I don’t walk all over people. But I don’t let them walk all over me either.
Poor Josh! Being lumbered with a brother like me. I tease him and wind him up something chronic, and he still adores me. Silly beggar! My friends call him the lapdog – even to his face ‘cos of the way he follows me around. I can’t change direction without tripping over him first. Josh, the anchor. Josh, the chain. Josh, the lapdog. Josh, the pain. Josh, my brother. Josh, the one thing in this world I really care about.
Sometimes . . . sometimes I feel like I want to just demolish things because there’s so much inside me that I want to say and do but I can’t get it out. I want to make things, build things. I want to climb. I want to fly. But my brother keeps me tethered to the ground. So I smash things instead.
‘Take me with you.’
How can I, when because of you, I never leave? Take you where? Take you to nowhere. Take you to nothing. You don’t need me, Josh. Sooner or later, you’ll fly on your own. And I’ll be stuck here, down on the ground, watching you fly. And hating you. I don’t want to hate you. You’re my brother. I care about you.
But I’m afraid. You scare me, Josh.
Where am I?
Jeez! Manor Hotel. Have I really walked that Jar? Manor Hotel used to be the Manor House, owned a couple of centuries before by Count whoever or Lord someone-or-other. It was converted into a hotel about thirty years ago, though, passing from one person to another, none of whom seemed to want it. The last owner (a woman, I think) closed it down over nine years ago and it has stood empty ever since.
But I love this place. It’s derelict and practically Jailing down, but it’s such an excellent place to hang out. Me and my friends used to run riot around here. Breaking windows. Spray painting the walls. Making our mark. It was our hide-out. A home away from home. I haven’t been over this way in months though. Who put all this wire-mesh fencing up? It’s too high to get over. I’ll go round. Hopefully the original wire fence at the back is still there and they haven’t replaced it. That was always our way in – the gap in the wire security Jence over by the gardens. Gardens! The polite way to put it! They looked more like an overgrown wasteland than anything else. But there’s something about this place, set on the sloping cliff top, with the sea before it and the so-called gardens behind. What I didn’t tell my mates was that sometimes, when things got really bad at home, I’d come up here by myself and just wander around and explore. It was somewhere to be away from things. To escape. Manor Hotel. I haven’t been up here for months. I can’t believe I haven’t been up here for months. Maybe that’s why I feel so stressed.
Oh please! Look at that! What a useless sign! Is that really meant to put anyone off?
WARNING!
THIS SITE IS DANGEROUS. NO TRESPASSING.
SECURITY GUARDS AND PATROL DOGS ARE EMPLOYED ON THIS SITE.
TRESPASSERS WILL BE PROSECUTED.
Yeah right! That sign has been there for the last five years and in all that time, I’ve never seen a single security guard or dog. Who’re they trying to kid? Not that it’d put me off even if there were guards. I really don’t want to go home tonight.
How about if I stay here? Just for one night. It’ll do Dad good to think I really have gone. And as for Josh . . . he’ll survive without me for one night. Just one night. Manor Hotel is a bit of a wreck but I’ll find somewhere warm and dry. I know this place like the back of my hand. Don’t worry, Josh, I’ll see you tomorrow. I just can’t face going back home tonight, that’s all. One night won’t hurt. One night won’t hurt anyone.
I’ll see you tomorrow, Josh.
8. Rainbow
This sucks!
It’s not fair!
What am I going to wear? I need some new clothes. This top is so five minutes ago! I hate my life. Look at the state of my hair. Look at the state of me. I need something to wear for tonight. Something to knock Andrew’s eyes out. Something to convince him that I’m the girl of his daydreams. A fantasy girl! Yeah, I like the sound of that. So what should I wear? This may be the back of beyond but that’s no reason to go around looking like something the dog dug up – or threw up.
I wonder if I can get Mum or Dad to cough up for a new outfit. Not that I’d get much round here. I’d need to go to the city to get some really decent gear. And that’s not going to happen in the next couple of hours, is it? Maybe with some carefully applied make-up I can take the focus off my outfit. I wouldn’t have to do any of this if we lived somewhere with a couple of decent clothes shops.
