Malicious: A Nomad Biker Novel (Raiders of Valhalla MC Book 1)

by Elizabeth Knox

  Chapter Eleven

  Charm

  It’s been a couple of days and my interactions with Fenrir have been getting a bit better. I don’t know why, but it’s like we’re both shoving the feelings we initially had about one another deep down, and we’re acting like adults for the kids. It’s easy to see he loves them more than anything else on this planet, but it makes me realize he must’ve had good reasons for not being around. I don’t know much about the biker lifestyle, but I’m trying to. Sure, Amanda told me a little bit, but she didn’t go into the details.

  It’s Sunday, and Fenrir always has the kids all day long. He tells me that Sundays should be my day to relax, so I take him up on it. I also want to respect the fact he’s their father and needs time alone with them. They don’t need me constantly hovering around, and for the most part, I don’t. However, whenever I’m not at the spa I’m with the kids. I don’t go in most days until nine in the morning, which is when they’re already in school, and I typically get out around four, or worst case five. I don’t even eat dinner. I head straight over to see them. It’s like at this point they’re my family. It might be weird for outsiders, but when I really take a moment to think about it, Amanda was my family. Sure, we might not have ever been blood, but I loved that woman more than I can ever express, and I cherish every single one of her children.

  I’m even beginning to cherish her ex.

  It’s odd to say, though it feels natural in a sense. Over the last few days I’ve seen different parts of him. The way he’ll stop whatever he’s doing to look his kids in the eyes and respond to them, to the way he’ll explain any sort of question they might have. I’ve been able to see just how much he loves them, and it’s beautiful. It’s like he’s showing me the most fragile part of himself, without even knowing it.

  He’s tried to be nice to me over the last couple days, but to be honest, we haven’t spoken to each other too much. We’ve been there for the kids, and that’s what’s important. We have to keep putting them first. Even if we don’t ever get along, they’re the most important thing. Amanda would want us to make sure they continue to be the priority, and so it’ll be. I often think about what she’s thinking, if she’s staring down over my shoulder watching everything unfold, and sometimes I even wonder if she’s up in heaven helping them up there as well.

  Shaking my head, I go into my back sunroom and stare out onto the back of my property, staring at the lovely gardens my grandmother planted years ago. The same flowers that come back every year.

  I close my eyes and see his face. The way his eyes seem to look straight into my soul. The way he smiles when he’s talking to the kids. But more than either of those, I see the way his eyes wander over to mine when they’re focused on something. The lost moments. The hidden smiles. The way I feel like he’s trying to reach out to me, but can’t.

  Maybe it’s because I’m not letting him. Because I want some sort of apology that isn’t steaks. I don’t know what I want. Not when I really think about it. I don’t know what I fucking want and it’s aggravating, but every time Fenrir fucking smiles at me or his eyes lock onto mine from across the room, I can’t help but have butterflies soaring across my stomach.

  I inhale deeply and open my eyes, knowing I should do something to make things even more right between us. Whether I want to or not, there’s something deep in my heart calling me to him. Something I feel obligated to explore at some point, and the only way I’m ever going to be able to is if he gives me a chance.

  I could make him something. I love to bake, but I can’t live anything down after the brownie incident. He won’t ever trust me even if I try to make him dinner, breakfast, or anything. I doubt he’d even trust me if I try to buy him food. He’d probably think I poisoned it or something.

  Shaking my head, I shove the thoughts of doing something sweet for Fenrir deep down and take a seat on the couch in the sunroom. After a few minutes I lay down, and before I know it, darkness is consuming me.

  I wake to a knocking sound on my back door, and the first thing I spot is a long, thick beard. I rise, completely out of it and rush over, open the door and blink my eyes rapidly. “Fenrir, everything okay?”

  “Yeah . . . you alright?” His eyes scan over my body and settle on my tits for a second before meeting my eyes once again.

  I nod and lick my lips. “Yeah, what time is it?” I continue blinking rapidly.

  “About nine in the morning. The kids and I thought it would be nice if you came over for breakfast.”

