“Sense? What doesn’t make sense?”
“You’re a doctor. I’m a smokejumper. We’re not even in the same world.”
“Lots of people don’t work in the same world. I don’t see the problem.” He was confused about where the conversation was headed.
“Travis, you live in a different world than I do. Like tonight, you have fancy dinners to go to. I eat MREs. I sleep on the ground. You like a luxury mattress. We just don’t make sense.”
He shook his head. “Those things don’t really matter.”
“But you hold a position in town. You’ve been asked to be a member of the medical board. I’m not the right woman for you. I don’t do social functions or fancy events.”
“That’s garbage. You did just great tonight. What’s this all about?” Travis navigated the drive grateful they were home where he could see her eyes. When had he started thinking of her house as his home? That sounded too much like permanency. That wasn’t what he’d intended. Loose and easy had been the plan.
“I just think we need to stop this before it gets out of hand. Like eight years ago you wanted one thing and I needed another. It’s no different now.”
He pulled to a jerking stop before her front door, turned off the car and shifted so he could look at her. The porch light gave him enough illumination to see her expressions. “But we’ve been having a good time together. We’re good together and you know it.”
“Sure we are. Hiding out here together. In bed.”
“That works for me.”
Dana sighed. “Yeah, but we’re both hiding from life. You because you’re afraid to trust yourself to really care again. For anyone. You do know I’m nothing like your ex-wife, don’t you?”
“Of course I do.”
“But you can’t get past what she did to you. Your plans for your life didn’t work out, so now you don’t intend to ever make plans with anyone else.” Dana put her hand on his upper arm. “We’ve found friendship again. I want to keep that. I fear if we don’t step back now that we might lose it. I don’t want that to happen.”
“Aren’t you borrowing trouble? Looking for something to worry about.”
The crackling of lightning off in the distance mirrored their discussion.
“I thought I could do easy, no attachments. But I can’t. I’m sorry. I should’ve never let this get out of hand.”
His world had started to crumble. He wasn’t sure what he wanted but he didn’t want this. Yet what Dana said was true. The longer they were together the more difficult it would be for them to break things off without her getting hurt. He’d hurt her once and he didn’t want to do it again. He brushed her jaw with a finger. “Maybe you’re right.”
She leaned into his hand for a moment, then pulled away. “It has been sweet while it lasted. We had a...what’s it called...? Foxhole experience. That’s all it ever was.”
“If that’s the case what do you call the last two weeks?”
Dana hung her head. “A fling. It’s time we let it go. While we can look back on it...fondly.”
“I can think of other adjectives I’d use. May I call you sometime?”
Dana’s lips tightened. Gloom filled her eyes. “Maybe one day. You know you shouldn’t depend on anyone for your happiness. I, of all people, know that. I hope that one day you can learn to trust your judgment about people, take a chance on them. Just know they may still disappoint you. Remember when we talked about making mistakes.”
Annoyance welled in him. She spoke as if he was the one with all the issues. He wasn’t the only one in the car who needed to examine their life. “You might want to spend a little time on yourself, as well.”
She straightened until her back pressed against the door. “What exactly does that mean?”
“It means that you’ve spent so much of your life being rejected that you think everyone is going to. You’re harder on yourself than anyone is on you. Your house has to be perfect. You fear everyone is judging you and you’ll be found lacking. That makes it impossible to measure up to your expectations.”
“That’s not true.”
He gave her a direct look. “Are you sure about that?”
“Now you’re not being fair.”
“How’s that? By telling you a few home truths? You might just miss that one person who’ll never leave you because you won’t give him a chance to prove it.”
She glared at him then said, “I think on that note I should say good-night. I’ll pack your stuff. You can pick it up or I’ll stop by your office and leave it with your receptionist.”
“Dana,” he stepped out of the car as she ran up the porch steps. He went no farther. Maybe it was best this way. A clean cut. Those always healed faster.
* * *
On the plane to a fire Dana closed her eyes and thought back to the discussion she and Leo had had the day before when he’d called her into his office.
Shut the door and have a seat.
She did as he asked and pulled a chair up in front of his desk. Leo had already sat in his chair.
He crossed his arms on the desk and fixed her with an unwavering look. I’m the closest thing you have to a father now and I want to know what’s eating you.
Haven’t I been doing my job? She didn’t want to talk about Travis.
You know you have. The others have nothing but great things to say about your leadership. But something’s not right with you. You haven’t been the same for the last month or so. I know you don’t share much about your private life but does it have something to do with Dr. Russell?
She pushed to the edge of the seat. Why would you think that?
Because for a few weeks after you came back after that trip you walked around with a smile on your face and then one day it was gone. Now you look like you have lost your best friend. You want to talk about it?
Not really. If she did she might break down and sob. She couldn’t have that.
I can’t make you. I can tell you that I’m here if you need me.
She stood. I appreciate that.