It’s not fair.
This sucks!
9. Nova and Liam
‘If you’re going to scream again, could you warn me first? My ears are still ringing,’ said Liam.
A long, long pause.
‘Well, aren’t you coming in?’
Nova stood right where she was.
‘You’re not afraid, are you?’ Liam asked, amused.
Nova visibly bristled at that. She took a deep breath and walked into the room.
‘Are you going to scream again?’ asked Liam.
Nova slowly shook her head.
Silence. More silence!
‘Are you just going to stare at me all year or will you be speaking some time soon?’
Nova shook her head, then blinked hard. She still couldn’t believe it. Here she was, standing in the middle of her bedroom – and there was an actual ghost sitting on her bed. Nova moved forward and waved her left hand in front of Liam’s face. She leaned forward and waved her hand right through his head. Jumping back like a scalded cat, she continued to stare at him. Taking another step forward, she waved her hand through Liam’s head again. It didn’t feel any different to normal air. Slightly cooler perhaps, or maybe that was just her imagination. Nova drank in the sight of Liam. He was really there, wasn’t he? She wasn’t cracking up, was she? If she was, she’d conjured up a dead good-looking guy. He had the warmest, clearest brown eyes she’d ever seen. He was almost as tall as her dad and that was saying something. Nova waved her hand through his head once more.
‘You really are a ghost, aren’t you?’ she whispered. ‘A real, live ghost!’
‘The pleasure is all yours,’ Liam said.
‘A real, live ghost in my room,’ said Nova. ‘What tricks can you do, apart from fading and walking through people, that is? Can you make yourself invisible and move things? Can you change into different animals? Can you shoot fire out of your eyes and fly around the hotel?’
‘I’m a ghost, not a mutant X-man.’ Liam frowned.
Nova sat down next to him. ‘So, is that it then? Can you only fade out and walk through people and objects? Big deal!’
‘You were very impressed less than ten minutes ago!’ Liam pointed out.
‘That was then, and this is now. Well? Can’t you do anything else?’
‘How about I tell you what you can do instead?’
‘All right! All right! Only asking,’ said Nova.
But her mind was fired up with possibilities. Liam might just be the answer to a prayer. A hotel with a real, live ghost. Guests would definitely flock to see that – and they’d pay through the nose and ears for it too. OK, so five minutes ago the guests in reception hadn’t seemed too keen on the idea of a ghost in the hotel. But Nova hadn’t handled that right. If Liam could appear on cue – and disappear, of course – then the guests would know what to expect and wouldn’t be afraid. They’d just be . . . thrilled! She’d have to get Liam to appear to her mum and dad. Wait till she told them her plans! Things were definitely looking brighter.
‘Hang on! If you’re a ghost, how come I bumped into you in the garden?’
Liam turned his head and looked almost embarrassed.
Nova waved her hand through his body again. ‘Can you make yourself real any time you like then?’
‘I’m already real.’ Liam frowned. ‘I’m just a ghost, that’s all.’
‘Why can’t I touch you now then?’
‘Because, if you must know,
Miss Eve stresses me out,’ Liam admitted. ‘And when I get in a stress, or I get angry or upset I seem to become “real” again – to use your word.’
‘Real?’
‘Solid. I can touch things and pick up things and others can see me and touch me. But it only lasts for a few minutes at most. And afterwards, I’m totally wiped out.’
‘Can Miss Eve see you too?’
‘No. At least, I don’t think so,’ said Liam.
‘Why does she stress you out?’
Liam shook his head. ‘There’s something about her . . .’
‘What?’
‘I can’t explain it. She makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.’
How strange! That was exactly how Nova felt about Miss Eve as well.
‘What about Miss Dawn?’
‘There’s something about her too, but she doesn’t freak me out,’ Liam admitted. ‘At least, not in the same way as Miss Eve.’
‘How come Mum and Dad have never seen you?’
‘I told you. I can only materialize if I get upset or something.’
‘You mean – emotional!’ amended Nova.