  “When?” I ask him, swallowing hard. I’m completely disoriented, and he probably sees it clearly.

  Fenrir smirks. “Whenever you can get over to the house, but if you want company, I’d love to walk over with you.”

  I’m caught blinking again at him, but this time it’s like he’s lost his damn mind. He’s never wanted to spend time with me, so did he fall and bump his head or what?

  “I . . . I just woke up. Um, give me like fifteen minutes and I’ll be right over. I just need to get—”

  He puts a hand up and smiles brightly. “There’s no need to explain. Take thirty minutes. We’ll see you when you’re ready, and I’ll go ahead and get started on breakfast.” Before I can say anything, Fenrir is walking away and I’m caught watching every step he takes away from me, wishing he was walking toward me and not away.

  God, what is going on in this head of mine?

  Chapter Twelve

  Fenrir

  It’s been a little over two weeks since the incident, if you could call it that, with Charm’s special brownies. I haven’t seen her around much since she dropped the kids back off after taking them out for some fun. I did see her the other day when I invited her over for breakfast, but that was uneventful.

  We’d been busy getting things done. The kids went back to school, and I worked along with my brothers figuring out what to do with the warehouse. Logi’s good with sketching, so he’d drawn up a plan for us and we’d gotten started on it. No reason to pay someone else to do something my brothers and I could do ourselves.

  While working on the warehouse converting it into our clubhouse, my brother, Vanir, has been looking into Amanda’s accident. I’d asked him to do this for me because I wouldn’t be satisfied with the cops’ report by itself. Not just that, I have this gut feeling something else is going on. Like there’s something I don’t know about. I wanted to know who the fucker was who’d jackknifed a semi-truck. I needed to know if it was intentional or completely accidental. Better yet, I wanted the fucker to suffer for taking Amanda’s life. Knowing the judicial system, he’ll probably get off with only probation or some shit. Maybe lose his license.

  It’s happened before. Rati’s older brother was killed by a semi-truck years ago. He’d been heading to work when it happened. The man who killed him had been speeding, was on the phone, and not paying attention when it happened. I clearly remember the night we got the call about him. We’d been getting ready to head out of town after visiting with my aunt for her birthday. The scene had been blocked off for hours when we got there. My aunt stood in the middle of the road and told us. Rati took it harder than anyone would have thought. Then again, that was his big brother as well as his best friend.

  Because of the accident Rati’s brother had been in, I needed to be sure. I’d understand if it was completely an accident, but if the accident was due to not paying attention, then I classify that shit as intentional. No person, man or woman, should be allowed to get away with either for any reason. Murder is murder no matter how you look at it.

  Shaking my head to get rid of the dark thoughts filling my mind, I move about my room and start getting ready for the day. I’d finally cleaned out Amanda’s room a week ago, getting rid of things that were pointless to keep. I boxed up the stuff that I wanted to keep for the kids. Her jewelry, her wedding dress for Astrid, and memorabilia items. I stuck them up in the attic and donated the rest.

  I talked with my kids about her bedroom furniture. I d
idn’t want to sleep in something that belonged to her. Not when she wasn’t here anymore. It didn’t feel right, especially when my head kept bringing up images of a certain woman next door.

  Emil and Oskar thought it would be a good idea to put the stuff in a small storage unit for Astrid when she gets older. I didn’t want to give it to her just yet. She’s in the stage of wanting to draw everywhere. I’d seen the back of her door in her room and though the picture was really good, I had to explain to her no more drawing on walls. When she’s a little older, I’ll pull it back out of storage and give it to her.

  After getting ready, I head out of my room. Emil, Oskar, and Astrid were all sitting sleepily at the table, ready for breakfast.

  Today, I’m taking them out once we eat breakfast. I don’t want them complaining about being hungry while we’re at the zoo.

  “Daddy, can you do my hair in braided pigtails?” Astrid asks.

  I inwardly groan at her question. “Ugh, how about I regular braid?”

