“My mom and I used to have some of the best discussions in a spot just like this.”
He seemed to gather his emotions in the same way he collected the reins. “Your father’s place is right down the road from here, isn’t it?”
“It is.” She patted her horse, the mare shaking her head, still wound up. But Jayden settled her down, her gaze catching on the saddlebag.
“Hungry?” she asked.
“Sure.”
So they sat there atop a hill overlooking the valley, each of them eating in silence, and she wondered if he was as damaged as some of the men and women who visited the ranch. Maybe she had it all wrong. Maybe it wasn’t the loss of his mother. Maybe it was more than that.
“How long were you in the navy?”
“I wasn’t in the navy.” He smiled again, but it was a small one, the creases at the corners of his eyes getting a workout today. “I was in the army.”
“Green Beret?”
“What makes you think that?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know.” And she really didn’t. “Something about the way you carry yourself. It was just a guess. I don’t know anybody in the military.”
“You guessed correctly. Hero of the modern world. Savior of the oppressed.”
But the way he said the words told her something more. There had been sarcasm there. And self-reproach. Maybe even disgust.
“Did something happen to you when you were in the military?”
“We should head back.” He wadded up the foil wrapper of his burrito and stuffed it in the saddlebag. She did the same thing. “We have more horses to exercise and chores to do.” He didn’t wait for her to answer.
“Colby.” She caught up to him before she even knew what she was doing, pulling her horse up in front of him so that he was given no choice but to face her.
It was one of those moments where she felt as vulnerable as an actor on a stage, a spotlight beaming onto her and exposing her vulnerability. She hated how whatever she saw in his eyes affected her, tried to resist the urge to make it better. She’d thought she could “fix” Levi, too, and look where that had gotten her.
“If you ever need someone to talk to...”
He didn’t say anything. She didn’t expect him to. She should have left it at that, but of course she didn’t.
“I know what it’s like to keep things bottled up inside. It isn’t good for you. When my mom died I didn’t have anyone to talk to. There I was, surrounded by family, but I’d never felt more alone in my life. I swear, that’s why I started dating Levi. If my mom had been alive, she’d have warned me away from him. But then I got pregnant, although if I’m honest with myself, I wasn’t being all that careful. My dad was furious when I told him. He’s the reason I married Levi. I thought maybe marriage would fix things between me and my father, that maybe if Levi made an honest woman out of me, I wouldn’t be such a disappointment to my dad. But then I ended up divorcing Levi. And then my dad had his heart attack and things really got bad between us because he thought I should have stayed with Levi despite what a jerk he was, so I said to heck with my dad. I refused to let him make me feel bad about my decisions and my choices in life. But I’ve been thinking lately maybe I should confront him, lay it all out on the table, tell him how much his cold shoulder has hurt me over the years, and how it’s hurting his granddaughter. That’s the worst part.”
Once again she was opening up to him and she had no idea why. Maybe she really did need a friend.
“Paisley brings joy into my world, even though a part of me grieves for the fact that she’ll never know her grandparents. Even when I caught Levi with another woman, I still had Paisley to hold on to.”
She’d been staring at the tooling on her saddle, but she caught the way his head snapped in her direction out of the corner of her eye. “He cheated on you?”
She shook her head. “Mama always said to stay away from rough stock riders. They’re a wild bunch. Turns out she was right.”
She had his attention now, and she held his gaze because she wanted him to see that Levi might have hurt her, but he hadn’t broken her. What she saw on Colby’s face in return made her heart pound all the more. His jaw ticked, and his mouth had compressed into a thin line. She recognized the look: indignation. He was angry on her behalf. Her heart did a double take. He cared. He wouldn’t have that kind of reaction if he didn’t.
“It’s okay. I’m over it, and him.” She never wanted Levi back in her life again other than as a father to Paisley, and even that she really didn’t want. “I guess my point to telling you all this is that I’ve been through a lot. I might be young, but I’ve had a lifetime of heartache, so if you ever need me, or if you ever want to, I don’t know, share breakfast again, I think that’d be great. You know, just as friends,” she quickly added, but then smiled. “If you ever need someone, I’m a good sounding board.”
Why did her eyes suddenly well with tears? Weird how out of the blue it came, this urge to cry. She choked them off by kicking her horse forward.
She could feel him watching her the whole way back to the ranch.
Chapter 9
For the first time in his life, he didn’t want to go to work. There was nothing he could do to avoid it, though, and so he left his own apartment above the arena when he heard Jayden arrive.
Right on time.
Crazy the emotions she raised within him. Like now. As he headed downstairs, the horses nickering a welcome the moment they heard his feet hit the first steps, he found himself clutching the rail for support. He felt the strangest urge to run back upstairs.
She didn’t head directly inside, though, and he realized the reason why a moment later when he spotted her crossing the parking area and heading toward Bryan’s cabin. She wasn’t wasting any time. Right to work. He was relieved to do the same.
But he listened for her.
He couldn’t seem to stop himself. He grabbed a broom to sweep. But discovered he didn’t need to. The place was spotless thanks to Jayden, but even over the shhh-shhh-shhh of the bristles brushing the ground, he strained to hear.
