This would be a good thing, actually. I could finish up some work on the computer real quick while they were gone. I grabbed my laptop as Ally and Lucas found a local toy store and headed out, Lucas promising to keep a close eye on her.
Of course, there was a toy store still open. In Rehoboth that kind of thing would’ve closed by dinner time. We were a small enough town that most places were still on the small, Mom-and-Pop side, and the town took a lot of pride in its historical legacy and original buildings, so places would close early not just out of convenience but to preserve the whole ‘small town’ feeling for anyone visiting. It was fine enough if you were used to the rhythm of it, but being in NYC, where there were a dozen options for whatever it was you wanted and they were all open early and late into the night.
I settled down onto the couch, feeling warm all over, feeling comfortable, feeling home. Dinner with my daughter and my brother and… and Parker… it had been so domestic and comfortable in a way that I hadn’t even realized I wanted so badly.
Don’t let yourself want things you can’t have, I told myself sternly, refusing to let myself daydream about other possibilities.
Opening my laptop, I focused on work, and made sure not to think about anything else, anything that I couldn’t have.
13
Parker
I had enjoyed that dinner more than I’d enjoyed anything in… I tried to think back. Wow, a while. I couldn’t recall the last time I’d felt at home like that. Traveling everywhere had been great and I’d savored every bit of it, but I hadn’t felt like any of it was home. Going to new places was one kind of good. Being at home with the people that you loved was another kind. And I’d had plenty of the former, but none of the latter—not for five years.
Ash was probably laughing his ass off and didn’t know why.
This was the feeling of family that I’d so desperately craved, the one that I hadn’t had since I’d moved out of Rehoboth and had lost my mom. Fuck. Now that I had it, I didn’t want to let it go, no matter how much part of my brain was screaming danger, danger, danger at me.
I tried reading, now that Alley Cat and Lucas had gone out of the house to run to the store, and Emma was working. But I couldn’t concentrate. I wanted to spend more time with Emma. She was softening now, being warm and friendly with me, and that craving was back—the craving to get her attention, to be around her.
Ugh. I felt like I was a fucking teenager all over again, unable to control myself.
Clearly just sitting and trying to focus on something wasn’t going to work. Instead I got up. I could look through the boxes to try and find the games that Lucas had been unable to locate. They had to be around here somewhere.
The first few boxes didn’t yield anything. Hmm. It had to be around here somewhere… unless.
What if the boxes had gotten mislabeled? It was completely possible. In the flurry of packing, and trying to keep track of everything, Emma or Van (or definitely Lucas) could’ve easily mislabeled something while trying to pack it all.
I grabbed a pair of scissors to open up all the other boxes and double-check, make sure that the games weren’t somehow in Pajamas or Kitchen Supplies #3.
Wow, Lucas hadn’t been kidding about the amount of clothes that Emma had. Not that it mattered, there was plenty of space in the closets. Most of this stuff seemed to be a lot nicer than what I remember her wearing while we were together. It’s all very professional, chic clothing. She must’ve gotten it for her new job. Good for her, then. She deserved to look professional and feel fashionable.
No games here, or here, or here… damn, they really did seem to be missing. Had Lucas forgotten a box, maybe? That wasn’t like him, though—Lucas was usually pretty thorough.
I opened another box and quickly rifled through it to see if the games were in here. Nope, just more clothes—
“What exactly do you think you’re doing?” Emma asked, sounding outraged.
I looked up at her in surprise. “I’m trying to find the board games.”
“In my underwear box?” Emma snapped.
I looked down. Ah. I hadn’t really paid attention to what the clothes in this one were, I was just trying to find the games and was pawing through indiscriminately.
“Sorry about that—” I pulled my hands out and stood up, but Emma kept glaring at me.
“First you appear in your underwear in front of my kid, and now this? Do you have a problem or something?”
“I wasn’t aware that was what I was looking through, I was about to move on to another box.” I folded my arms. “You’re being ridiculous and unreasonable, Em, and those were two things you never used to be.”