  I’d been lucky the past two weeks with her. She’d wanted only ponytails. That is until last night when we’d watch to my horror Pippi Longstocking. Give me gore and horror movies any day over a movie about a chick with braided pigtails.

  “But I wanna have braided pigtails,” my little girl whines.

  Fuck me.

  I don’t even know how to braid hair.

  A thought crosses my mind and I sigh in frustration. She owes me so I’ll see if Charm can do it.

  “Stay put and I’ll be right back,” I grumble, heading for the front door. It’ll be the first time I’ve spoken to Charm in two weeks, and I need to make sure I don’t piss her off in the first five seconds of her opening the door. That is if she even opens the damn thing. “When I get back, I’ll make you breakfast,” I call out over my shoulder.

  “Yay,” Astrid squeals.

  “Pancakes,” Emil yells.

  “No, eggs and bacon,” Oskar puts in.

  “How about all three?” I suggest and exit the house without waiting for their answer. I make it across the yard and up her front porch. Raising my hand, I make a fist and knock on her door before stepping back. I shove my hands in the front pockets of my jeans to wait. It makes me think about the last time I invited her over for breakfast and how completely discombobulated I made her.

  She doesn’t leave me waiting for long, and I have to hold myself still at the sight of her looking damn gorgeous with her hair up in a messy bun cocked to the side somewhat. What really gets me, though, is the fact she’s dressed only in a light green tank top with turtle sleep shorts that barely cover her ass.

  “Ugh, hey,” she mumbles almost as if I’d just woken her up.

  “Hey,” I say, grinning in amusement.

  “What’s up?” Charm asks, and it’s as if her mind finally wakes up and she goes into overdrive. “Are the kids okay? Did you need me to help with them?” Her voice is filled with panic.

  I realize I’d fucked up again with her by not inviting her over to be around the kids. She’s as much a part of my kids’ lives as I am. Sure, I’ve somewhat had my hands full with learning this who being a full time dad thing and didn’t think to ask her over. Doesn’t mean I didn’t think of her. Or have the kids ask about if they were going to see her.

  “Easy, Charm. They’re good. I’m here to see if you wanted to have breakfast with us and maybe go to the zoo. Plus, I needed to see if you know how to braid hair?” I mutter the last part.

  Charm stares at me, baffled by my words and smiles. “I’m not dressed yet to go out,” she says, crossing her arms over her chest, attempting to cover her nipples I’ve already seen peeking out of her shirt.

  “I’ve gotta cook breakfast still, so you have time to get ready,” I offer, hoping to get her to come with us. “Besides, it’s been two weeks since you really saw them besides at a distance,” I state, not at all feeling an ounce of guilt for using my kids to prod her into coming with us.

  “Okay, fine, but you have to give me at least thirty minutes to get ready,” she mumbles while nodding.

  “I’ll have it ready by the time you get over to the house,” I say, holding back the grin wanting to form on my face.

  Turning on my heel, I head back to my house and start to cook breakfast for my kids and guest. I am feeling somewhat lighter. I don’t know what it is about Charm that makes me feel this way, but when it comes to her, the ache that I feel at losing Amanda is lessened.

  I know Amanda and I weren’t together, but it doesn’t mean she doesn’t hold a part of my heart. She always will.

  By the time we get to the zoo the kids are nearly bouncing in their seats.

  Charm showed for breakfast and the kids were all excited to see her. When I told them she was joining us this morning, they all practically bounced off the walls. It shows me just how much they value her being part of their lives.

  Glancing in the rearview mirror of the truck I’d bought, I spot her pulling into the spot right behind me as I pull through to the one in front.

  I’d tried to get her to ride with us, but Charm said she had somewhere she was going later, so it was easier this way.

  I open my door and Emil does the same on his side, hopping out. He makes his way to Charm’s car while I get Astrid out and place her on my shoulders as she asked me to. Oskar jumps out of the back on the passenger side and goes to stand on one side of Charm, while Emil stands on the other. Seeing her in her cut-off shorts and white tank top nearly did me in when she walked into the house, but now it’s ten times worse as she smiles just as brightly as my boys.

