by Jenna Kernan
He took the key from her hand and locked the bakery. “You’re tired.”
“I started early. Judge Perry is having a party tonight. I’ve already carried over two large platters.”
“This the last?”
She nodded, then smiled up at him. And he found he just couldn’t let her carry that load.
“Let me.” Carefully he took the platter from her and they started down the boardwalk. “My folks will be there.”
“The largest ranch in the area? They should have a voice in whatever plans are being hatched.” She looked over his suit. “You must be going, as well.”
“We share equally in the decisions.” He hesitated, unsure if Kathleen was ready to hear his next thought. “You could come, too.”
She shook her head. “I haven’t seen Lily all day.”
Her dedication to her daughter—it warmed him from the inside out. He’d heard comments—people thinking she was crazy and not a good mother because she’d left her family and a world of support to come here and take a job. Something had happened to spur her to make that choice. He hoped someday to learn the reason. For now, he realized she’d completely missed his subtle hint. Whatever happened on the ranch would affect Lily.
The tinny sounds of the piano spilled out of the saloon. Some raw language, too.
“I’m glad Lily didn’t hear that,” she murmured.
“I wish you hadn’t,” he muttered.
The corners of her mouth tilted up. “I knew what I was coming back to, Garrett. Clear Springs has its rough edges, but all in all, it’s home—more home to me than on the coast.”
Another expletive burst from inside the saloon.
“I’d like to muzzle that Russell,” Garrett growled. “He shows up at quittin’ time like a lot of the miners. If he’s smart, he eats something at the restaurant for supper before stopping in the saloon. Can’t figure out how he makes it to work the next day.”
“It’s hard to believe the change in him since school. He barely acknowledges me now.”
“He changed a lot after—” he stopped talking, suddenly aware they were getting mighty close to talking about Josh. Too close. Russell had been the last man with his brother. He had tried to stop Josh, who’d still been drunk and angry from the night before, from setting off the dynamite.
They walked the rest of the way in silence.
Through the windows of Judge Perry’s house, a kaleidoscope of colors dazzled and tantalized those passing by. Wreaths of holly hung on both sides of the entry door, and candles, their flames dancing, lit each front window. Garrett knocked on the door, and it wasn’t a minute before Lucy ushered them into the dining room. Carefully, Kathleen took the large tray from his arms and set it on the table under the chandelier.
“Thank you, Mrs. Sheridan.”
“Now, Lucy. Judge Perry’s maid or not, you’ve known me since Miss Alport’s class. Just Kathleen is fine. The house looks lovely for the party. So festive.”
Lucy grinned and relaxed. “I gave it my best, whether the mine owners will notice or not. It’s a regular forest fire in here when they all get to smokin’ those big cigars. Don’t know why they like the smelly things.”
Garrett cleared his throat.
“Course, Garrett, you and your parents ain’t like the rest of them.” She leaned toward Kathleen and lowered her voice. “Besides, Saturday will be much more fun with the dance and all. Alan is playing his fiddle. Are you going?”
She asked innocently—a bit too innocently.
“I’m not sure. I’ll have to see about Lily.”
“Oh, there’s plenty of folks who’ll keep an eye out for her. Lots of families bring their young’uns.” She cocked her head slightly. “Has Garrett asked you?”
“Lucy...” His warning fell on deaf ears.
“Just to let you know,” Lucy continued, “he asked me last year and then gave some flibbertigibbet excuse as to why he couldn’t make it at the last minute. Sick cow or some such thing—as if that doesn’t happen all the time on a ranch.”
“It wasn’t like that, Lucy.”
“Sure it was. Just wanted to warn Kathleen about your character. For me, I wouldn’t go with you if you asked me three times whilst you stood on your head.”
Kathleen pressed her lips tight, but still a small smile wiggled through. “Your warning is duly noted, although there is no need for worry on my account. If I go at all, it will be with Molly and Lily.”
Being a punching bag between these two women was about as uncomfortable as Garrett cared to get. When a knock sounded at the front door, he breathed a sigh of relief. The first of the company had arrived.
“I need to get that....” Lucy moved toward the parlor.
“Garrett’s staying, but I’ll let myself out the back,” Kathleen said. “Don’t worry about me.”
Garrett opened the swinging door between the kitchen and the dining room for her. “I’ll see you home first.”
“I thought I heard a familiar voice! Miss Kathleen? A nice surprise, indeed!” A tall man dressed in a dark gray suit and silver sateen vest strode in from the parlor.
She turned around. “Mr. Spencer! What brings you to town?”
Garrett’s gut tightened. The familiarity Kathleen used in addressing the man... How did they know each other? Mr. Spencer was a few years older than him—a good ten years older than Kathleen—and well-known for the progressive improvements he’d put into his mining operation.
“The judge’s party, of course. And I certainly didn’t expect to find you so far from home.” He looked from her to Garrett.
“Oh. Excuse me. May I present Garrett Sheridan. Mr. Sheridan, this is Mr. Andrew Spencer...a friend of my father’s.”
They shook hands and Andrew said, “Just the man I hoped to see tonight. I want to discuss the boundary lines between your ranch and my property.”