“Well you haven’t exactly been around,” Emma replied. “How are you able to say that you still know me? I’ve changed.”
“Yeah, and not for the better.”
Emma bristled. “I’m just trying to deal with someone who’s behaving entirely inappropriately—”
A suspicion was starting to form in my mind. I wasn’t sure if I was right or not—and it was true that I hadn’t seen her in five years, but I still knew her. I knew Emma. The core of who she was couldn’t have changed so completely in such a time. I knew that for certain.
“You know what I think?” I told her. “I think that this is bullshit.”
Emma spluttered, and I pressed my advantage.
“I was a grown man sleeping in my own apartment, so I was wearing boxers. Nothing wrong with that. I think you’d agree with me. There was a misunderstanding and we cleared it up. Ally’s forgotten all about it and she wasn’t disturbed or scared at the time. And now I’m trying to help you out and find the board games, and I thought maybe the box they were in got mislabeled, so I’m looking through all of them, and you walked in right as I was rifling through a box of your underwear. Bad coincidence, easily cleared up.”
“Neither of these is really a big deal, is it Emma? Neither of these is really something to get so angry over. And you were never an irrational person. You never got angry for no reason.” I dared to take a step towards her. Emma’s eyes got wide. “And now, Lucas is here, and he forgives me pretty damn quickly for leaving, so—it can’t be that, right?
“If Lucas, who was my best friend for a lot longer than you were my girlfriend—no offense—can forgive me so easily for leaving, then it can’t be that. That can’t be why you’re angry. And so irrationally angry too, over little things. You were never shy about speaking your mind at us, Em. But you haven’t brought up my leaving. Not really. You’re getting angry over little things. So you know what I think?”
“What?” Emma asked. Her breath seemed to be coming in quicker. I took another step towards her, and I could see her pupils dilating, her eyes getting even darker.
“I think that you still want me,” I told her. “I think that you’re still attracted to me, and that pisses you off. That’s why you’re nitpicking me and finding sexual things in what I’m doing even though there’s a non-sexual, easy explanation. I think that’s why you’re so angry. It’s not really me, it’s yourself.”
Emma opened her mouth, her eyes flashing, then closed it. “You’re completely off-base.”
“Is that so?” I took another step, letting my voice drop. “So you’re not feeling anything now. You don’t want me at all.”
I flicked my gaze down to her lips and then back up to her eyes. Emma inhaled sharply, her cheeks going pink. I couldn’t help the smirk that slid over my face. I recognized that look in her eyes, the way she was flushing. She had always looked like that right before I’d kissed her, when she’d wanted me to.
“Go ahead,” I told her. “Tell me it’s not true. Tell me that you don’t want me.”
Emma stared at me for a long moment, and I experienced a flicker of doubt. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe she didn’t want me. Maybe I was reading this all wrong and she just thought I was some kind of pervert—
“Fuck you,” Emma snapped, like she was furious at the both of us, and
then she kissed me.
Triumph soared through my veins like a raging fire. I grabbed onto her, tugging her into me, growling into the kiss. She tasted and kissed just as good as I remembered. Fuck. I had known I’d missed her but it wasn’t until I had her in my arms again that it really hit me just how much. It was like a wild ache in my chest that could only be stopped by kissing her more.
Emma made a noise against my mouth and I thought she might pull away, but then she was just kissing me harder, pressing into me with everything she had. I kissed her back with all of the passion in me, pressing her up against the wall of the hallway, my hands sliding down her body, those thick, generous curves that I’d once known so well and wanted to learn again. I wanted to be able to trace them in the dark like I’d used to be able to. I was sure I could learn them again, if I only had a chance.
Fuck, she kissed so well. Just as confident and sassy as she’d always been. Emma’d had no experience when I’d first been with her but she had been confident, no holds barred, passionate. She had given me no quarter, she’d wanted it all. She was the same way now, but with a bite to her, an edge to her, that she hadn’t had before. Was that because of whatever other men she’d been with? Had Ally’s father made her that way? Or was it just her lingering anger at me, at herself for being attracted to me?
