Dead Gorgeous

by Malorie Blackman

  He had to do this. He edged his slow, careful way along to the cliff face, then worked his way down until he was about two metres above the ridge. Letting himself drop was one of the hardest things he’d ever had to do. Would the ridge take his weight? Would he even land on it properly? He forced himself to get on with it and let go before he froze completely. The ridge shook slightly on impact but that was all. And there before him was the tunnel entrance, concealed partly by the ridge and partly by gorse bushes.

  Andrew ducked down and crawled in. It grew darker and darker as he went further in. He hadn’t expected that. What if he got lost too? After a couple of metres the tunnel grew larger and Andrew was able to stand up, but the light coming from outside struggled to reach this far inside the tunnel. As far as Andrew could see, the tunnel carried on straight ahead. Taking a deep breath, he put his arms out in front of him and started walking.

  One minute blended seamlessly into ten, until Andrew lost all track of the time he’d spent underground. He had no idea where he was and was beginning to wonder what on earth he was doing. After following the slope downwards for several minutes, he was now having to make his way upwards and it was hard work, made especially difficult by the fact that it was in total, inky darkness.

  ‘MR JACKMAN? MR JACKMAN?’ Andrew knew full well that he was not just shouting for Mr Jackman’s sake but for his own as well. Nothing but the sound of his own anxious, shallow breathing was getting to him. The ground was beginning to level out now, but each step grew harder to take.

  Deciding enough was enough, Andrew was about to turn round and head back to the beach, when something caught his eye – a strange, sickly yellow light up ahead. He stood still, wondering what he should do next. Taking a deep breath, he made his way towards the light. If it was nothing, he’d head straight out of this place before he became hopelessly lost – if he wasn’t already.

  A minute later Andrew was not just walking but running. He scooped up the torch on his way past, taking a few more steps before he reached Joshua Jackman, who was still out cold. Andrew kneeled down, playing the light over Joshua’s face before flashing it around. And what he saw made him wish he hadn’t. The mound of rocky debris before him stretched from floor to ceiling and looked as if it might slide and cover both him and Joshua at any second.

  Andrew placed an ear close to Joshua’s mouth and nose. Joshua was still breathing but it was shallow and erratic. He took hold of his wrist and felt for a pulse. Joshua’s skin was cool and clammy and the pulse was so weak it was almost impossible to feel. Some soil and rocks from the mound before them slid down over Joshua’s chest. Andrew brushed them off, forcing himself to bank down the panic firing up inside. He knew you should never move an unconscious person until paramedics or someone who knew what they were doing could check them over first – unless the unconscious person’s life was in grave danger. Well, if this didn’t qualify, Andrew didn’t know what did. He couldn’t leave Joshua. Any moment now, the pile of rocks and dirt would slide down to cover him completely. Somehow he had to free Joshua’s legs – just enough to pull him clear.

  Andrew carefully removed the dirt and rocks from Joshua’s body, moving slowly so that he didn’t cause a landslide. When he got to the rocks on Joshua’s left leg, another pair of hands started removing the rocks from Joshua’s right. Starded, Andrew fell backwards in surprise. ‘You!’

  ‘I thought you could use some help,’ Liam told him grimly.

  ‘Where did you come from?’ asked Andrew.

  ‘I came in after you,’ said Liam. ‘We can chat later. That lot is going to go at any second.’

  Andrew agreed with a quick nod. Together they worked to free Joshua’s legs. The rumble of rocks being dislodged made them work even faster.

  ‘We need to pull him clear,’ said Liam, standing up.

  ‘One of his feet is still trapped,’ Andrew pointed out.

  ‘The rest of his body will be in the same state if we don’t move him now,’ said Liam.

  Each holding Joshua under an arm, Andrew and Liam tugged at his body to free him.

  ‘Come on! Pull!’ Liam shouted as the bank of rocks and earth before them began to slide . . .

  41. Joshua

  ‘Wake up . . .Joshua, please wake up. Wake up.’

  Joshua opened his eyes slowly. His head felt as if it were stuffed with cotton wool, but that was nothing compared to the fireworks shooting up and down both his legs. He groaned.

  ‘Joshua? Thank God you’re all right . . .’

  ‘Dad?’ Joshua turned his head to see his dad smiling down at him from the bedside. Joshua blinked wearily. Where was Liam? He’d expected to see Liam.

  ‘You’re going to be all right, son,’ Joshua’s dad smiled.