“We’ll talk as soon as I return from escorting Mrs. Sheridan home.”
“Mrs. Sheridan?” Mr. Spencer glanced about the room. “My sources didn’t mention that you were married.”
Kathleen’s face flushed. “He means me, Andrew. Garrett is Lily’s uncle.”
“Oh...oh, I see.”
Garrett did, too, as relief came to Spencer’s face. Something twisted inside. Garrett drew in a slow, steady breath.
“But...surely you are staying for the party?” Andrew asked.
“No. I just came by to drop off a few things.”
“Then will you save me a dance at your family’s annual New Year’s party?”
“I’m afraid I won’t be there. Merry Christmas, Andrew.” She smiled apologetically and then slipped through the doors and headed toward the back.
Garrett nodded to Mr. Spencer and followed Kathleen as an ominous, sinking sensation flooded through him. He’d recognized that feeling in his gut—jealousy. He didn’t want to feel that way again. He’d told himself it was about looking out for her. About looking out for Lily. All this was for Josh—because Josh couldn’t be there.
Ten steps from the judge’s back door, the words burst from him. “How well do you know Spencer?”
“What do you mean?”
“He didn’t even realize that you were a Sheridan. How the heck did your father introduce you once Lily came along? The Widow Kathleen?”
The shock on her face should have warned him. He should shut up but instead he barreled on. “What is it about the name that you hate? Or is it the family? My brother wasn’t perfect, but it is a decent name and respected around these parts. It’s a good name for Lily. Makes me wonder what my niece will think of her pa’s side of the family when she’s grown. She doesn’t even know us.”
“Garrett!” Her voice shook. “You’re not being fair! You have no right to judge me for the past five
years. You weren’t there. You don’t know what I went through. Besides, sometimes I get the feeling that it’s you that has the secrets.”
That stopped him cold. Had she learned about Sadie? About the fight? At Molly’s front door he splayed his hand on the wood, barring her entry. “What have you heard?”
“Nothing.”
“That’s because there is nothing.”
“Fine. Then let me go inside.”
His face was inches from hers. So close he could feel her soft breath on his skin. So close he could... He shook his head to loosen the cord of tension that pulled him closer. He...had to...protect her, and this was not the way.
Her eyes were wide with confusion.
Abruptly, he spun around and strode away. It had been five years and nothing had changed. He’d told himself that this was all about Lily and about setting things right with his brother’s memory. But it wasn’t. He still cared too much, still wanted Kathleen for himself with a need so intense that it choked him.
But it could never be. Not when he’d made her a widow by his own hand.
* * *
Kathleen entered Molly’s house and closed the door. She leaned against it, her heart racing.
What had just happened? They’d been arguing and then suddenly everything had changed. She’d thought...he might kiss her the way he’d been looking so steadily at her. But no. It had to have been her imagination. He’d never cared that way for her before. Josh had even said so. Garrett had never felt anything for her at all.
His accusations ricocheted through her head. He had a right to his anger. She had gone along with her parents’ constant refusal to speak of anything pertaining to the Sheridans. She’d been weak. And they’d used that weakness. How many subtle jabs and stinging comments about Lily’s heritage had she let slide by? They’d never wanted the marriage and did their best to drive out any goodness that came from it. It just happened that Lily was the best part. Lily—being a Sheridan—never measured up. Just as Kathleen had never measured up for marrying one.
Garrett would never understand. How could he? He was so strong. Even Josh had been unable to live in his shadow. But she had to explain things to him once they both calmed down. He’d been there for her, for Lily, these past weeks. Family meant something entirely different to Garrett than what it meant to her. She understood that now. Not all families were like hers.
But he was so angry. She’d never seen him lose his temper before. Josh had plenty of times, but never quiet, steady Garrett. It unnerved her. Would he ever give her the chance to explain?
Chapter Six
Four days later Kathleen stood, hands on hips, as she looked out the front window at Garrett reining in two horses harnessed to a flatbed wagon.
Molly pulled the rocking chair closer to the fireplace to make room for the pine that would soon go in the corner. “Lily deserves a Christmas tree and for that matter, so do I. I haven’t had one since Beaudry’s passing.”
Kathleen sighed, wishing there was some other way. Garrett hadn’t come around since their argument. This entire outing would be uncomfortable. Lily, however, seemed ecstatic about a chance to choose her own tree. She stood on tiptoe, watching Garrett stride up the path to the house.
Lily had peppered her with questions ever since Barbara Sheridan’s visit. Kathleen had finally explained that side of her daughter’s family. “Get your coat. Your Uncle Garrett is here.”
Molly let him in. He dwarfed the entryway, standing there in his leather duster, a dark silhouette against the bright sunlight behind him. He tipped his hat. No smile. Just serious, as though he didn’t want to be here, either. “I’ll wait by the wagon.”
Before he could turn to step outside, Lily dashed into the room and Kathleen helped her slip into her coat and mittens. She tugged on a red knit hat and tied it securely under her daughter’s chin. Garrett watched her ministrations, but when she looked up, he quickly spun on his heel and left.
“Come on, Mama!” Lily skipped down the path after Garrett.
