What the hell time was it? I went to my home screen to find it was nearly noon. Shit, I had slept in and that was both bad for business and bad for what little there was left of my personal life and dignity.
I plunged into the voice mails next, listening to the poor guy slowly begin to freak out as the night wore on. Ugh, I was going to kill Brennan. However, this was something to go on. I had no idea Mark really cared that much about me.
“Well,” I whispered to myself at a volume that was tolerable. “No time like the present.”
I returned the last call he had made and waited for him to pick up.
Chapter 15
Nixon
My phone rang beside me, pulling me out of my computer stupor. Well, well. It’s about time little one.
“Where in the hell are you?”
“Hello to you too, Mr. Rivers.”
“God, you sound like Hell. Where have you been all night?”
“Why?”
Wouldn’t we all like to know. Why was I so wrapped up in this woman? I had almost started a missing person’s report on her this morning. I scrubbed a frustrated hand down my face and took a deep breath in.
“Let’s start this again.”
“Okay.”
“Are you agreeing with me? Something’s happened. Where are you?”
“Castlegregory.”
“And that is where, exactly?”
“Ireland.”
“Jesus.”
“He’s not here. It’s just me, Keeva.”
I barked out a laugh against my better judgement. “What am I going to do with you?”
I heard her moan loud enough to be heard over the phone and I needed to adjust myself before Hawk started asking questions. I lowered my voice to fool myself into believing I was experiencing a modicum of privacy. “Keeva, last time. Where are you?”
“My brother’s house. Castlegregory. I already told you that.”
“You didn’t, but okay. Why didn’t you return my calls or texts?”
“Bren stole my phone, the jackass. Yeah, that’s right. I know you’re listening and you’re a huge jackass.”
“Either you’re slowly going crazy or your brother is beside you.”
“He’s not beside me, but I bet you all the tea in China he’s lurking outside my door, desperately trying to hear our conversation. And...” she paused dramatically, “...if I opened the door, he’d shove one of the kids in front of him and try to pretend they were just about to open the door. He thinks...” another pause, “...that I’m idiotic.”
“No I don’t.” I could hear his reply in the distance, confirming Keeva knew her brother well. I would definitely have to avoid him when this whole house of cards fell down.
“Are you ever going to tell me what you’ve been doing all night?”
“Drinking.”
“I gathered that. Alone?”
“Why do you care? What is this thing between us?
Yup, there it was. Why did I care? How did I let things get to this point?
“When you figure it out Mark, let me know. For now, I think it’s best we go back to a working relationship. So, yeah, that’s what I think, so, I guess this is goodbye since our work is officially over. This is what I need to do to protect myself.”
The line went dead and I just sat there, completely blindsided by what had just happened. How did I go from being insanely worried about her, to having her break up with me the next minute? Were we even in a relationship that could break up?
“Fuck!” I picked up the glass of water on my desk and hurled it at the wall.
The door opened and Hawk came racing back in. “What the hell, Nix? What’s going on?”
“I think Keeva just broke up with me.” Hawk threw his back and started laughing. “Glad you think it’s funny.”
He hollered for Brooke to come with a broom and just sat down in front of my desk and waited for her to clean the mess up and for me to start talking. We’d been here plenty of times before, each of us taking their turn in the messed up relationship department.
“Nixon!” Brooke crouched down and picked up the glass, my favorite crystal highball, I was going to miss that one, and without a word turned and left. She also knew the drill. Pissed off agent needing space.
“Did you even have a relationship with her?”
“I don’t fucking know.”
“Of course you don’t. So, she did the leaving before you could. How does that feel? You must be relieved.”
He was deliberately pushing me to where he thought I needed to go, but I wasn’t giving in so easily. I chose to stay silent, which usually drove him nuts.
“I hope it was amicable. You didn’t blow our cover, did you? We still need to gain access to the hard drive.”
“Are you done?”
“Nearly.” He got up and went to the wet bar in my fake office and poured a glass of water for himself. “Okay, let’s assess how much more we need before we can get out of here.”
I looked up at him, tilted my head. “We’re not ready to leave yet.”
He pushed up off the counter and smirked at me. “Ah, there we go. We’ve got more than enough with the exception of that one piece of data that we can get remotely or by seizing the computer, you know that. You’re not ready to go, that’s the issue.”
“I disagree.”
“Disagree all you want, you know I’m right and you’re too chicken to admit it.” He held up his hands. “It’s fine. I’m not going to argue this point with you. She means more to you than you’re willing to let on and you’re scared shitless and you need some more time to get your next move sorted out. I get it.”
He had made it all the way across the room and was now standing directly in front of my desk. Leaning down and getting his fancy face right in mine, he played his ace. “Are we repeating Lauren again?”
I stared him square in the eyes and leaned in real close. “Low blow, buddy.”