It didn’t matter. I was going to go with it. I liked this feistiness in her. I always had. I kissed her back as savagely as I could and Emma met me, our tongues sliding together, sucking, biting, growling into it.
Emma’s hands were all over me, yanking, grabbing onto me, tugging at my clothes. I yanked at hers in return, wanting skin on skin, wanting to get all of that smoothness under my hands, my mouth, against my teeth once again.
It was easy to undo her clothes, to kiss down her neck, all like I used to before. Emma was eager, eager as she’d always been, tugging at my pants to get my buttons undone. I was so damn hard, I was straining against the fabric, my cock jumping into her hand as she dived in and wrapped it around me.
“Fuck.” I groaned into her mouth as Emma stroked me. It was rough, fast, like she wanted to hurry to the main event instead of taking her time, like she was too eager to savor it. Part of me wanted to—wanted to slow it down—but the rest of me was too desperate for her.
I could remember how she’d reacted that first night together when I’d eaten her out. I’d been so determined to make it good for her, to make it memorable, and I’d never forgotten the way she’d moaned and writhed under my tongue.
Dropping down to my knees, I shoved her skirt up out of the way and licked right into her, her underwear shoved down to her ankles. Emma gasped, her hand diving into my hair. I could feel the surprise radiating out of her and I grinned triumphantly against her skin. Ha. Didn’t expect that, did you, Em? I might annoy her in ways I hadn’t before but damn it, I was still the generous lover she’d known.
She was so fucking wet, it was gorgeous. And she tasted the same—it was one of those sense memories that you weren’t even aware that you’d held onto until you experienced it again, and you were plunged in just like it was yesterday again.
I wasn’t able to take as much time with her as I wanted. I was impatient, and so was Emma, tugging on my hair in a way that said get back up here rather than just an expression of pleasure. I twirled my tongue inside of her, curling it, licking, sucking on her clit as Emma moaned above me. Fuck, she sounded just as intoxicating as before. Her thighs squeezed around me rhythmically as she rolled her hips into my mouth, and I thought, wildly, that I could die just like this and I’d be content.
At last I pulled up, not taking her all the way to orgasm, and Emma grabbed at me impatiently, spreading her glorious legs for me. I grabbed onto her generous hips and lined myself up, sliding in.
God fucking damn. She was so fucking tight. Had she been with anyone in a while? With a daughter and the father clearly out of the picture, judging from the lack of a ring, I was guessing not. I didn’t have firsthand experience, exactly, but I did know that having a kid put a real damper on your love life prospects.
Well. Everyone else’s loss, and my gain. Emma moaned shamelessly as I rolled my hips, sheathing myself further inside of her. Fuck fuck fuck. It had been ages since I’d slept with anyone… over a year, at least. I hadn’t really felt the urge. Nobody had caught my eye. It was one thing to have a fling or two while traveling but I just hadn’t wanted to bother going out and trying to find anybody. Not when I’d still been hung up on the very woman I was now buried in to the hilt.
Emma clawed at me, her heels digging into the back of my legs, urging me onward. I thrust into her hard and fast, without a lot of finesse—but how could hold back when someone like Emma was urging them on? She was so goddamn sexy, moaning shamelessly and clenching around my hot, hard cock, rocking her hips down onto each one of my thrusts.
This was everything I had dreamed about at night over the years and told myself I was ridiculous for still wanting. This was everything that I had hoped for even though I’d thought it was too much, that it was stupid of me.
And now that I had it—had Emma again—I wasn’t sure that I’d be able to stop.
14
Emma
Oh my God.
I had no idea how we’d gotten to this point, but I didn’t want it to stop. I couldn’t stop, not if I’d tried. I was too addicted to Parker, just like I’d always been, all of my struggling and anger worth nothing as it all fell away and I kissed him ferociously.
