She looked stunning. Literally. I felt stunned.
“You look good,” Lucas said, complimenting his sister. I wasn’t sure if I should say anything or not. She looked more than good. She looked amazing. But, ah, given how she had said we should only be roommates… given that we had slept together twice now in the last few weeks…
I wasn’t sure if any compliment I gave her would be welcome.
“Are you sure that you two should be going out on your own?” Lucas went on.
A stormy look came into Emma’s eyes. “You are not suggesting that we get a chaperone like we’re still in high school.”
“That’s exactly what I’m suggesting. C’mon, Emma, it’s best to be safe. It’s just the two of you, neither of you knows the city, and let’s be honest here, neither of you really knows how to defend herself. Why not have Parker go with you?”
Hoo boy.
The look on Emma’s face could’ve melted a wall of concrete as she glared at Lucas. Honestly… well, I thought Emma was an adult, and she’d always been someone who could take care of herself, so I didn’t see why she couldn’t enjoy a night out with just Van. But on the other hand, I did feel protective towards her. The idea of some asshole taking advantage of her, the idea that she might get lost on her first big night out… what if she had a little too much to drink and someone tried to take advantage of that? What if she was caught in the middle of a bar fight? What if someone put something in her drink?
There were a million and one things that could go wrong when you were out late and dancing in a club, surrounded by drugged up and drunk people, all of them horny and none of them really giving a fuck about your welfare.
If Lucas wanted me to accompany the women for his own peace of mind… I wasn’t sure that I could say no. Not when going would mean I could protect Emma if things went south. Not when it meant I would have an excuse to spend all night staring at her in that dress. I wouldn’t get in the way of her girls night, I wouldn’t intercede. I’d just sit at the bar and hang out while they danced.
Van looked over at Emma. “You can’t be serious. You can’t seriously be considering this, Em, come on. We’re not children!”
“You act like one,” Lucas muttered.
Van’s hand raised, obviously about to flip him off, but then she glanced at Ally and quickly lowered her hand again. “There’s no reason for us to need someone to go with us. Women our age and younger go out and do this all the time.”
“Yeah, and you know how they can end up.” It was kind of a relief to see Lucas’s jaw tick in that particular way it always would when we were teens and he was being stubborn about something. It was reassuring to see that hadn’t changed, even though so much else had. Some things were still the same.
Van looked pleadingly at Emma, who was looking at her brother, her eyes narrowed.
“Lucas isn’t going to budge on this one,” Emma said, her gaze still on Lucas even as she spoke to Van. “Parker, get dressed. Something that won’t embarrass us. And you’re going to keep a distance”
She walked up to Lucas and tapped his arm, very deliberately. “This is the one time I’m going to let you pull this schtick, okay? If I’d gone to college like I’d planned, I would’ve been doing who knows what who knows where with who even knows who. So from now on, if I go out, I go out with who I want to, and that’s it. No chaperone. But just this once, since it’s my first time, I’ll let you make Parker join us. Understand?”
Lucas nodded, his eyes a little wide. Emma’s words weren’t sharp but her tone was like a brick wall. It was clear in an instant who was in charge around here.
I wondered why she was letting Lucas have this, why she was giving in when she clearly didn’t want me to go with her and Van and ruin their girls night… and then I looked over at Ally, who was watching everything with interested eyes.
What had happened with Ally’s father? And then—while Emma was still pregnant, their parents had died. Between those two things, of course Lucas was overprotective. And Emma must’ve understood that. That was why she was letting Lucas do this, why she was giving in just this once—and because she knew that if she gave in this time, she could set up the terms for next time, just like she’d done just now. This once and never again. That was fair.
And it worked out in my favor, because now I would get to join the women—I’d get to watch Emma dancing all night.
I stood up. “I’ll get changed.”
No way was I looking this gift horse in the mouth.
22
Emma
Van was… well. Bitter, was probably the best way to describe it.
“I can’t believe Lucas sent us with a chaperone. What is this, prom!?” Van shot a scathing look across the club over to Parker, who was standing at the bar, nursing a drink.
Parker had given us the names of a few nightclubs to try out. Turned out that his former roommate, the one who had moved to Southeast Asia, had been a been of a party guy. “Not the usual type,” Parker had hastened to add. “He’s really easygoing and relaxed. He just likes people, he’s good with them. Felt like he knew everyone in the city.”
And I had to admit, I was glad that Parker had given us some suggestions. The most annoying thing about going out clubbing was making sure you found a good club. Most people spent their entire time going from crappy club to crappy club, trying to find one that stuck. Or at least, that was what Van had told me. Van wasn’t too familiar with New York City but she’d been out clubbing now and again. I’d never done this before. Who had time, with a daughter? Especially with a daughter and getting a degree.
This club was definitely a good one. I was enjoying myself immensely, dancing wildly along with the music, chaperone or no chaperone.
“He was worried about me,” I told Van, leaning in and raising my voice to be heard over the music. “He’s never had to deal with me going out and partying before. I went straight out of high school into having Ally, remember? He just needs some time adjusting.”