Kathleen had nothing to do but grab her cloak and hurry after them.
“Choose a good tree, now, Lily!” Molly called from the doorway.
Garrett stopped at the wagon and swung Lily up to deposit her on the seat in one smooth arc. Then, avoiding her gaze and as if she weighed no more than her daughter, followed through and did the same with Kathleen. She was left a little breathless.
He walked around to the other side of the wagon and climbed up. Reaching behind the seat, he dragged up a heavy blanket, spread half over Lily’s lap and offered Kathleen the other corner. “The best trees are on the east edge of our property. Won’t take long to find a good one, depending on how choosy Miss Lily here is.”
Her daughter giggled. He’d already won her over and he hadn’t said more than two sentences to her.
Well, she wasn’t her daughter, nor was she so easy to win over. “Garrett...we should talk.”
He indicated Lily with a tilt of his head. “It’ll keep.”
“But—”
“Relax, Kathleen. Let’s enjoy the afternoon.” He flicked the reins and the horses started off at a slow trot, the sleigh bells attached to their harnesses clanging merrily. “How are things at the bakery?”
She pressed her lips together, frustrated. Two could play at this game. “Busy. Too busy for Sue alone. And the ranch? How are things there?”
He kept his eyes on the road ahead, but a quick grin flashed across his face. It made her pause, that grin—the first she’d seen from him in years. Intriguing how it transformed him. He was handsome—no denying that. Odd that he hadn’t married by now.
He talked of easy things—people they knew, the changes in the area. She almost felt as if their recent argument hadn’t happened. It wasn’t long before she started to relax just as he’d urged. The wagon jostled and creaked. The air was crisp and cold, and the sun’s pale warmth seeped into her skin. The scent of pine enveloped her.
When they stopped in a grove of giant oak trees, Lily noticed some tracks in the snow and Garrett hunkered down beside her. He knew them all—coyote, blue jay, chipmunk, rabbit, even cougar. Seeing them together, shoulder to shoulder, Kathleen wondered if Josh would have been as patient explaining things. He’d been all about the quick and easiest way to get something done. Oh, he’d have brought Lily out to find a nice tree, but he’d never make the outing more than that. With that thought came a large dose of guilt. It wasn’t right to be thinking of Josh that way...comparing him to Garrett. He’d done the best he could considering he hadn’t really loved her—or she him. Things had happened so fast—the courtship, the wedding, the funeral and Lily—that it had taken her a while to realize that. Looking back, they’d both tried to make it work for the short time they had.
“Did you and Josh pick out a tree each year?” she asked.
“We’d take turns, but Pa had the final say. One year I tagged the tree I wanted a few weeks early. Josh snuck out, cut it down and dragged it to that ravine. He gave some long-winded tale about seeing some townies with a tree earlier in the week.”
“All that just so that you couldn’t have the one you wanted?”
“Yep. Just to rile me.”
“Did it work?”
Garrett chuckled. “Yeah. I was pretty sore. He didn’t own up to it until much later.”
“How old was he?”
“Josh was thirteen. Seemed like we were always competing about one thing or another. When we were little it was all about who could run faster. Then who could rope and tie the fastest—first with sheep, and then later with calves.”
“You were so much older. How could he ever win?”
“He didn’t very often. When we were little, he’d get so frustrated that sometimes I’d lose on purpose. If he found out he wouldn’t speak to me for weeks.
As we got older, I spent more time on the ranch and he spent more and more time in town. Made it easier, but didn’t change things much. We both still vied for the better horse, the better rifle...the better girl. Guess it made it all the sweeter for him when he did best me.”
She smiled up at him, but he didn’t return it. He studied her face instead, his brow furrowed. His gaze carried a distant look as though he wasn’t really seeing her but looking back and remembering.
She tugged his coat sleeve, wanting to draw him from his pensive mood. “Time to find that tree.”
The first one that Lily picked out was twenty feet high. Eventually, Kathleen talked her down to one that would fit inside Molly’s house. The branches were lopsided and slightly bare on one side, but Lily was proud of it.
Garrett retrieved the ax from the wagon bed and chopped down the tree. By the time he was finished, a light sheen of sweat coated his face and neck. She helped him load it onto the wagon and secure it with ropes. Glancing over the tethered branches, she caught him watching her.
A slow, warm smile—just for her—spread across his face. Quiet, competent, steady. What would it have been like if she’d married him instead of his brother? If he had returned her affection after that first kiss? Instinctively she knew that he wouldn’t have left her, pregnant and unsure, to go off with friends to the saloon. It was silly to wonder...it was all in the past now and nothing could change it. Besides, Josh was the one who had come courting and had left the book of sonnets.
“Ready?” He’d walked around the wagon during her musings and now stood close, prepared to help her onto the high seat. She could see the scar on his chin through the stubble of new whiskers. So close she could see the softness of his lips.
“Garrett? About the other day. I need to explain—”
“You don’t.” He seemed to consider his words before going on. “I shouldn’t have said anything. You don’t owe me an explanation or an apology. There are things...” His voice trailed off as his gaze slid to her mouth.
“What things?” she prompted. Something thrummed between them. Something warm and sweet and fresh.