Lauren. Lauren was the first woman I fell for, hard. Except, like Keeva, she was off limits. She was a target, and I fucked up in all the classic ways a green agent could. Fell for her, hard, made excuses for her, assumed there was no way she was involved. She played me like a well strung guitar and the last time I saw her, it was after I had been put on probation for my royal screw up. She had gotten away then was apprehended by another team and Hawk and I were the laughing stock of the department. And here I was again, but the difference was, we had definitively cleared her. Both of us and our senior staff had signed off on Keeva being an innocent. This operation was nearly complete. Robert was cooperating and we were moving on to the bigger fish. But still, I was moving slower than molasses when it came to her. Hawk was right. I was terrified of making the same mistakes and really, what were my options? Stay for a week in between assignments, or take a vacation for a few extra weeks? How was that any way to begin a relationship? I threw my glasses on the desk and hung my head in my hands.
“Just reminding you of all of your own issues. You yourself said you couldn’t do a relationship anyway. So, go, have fun. Enjoy life for once and then move on. You haven’t done anything with anyone since Lauren and Nix, that was three fucking years ago. Monkhood does not look good on you, brother.”
I straightened up and made a snap decision. “So wrap this shit up without me. I’ll send in the paperwork, we’ll close the office, Brooke will make NR disappear and I can move on. You’re right. My right hand is a shitty girlfriend. I’d better get going if I’m going to catch her.”
I took off out the door, leaving a stunned Hawk not entirely sure what had just happened. “Catch her? Nix, where’re you going? Don’t tell her the truth, man. The truth will only freak her out and solidify your application for the priesthood. The truth is never the way to go.”
“The truth is all I have left Hawk.” I slapped a hand on his shoulder and took off out the door. I had someone to see and even though she’d only been in my life legit for a couple of weeks, it appeared she
wasn’t someone I could let go as easily as I had fooled myself into thinking. It also seemed that I was about to blow my cover in order to save a relationship. Was it any wonder that the agency saw me as a liability?
Chapter 16
Keeva
“No, you can’t have your baby back, Sam. Go find someone else’s baby to snuggle.” I tucked Max in tighter, loving the feeling of his warmth against my body. Tapping his diaper covered butt, like so many women did for no apparent reason, I let my mind wander to what it would be like to have a baby of my own. Of course, it would mean I would have to be having sex and that definitely wasn’t happening any time soon.
My heart tugged in the opposite direction thinking about Mark and breaking up with him over the phone. Well, breaking up would indicate we were in a relationship. I guess, deciding to end our companionship was closer to the truth. That wasn’t the best break up I’d ever delivered, but it also wasn’t the worst. That one time over text was kind of awful.
Fingers were snapping in front of my face and I tuned in to hear Sam asking me if I was okay for the hundredth time that day. I’d spent the better part of the day wallowing in self-pity at my unfortunate continued status as a single female until my sister-in-law came in, performed the reverse of what she had done the night before and shoved me naked and screaming at her into the shower.
It had done the trick. I had felt marginally better afterwards, but still moped even when Claire and Fiona tried to play tickle monster with me. Then she shoved Max in my arms after she nursed him and I was instantly fine. I rocked him to sleep, we all piled in the Rover and took off into town to the pub.
Which is where I was now, rocking the little angel and refusing to give him back to his mother. Claire and Fiona were playing upstairs with their cousin and we were enjoying a few moments of quiet while I decided what to do with my life. Funny how your life choices change when rocking a tiny baby in your arms, looking out the window at the raging ocean, surrounded by your family and the pub your mother was raised in.
“Keeva, give.” She reached across with her arms outstretched, trying to take him back.
“Never.” I snuggled him a little closer and nuzzled him with my nose.
“Seriously, you need to hand my baby over.”
“Sam! Come on, you know I need this.”
“Give her the baby Ms., Murphy.”
Oh dear God. That voice. I closed my eyes, refusing to turn around. I opened them to see Sam smiling with that goofy faraway loved-up look on her face. What in the hell was he doing here? I mean really, didn’t he understand the definition of breaking up? Maybe he wasn’t really all that smart. Maybe his team were the smart ones and made him look intelligent? Maybe he wore those glasses to trick unsuspecting women.
I needed to end the internal monologue and figure out how to proceed. If the look on Sam’s face was anything to go by, I wasn’t getting any help from her. Traitor.
I got up from the table and turned to meet the man that continued to turn my insides to mush. I kept holding Max. I needed a shield and nothing made a man run in the other direction faster than a woman holding a baby.
“Mark.” My voice struggled to be heard. I was shocked and had no idea what to do, what to say or why he was even here.
“Keeva. Can we go somewhere to talk?”
“Why?”
“Well, as much as I’d like the chance to meet your family, I’d like to talk to you in private for a minute, if that’s okay?”
I felt Sam come up against my back and knew she wouldn’t be far away if I needed her. I turned, handed off Max and nervously turned back to face him.
“I wasn’t expecting to see anyone from Galway today. Sorry, I’m not exactly looking my best.” I tried to tame the wild bangs to no avail and awkwardly tugged on the edge of my shirt while he just stood there giving me the sexiest half smile. He was dressed in his uniform of slouchy grey V-neck T-shirt, paired with straight leg black jeans and ultra-cool black Blunnies. And those glasses. I think I’ve mentioned the things those glasses do to me, even if they were a front for something else.