I suspected, although I doubted Lucas would let himself think about it, that part of it had to do with our parents, too. Our parents who were no longer around. They’d be worried for me, so Lucas was trying to be worried in their place. We’d lost Mom and Dad in the span of an instant, as if we’d blinked, or looked away from a toddler for two seconds—the wrong two seconds. I could be generous, just this once, and understand that he just didn’t want to lose me, too.
Van pouted. “I suppose… did he have to be such a killjoy about it though? And Parker? Really?”
“Parker’s not so bad,” I pointed out. “He’s leaving us alone, giving us space.”
He hadn’t said a word to us since we’d entered the club, heading right for the bar and just keeping himself there sipping… some drink or other. I couldn’t tell from here. But he wasn’t bothering us. In fact if I’d wanted to pretend he wasn’t there, I could’ve done it, easily.
Except… I wasn’t sure I wanted to pretend he wasn’t there.
Van rolled her eyes at me. “You just like the attention because he can’t keep his eyes off you.”
It was true. Parker kept looking at me like his gaze was going to bore a whole through my head. Not like he was angry, it was just so… intense. I shivered when I caught his gaze, even with the stifling heat of the club from all the bodies dancing in it.
“Are you going to complain all night?” I demanded. “Or are you going to just forget about it and dance? What happened to having fun?”
Van grinned at me, taking my hands. “You’re right. C’mon, let’s tear this floor up!”
I let her pull me deeper into the dance floor, moving wildly to the beat of the music, letting it thrum up through me like I was a plucked guitar string. Parker’s gaze was still heavy on me, and I found myself trying to dance extra sexily, trying to keep his gaze on me.
It was such a bad idea. I’d been the one to tell him that we were just going to be roommates. I had put that border up. And now here I w
as threatening to tear it down just because of Parker looking at me? As much as I wanted to deny it, to him, to the world, to myself—I was still so drawn to him.
And living with him, my insane desire to sleep with him aside, had been going well. Ally adored him and thank God, the feeling seemed to be mutual. Things might be a bit rocky with Parker and me at times but with Ally he was nothing short of wonderful.
I tried to ignore the nerves that started up in my gut at times when I watched them, the what if that would whisper in the back of my mind like a dangerous temptation, the apple for Eve. It wasn’t a good idea to hope or ask for more. And the closer they got the bigger the possibility that he would ask about Ally’s father, that he would want to be more of a presence in her life, and I didn’t know how to deal with any of that.
But in any case. Things were going well. He was a good roommate. I was enjoying living with him more than I would’ve thought. Maybe… maybe being more than roommates wasn’t such a bad idea?
My body was fully on board with the idea. I could feel the heat of his gaze on me as I swung and rolled my hips, slid my hands over my body, threw my head back. I wanted to feel his hands on me, too…
I didn’t dare look back to meet his gaze. I could sense it already on me, and I wanted to look over at him to confirm it but I—I was also scared of what it would mean if I did.
Was I being a coward? Was I being stupid by continuing to resist Parker, to resist the pull that was so strong and obvious between us? Intellectually I knew that I had to be careful for Ally’s sake, but we’d already slept together twice with only the slightest provocation. Was it really worth it to me to keep resisting something that was obviously so strong for both of us?
I was forcibly pulled out of my reverie as I felt two large hands settle at my waist and a guy grinding up against me from behind. The hell? You couldn’t just do that do someone in a club without their permission.
I turned around, putting my hands on the guy’s chest and shoving him back. He looked like he was fresh out of college, kind of on the beefy side, like he was always hitting the gym and talking about how much he could bench press. Ugh.
“Stop touching me,” I said, yelling to be heard over the music. I glared at him for good measure. The guy put his hands up, shrugged, and I turned back around. Good.
Van was enjoying dancing and I focused back in on her. There were bound to be some handsy people in a club, as annoying as it was. I could handle it.
For a couple of minutes I got lost in the music, Parker’s gaze a light buzz in the back of my mind, almost like a tease—and then the hands were back on me, the guy grinding up against me again.
That motherfucker. Are you kidding me? Bad enough that he’s trying this shit but now he’s trying it again on someone who just told him to stop touching her? I was going to slap him this time and see how well he liked it.
I started turn around, but before I could even complete the movement, I found my hands grabbed. I was pulled forward, into someone else’s chest—and to my embarrassment, I recognized the smell of their cologne before anything else. Parker.
“She said to stay away from her,” Parker snarled at the other guy, baring his teeth like they were fangs.
He had changed for the club, wearing a pair of tight, dark jeans, a button-up white shirt with the top few buttons undone, and a dark blue jacket. It was classy but not too dressed up for a nightclub, and I’d thought at the time that it was a thrill that the blue of his jacket and the blue of my dress just about matched, although I’d never dare to say that out loud. Before, when he’d been leaning against the bar, he’d looked dashing, like the leading man in a film.
Now he looked feral, dangerous, like the elegant but deadly bad boy you didn’t want to piss off.
