He smiled at her. “How are you feeling? Better?” He wasn’t looking at all expensive dust collectors her father had displayed in the room. How had she ever been happy here?
“I’ll bring your bags in,” Harvey said. “Which room should I put them in?”
“I think your mother’s room would be a fitting place,” Kim told her. “I aired it out today.”
“Yes, that sounds perfect. Thank you both so much. Have you spoken to the minister?”
“Mary Beth, I had to get Minister Coffee to come. He said he’d be happy to perform the service and while it disappointed him that Minister Strong wouldn’t do it, he was here to serve. The funeral is tomorrow.”
Mary Beth locked gazes with Ross. She wanted to know why Minister Strong wouldn’t do the service but couldn’t bring herself to ask. Ross seemed to have read her thoughts.
“Why was Minister Coffee brought in?” Ross asked.
“Due to all the uproar of the corruption Mr. Winters was involved in. He and the judge were conspiring to make sure that only white men would serve in any government from local to the presidency. Apparently they had many men with aspirations killed. Leon was part of it too. There are many more details but I can’t fathom them all. People have taken sides. Many supported your father’s beliefs and many are shocked by them.”
Fear filled Mary Beth. “Will it be safe to have the funeral?”
“A regiment of the Union Army is guarding the town. They know of tomorrow’s events.” Kim said. “It’ll be just fine.”
Harvey walked through the door. “Your bags are in your room. I’ll bring water up for the tub when you’re ready.”
“That sounds wonderful, Harvey. How about now?” Mary Beth smiled at him.
“I’ll help with the water,” Ross said. He stood and gathered her into his arms and carried her up the stairs. He set her on the big bed in her mother’s room. “I’ll be back with some water.” He kissed her temple before he left.
Chapter Twelve
Steam rose from the tub, and Carter smiled at the picture his sweet wife made with her head back and her eyes closed. Once in a while she’d sigh.
The room was grand. He’d never been in one so ostentatious. Everything had needlepoint decorating it, and he’d never seen so many pillows on one bed before. She must have been desperate to live with him in the tiny house he had. There wasn’t a reason for her to go back to the ranch. Here she wouldn’t have to lift a finger ever again. It was as if someone had squeezed his heart. Their love had been something out of a storybook; too perfect to be real.
He turned away and went to the window then pulled the heavy drapes aside and looked down at the front of the house. It sounded as though the old man had been a loving father at one time. He ached, thinking about how hurt she’d been. If they lived here what would he do? He wasn’t made for sitting. Besides, he didn’t know how to act in fine society. He’d lose her for sure and she’d have her baby and her house. She probably wouldn’t even notice if he left.
“Will you help me rinse my hair?”
How was he supposed to be near her and not desire her? “Sure.” He grabbed the pitcher of water and poured the water over her hair. “You’re beautiful.”
She turned her head and smiled at him. “You’ve been such a rock for me, Ross. Thank you.”
“You make me want to be the type of man you can lean on.” He took her hand as she stood and helped her step out of the tub. Quickly he wrapped the towel around her. “Get dressed so I can ask Mrs. Case for a tray to be sent up.”
He left the room gulping in fresh air. It would be crushing when he let her go.
* * *
Mary Beth sank into the bed and it felt wonderful. Ross insisted he didn’t need any help with his bath. It was almost as though he wished she was somewhere else. Where had his loving glances and kisses gone? Maybe because of the funeral he thought it too inappropriate? No matter the reason, it hurt.
It felt lonely in the big bed without his arms around her. When she put her head on his chest, he gave her a quick hug and turned over. Had it only been last night they’d been so happy? What happened to the love they had? Maybe she’d done something wrong the night before. Did she behave unseemly? She had no one to ask.
She was probably supposed to be thinking about her father but she’d done too much of it already. She decided to remember the father she loved, though the hurt of his dismissal of her was still fresh. Now she had Ross to figure out. Maybe he was relieved that she had a house of her own. Maybe he wanted to live in it? She didn’t know.
“You don’t look as though you’ve slept, honey.”
She turned her head so she could see him. “You got a good night’s sleep. I watched you for most of it.”
He frowned. “Is something wrong?”
“I suppose not. The bed is so big. I missed your heat.”
His face reddened. “It is the biggest I’ve ever slept in.”
“Maybe we should bring it back home with us?” She held her breath waiting for him to agree.
“We’d best get ready. It will be a long day.” He got out of bed and dressed. “I’ll get us some warm water to wash.”
“Just open the door it should be right outside.”
He tugged the door open and exclaimed in surprise. “So it is! I bet you’ve missed all this.” He splashed some water into the basin and got ready to shave.
“Not really.”
“What?”
“Nothing.” Sighing, she got up and poured water into the other basin and washed. She gathered up her clothes and went behind the screen. While she dressed in private, she tried to stop feeling sorry for herself. She had much to be thankful for, after all. As if to agree, her child stretched and kicked. The baby was sure active. She relaxed as she finished up. The baby was the main concern. No matter what she’d be fine.