Parker was just as good at sex now as he had been before. No, even better. There was even more confidence to him than there’d been when he was twenty, and I hadn’t thought that was possible. It was like he still remembered all the exact ways to drive me crazy. He couldn’t, though, could he? Would he really have bothered to remember things like that? That would mean that he cared.
I told myself that it didn’t matter to me whether or not he cared. What mattered to me was that he keep kissing me and fucking me like this. It felt so good, it was so good—it had been years since I’d been with Parker, I hadn’t been with anyone since, and my body was craving him—
No, I told myself sternly. Craving release. Craving sex. Not Parker.
But fuck, nobody had ever come close to attracting me as much as he had. I had never wanted anyone else, not really. And now he was fucking me again like the world was ending and it felt so fucking good I might actually die from this.
I felt so filled, stuffed full, stretched, and it felt so fucking good. I was shaking all over, gasping, everything narrowed down to the point where his hot, throbbing cock was thrusting inside of me.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, I was so close, between his tongue against me and now his cock inside me. He still knew exactly how to drive me crazy, dammit, and it was working. I was spilling over the edge, gasping, kissing him for all I was worth, drowning in him.
I could feel Parker spilling inside of me, hot and sexy, the feel of him sliding down between my legs giving me another pulse of orgasm. It felt so unbelievably good. I’d forgotten how much I enjoyed that sensation.
I couldn’t even breathe normally, I could only gasp as I slowly came down from the high, and Parker helped me to get my feet back onto the floor. Oh my God. One second we’d been arguing, then we’d been kissing, and suddenly we’d been having sex.
Really, really good sex, but I couldn’t afford to think about that right now. How could I when this was the opposite of what I should be doing? Where was my resolve? Where was my determination? Fuck, I’d just slept with the man who was not only my roommate, but the man who broke my heart all those years ago, and also the father of my daughter—while my daughter could come back from the toy store any minute!
Parker was smiling at me, and why shouldn’t he, he’d gotten what he wanted, after all. I pushed him away. “We have to clean up, before Ally and Lucas get back.”
He’d kissed me and I’d melted, just like I was eighteen all over again. What was wrong with me? Did I
have no more self-control than that?
“Right, of course.” Parker nodded, readily accepting it, but he didn’t seem horrified or even concerned.
“What is wrong with you?” I demanded. “How can you just—accept this? We could’ve—they could walk in on us at any moment!”
I gathered myself together. “I’m going to take a shower. And that is not happening again, so wipe that smug look out of your eyes.”
Parker put his hands up as if in a gesture of surrender and stepped back, letting me storm into my bedroom so that I could hop into the shower. The last thing I wanted was for my daughter to come home and have me smelling of sex. She might not know what it meant but I would be humiliated—and Lucas would definitely know.
Oh, God. If Lucas thought that I was just rooming with Parker so that I could have sex with him—I’d never hear the end of it. Lucas seemed to have forgiven Parker easily (too damn easily if you asked me) but he’d tease me endlessly if he thought I still had feelings for the man.
Which I didn’t. I definitely did not. I just hadn’t had sex in almost five years and the last person I’d had sex was with Parker. It was just… residual, that was all. A need for release. I’d gotten that, and now we could hopefully find a way for things to go back to normal.
Ugh.
I took a shower, scrubbing quickly, and put on a pair of fluffy pajamas. They were long, pink flannel, and I thought I looked rather cute in them, but I wasn’t wearing them right now to be cute. I was wearing them because they covered me pretty much from head to toe. They were cute pajamas but far from sexy, and that was my goal.
When I emerged, I was nearly bowled over by Ally crashing into me at top speed. “We got a new game!” she crowed with triumph, hugging my legs.
I smiled down at her. Everything in my life had been worth her. Not that I never felt frustration, but I’d rather have my pride and joy and be frustrated, than not have her. She was the light of my life.
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