‘I mean upset or something,’ Liam corrected briskly. ‘And I like to keep myself to myself. Anyway, I don’t want your family and the others in this place gawping at me. I’m not some kind of freaky sideshow.’
‘No, of course not,’ Nova said, hoping he hadn’t guessed the plans she’d been busy making in her head. She’d have to pick the right moment to try and persuade him to give her plan a try.
She reached out a tentative finger to prod Liam. Her finger passed straight through him, like moving into the cool space in an empty fridge. ‘A real, live ghost!’ She drew back her hand, before jabbing it forward once more to prod him. She didn’t know what she was expecting. Was she hoping to catch him off guard and find he was solid after all? Nova tried poking him once more.
‘Could you stop doing that?’
‘Why? You can’t feel it.’
‘It’s still irritating!’
‘Are you still feeling stressed then? How come I can still see you?’
‘Actually, I was wondering that myself. I’m back to normal now. At least, I feel the way I always feel, so you shouldn’t be able to see me,’ said Liam, scrutinizing Nova. ‘Have you ever seen a ghost before?’
‘Not as far as I know,’ said Nova.
‘You must be more sensitive than most to ghosts. And now you’ve seen me, it’s like you can’t stop seeing me – if you see what I mean!’
Nova nodded, adding, ‘You could’ve warned me that you were a ghost. Dad thinks I’ve lost my marbles.’
‘I didn’t know you’d freak like that.’
‘How did you expect me to react? You walked straight through my dad!’
‘It didn’t hurt him, did it? So what’s the problem?’
‘You scared me,’ Nova admitted.
‘But you’re not scared any more, are you?’ asked Liam.
Nova considered, then shook her head. Liam looked harmless enough. A bit smarmy and full of himself, but then he was a boy, and a teenage boy at that – so what else was new! But he was strange looking though – mainly because he wasn’t strange looking! He didn’t float centimetres above the ground or carry his head under his arm. He wasn’t dressed in a dazzling white suit, nor was there a glow or an aura around him. In fact, for a ghost he was a bit of a disappointment. He was wearing faded blue jeans and a matching blue-buttoned shirt. His trainers were grubby in places and of an old double-striped design. But even so . . .
‘Can I ask you a question?’ said Nova.
‘Was that it?’
‘No.’
‘Go on then!’
‘I’ve always wondered something about you ghosts,’ Nova said, her brows creased. ‘How come you can walk though walls and pass through objects and yet you can still walk on a floor without passing straight through it?’
Liam stared at her in disbelief. ‘Because I just can.’
‘That’s not an answer.’
‘It’s the only one I can give you,’ said Liam. ‘It’s like asking a bird how come it can fly or a fish how come it can swim. ‘Cos it just can – and it’s the same with me.’
‘Well, that doesn’t really explain much,’ Nova said, disappointed.
‘I can’t help that,’ Liam said dryly. He sat in silence as Nova regarded him for a long while. ‘You’ll know me the next time you see me, won’t you!’ he said at last, clearly irritated.
‘How long have you been . . . here?’ Nova was going to ask how long he’d been a ghost but somehow it didn’t seem quite right. At least, not yet.
‘No idea. I think it’s been quite a while but it could be a month, could be a year. I don’t know.’
‘Why not?’
‘Time doesn’t pass the same way for me as it does for you,’ said Liam. ‘It goes a lot more slowly.’
‘Oh, I see,’ said Nova. She didn’t really but she let it pass. She sat watching him for a while longer. ‘How did you . . . er, come to be here?’
‘I had a quarrel with my dad,’ said Liam bitterly.
‘Pardon?’
‘I had a big fight with my dad.’
‘And what? You had a heart attack or something?’ asked Nova.
‘No. Look, I don’t want to talk about it.’
‘Was it your dad’s fault then?’
Liam turned away without answering.
‘Sorry. I didn’t mean to pry,’ said Nova.
‘I’ll live!’ said Liam.
Nova burst out laughing. Liam stared at her. Then he realized what he’d said and smiled. Nova still couldn’t believe it. Here she was, chatting to a ghost in her room. She was doing something no one else in her family had ever done. She was the first. A first in itself. ‘A real, live ghost . . .’ she breathed.
