And if it was the latter, what did it mean for them?
If she were to believe what he had told her, he’d never loved Elena, not in the way he felt she deserved. But he’d also said he could never feel for Sophia what he felt she deserved.
She thought about all he had said to her, about his request that she join him and Lily in Iceland, that she face her fears with him by her side. Surely that had to mean he felt more? Wasn’t that why she’d wanted him to make love to her, why she’d wanted him to be her first, because regardless of what he felt for her, she knew she already felt so much more for him?
Her fingers stilled over his hair, her eyes intent on the sight of him lying beside her.
Felt so much more...she really did...it was too late to stop it, to hit rewind.
And even as she accepted it as fact, she knew she couldn’t tell him, not yet. He wasn’t ready to hear it. He would sooner run the other way than accept that another woman cared for him.
She wasn’t scared of Iceland, the snow, the past. She was scared of the future and the knowledge that what she wanted above all else was a life with him and Lily.
* * *
Jack woke with a start to the smell of bacon cooking and his daughter’s excited giggle.
‘Do it again, Sphea, again!’
‘Shh, you’ll wake your daddy!’ Sophia laughed as she said it, turning to smile down at Lily before lifting her gaze to him and freezing mid-movement, a frying pan outstretched before her. One second, two, and then her eyes softened into his, her smile lifting anew. ‘Too late, he’s up.’
‘Daddy!’ Lily raced across the room and he just had time to lock the blanket around his hips before she launched herself into his arms. ‘Sphea’s flipping pancakes!’
‘She is?’ He grinned at Sophia over his daughter’s shoulder and saw her cheeks flush pink, like they so often did. He felt his heart blooming to life, the extent of what he felt for her hitting him full force. He waited for the panic, the worry...but there was none.
‘I am.’ She swept her forearm over her head to brush away the loose strands that fell around her face and turned back to place the pan on the heat. ‘Can’t have a Sunday morning without pancakes and bacon.’ She glanced at him over her shoulder. ‘Hungry?’
‘Ravenous.’ And he was, for so much more than food and, judging by the way her brows lifted, the way she ran her teeth over her bottom lip, she knew and felt it too.
Lily wriggled in his hold. ‘Are you naked, Daddy? Didn’t Ms Archer pack your pyjamas too?’
The innocent question had a foreign surge of heat spreading over his own cheeks... Oh, dear. ‘I was very hot last night.’
He heard Sophia choke down a laugh and he tickled his daughter, her own laugh masking the telling one from the kitchen. ‘Now, why don’t you finish helping Sophia, while I freshen up and chuck on some clothes?’
‘Okay,’ she said on a ripple of laughter, her hair bouncing as she raced back into the kitchen.
‘There are fresh towels in the bathroom,’ Sophia said to him, her voice softly luring him over. He wanted to go to her, to place his hands on her hips and draw her into a morning kiss, one that was sure to rouse his body far too much and also give Lily the wrong impression.
Wrong impression?
What was the right one? What should he tell Lily about them? It was one thing to be spending this time together now, but how would it look when Sophia came to Iceland with them? How did he want it to look?
He showered quickly, throwing on some fresh clothes and returning to the comforting sounds and smells of the kitchen.
‘You’re just in time, Daddy! Look I’ve made a face...’ She pushed her plate at him. Sure enough, there were two maple syrup blobs and a strip of bacon for a smile.
‘Impressive.’
‘Here’s yours,’ Sophia said, sliding a plate towards him, her skin delightfully pink from cooking, the brush of flour across her cheek teasing him. He reached out and brushed it away with his thumb, catching the way her breath hitched, her lips parted, and had to fight another urge to kiss her.
‘You had a little flour...’
She traced the path of his fingers with her own, his need mirrored back at him. ‘Thank you.’
‘No, thank you.’
‘Do I have any flour, Daddy?’
He lowered his gaze to his daughter and laughed; her timing was impeccable. ‘You’re covered.’
He rubbed both her cheeks with gusto as she wrinkled her nose and made a funny noise.
‘All better,’ he declared, planting a kiss on her forehead and pulling up a stool before reaching for his plate. ‘This looks amazing.’
‘It won’t beat the hotel breakfast,’ Sophia said, ‘but it’ll certainly fill a hole. Coffee?’
‘Please.’
She moved away and poured a freshly brewed pot into two awaiting mugs, returning with them both and offering one to him.
‘Thank you,’ he said, giving her a smile of gratitude that went so much further than breakfast. He had so much to be thankful for. So much that he couldn’t put into words in front of Lily, not yet, but soon. Hopefully, very soon.
First, he needed to reach out to Elena’s mum, to see if there truly was a chance for Lily to know her grandmother and her family.
