by Pepper Paris
“Aw, Rox, I know that you don’t believe in yourself, but we do. We’re not giving up something just because we love you. We love you more than anything else.”
“That’s just not right, though. Don’t you see, that’s the problem? Love shouldn’t ask you to give up things that are important to you. You should be able to follow your dreams and not lose your heart’s desire either.” I sat up, forgetting that I was exposing myself in my passion to explain it to Wade.
The tip of his finger touched my nipple as it poked out of the suds.
“I don’t think the problem is that we feel like we’re giving something up, but gaining more love.”
Wade continued to twirl his finger through the suds until my nipple stood out.
He was making it hard to concentrate on what I was trying to say. “I can’t help thinking that in a few years, each of you will go your separate ways and I’ll be left alone. I’m all for loving while the sun shines, but I don’t want you to miss out on opportunities that could help with your life.”
With a shrug, he dipped his finger into the water and fondled my other breast, making me moan.
“The band was only a temporary thing for me anyway. A chance to get out and make some money while taking online classes. I found them someone to take my place who’s honest, and will take them to higher levels than I could as a new-on-the-scene manager.”
“Why do you say it was only temporary? You’ve been doing it for two years now.” I tried to focus on what he’d said. “What changed?”
He withdrew his hand, and I suddenly felt disappointed, even though I couldn’t have gone another round if I wanted to.
“You’re my family, Roxie. With all that’s going on, I needed to be here for you. I know you’ve been doing great dealing with everything that’s been thrown at you recently, but I don’t want you to feel alone. I think you need a chance to escape when it gets to be too much.”
“That didn’t really answer my question. Why did you quit to come back to a town that has nothing for you?”
Wade bit his lip. I’d forgotten that it was difficult to get inside his head to what he was really thinking and feeling. He’d had to guard against other people for so long that it was a reflex for him.
“I’ve taken all my classes online, and should be completely done with my bachelor’s degree by the end of the summer. Then I’ll have to find a way to take some classes at an accredited school of law.”
“A lawyer? Why on earth would you want to be one of those?” Taken by surprise, I tilted my head, giving him an appraising look.
“After my stint in juvie, I realized that most of the kids in there might have been out earlier if they had someone to defend them. I’ve been thinking about it for years, and knew that at some point I wanted to become a lawyer to help those kinds of kids.”
“You’d have to wear a suit and cut your hair.” I ran my fingers through his shoulder-length brown locks.
“Nope. I’ve done some research, and I can have it pulled back in a neat bun or hair tie.”
A giggle escaped my lips. “You mean, a man bun? It will completely ruin your bad boy image, and the judge won’t be able to take you seriously.”
“So what I’m hearing is that you like my bad boy image and you find it sexy?” He leaned in to kiss my lips, drawing the lower lip between his before deepening the kiss until I was breathless when he released me.
“It’s hard to imagine you being a professional when you’ve always been more of a rebel.”
“True, but I want to give others the same chance that I was given because of my parents’ money. They may not have wanted me around, but they still managed to keep me from being taken advantage of.” His smile slipped a fraction as the pain he kept hidden escaped for a second.
I placed my hand over his, which was resting on the edge of the tub. “I think it’s a wonderful idea. I just want you to find something that makes you excited enough to jump out of bed each morning. If being a lawyer will do that, then I’m on board.”
“With all of us in our unique family group, we certainly need someone to make sure that we don’t get screwed over.” He grinned and stood up. “Let’s get you out of that tub and into bed before you turn into a prune.”
I stood and turned the shower on to rinse off the extra bubbles that were clinging to my body.
Wade had a towel stretched out and waiting for me to walk into his arms.
“This is perfect,” I whispered as he wrapped me up and carried me to the bed.
My eyes wouldn’t stay open, but I felt the bed move when he joined me only moments later.
“Wade?”
“Yeah, babe?”
“Thank you for coming back.” I pulled his arm over me.
“Always.” He patted my stomach as he snuggled closer. “It’s good to be home.”
Chapter Two
Roxie
Even though Sarah and Sophia had given me a chance to relax with Wade, I knew that I would have to pay for being away overnight.
I threw on some clothes and tried to sneak in through the back door, but Mom was waiting for me.
“Did you have a fun night out slutting around?” she spat at me, causing a coughing fit.
Ignoring the barbed remark, I hurried to her side and helped her to sit up.
“There, that’s better, isn’t it?” I cheerfully asked.
She narrowed her eyes, but didn’t say anything.
“Did you have fun with Sophia last night?”
I saw the hint of a smile before she hid it and changed the channel, hoping to distract me. Using that as my moment to escape, I fled to the kitchen, trying to keep my good mood intact while I started breakfast.
She wasn’t eating much these days, which was why it was important that she had items with protein to get the most out of what she did eat. Cancer was a horrible disease, and while we were never going to be the best of friends, it wasn’t something I would wish on my worst enemy.