“It’s really pretty, isn’t it?”
Just keep working. Don’t look at her.
He turned.
She walked across the parking area, Bryan in his wheelchair to her left, her face a fascinating mix of frustrated impatience and concern. Bryan looked a mess. He clearly hadn’t shaved since he’d arrived. His brown hair hadn’t been combed, the gray in it more pronounced when unstyled. He jerked the wheels of his chair like he wanted to propel himself a half a million miles away.
“Anyway, and then Colby called me the next day and told me I had the job.”
Bryan stared straight ahead, or maybe into the barn aisle. Colby couldn’t tell. The veteran would be a handful. It was clear he wasn’t thrilled to be at the ranch. Yesterday, he’d closed himself off in his cabin, refusing to work with them. Patsy said he’d refused to see his old friend, their boss, too, and that he’d barely eaten a thing when he’d arrived. No wonder he was so skinny.
“It’s my dream job, really.” Jayden kept talking, clearly determined not to let his bad mood affect her own. “You’ll see. This place really grows on you.”
When their gazes met, she silently telegraphed her frustration, shrugging a little. She seemed oblivious to the turmoil she’d created inside him thanks to her little speech up on the hill.
“You ready to learn a few things about horses?” he asked.
“No.”
Bryan sounded like someone who’d been asked if he wanted an enema. It wasn’t the first time they’d had a veteran who was less than thrilled to be at the ranch. Oftentimes, Hooves for Heroes was a last resort, friends and family begging their loved one to try hippotherapy, although their program had evolved over the years into more than just hippotherapy. They had a PT program and psyc
hologists and a list of specialists who could be called in on a per-case basis. Sometimes just the hippotherapy worked; sometimes it didn’t. Sometimes it took a combination of treatments. Bryan was a candidate for PT and hippotherapy and counseling, but it remained to be seen if he’d accept that help.
“Why don’t you watch us show you how it’s done from a distance, then,” Jayden said.
Colby wouldn’t be so nice. “Follow me.”
Jayden stood back, Colby hating the way she made him hyperaware when he grabbed a halter off a hook, heading for Bentley’s stall without looking to see if they followed.
“You’d be surprised how quickly horses can pick up on a person’s mood,” he heard Jayden say. “I swear, they can read minds.”
Did Bryan snort? It had sure sounded like it. Colby slipped the halter on Bentley’s head, leading the mare out of the stall. Jayden tried to push Bryan’s chair toward the horse. He jerked away from her. She stepped back, clearly both hurt and disappointed. The man needed his butt kicked, but he understood the place he was in. Bitter. Disillusioned. Wanting to be left alone. He’d have to have a talk with her. Tell her not to take things personally. Some guys didn’t want a woman to see them at their worst.
“This is Bentley.” He stopped the horse by Bryan. “She’s a ten-year-old quarter horse and she’ll be yours to use for the duration of your stay.”
Bentley knew the drill. She stretched her neck toward Bryan’s wheelchair.
Bryan moved back a hair, but it wasn’t far enough. The horse knew to look for treats, and so she had no problem sticking her nose in his lap. Bryan moved farther back.
“Go ahead and let her sniff you.” Colby met Jayden’s gaze. She looked like she wanted to smile. “She probably thinks you have a treat.”
Bryan kept moving back. Bentley kept stepping forward. Colby finally tugged on the lead, and if Bryan’s eyes had been a ray gun, Colby would have been a black spot on the ground.
“Just relax.” He slid his hands up the rope lead. “Horses are like dogs. Hold out a hand.”
“She can sniff me just fine while I’m sitting here.”
“Suit yourself.”
Bentley took another half step closer, the mare lifting her nose so that it was even with Bryan’s hair. A fine dusting of shavings clung to the mare’s long whiskers. Bryan leaned back in his chair, his hands clutching the wheels. The mare’s nostrils flared as she breathed in and out, disturbing Bryan’s hair, the man clearly not happy with the horse’s proximity.
“She’s not going to hurt you.” Jayden’s voice was soft. “She’s memorizing your smell. Once it’s imprinted on her mind she’ll never forget it.”
“I wish she would.”
Jayden tipped her head down, but peered up at Colby with a look of impatience on her face complete with furrowed brow. When their gazes met, she seemed to ask him what to do.
“Go ahead and step back. I’m going to put her in the cross ties so you can get started grooming her.”
The light in the barn aisle might still be dulled by clouds that hid the sun, but there was enough sunlight to see the irritation in Bryan’s eyes. He didn’t want anything to do with horses. Wow. Colby had no idea how Bryan’s family had managed to get him to the ranch, but he would bet it had involved threats and maybe even blackmail.
“Just stay right there while I get Bentley squared away. Jayden, maybe you could explain the different types of brushes we use on a horse’s coat.”
“Sure.”
He watched out of the corner of his eye as she went to the groom box hanging on the wall, pulling out some items to show Bryan.
“I can’t hold those,” Bryan said.
“Sure you can. You grab your wheelchair wheels.”