Dana had made it to the door when Leo stopped her. Just so you know, I did a little checking on Dr. Russell before and after your trip. He’s one of the good ones. Someone you can trust. Keeps his word.
I know.
She did. Travis had proved that more than once. When he’d helped put out fires, seen to Mr. Gunter and Ted, not taken advantage of her in the cave and saved her life in the stream. The list could go on.
Had Travis been right? Had she broken it off with him because she feared he’d one day leave her and move on? Yet he hadn’t acted like he was interested in leaving her. Had he changed his mind about what he wanted? What if they could’ve had something real together and she hadn’t given it a chance out of fear?
Travis had shown himself to be steadfast and dependable. Even years ago he had been true to his beliefs. Wasn’t that someone she was looking for in her life? She’d had that and thrown it away. Travis deserved better. Had earned her trust. A chance to prove himself. She wanted to give him that opportunity. When she got back from this jump she would call him. Ask him for another chance.
“Five minutes,” the spotter called.
* * *
She’d trained for these moments. The cutting pain in her throat and nose. The burning in her eyes from the boiling smoke. Soot flying around her, into her mouth and nose despite the material covering them. The gasping for breath. The push to stop the express train of panic coming at her. Can’t breathe. She was going to die if she didn’t get some help.
She reached for her radio, pushed the button but the words wouldn’t come out of her smoke-filled throat. Waving her arms, she tried to get the attention of one of her crew. He didn’t look her direction. She stepped toward him. Stars swam in her eyes. If she went down it would be over. They were in the middle of the forest. Sh
e needed to take a breath. And another.
Dana forced herself to keep moving until she could grab the sleeve of the crew member. Her fingers slowly let go as she dropped to the charred ground.
She’d never see Travis again. Never feel his touch. Never kiss his lips. Never be able to tell him she wanted him, how much she loved him. Never...
* * *
Over the last month Travis had learned he’d been wrong. Terribly wrong. Some clean wounds were difficult to heal. He’d adjusted to his divorce with less pain than he’d experienced with trying to get over Dana. She’d permeated his life.
Even when he took care of patients, thoughts of how they had worked together to see to Mr. Gunter and Ted popped in his mind. The worst was when he watched the news or heard on the radio about a fire burning in the national park. The first thing he wanted to do was call Dana and see if she was all right. It required a great deal of effort for him not to.
During one of his weekly calls to check in with his mother she asked, “Travis, what’s going on?”
“What do you mean? I just told you about my week.” He ran his fingers through his hair.
“I mean you haven’t sounded like yourself the last few weeks. What has happened?”
Did he dare let that floodgate open? “You remember that year between college and med school?”
“Yes. You always seemed so happy when you called.”
“I did?”
She chuckled. “You did. I figured there might be a young woman involved.”
“There was. I saw her again a few weeks ago.” He went on to tell her most of what had happened between him and Dana.
“What’re you going to do?” How like his mother to cut to the heart of things. She and Dana shared that quality.
“I don’t know. I afraid she’ll want something I can’t offer.” Why must this be so hard?
“Like what? Love and companionship. Support and caring. The things we all want.”
“But I messed up before, thought I had the perfect one, the perfect life planned out.”
“Maybe that’s the problem. No one’s perfect. Life, love is about taking chances. Can be messy. This Dana sounds like she challenges you, can be a partner not a trophy. She’s her own person who isn’t dependent on you to make her way.” His mother lapsed into silence. “By the way, I never thought Brittney was the right person for you.”
“Why didn’t you say so?”
“Would it have made a difference?” she asked quietly.
It wouldn’t have. Back then he thought he knew what he needed.
His mother had given him much to think about. Over the next few days he rolled all she’d said over in his mind, and what Dana had said, as well. The way she saw him. In the beginning he denied it, but the more days that went by the more he thought Dana was right. He’d let Brittney, his lost dreams and his divorce color his life. His ex-wife was gone and done with, yet she still had control over him. That realization made him the sickest.
He needed to talk to Dana. Tell her how he felt. Beg her to open that big heart of hers and let him in. There his heart would be valued and protected. Let her know he trusted her like no other person in his life. She’d have his back and he would have hers. They’d learn to deal with their future and leave the past where it belonged, behind them.
The next day he was seeing a patient when his cell phone buzzed. He ignored it. When it immediately rang again he looked at his patient and said, “Excuse me a minute.” He stepped out in the hall.
The number calling he didn’t recognize, but he answered anyway.
“Dr. Russell.”
“It’s Leo Thomas with the Redmond Smokejumpers. I thought you’d want to know. Dana is being airlifted in to Redmond Hospital.”
Travis leaned back against the wall, fearing his heart might stop. “I’m on my way.”
Doris stood at the other end of the hall watching him. As he ended the call she met him. He explained what had happened and that he’d be leaving after he finished with this patient, with no plans to return.
The helicopter carrying Dana hadn’t arrived by the time he’d gotten to the hospital. For the few minutes he spent in the ER waiting, he walked back and forth in front of the doors he’d been told she’d come through. Leo arrived soon after Travis did. He looked as tight-lipped and worried as Travis felt.