I’d just finished arranging everything on a tray for her when a knock sounded at the front door.
“Who could that be?” I asked as I set the tray in front of her before hurrying to the door.
“Wade.” I gulped when I saw his tall frame standing in front of me. “What are you doing here?”
“When I said I was here to help out, I meant it.” He gave me a grin as he walked in, uninvited.
My jaw hadn’t had a moment to close before he stopped in front of my mother.
“Ms. Berry, I’ve heard so much about you over the years. I’m glad that we finally get to meet.” He took her hand and brought it to his lips for a quick kiss.
“Oh, don’t call me that, I wouldn’t know who you were talking to. I’m Vicky. Roxie never mentioned the fact that you had grown up into such a handsome young man.” She gave me an indiscernible look as her cheeks filled with color for the first time in months.
“Certainly, Ms. Vicky. I’m going to help Roxie clean up the kitchen and see what else she needs me to do while I’m here.”
“Why, thank you. Wade, was it?”
“Yes, Wade Hicks.” He tipped an imaginary hat toward her, causing her to giggle.
I was still standing there with the door open, so I fixed the problem before joining him in the kitchen.
“Did you cast a spell? I’ve never seen my mother giggle, much less act that way before with a guy. She just screamed or yelled at Carter.”
The back door opened and Sarah came waltzing in, doing the walk of shame without my mom saying a word to her.
“Hungry?” I asked, looking between my two friends.
“Yeah,” Sarah answered, giving Wade a quick once-over before turning to the coffee maker.
“If there’s enough.” Wade eyed the eggs and bacon hungrily.
“Sure, I always make enough for Sarah when she finally shows up from her overnight adventures,” I remarked, my tone laced with frustration.
Sarah grinned at me over the rim of her coffee cup. �
�You must have had a great reunion last night because I never got the phone call from you about how upset you were with me for setting it up.”
I shot her a look, telling her to shush, which was the wrong thing because Sarah always took that as a challenge to see if she could push my buttons.
“Sooo…” she drew out the word, making it seem to have more meaning than intended, “you must be the newest subscription box boyfriend. I have to say that you’re not quite what I pictured when Roxie said you had a bad boy image. Hmm, there’s really no accounting for taste, though.”
Ignoring her would only egg her on, so I was glad when Wade wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me into his lap before I could protest.
“It takes a lot of woman to handle all of us lost boys. We need someone who can take all the crap we throw at her, which is why we try to show up in small doses so we don’t overwhelm her. After school’s out, then it may take her a while to acclimate to having us all willing to do her bidding,” Wade suggestively proclaimed.
“Shh…my mom’s in the other room,” I whispered, motioning him to quiet down. “This is just the kind of stuff that she likes to listen in on, then give me hell for later.”
I started to get back up to finish dishing up breakfast, but Wade’s arms tightened.
“It’s time she knew that you’re loved, and we know how to treat a girl the right way.”
He captured my mouth in a kiss that stopped me from resisting as he ran his tongue around my lips, seeking entrance before taking the choice from me.
Drawn into his spell, I returned his kiss, suddenly not caring if my mother liked it or not.
Sarah let a low whistle. “I’ll let you two borrow my room if you need to work off some of that heat.”
“Nah, we’ll save that for my apartment so I can make her scream whenever she likes.”
“Right now, though, I need to have you both eat and finish up so I can get this kitchen cleaned up before I head to work.” I fanned my face as I took deep breaths to steady my hormones.
“Yes, ma’am. Who stays with your mom while you’re at work?” Wade asked as I sat the plate full of food in front of him.
“Sarah most days, or Sophia will take a few hours here and there to give us a break.” I put the now empty pan in the sink.
“Well, if you give me a few days to get things going, I can do my studying over here while you’re at work.”
“That’s so sweet. But remember, my mom hates all of you boys. She won’t like that I’ve brought you over today,” I protested.
Wade actually laughed at me. “From what I saw, she loved having me in there talking to her. Besides, I came over here all by myself. You were only partially responsible considering that you were the reason I wanted to be here.”
“If you can talk her into it, then I’ll okay it,” I conceded, opening the pantry door, which was really my bedroom.
I leaned in to grab a pair of dress shoes for work, tossing my flip flops onto the bed. Turning to close the door, I ran nose-first into Wade’s chest.
“So, this is why Carter was so mad about your living situation. Why didn’t you move into your aunt’s room?”
Sarah raised her hand. “I’m afraid that’s my fault. Her mom seemed much more comfortable with turning her sister’s room into a guest room for me than a room for Roxie.”
“I didn’t want to rock the boat with her being sick. I can manage to live here for a little while longer.” I shrugged, not really understanding why it was such a big deal.
He wrapped his arms around me. “You’ve always been an angel. One day, we’ll be able to show you the rewards for all of your sacrifices.”
“I’m not sure what’s going on with you today, but I’ve got to get to work so that someone can pay the bills.” I ducked my head, escaping his embrace as I picked up my keys from the counter.