  The five of us head into the zoo when Astrid asks if we can get ice cream before going to look at the monkeys. I agree and take them to the food court to get some. My phone rings from my pocket as I finish paying.

  Pulling it out, I notice a text from Runes and frown. He knew I planned to do something with the kids today and he’d planned to come by later to hang out for a beer. Unlocking my phone, I pull up the text and have to clench my phone to keep myself in check.

  I shoot him a quick text, tell him I’ll be there soon, and put the phone back in my pocket.

  “Charm,” I call her name out even though I don’t have to. Not with her standing right here next to me.

  “Something wrong?” she asks.

  “Yeah, I hate to do this to you but I need to go. Can you do me a solid and watch the kids for me? I wouldn’t ask knowing you got shit to do later, but it’s important,” I mutter, needing to get out there to my brothers.

  “Sure, I’ll finish taking them around the zoo then take them home,” she murmurs, nodding.

  “Thanks, baby,” I say quickly and go to tell my kids I’m heading out. Not even thinking about the fact I called her ‘baby’.

  I make it to the warehouse in no time after leaving the zoo.

  Parking off to the side, I hop out and head inside. I find Runes immediately at the table saw.

  “Where is he?” I sneer, wanting to see the man who killed Amanda.

  “In the back, figured we’d take care of the problem right here,” Runes growls, nodding to where Dag, Rati, Kraken, and Regnir are putting down plastic. “Might as well since it’s still bare.” He shrugs when I look back at him.

  Nodding, I wait for them to finish and release a harsh breath.

  Nearly fifteen minutes later, a junkie-looking fucker is dragged into the main room by Logi and thrown in my direction. Vanir steps forward and places his foot on the fucker holding him down.

  “This him?” I demand.

  “Yeah, VP, this is him. The police report was right in the matters of it being an accident and all; however, what they didn’t put in there is the fact she was targeted. The ‘accident’ was made to look like one, but they wanted her out of the way. Seems we already have enemies here in Tallahassee,” Vanir states, kicking the asshole.

  Red fills my vision. “Tell me you have what information you need from him.”

  “Dude’s nothing but a payoff.
Have at him VP,” Runes says, tossing me a blade.

  Grinning maliciously, I head over to the junkie as Vanir steps back and stands next to the rest of my brothers as they form a circle to keep the fucker from going anywhere as I stalk my prey.

  The junkie stands and eyes me wildly. “Do you know who the fuck I am?”

  “Naw, man, but I swear I didn’t do shit to that woman like they say. I didn’t kill nobody,” he stutters, licking his lips.

  “I don’t believe you. But for the record, that woman as you put it, her name was Amanda, and she was my kids’ mom,” I snarl, getting in the asshole’s face and spitting the words out. “For your actions, you’ll die.”

  I don’t let the asshole get another word in. My mind goes blank of any other thought but ripping into the man who took Amanda’s life from me. From our kids. From Charm. This man has no idea of the agony he unleashed when he killed her, but he’s about to. He’ll feel it all firsthand.

  Thrusting the knife deep into the junkie’s shoulder, I twist it in place, causing him to fall backward onto the floor. Another knife is then handed to me by one of my brothers. I do the same to the junkie’s other shoulder. One by one each of my brothers hands me a knife, and I sink it into a part of the man whose screams I savor. When the last knife is handed to me, I end the asshole’s life by slamming the steel into the middle of the man’s neck and twisting it before pulling my own knife out and sinking it into his gaping mouth.

  Standing, I throw my head back and yell, finally releasing the pain I’d felt for the loss of Amanda. Only in the surrounding strength of my brothers without witnesses to see can I allow myself to let it go and finally find peace for the woman who I’ve always cared for.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Charm

  We left the zoo about an hour ago, but the kids didn’t want to go back home. The boys complained the entire way when I started to go home, and Astrid begged to go to the park. They just finished installing a new playground, and she wanted to go play on it more than anything. So, of course, the boys complained they wanted to go too, and now we’re all at the park, but the kids failed to tell me there’s a massive adoption event going on today from the local humane society.