  Joshua looked at his dad through half-closed eyes. His dad looked so tired, old before his time. Myriad silver strands now overwhelmed what was once chestnut-brown hair. What had once been a lean, wiry frame was now simply too thin. His white shirt and navy-blue trousers hung on him like extra-large clothes on an extra-small hanger.

  ‘Thank God I didn’t lose you too. I wouldn’t have been able to stand that. Not you too . . .’

  Joshua’s gaze moved up to his dad’s eyes, one brown, one blue. He froze in astounded disbelief to see the shimmer of tears.

  ‘What happened? How . . .?’ Joshua couldn’t say any more. His throat felt as if he’d swallowed a ton of gravel.

  ‘A boy called Andrew saved your life. Your legs were trapped but he managed to pull you clear. Apparently you stopped breathing but he gave you mouth to mouth as well. They’re keeping him in overnight for observation.’

  Joshua closed his eyes. He was so tired.

  ‘Josh, I’ve got something to tell you.’

  Josh forced himself to open his eyes at the solemn note in his dad’s voice.

  ‘They found a body buried under the rubble in the tunnel. They think it might be Liam’s body . . .’

  Shock, like a lightning jolt, shook Joshua’s body. Even though he’d suspected as much, expected as much, it was still a blow to hear it like that.

  ‘Where is he . . .?’

  ‘They’ve brought the body to the hospital for confirmation.’ Joshua’s dad’s voice cracked as he spoke. ‘Liam . . . my boy . . .’

  Joshua closed his eyes against the pain and grief on his dad’s face. He knew his face held the same. But at least he’d found Liam. At least Liam could have some peace now. They all could.

  ‘When you come out of hospital, I’ll look after you,’ said his dad. ‘You will come home, won’t you, Joshua? Just until you’re better?’

  Joshua turned his head away. He needed time to think. He hadn’t lived at home since he was eighteen and had barely spoken to his father in all those years. But Liam said . . .

  Had Liam said . . .?

  Or was it just a hallucination? Or wishful thinking? Or just a strange dream when he was unconscious in the tunnel? Or maybe . . .just maybe it had been true and he really had seen his brother?

  ‘My legs hurt.’ Joshua winced. The fireworks going off in his legs were getting worse. He opened his eyes, just in time to catch the acute disappointment on his dad’s face.

  ‘I’ll go and get a nurse. Maybe they can give you something for the pain.’

  ‘Dad?’ Joshua began.

  His dad turned back to face him.

  ‘When can I go home with you?’ Joshua whispered.

  His dad stared in disbelief. Joshua tried to smile but it came out pained and crooked. But it didn’t matter. His dad took Joshua’s hand in both of his. Joshua closed his eyes, fatigue finally overtaking him – so he missed his dad wiping away the single tear that now ran down his left cheek.

  42. Sunday

  Nova lay on her bed staring up at the ceiling. The morning light streaming through her window was rich and warm, but Nova turned away from it. Mum had already called her down for breakfast but the last thing Nova wanted to do was eat. If anything happened to Joshua J
ackman, she’d never forgive herself. Josh was stable in hospital but his right ankle was fractured and his left leg was broken in two places. He was extremely lucky it hadn’t been worse, a lot worse. Nova didn’t even like to think about it.

  What had started off as a fun game, a great adventure, had turned into something Nova never, ever wanted to experience again. She dreaded to think what would have happened if Andrew hadn’t been on hand to help out before the ambulance arrived. He was the one who’d risked his life to climb up to the tunnel to help Joshua. And even though the paramedics had laid into Andrew for risking his own life, they’d freely admitted that if Andrew hadn’t been there . . . And Andrew had been the one to insist that Liam was still trapped in the tunnels somewhere. After an extensive search, a body had finally been found. But when Nova had eavesdropped on the paramedics’ conversation, she’d learned that the body was at least ten years old. She knew then that it was Liam’s body. The paramedics reckoned it would take a number of days at least to identify the body properly, but Nova knew.

  Mum and Dad had torn a strip off her for a solid hour once Joshua had been taken to hospital. As far as they were concerned she should have come back immediately to raise the alarm. And the guests had spoken of nothing else all evening until Nova couldn’t stand it any more and had escaped to her room before dinner. She’d been there ever since.