‘Yeah, you keep saying that.’ Liam frowned. ‘I still can’t believe you can see me. I’ve been trolling around this dump for ever and no one’s ever seen me before.’
‘Lucky me!’ Nova sniffed. ‘And this place is not a dump, thank you very much.’
‘I’ve heard you call it worse,’
‘I can ‘cos this is my home.’
‘It’s my home too,’ Liam pointed out.
‘It’s still not a dump,’ Nova bristled.
Liam smiled unexpectedly. ‘No, it’s not. You’re right. It used to be, but your family have done a good job.’
‘Hmm!’ Nova murmured, only slightly placated.
‘Sorry. OK?’
‘OK,’ said Nova reluctantly. ‘So why’re you here?’
‘What d’you mean?’ asked Liam.
‘Why aren’t you in Heaven or Hell or some place where teenage ghosts go? Why’re you still here?’
‘I don’t know.’ Liam stood up and walked over to the window. ‘You get a good view of the sea from up here.’
Puzzled, Nova was determined not to let the subject drop. ‘Do you like it here so much that you don’t want to move on?’
‘Are you kidding?’ Liam rounded on her at once. ‘I hate it here.’
‘Why don’t you leave then?’
‘How?’
‘I don’t know. Just go. Fade out. Disappear. Walk away – or whatever it is that ghosts do.’
Liam turned back to the window. ‘I’ve tried all of those. They don’t work.’
Nova considered for a moment. ‘You were outside. Why don’t you just head off in one direction and keep going?’
At first she thought Liam wasn’t going to answer. ‘Because the further I go, the darker everything gets. And then I pass out and when I wake up, I’m right back here. And I have no idea how I got back, or who brought me back or how much time has even passed. D’you have any idea what that’s like?’
Nova couldn’t even begin to imagine what it must be like. She shook her head, but Liam seemed to have forgotten that she was even there. He carried on talking, more to himself than anyone else.
‘It’s like walking up a long flight of stairs and never, ever getting to the top. Or starting a race and running as hard and as fast as you can and never even getting past the starting line.’ Liam’s voice was getting softer and softer. ‘It’s like dying – over and over again, without ever being born.’
And now there was nothing left of him but his voice fading away into nothing. Melting into nowhere.
Nova looked around. ‘Liam? Come back. Liam . . .?’
But she was alone.
10. Liam
The sun was low down in the sky now. Another few minutes and it’d set. But there was still enough light to see the Manor Hotel. It was just as I remembered it. Standing in front of it made me feel strange – almost homesick. And heartsick – though I’d never be dibby enough to let anyone know that. How could anyone let the place get into this state? With a bit of TLC it could be halfway decent. The wire-mesh fence might have been reinforced but it still couldn’t hide the fact that there was mud and debris and neglect and decay everywhere.
My place.
I mean, where else was I meant to go? I wasn’t going home, that’s for sure.
The tunnels.
None of my friends knew about the tunnels. Only me. In the cellar of the hotel there were a number of empty, rotting, wooden, floor-to-ceiling wine racks, but behind one of them was a door. I’d only found it by accident when I leaned against one of the stone slabs on an adjacent wall. The door behind one of the wine racks sprang open. It scared the hell out of me at the time and then some. But of course, once I’d got over the shock, I just had to go exploring. I mean, what kind of person would pass up a chance like that? I swung back the wine rack, most of it crumbling to so much dust as soon as I touched it. It was pitch black in there so I only took a few steps inside before I bottled . . . I mean, before I decided to be prudent. After all, I didn’t want to break a leg or something.
The next day I came back with a torch, spare batteries and some string so I could do a Theseus and the Minotaur. I spent not just hours, but days exploring those tunnels. Every spare chance I got. They ran back and forth under the hotel and grounds, into the copse on one side and down to a cave set in the cliff by the sea front on the other. Apart from the hidden exit by the sea front, I’ve only ever found two other exits – but I knew enough to realize that was just the tip of the iceberg. Who knew how many more exits and how many more tunnels ran underground for kilometres around?
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