Second, he needed to get Iceland booked and make his daughter’s birthday one to remember.
And three, he needed to get his head around his feelings for Sophia, because now that he’d glimpsed how complete his life could be with her in it he didn’t want to let it go. He wanted to make this work. He wanted to be worthy of her. He wanted to love her.
Which was lucky since he already did...
He shook his head at his own ramblings, his grin ridiculous, he was sure, but as he forked up a healthy chunk of pancake he realised he was actually too content to care.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
IT HAD BEEN over a week since Sophia had seen Jack and Lily, but it felt like so much longer.
They’d spent every evening together following that night, right up until their departure for Tokyo. Sophia would finish work and head up to the penthouse just in time for bath and bed, and sometimes Sophia would read, other times Jack, but it was always the three of them squeezed into the one bed with Lily and Baby Bear in the middle.
There’d been no more sleepovers though, much to Lily’s disappointment. Work and it being a ‘school night’ were the excuses given but, in reality, Sophia knew they were trying to take things slow, to keep Lily from getting hurt, to hold themselves back too.
Everything was moving too fast, her own feelings for him—for Lily too—growing out of her control and with it came the fear. The fear of pushing him away, of confessing too much and having him run. The fear of the past, of his experience with Elena coming between them regardless of the seemingly comfortable happiness they had found.
Their ‘us’ was just too fragile.
And it wasn’t just the fear of losing him; she would be losing Lily too, and the very idea had her tummy turning over and her feelings for him trapped deep inside, her lips sealed around them. Unless she was kissing him of course... She warmed even now with the thought, the remembered caress of his mouth over hers, the way he could coax her entire body to life with just the sweep of his lips, the stroke of his fingers...
‘We’re here, Ms Lambert.’
She jerked alert, a startled sound erupting from her throat as Jack’s driver spoke into the silence. She met his eyes in the rear-view mirror, grateful he didn’t look as if he’d noticed her teeny outburst or the crimson flush sure to exist in her cheeks now.
‘Thank you.’ She glanced out of the window and frowned. Where’s here?
They weren’t in the airport departures drop-off zone, that was certain; in fact, they were a good distance away from the terminal itself. She was about to query
it when her door shifted open and she looked up to see Jack leaning in.
‘Jack!’ Her heart soared, the air leaving her lungs in a rush as she launched herself up, her arms wrapping around him.
A secret—yeah, right; her feelings were written in every movement she made.
‘Hey,’ he said against her ear, pressing a kiss there. ‘It’s good to see you.’
He breathed her in and then he lifted his head, forcing her back so he could scan her face. ‘I missed you.’
‘I missed you too,’ she murmured, her eyes welling with her heart and she blinked the dampness away. ‘Where are we?’
‘My private hangar.’
‘You’re kidding.’
‘Not at all.’
‘No, of course you’re not.’ What a stupid thing to say—this is Jack!
‘Sphea!’ Lily came running up, wrapping her arms around them both and distracting Sophia from her self-deprecation. She crouched down and scooped her into a hug, the elation running through her obvious to anyone looking on. Her secret truly was no secret at all. ‘I missed you.’
Lily squeezed her tightly. ‘I missed you too.’
‘Are you excited for your birthday trip?’
She nodded emphatically. ‘Daddy has read your brochure with me every night.’
She looked up at Jack. ‘Every night, hey?’
He chuckled. ‘She can probably tell you more about where we’re going than the people who live there.’
Sophia laughed as she stood back up. It was then she saw the plane with its door open, staff and steps at the ready, the engine whirring through the brisk cold air. ‘Is that...yours?’
There you go again with the naïve questions.
‘It is.’ Jack’s grin turned lopsided. ‘You ready to see inside?’
Was she? She felt nervous, out of place, suddenly uneasy. She turned away. ‘I’ll just get my things.’
‘It’s okay.’ He took hold of her arm, bringing her back to him. ‘My team will take care of your luggage.’
He offered out his hand and she tried for a smile, interlacing her fingers through his like she had come to do so often before they had left for Tokyo.
Lily took hold of her other hand and she smiled down at her.
‘We’re going to have so much fun,’ the little girl cooed, her eyes bright and happy.
‘That we are...’ Sophia said softly, her eyes returning to the aircraft as they headed towards it together, the butterflies picking up inside her belly.
She knew she was silly to be surprised by it—the plane, the hangar—but she was. Surprised, awestruck, and deep down utterly unsettled. The opulence was a timely reminder of who Jack was and just how much she didn’t belong in his world.