  And the very worst thing of all was that she hadn’t seen Liam once in all that time. Not once. She knew he was furious with her. He had every right to be. He’d told her more than once that he didn’t want her or his brother hunting for his body. But Nova hadn’t listened. She’d convinced herself she was doing something . . . noble. The fact that she now knew better was of little comfort. Joshua was in hospital and Mum and Dad were furious and, worse still, very disappointed in her ‘lack of judgement’, as they put it.

  A faint tap at the door made Nova sit up. ‘Come in.’

  To Nova’s surprise, it wasn’t Mum. It was Raye.

  ‘Can I come in?’

  Nova shrugged. Raye entered the room, carefully closing the door behind her. She looked around the room as if she’d never seen it before. Curious, Nova watched her, wondering why her sister was so ill at ease.

  ‘How’re you doing?’

  ‘OK, I guess,’ Nova replied.

  ‘Nova, I want to ask you something,’ Raye said, looking at her for the first time.

  ‘Go on then.’

  ‘Are you bulimic?’

  No beating about the bush then. Just straight for the jugular. The blood drained from Nova’s face. Her body went from ice-cold to burning hot in a split second. ‘I think there are more important things going on around here at the moment,’ she said.

  ‘This is just as important as anything else. Are you deliberately making yourself vomit after everything you eat?’

  ‘Who told you that?’ Nova sprang off the bed to confront her sister.

  ‘Is it true?’ asked Raye, standing her ground.

  ‘You’re the one who always argues with Mum about food – not me,’ Nova reminded her.

  ‘Liam said that —’

  ‘Liam?’

  ‘One of the guests here.’

  ‘I know who he is. And he’s not a guest. He’s a ghost,’ said Nova grimly. ‘It hasn’t been confirmed yet but it was his body they found in the tunnels yesterday.’

  Raye frowned. ‘What re you talking about?’

  ‘Liam’s a ghost.’

  ‘Don’t be ridiculous. I’m being serious.’

  Nova regarded her. ‘I should’ve guessed you wouldn’t believe me,’ she said at last.

  ‘Look, don’t try to change the subject. I want to know if you’re bulimic.’

  ‘Why?’

  Raye’s eyebrows shot up. ‘Because I want to know.’

  ‘Why?’ Nova repeated.

  Raye shook her head at Nova, unable to believe the question. Nova walked over to her window. She looked out over the gardens and beyond, silently cursing Liam where two minutes earlier she’d been feeling guilty about him. He had no right to go telling everyone about her. No right at all. It was no one’s business – not even Liam’s.

  ‘I should know,’ Raye tried.

  ‘What possible difference could it make to you, one way or the other?’

  ‘I’m your sister —’

  ‘By accident, not by choice. I’m just a waste of space. Isn’t that what you said?’

  ‘I didn’t mean it.’

  ‘Yes you did.’ Nova’s tone was matter of fact. ‘When you’re not insulting me, you completely ignore me. We may have the same parents but we’re not sisters – not what I’d call sisters. You don’t talk to me or share things with me. I might as well not exist for all you care.’

  ‘That’s not true.’

  Nova turned her head to look over her shoulder at Raye. ‘Isn’t it? Be honest, Raye. Just for once, be honest.’

  ‘If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t be in here asking if you’re being stupid enough to make yourself sick,’ Raye flared up. ‘Since Liam told me that yesterday, I haven’t been able to concentrate on anything else.’

  ‘Am I meant to say sorry?’

  ‘You’re meant to tell me the truth,’ said Raye. ‘Are you bulimic or not?’

  ‘Not.’ Nova turned round. ‘Now you can go away back to Andrew – or whoever it is you’re sighing over this week – and leave me in peace.’

  Raye considered Nova, a strange look on her face which dissolved into intense sadness.

  ‘What is it?’ Nova asked.

  ‘You really hate me, don’t you?’

  ‘Of course I don’t hate you,’ Nova sighed. ‘This isn’t about you.’

  ‘Isn’t it?’

  ‘No. This has nothing to do with you.’

  ‘Then why do it, Nova?’

  ‘And I’ve already told you —’

  ‘D’you know what you’re doing to yourself?’ Raye interrupted. ‘To your body?’

  ‘You sound like Liam.’ Nova turned back to the window.

  ‘Nova, listen to me. I could help you —’

  ‘With what?’

  ‘Your hair. Some make-up. I could . . .’ Raye trailed off at the look on her sister’s face.

  ‘So you’re saying there is something wrong with me?’

  ‘I’m not saying that at all.’

  ‘Then why do I need make-up? And what’s wrong with my hair?’

  ‘Nothing,’ Raye floundered. ‘I’m just saying I could help you make them better.’