“Call me if you need anything,” I called out over my shoulder as the door shut behind me.
I had no idea how Wade was going to manage to get my mother to agree to having him around, but Sarah had worked miracles by being her bubbly self, that I had no doubt he would find a way to make it work.
The mixture of Sarah and Wade had been a whirlwind that made me feel smothered. My office was the one place where my mother and the guys never came, which made me want to retreat to safety when things weren’t going the way I planned.
Numbers had always made more sense to me than they did for other people. They didn’t try to put a guilt trip on you, or make you want to forget everything and stay in bed all day with Wade.
My computer screen lit up with updates and notes on current projects that needed corrections, and I buried myself in the details, completely forgetting all of my worries.
Sue popped her head in just before lunch. “I’ve got another letter here for you from your guy.”
A smile lit up my face as I took the thick envelope from her.
“Let me know how he’s doing.” Sue grinned as I blushed.
It was almost noon, and I really needed to wait to read it after I finished this project.
As the letter sat there on the corner where I’d laid it, I couldn’t help but look over to make sure it was still there every few minutes.
I might as well go ahead and take my lunch now because I wasn’t going to be able to concentrate until I’d read it. Saving all of my files and grabbing my purse, I headed out to the park area to eat my lunch while reading Kelly’s letter.
He’d only been gone for a few weeks, but it already seemed like years. His first two letters had been apologetic, but it had been a week since his last one.
In my head, I knew that he wasn’t really in danger yet, but that didn’t make my heart feel any lighter with him practicing to be shot at.
I glanced around to make sure that I was alone before tearing into his letter.
* * *
My Dearest Roxie, June 10th,
This week has been the worst yet. There are rumors that if we make it through, then the next three weeks won’t be nearly as bad, but somehow, I think that is just to give us a false sense of hope.
Either way, I’m just glad that we have two days of leave to sleep and recover from all the running and hiking we’ve been doing. I’m ready to get into the fun stuff—blowing crap up. They got us doing obstacle courses to learn how to dodge bullets, but I’ve been doing that for years as a quarterback. Don’t worry, they don’t want us to get shot or hurt, and take great pains to scream at us when we are even close to having that happen.
I’m so tired that all I’m doing is worrying you. Sleep will make things better, but I miss you so much. Night.
June 12th,
Twenty-three hours later and I’m finally feeling like a human being again. Ignore everything above, except for the fact that I love you.
We’re supposed to be taking a few tests to see where our strengths lie before they assign us our positions in a few days. I have no idea what I’m good at, which is why I joined to help find myself. I just had no idea there were so many different choices in the army, or that I had so many bones in my body.
Wish you could see me groaning. Wait, no. This is way too humiliating for you to actually see. I feel worse than after the first week of tryouts all rolled into one day, then piled on top of the next day until my body wanted to collapse. What I’m trying to say is that I’m dog tired.
Writing is so different than talking to you, but I hope that in my letters I’ve managed to tell you what I’m thinking, even though it’s on paper and not in person.
I know I’d alluded to it in my last letter, but I needed a chance to start fresh and find out who I can be. While on this journey to find out more about me, I’ve realized that without you, I wouldn’t be the person I am today.
When I think about how tired I am, or how tough these guys are on me, I’m reminded of all the things you’ve gone through over the years. Honestly, even though I understood how much it hurt and what you’d overcome, I didn’t rea
lly get it. Having a drill sergeant scream at you constantly when you haven’t done anything wrong is just a small dose of what your mom has done to you for years. The fact that you were able to get up and work two jobs while getting straight A’s looks so different from the other side of the fence.
What I’m saying is that not only have I taken you for granted, I’ve taken all the amazing things you’ve worked through and around to just survive. I had it so easy growing up, and yet you took each of my little problems and listened like they were the most important things in the world to you.
This is me saying, I’m sorry. I took you for granted, and when I get back I intend to make sure that you feel like the most amazing person in the world. I hope I can make the others see what I see in you.
Until next when they give us a moment to breathe.
Yours forever,
Kelly
* * *
I sat there with tears streaming down my face as I read his words. The army wasn’t made for the weak, and while he’d hurt me by leaving so abruptly, I understood it hadn’t been about me at all, but about him. He needed a chance to prove to himself that he could make life-changing decisions on his own.
He was completely crazy if he thought anything I’d been through could even compare to what he was training for, but I’d have to convince him of that when I went to his graduation.
The words were harder to write back to him because I wasn’t used to explaining how I felt, and trying to capture that onto paper was even more difficult than I thought it would be. But I had to try for my guy.
* * *
Kelly,June 15th ,
Babe, I’m sorry that your bones are sore and tired, but I’m happy you’re alive. Out of all the things I know you’re worried about, that is honestly the one that concerns me the most about your choice. I want—no, I need you to come home to me. I don’t think my heart could handle having someone come to inform me that you wouldn’t be coming home.