“You look very handsome,” she said as she came out from behind the dressing screen to find Ross had finished shaving and dressed in his Sunday clothes.
“We should get downstairs and find out what time we need to be at the church.”
Leading them out the room, she went down the stairs and into the dining room. It gleamed from the care Kim gave it. The table was highly polished mahogany, and the silver shone. Her appetite had left, but she helped herself to toast and juice from the sideboard before she sat down.
They ate in silence and when Kim indicated it was time, Mary Beth was more than happy to go.
They rode to the church in a fine carriage of her father’s pulled by matching grays. People lined the side of the road, and most nodded to her. Others gave her angry looks and a few shook their fists at her. She sat straight and rigid through the whole ride, trying not to think of how much she’d rather have Ross’ arms around her.
The doors to the church were closed, and she watched as a few people tried to open them but they must have been locked. So much for Minister Coffee. While glancing down at her gloved hands wondering what to do, she heard her name. There was Reverend Shaw standing with Lexington and Iris. Trembling with relief, Mary Beth gave them a grateful smile.
Ross rounded the carriage and lifted her down. Her protruding stomach touched him, and the baby kicked and kicked. He put his hand to her abdomen and gave her a sad smile. She took a step back. He probably didn’t want the baby now that he’d met Leon.
Iris ran to her and hugged her. Mary Beth wanted to shed her bitter tears but now wasn’t the time. She hugged Lexington and then Reverend Shaw.
“We heard you were short a preacher,” he said as he squeezed her hand.
“Thank you.”
“We can’t use the church, but the Lord will be with us no matter where we are. Come we’ll go to the burial site.”
Oh Lord, I need You to hold me up today. I wish I could put my heart onto the palm of Your hand for safekeeping but I know that’s not how it works.
It was probably a very nice service, but she couldn’t stay focused. People shouted ug
ly things, and Iris was the one who put her arm around her waist. Mary Beth couldn’t bring herself to even look at Ross. She held her head high and didn’t shed one tear. Afterwards, she invited a few people back to the house. She wasn’t even sure who she invited.
The next thing she knew she was drinking coffee in her father’s parlor.
“When do you think you’ll be back?” Lexington asked Ross.
“I’ll be back as soon as I see Mary Beth settled,” Ross answered. His words chilled her.
“Ross, I think we should get Mary Beth to bed. I don’t like her color,” Iris said her voice urgent.
Ross took the coffee cup out of her hand and stroked the side of her face with his thumb. He picked her up and took her upstairs and set her on the bed. Bending over her, he slipped off her shoes. “You do look pale. Is it the baby?”
“Just settle me in so you can leave. You have no use for me, the baby, or my money. I’m sure I’ll get on just fine. I’ll try to think of you fondly.” I forgive you, she wanted to add, but the words wouldn’t come. She turned from him. Her relief when she felt him get off the bed was great. Finally her tears fell.
Then she heard his boots drop to the floor. He climbed into bed encircling her in his arms. He pulled her to him and held her tight as she cried. Her bitter tears took a long time to finish. Ross must think her pathetic. So much for holding herself regally as he left her. She was a fool.
“I’m sorry. I rarely cry so. Please go back to the ranch. It’s where you want to be. I heard you tell Lexington. I’ve never been a prize any man has wanted. My father couldn’t be rid of me even with all his money. I think I need to stay here and try to figure out why no one ever wanted to be my friend or my willing husband. I’m sure there must be some man who will want my money even if I’m attached.”
He rolled until she was lying on top of him. Then he cupped her wet cheeks. “I don’t want the money, but I do want you. Are you willing to live in the tiny house we have?” His eyes bore into hers.
“It’s not tiny. It’s full of love.”
He grinned. “I’ll take that as a yes.” He lifted his head and kissed her. “You’re getting me wet, my love.” He wiped the last of her tears away with the pad of his thumb. “Your skin is so soft. Sometimes I gaze at you and wonder how I got so lucky to have such a beautiful, loving wife.” He released a deep sigh. “I didn’t say it right before, when I said I wanted to get you settled. I meant after we got everything worked out. I can see what type of live you lived, and it’s hard for me to imagine anyone wanting to give it all up. We also need to see a lawyer. Harvey said there’s a will. Wherever you want to be is where I want to be. I don’t need a house, Mary Beth; you are my home. If living here makes you happy we’ll stay.” He brushed her fallen, loose hair behind her shoulder.
His eyes showed his words to be true. His gentleness proved his love. He was willing to leave his friends, his job to make her happy. She’d never met a man like him before. “I dream of us as a big happy family with so much love. I want that family to live on the ranch, and if we need to, we can always expand the house as the children come. I would follow you anywhere Ross. You are the part of me that makes me a better woman. I’ve learned how to love being with you.” Her eyes felt heavy; it was hard to keep them open. “I’m so tired.”
* * *
They were on their way back to the ranch in less than a week. The will was straightforward; Harvey and Kim Case could live in the house for life. It was the amount of the money in the bank that made Carter balk. He wasn’t sure he wanted a rich wife. It would be money for their children to inherit, though he knew there’d be a few new things bought for the house.