The guy put his hands up and quickly backed away, nearly tripping over some other dancers in his haste. I couldn’t help a smirk of triumph from sliding across my face. Ha. I could handle the situation myself, but… it was still nice to have someone defending me. And it really did feel great to see that guy running scared.
Parker turned me a little so that I was facing him properly, moving us to the music, his hands at my shoulders, respectful. “You okay?”
“I’m good, thanks. You know I could’ve taken care of that on my own.”
“I know, but sometimes having a guy step in takes care of it faster. Guys don’t like to get told off by women, so it makes them even angrier—sexist, yeah, I know, but that’s how it is—and so getting told off by a guy, y’know, at least they can respect that and they can make up some story about how crazy jacked and dangerous I was later.”
Parker winked at me, a playful smirk teasing up the corners of his mouth, and I found myself grinning right back up at him. “Oh, so there’s nothing in it for you at all? Just watching out for me for my own sake? No other reason?”
I was poking the bear, definitely, but I didn’t care. I liked the idea that Parker was a bit jealous of me. I’d liked it the other night, when he’d been jealous of Nolan. I had liked how protective he was, how ready to defend me from my creepy boss, even as I’d also hated myself for liking it so much. He protected me, he wanted to protect me, and that meant a lot. It made me feel precious and looked after—no matter how I also balked because I wasn’t supposed to be feeling this way, not about Parker. Not about my roommate, about the father of my daughter, about the man who had abandoned me and broken my heart in the process.
Yet, here I was.
“Okay,” Parker admitted, a bit of a glint in his eyes and a growl in his voice, “so I didn’t like that other guy touching you. Sue me for it.”
“Oh, I have no intention of that.” I winked at him. “I just wanted to get you to admit it.”
“Why? You seemed pretty pissed at my being jealous the other day. What changed?”
“I did like it,” I admitted. “You were right, the first time we had sex in the apartment—I liked it. And I was angry that I liked it. I like that you want to protect me.”
The look of satisfaction on Parker’s face was worth the blow to my dignity. I smiled at him daringly, winking, and Parker pulled me in, growling, baring his teeth a little. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re a tease?”
“You used to,” I pointed out. “All the damn time.”
“I did, didn’t I?” His bared teeth turned into a smirk. “Well, it was true then and it’s true now.”
He turned me, his arm a band of iron around my waist for just a moment as he rotated and dipped me, and I clung to him, grabbing a handful of his shirt as my stomach flipped and I found myself momentarily weightless.
“You’re worth far more than those assholes,” he told me, and then before I could even begin to catch my breath he was propelling me up to standing, and I was still clinging to him like he was the only solid thing in the world.
Who would’ve thought that a crazy club like this would be the spot for a romantic setting? And yet, this felt oddly romantic, not just sexual.
Or perhaps that was just my stupid heart and my ridiculous imagination.
“I can leave,” Parker added. “If you’d like. I think that guy’s scared away.”
“I think you scared away every guy in the entire club,” I pointed out. Parker might not have been my boyfriend, but he sure looked like it to everyone else. I could easily imagine how it looked to the rest of the club, this guy putting his hands on me and then Parker striding in from the bar, shoving the guy away and then dancing with me for a solid five minutes, the two of us as close as it was possible for two people to be, our limbs as good as intertwined, like snakes. I doubted that anyone would dare to try and dance with me after this.
Parker looked beyond pleased with himself and I couldn’t quite blame him. He’d done an excellent job, after all. And he’d made it clear that he didn’t like other guys on me so, why shouldn’t he be like a cat with cream?
“But still. I can leave.” He leaned in, his lips just barely grazing the side of my n
eck. “If you want.”
I shivered. God, the things this man did to me. And it felt like have the time he wasn’t even really trying to do them. I was just helpless when it came to him.
“No,” I admitted. “I don’t want you to leave. I want to keep dancing with you.”
It felt partly like I was giving in, like I was crossing the Rubicon. But at the same time… being in the club like this felt like we weren’t really in the world. Like instead we were in a limbo that was separate from the rest of our lives. Here, I could admit that I wanted him.
I didn’t know what that meant for the rest of the world but for now… wasn’t I here to have fun? To relax and forget about my problems at work and to just have fun?
Well, this was what I wanted to do and this was how I wanted to have fun. “Go on then,” I told Parker. “Since you’re here. Show me what you’ve got.”
What he had, it turned out, was quite a lot.
Parker twirled me around, and my stomach fluttered as I realized that at some point in the last few years, Parker had learned how to dance, and really dance. He put his hands on my hips as he pulled me back into him and moved me to the music. I couldn’t dance properly, not for shit, but Parker was sticking to basic moves and it was laughably easy to follow him when he was leading me so easily, so firmly, with the simple touch and press of his hand.
“When did you learn to do this?” I asked him, laughing as he twirled me again.
“While I was traveling.” The only way that we could talk to each other and be heard was for our mouths to be pressed right up against each other’s’ ears, so I could feel his lips against the shell of my ear, his warm breath tickling my neck. It sent a shiver through me. “I went all over, for years.”
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