The second Dana rolled through the doors, Travis was beside her stretcher. She was unconscious. An oxygen mask covered her nose and mouth. He followed her into an examination room. Fortunately, he had made friends with the ER attending, otherwise he would’ve been sitting in the waiting room.
Travis made sure to stay out of the way so he wouldn’t be asked to leave. In the state he was in there was no way he would’ve been rational enough to handle Dana’s care. By the time they moved her up to a room, he was almost beyond reasoning with.
Leo pulled him aside and told him to get a grip, that it wasn’t good for him and it wouldn’t be for Dana either. Travis handled traumas numerous times as a doctor and held his emotions with no trouble, but this time it was Dana. He stepped out into the hall and composed himself, determined to remain cool in front of Dana when she woke, and she had to wake.
He loved her. That’s what she’d been wanting to hear from him. He’d been too afraid to admit it to himself or her. If he didn’t take the chance on telling her, he’d walk around half alive for the rest of his life. What he knew now was that he’d take all of her he could have for as long as he could have it. He wouldn’t let his past rule his life any longer. He wanted to live large and that meant having Dana beside him. As soon as he could, he’d tell her.
Twelve hours later the greatest of his fears washed away when he saw Dana’s eyes flutter, then open. She would live. Still there was a chance her lungs might be permanently damaged. Doctors wouldn’t know if there was any major damage for a few more months. He’d be there for her if that was the case. If not, he’d live with her continuing to jump. They would make their life together work. What he’d never do was ask her to give up her job, just as she’d never ask him to give up medicine.
The second time she opened her eyes, Dana looked more like herself. Her eyes were brighter and more aware. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze. “I’m right here, sweetheart.”
Her hand tightened on his briefly before her eyes closed.
Dana woke again in the early hours of the morning. The lights were low. She needed less oxygen now but he knew her throat had to feel like it had a raging fire in it. It’d be a while before she could talk; even then her voice might be hoarse.
A nurse brought in a small dry-erase board, telling him Dana shouldn’t speak. She could use the board to write what she wanted to say. He had to promise he’d see that Dana used it.
Somewhere close to daylight he stepped out of the room to get a cup of coffee. Returning, he found Dana awake and watching him. He smiled. “Hello, sweetheart.”
Her mouth made a movement like a smile but the mask made it hard to tell.
He hoped he was reading her expression correctly.
* * *
Dana took a deep breath. Air flowed easier now. But it hurt like the devil to breathe. If she stopped maybe the pain would too. The whoosh of air filled her ears as she exhaled. Something cupped her nose and mouth. She reached for her neck but her hands wouldn’t move.
“Sweetheart, don’t struggle,” someone said near her ear. “Easy.”
She knew that voice. The calm, caressing one. Travis.
He continued to talk to her. His voice flowed over her. “You’re gonna be just fine. Take deep breaths. In, out, in, out. Slowly. I’m right here. I’m not leaving.”
His fingers brushed her forehead. She recognized his touch. The one she’d missed so much.
“In and out. In and out.”
She coughed leaning forward, pain assaulti
ng her chest.
“Easy, sweetheart.” Caution and fear filled Travis’s voice.
She listened to his gentle voice in her ear and returned to sleep.
The next time she woke, her eyes flashed open to bright light. Where was she? She looked wildly around. The voice. She wanted Travis’s voice. Where was it?
“Hey, sweetheart.”
Dana instantly calmed. It still hurt to breathe. Her gaze met Travis’s cool refreshing blue one.
“Don’t try to talk.” He stood beside her and smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes. Instead anxiety filled them. His look moved over her as if he was studying her from a doctor’s point of view. “I know your throat hurts. I need you to breathe deeply but slow and easy. It won’t be long before you’ll be able to talk so save it for right now. Okay? Please for me.”
She considered him a moment. The lines were deeper around his eyes than they had been. His hair looked as if he’d run his hands through it more than once. Even his clothes looked slept in.
Dana would do anything for him. She nodded.
He kissed her forehead. “Just keep breathing for me, okay. In and out. In and out.”
Slowly she returned to the blissful world of sleep. And dreams of him.
She woke to low lights the next time. She looked down to see a dark haired head resting on the side of the bed. Travis held her hand as if she were a lifeline. He softly snored. She tried to speak but no sound came out. A fresh puff of air in her lungs was welcome but it didn’t decrease the pain.
As she flexed her hand slightly Travis’s head jerked up. His gaze immediately meeting hers. She reached for the mask but he stopped her. He held her hand, kissing the palm.
“Sweetheart, you still can’t remove the mask. You need the oxygen. I need you to stay calm and breathe deeply. You’ve a case of smoke inhalation.” He hung his head and shook it as if what he had to say was unbearable. “I... I...uh...almost lost you.”
Reunited with Her Daredevil Doc Page 16