He glanced at Mary Beth on the wagon seat next to him. Her paleness had left, and she seemed happy and healthy. He’d called her robust and she’d hit his arm. It wasn’t a word she found flattering. He still didn’t understand why.
But a baby was coming. He had a cradle to finish, and she had gowns to make. His lips twitched. His wife was many things, but a seamstress she wasn’t, though not for want of trying.
She was very insistent upon talking with the reverend when they returned to the ranch. She still struggled with forgiveness, she had admitted.
If Carter had any answers, he’d have given them to her. It felt a mite like he’d been sliding. He needed to get his Bible back out and read it again. Their children were bound to have many questions, the answers to which could be found in the Holy Book.
“When is the baby supposed to arrive?”
She smiled and touched his thigh. “I never really sat down and counted but maybe in a month or two? I must ask a doctor. I feel so big, and I’m not in any way graceful. I haven’t been for a while now. Surely you noticed.”
“Iris looks further along is all.”
“I asked her about that. Every woman is different. The first child especially can be deceiving if you haven’t kept track of your monthlies.” Her face reddened.
“Makes sense. But you know when it happened.”
“Nothing gets past you, Ross. Yes, I do, although it seems like yesterday sometimes. You’ve helped with that.” Her eyes lit up as the ranch came into sight.
He’d have to pin her down on the due time. He smiled when he took in a sweeping view of the land surrounding them. He might not have been one of the original soldiers who built the ranch, but he’d been doing his share toward making it grow. They could easily buy land of their own, but it wouldn’t be the same. The men he served with were his brothers and their wives and children, his family.
He’d only wanted a house, and by the grace of God he had so much more than he ever knew existed. “I think we need to get ready for the little one.”
“We’ll be ready, Ross. Don’t worry. Oh! Look! Our house is beautiful. There are flowers blooming in front.”
Ross chuckled. “It certainly wasn’t Veronica who planted them.”
Mary Beth laughed.
* * *
Three months later, Mary Beth stayed seated after church services. She’d struggled on her own, but to no avail. No answers presented themselves. Would Reverend Shaw have answers she could understand? Her heart still wasn’t quite peaceful as far as her father’s actions. Her hands trembled and she clasped them in her lap.
Ross had encouraged her from the moment they got back from Button Hills to talk to the reverend about her questions and concerns, but she’d put it off. Other people seemed to know how to be good Christians. Was praying to God daily the answer? It helped, but maybe there was something wrong inside her. Turning, she saw Reverend Shaw walking toward her. She also saw Ross waiting outside. He said he’d wait as long as it took.
“Good morning, Mary Beth. May I sit next to you?”
“Yes, please do.”
Reverend Shaw sat down and put his hand over her quivering ones. “You’re troubled. Is it the baby?”
“No, the baby is a blessing no matter how it was—how it came to be. I have questions about forgiveness, Reverend. I must not know how to forgive. I try and I pray. I do feel better after, but I still don’t understand how it all works.”
“Ah, your father or Leon perhaps?”
“It’s about my father, though I suppose I haven’t given forgiving Leon much thought.”
“It’s written in the Bible, Luke 11:9-10, ‘And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.’”
Mary Beth nodded. “That’s why I’m here. I need to learn how to forgive my father for sending me away and then arranging to have me kidnapped. I began to fell less bitter, and then he died. I never told him I forgave him.”
Reverend Shaw let go of her hands. “You needn’t be upset. Your heart is in the right place. Yes, we are to forgive and love one another. Forgiveness is so powerful that it changes a person's heart. It is important to forgive others for
their wrongs so they can be at peace. At the same time you must forgive for your own sake and because it is commanded. Didn’t God show his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners?”
She nodded, but her heart still felt heavy.
“Let me see if I can explain it better. Not forgiving is taking something that belongs to God and taking matters into our own hands. God's Word tells us that we should allow God to bring His wrath upon that person, and let Him repay those who wrong us: Romans 12:19 says, ‘Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.’ Mary Beth, Do you believe Christ died for our sins?”
“Yes, I do,” she blurted.
He smiled and touched her hand. “Allowing yourself to hang onto bad feelings and becoming bitter is doing nothing but harm. The Lord has given us the gift of forgiveness to rid ourselves of that harm. The Lord is the one who seeks justice. Our job is to show others the love of God. Fill your heart with God’s love, push out the work of the devil. It takes prayer, and it can take time to come to the point where your heart is no longer bitter. Bitterness is walking in darkness while God’s love is walking in light.”
“So I let it go and give it all to God?” She sat quietly for a bit and she felt herself shrouded in love. She then smiled at the reverend.
“Mary Beth from your smile I’d say you understand forgiveness now.”
“Truthfully, I don’t think I can understand it all, but I will keep praying and having faith. My hearts feels so different now from when I came into church this morning. Thank you for teaching me.”
Faltered Beginnings: Mail Order Brides of Spring Water Book Five Page 12