“I can’t lift my arms to brush. I can’t even brush my own damn hair.”
“Yes, I know, but that’s why this is so good for you. It’s a form of physical therapy.”
Bryan sank into silence. Colby tried to think of a way to break the ice. He’d run into his type before, although they weren’t usually this resistant. Most people had an avid curiosity about horses. Bryan seemed to be repulsed by the very notion of them.
“You don’t need to go over any more, because I won’t be doing any of it.”
Colby’s hands froze on the snap he’d been about to attach to Bentley’s halter. He turned back to the two in the barn aisle.
“But it’ll be so good for you,” she said.
“Yes, but I already know how to groom horses and ride.” Bryan’s chin had tipped up. “I grew up on a ranch. I don’t need horse lessons. I don’t need to learn how to groom one. I’ve done it all a million times before, but I can’t anymore.”
He spun away from Jayden, leaving her standing in the barn aisle, watching as he jerked the wheels of his chair as if he could thrust himself all the way to his cabin with one good push.
“Bryan,” Jayden called.
“Don’t bother.” Colby finished clipping Bentley to the cross ties. “Let him stew for a bit. We’ll try again later.”
She shook her head, the sadness in her eyes hitting him square in the chest. She had a big heart, this single mother with the weight of the world on her shoulders. He admitted then that they had that in common, too. A deep desire to help people.
“So what do we do?”
He took a deep breath. “I’m not going to lie. This is the hardest part of the job. Some people don’t want to be helped. He’s angry. Bitter. At the point where he just wants to be left alone.”
She tipped her head sideways, her ponytail falling over one shoulder. “Sounds like you speak from experience.”
A denial hung off the edge of his lips, ready to fall into an abyss of half-truths and lies, but she’d been so honest about her own personal life, and so maybe it was time to do the same thing.
“Honorable discharge,” he heard himself admit. “Wounded in combat.” He tapped his right thigh. “Couldn’t walk for the better part of six months. Had to move in with my dad and...”
He didn’t finish the rest of the sentence, didn’t need to. He could tell she’d put two and two together. But she didn’t know it all. Didn’t know about Liz. Didn’t know what had happened between Liz and his dad. There were some things he couldn’t tell her. They were too raw, too painful to admit.
“Anyway.” He lifted his shoulders once. “I went and lived at a friend’s ranch for a while. He got me riding again, and that was when I knew what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I went back to school and the rest is history.”
Not quite. There was so much more to the story than that. His time recovering. The pain of losing both his fiancée and his father at the same damn time. The overwhelming guilt he felt for surviving when so many of his team didn’t.
A hand clutched his own. He hadn’t even heard her approach. “I’m so sorry.”
She ached for him. He could see it, and it made his heart ache with an emotion he’d never felt before. Her grip tightened. He gasped. Or maybe he didn’t; all he knew was every nerve ending in his body jolted as if they’d come into contact with hot wire.
“Jayden.”
She reached for his other hand, too. He closed his eyes. She was so warm, her skin so soft beneath his hardened hands, like a skein of angora, and he wanted to pull his hands out of her grasp, slide his fingers around to the back of her head and tug her toward him.
The sound of a vehicle on the driveway made them both take a step back. It was a car bringing them their next guest. They’d both lost track of the time. But they stood there, staring at each other, Colby’s chest rising and falling more and more rapidly as he thought about all the crazy things he wanted to do to her, and he could see the same thoughts echoed in her eyes.
“I’ll go greet our new guest.” The words sounded as if they came from the end of a tunnel, even though they�
��d come out of his own mouth. “You can take care of Bentley, if you don’t mind.”
“I don’t mind.” Her words were low and husky, her blue eyes darkened by the thoughts inside her head.
“We’ll talk later.”
He took off before he could do something foolish, like kiss her right there in the barn aisle.
* * *
What had she been thinking?
She shouldn’t have touched him. He’d just looked so sad. It’d drawn her to him in a way she never would have expected.
“This place is amazing,” said Dylan Carlyle, their newest guest, a man who seemed far happier with his apartment above the arena than Bryan had been with his private cabin. “I can’t believe how big it is.”
Dylan had balance and strength issues thanks to a traffic accident. It’d been a surprise to learn Hooves for Heroes didn’t just take veterans; it took first responders, too. Cops, firefighters, anyone who served the public. Dylan had tried conventional physical therapy but his progress had been so slow he’d sought out a different, more varied program.
“No expense has been spared.” She pointed to the other side of the arena. “There’s an elevator in the back corner if you ever need it, and you might. Between our riding program and physical therapy, you’ll be sore, but that’s a good thing.”
Dylan smiled up at her from his position a few steps below. Their female volunteers coming next week would swoon over the man. He almost looked Spanish with his dark complexion and dark eyes. He walked with a slight limp, too, and she could see the fine line of a scar running down his right cheek. Dashing. Like a swashbuckling pirate.
“You worked here long?”
His smile was as warm as coffee on a cold morning, and it was laced with a sugar she instantly recognized—male interest.
Home on the Ranch: Her Cowboy Hero Page 8