  ‘Even if I wanted to wear make-up, which I don’t, Mum wouldn’t let me,’ Nova pointed out. She turned her back towards Raye, wishing her sister would leave.

  ‘I’m just trying to help.’

  ‘Go away, Raye. I want to be left alone,’ said Nova.

  ‘Mum sent me to get you for breakfast,’ Raye told her.

  ‘There’s no point in eating it,’ Nova said without turning round. ‘It’d only come up again.’

  The silence in the room was deafening. Even when Nova heard her bedroom door open and close, she still didn’t turn round. She had a lot of thinking to do. One thing was certain, she couldn’t go on the way she was. One way or another, something had to change.

  43. Realization

  ‘I don’t know what to do,’ said Raye unhappily. ‘She won’t talk to me. She won’t even look at me.’

  ‘You’re going to have to force her to listen —’

  ‘How can I?’ Raye interrupted. ‘Nova doesn’t want to listen to anything I say and I can’t honestly say I blame her.’

  Focusing hard on remaining solid, Liam took Raye’s hand in his. He struggled to find something meaningful to say. Something that would make Raye feel better. She’d come into the lounge looking distraught and obviously seeking someone to talk to. It’d taken a while to calm her down enough to get her to talk to him, but at last the reason for her distress had coming pouring out.

  Nova.

  ‘I didn’t want
any of this to happen. I care about Nova, I really do,’ sniffed Raye. And without warning, she burst into tears. ‘I’m sorry,’ she sobbed, embarrassed but unable to stop. ‘It takes a lot to make me cry.’

  ‘Don’t apologize,’ Liam said gently.

  They sat next to each other on one of the sofas in the lounge. Awkwardly, Liam put his arm around Raye. She instantly turned into his, shoulder, her tears flowing faster. Liam hugged her, feeling as if his insides were being flipped over – except that he didn’t have any insides. Not any more. Once again, he wondered why he was still stuck at the hotel when his body had been found and taken to the local hospital. He’d thought that once he was found, that’d be that and he could move on. But nothing had changed. He had tried to walk away from the hotel, but the same thing still happened. He’d collapsed unconscious, or whatever the ghost equivalent was, and woken up back at the hotel again. Maybe finding his body had nothing to do with anything. Maybe Liam really was going to be stuck at Phoenix Manor for the rest of eternity.

  ‘This has been one of the worst weekends of my life,’ Raye sniffed, moving away from Liam in an effort to pull herself together. ‘What with Andrew —’

  ‘I was wrong about Andrew,’ Liam interrupted. ‘He’s not the entire jerk I thought he was.’

  ‘I’m glad, because I really like him,’ said Raye.

  Liam clenched his fists and turned away so that Raye wouldn’t see the look on his face.

  ‘Liam, what am I going to do?’

  ‘About Andrew?’

  ‘No. About Nova.’

  Liam sighed and sat back in his chair. He couldn’t remain solid for much longer. It was taking all his concentration to stop himself from fading right before Raye’s eyes. ‘What d’you want to do?’ he asked.

  ‘Tell Mum and Dad,’ Raye admitted. ‘But that might make things worse instead of better.’

  ‘You can’t just leave Nova to get on with it,’ said Liam.

  ‘I know. I know.’ Raye shook her head. ‘I need to work out what to do for the best.’

  Liam nodded but said nothing else. How strange! In just two short days his whole existence had come to revolve around Nova and her family. None of them knew about him before. He existed around the edges of their lives — with them but not of them. He’d convinced himself that he was fine, that he was OK being by himself. He’d watched them getting on with their lives while he had none. Their contentment in each other highlighted his own sadness, their togetherness had forced him to admit just how alone he was. And that was bad enough. But now that Nova knew what he was and, strangely enough, he seemed to be able to make himself more solid more often because of it, his existence was surprisingly worse, not better. He grabbed a bit of life here and a bit of life there – but that was all he was allowed to have. And snatches of life hurt almost more than no life at all. Like just now, when he’d hugged Raye as she wept all over him. He’d have done anything, anything at all, to keep that one moment for ever. To have her company, to laugh and cry with her. To be real and needed by someone. When he was alive, in his arrogance he’d thought it would go on for ever. Now he realized he’d wasted so much time blaming his dad for something that was not his fault. Dad was hurting just as much as Liam was over Liam’s mum’s death. But in his grief, Dad had turned away and Liam had hated him for it.