He reached out and stilled my hand in his, sneakily twining our fingers and took charge of my neurosis by leading me to one of the empty booths. He gently steered me into one side, while sliding in across from me.
“Hi,” he said. He looked nervous, folding and unfolding his hands, looking out at the view and back to me.
“Hi.” Dear Lord, it was like we were in middle school again. “Mark?”
“Yes?”
“Why are you here?”
He looked around and must not have liked what he saw. “Is there somewhere more private we can go to talk? I’ve got a lot of stuff to talk to you about and it’s...” he rubbed the back of his neck, looking extremely uncomfortable. “It’s kind of serious and sensitive and your family and possibly some strangers seem to be doing their very best to look busy, but failing pretty spectacularly at it.”
“Well, undercover agent was never going to be the family business, that’s for sure.”
His eyes dilated and he visibly moved back to sit up straight. He apparently meant business.
“Okay, fine. We can go across the road to the park. Would that work? It’s got an ocean view. And it’s not raining, which is saying something.”
He let out a breath and relaxed, leaning back in towards me. Something was really bothering him. “Sure, outside works.”
We shifted out of the booth and he lead me past the prying unapologetic eyes of my friends and family, with his warm hand on the small of my back, offering me support while making sure I knew he was right there beside me. I hadn’t had that feeling before, and even though I knew we were headed for a disaster, his hand was comforting nonetheless.
We crossed the narrow single-lane road to walk over to the little grassy park across from the pub. I’d played here many times, trying so hard to push my brothers into the rocky edge of the ocean.
We sat on one of the benches my brother had installed last year, staring out at the restless bay. The open ocean knocked on its door a few miles out, where I’d always thought the answers to life could be found.
He turned to face me as I leaned back against the arm of the bench.
“So, that phone call. Why did you do it, Keeva?”
“Mark, there really isn’t an us to do it to, is there? I mean, I really like you, but my gut is telling me to run and so many times I’ve wished that I’d paid attention to that instinct. This time, the writing is really easy to read on the wall. Your contract is over, your boss is pulling you out, you’re not living here in Ireland and I am. It’s simple. I’m not opening myself up to heartbreak intentionally. And, well, you lied to me.”
“Lied to you.”
“Yes, you did, or have you forgotten the whole plane ride thing?”
“No, I haven’t forgotten. I can’t forget it. That was the day I met you and I was feeling so much that I couldn’t formulate the right thoughts and words. Then when I finally figured out who you were, it was too late. And yes, I’m completely at fault for not telling you exactly who I was, but I didn’t lie.”
I raised an eyebrow and contemplated his words. I supposed, if I thought hard on it, he didn’t lie. He also didn’t tell me the truth. “You didn’t tell me when you figured out who I was.”
“That’s true.”
“You also never talk about yourself or commit to anything past the next day when we’re together.”
“That is also true. What would you like to know?”
I threw my hands up. “I don’t know. I’d like for everything about us to be something we gradually learn about each other. I don’t want to speed date you, I want to slowly enter into a relationship with you, and I know you aren’t offering that, so I have to say goodbye.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Sam and Brennan pretending not to be looking at us from the picture windows of the pub. This really was the worst place for this to be going down. An Irish pub was
the least private place on earth.
“I want that with you.” His hands were creeping closer to mine and I could feel the pull his energy had on me. “Would you like to know why I’m not sure that’s possible? Maybe then we can figure out a solution together, instead of one of us making decisions unilaterally.”
“I’m sorry. And yes, let me hear it.”
“Well, you’re right about one thing.” He ran his hand through his hair and looked away from me for a minute. “I’ve been telling you a lie. Well, a lot of lies.” He turned back to face me. “Keeva, my name’s not Mark. It’s actually Nixon. I’m a CIA agent and I was investigating you and Robert. Mainly Robert.” He turned back to stare out at the water.
Well, that wasn’t what I was expecting. “A CIA agent. Huh. I haven’t heard that one before.”
He reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet, leafing through until he found what he was looking for. And there it was, his ID and badge. Nixon Roger Rivers. Department of Cyber Security.
“Jesus Christ. You’re serious.” I had been trying to quickly connect the dots and suddenly I got it and the delayed anger kicked in. “And you’re investigating me? What the fuck, Mar—, I mean Nixon?”
“Keeva, look.”
“No, you look.” I jumped up and walked to the edge of the wall surrounding the water. Turning to face him, I crossed my arms and tried to stop seeing red. “You’ve lied to me. Now, multiple times.” He started to talk but I held up a hand. “You’ve had your turn. Now it’s mine.”
Sitting back, I chewed my bottom lip and closed my eyes, hoping my brother wasn’t using his superpower to sense I was freaking out. This was my problem to solve. I had no idea what I was going to do, but I was doing this on my own.
“You’ve lied to me, and now I understand it was for a purpose. But Nixon, how am I supposed to trust you? How can anything be between us? Nothing that’s happened has been real.”
His elbows on his knees, he hung his head for a minute and looked up at me. I could see it there, looking at me. I could see this was hard for him and that what he was telling me was real, but still. How could I trust him?
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