would bring all the gun bills before the Courts of Justice Committee—and they’d kill all the gun safety bills and move along all the bills that put more guns into the hands of more people in more places.”
Aside from the terrible irony of using as an occasion to loosen gun laws a national holiday dedicated to a civil rights leader who committed his life to nonviolence and was assassinated by a gunm
an, Wexton says these lobby days were made all the more upsetting by the presence of numerous gun advocates “open carrying with great displays of armed force.” And to add insult to injury, no one was showing up in any organized fashion to advocate for strengthening gun laws. At least not until 2015, when the Virginia Moms Demand Action chapter was organized enough to send volunteers to the statehouse to make a strong showing—and our numbers have only increased every year.
Our very presence, wearing our un-ignorable red T-shirts, provides a hugely important display of a differing point of view; we’re a visual reminder of all the Americans—more than 90 percent—who support keeping guns away from dangerous people.1 As Wexton says: “Having Moms Demand Action volunteers start to show up made a huge difference—it raised public awareness and it boosted the morale of those of us who had been fighting this fight in the past. The support of Moms Demand Action is not just a shield—it’s a sword.”
Before our volunteer army existed, entirely too many bad gun bills moved through statehouses like hot knives through butter. Now Moms Demand Action volunteers regularly outnumber gun-rights advocates by an order of magnitude, and our presence plays a huge role in 90 percent of bad gun bills being defeated in statehouses across the country each year.
When we volunteers show up in large numbers, and when we start talking about the issues we care so much about that frankly we can’t not talk about them, we do something that no politician can do on his or her own: we sway public opinion. This is a big deal. As Abraham Lincoln said, “public sentiment is everything. With public sentiment, nothing can fail; without it nothing can succeed.” And this influence helps our lawmakers pass the laws that will keep our kids and families safe. Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi puts it this way: “Knowing that moms are out there relentlessly shaping public sentiment toward commonsense efforts to prevent gun violence gives me the power to negotiate.” Lawmakers can deliver the laws if we deliver the voters.
Fight Like a Mother Page 11