At least in her home, even in her place of work, she was able to forget all this and see him as Jack—just Jack. Not the billionaire businessman, the successful tycoon, the man in the press. And even though she feared her feelings for him, she had come to accept them. She’d even started to let in hope that he could feel the same, that there could be a future... At least it felt more realistic when they were away from all this.
I missed you...
Even now her lips lifted at his honest declaration from seconds before, one that she had quickly reciprocated and felt to her toes. His words teased her with that future again. But as she looked around her, taking in his private airfield, his staff, his private car that had delivered her, and back to his heaven-knew-how-expensive aeroplane, that acceptance of her feelings, that hope of a future took a hit.
Because this was the stuff of movies. Not real life.
And even Samantha had been cautious when Sophia had opened up to her about how she felt, about this trip and the possibility of there being more. She was her best friend and she actually liked Jack, but still she’d cautioned against getting in too deep, to keep her head out of the clouds and her feet grounded.
She gave a soft laugh as they paused before the steps and Jack eyed her, his own smile cautious. ‘Something funny?’
‘Just something Samantha said. It’s nothing important...’ Nothing important but the exact opposite of what she was about to do as she started to follow Lily up into the plane.
There was no turning back now.
And in truth she didn’t want to.
‘Oh, my, Jack.’ She couldn’t keep the wonder out of her voice as she stepped inside the cabin and took in the plush interior, a mixture of creams and warm wood with inviting sofas, a large TV screen, a dining table, a kitchen one way and a bedroom at the other. It was as impressive as any hotel room and she couldn’t believe where she was.
‘You approve?’ He slipped off his jacket and hooked it over the back of a leather recliner. He looked so at home, so at ease, and of course he would do; this was his domain. But Sophia...she really didn’t know how to feel.
‘It’s incredible,’ she said truthfully.
He smiled. ‘Wait until you taste dinner.’
‘Please tell me it’s pizza, Daddy, and none of that fancy stuff we got last time.’ Lily screwed up her face as she said it and he looked to Sophia with an apologetic grimace.
‘I’m happy with pizza,’ she said quickly, silently pleading, Please let it be pizza. Something normal, to help her feel normal.
‘You are?’
‘Absolutely.’ He hesitated a second longer and then disappeared into the front of the plane as Lily clambered into one of the seats at the dining table and threw her bag on top of it.
‘Come sit next to me, Sphea.’ She patted the seat beside her and started pulling sheets of paper out of her bag. ‘I want to show you my drawings.’
Sophia smiled and did as Lily asked, glancing down at the little sketches she started to spread out over the table.
‘These are of us in Iceland!’ she declared and, sure enough, the pictures were of the three of them doing various different things: sledging, having a snowball fight, building a snowman, lying inside a bubble looking up at the stars...
Sophia’s smile grew, warmth spreading inside her chest and pushing out the unease, the uncertainty. What Lily dreamed of married so closely with what Sophia wanted too.
‘Dinner crisis averted,’ Jack said, rubbing his hands together as he returned to them, his own eyes falling to the pictures and making him pause. She watched his face, watched it flicker with some unguarded emotion and then the shutter fell, his eyes lifting to her. ‘It means a slight delay to take-off, but we’ll still be in Iceland for a decent time this evening.’
‘Lovely.’
He looked back to Lily and gestured to all the sketches. ‘You’ve been busy.’
Sophia could tell by his face he hadn’t seen the pictures before and she had no idea how to gauge his reaction to them now.
‘It helps when I can’t sleep.’
‘So that’s why I keep finding your torch in bed with you?’
Lily gave him an impish grin. ‘I like drawing.’
‘And I like your drawings...’ he slid into the seat beside Sophia, leaning forward to give his daughter a stern look ‘...but you still should have been sleeping.’
She gave a little huff and pulled out her fluffy pink pencil case, ready to create some more.
‘I like them too,’ Sophia said, ducking low to speak to her. ‘Very much.’
And when she straightened again she felt his eyes on her, her own finding his just as swiftly.
‘You do?’ he asked softly.
‘Yes.’ And she knew then that they were both saying the same thing: that they liked it being the three of them, not just on paper but in real life, and hope sparked ever brighter inside.
‘What shall I draw next, Sphea?’
She pulled her eyes from his and looked back to the pictures, her eyes settling on the sledging one, and for the briefest of seconds she
felt the old familiar pang, the chill.
Jack reached out, his hand settling over hers to give it a gentle squeeze. ‘You okay?’
She took a breath and gave him a small smile. She knew he’d picked up on the sudden wave of sadness and as she looked to his creased-up brow, his grey eyes soft with concern, she knew she was more than okay.
‘Yes.’ And with him by her side she would get through this trip and be all the stronger for it. ‘I am.’
He returned her smile but he didn’t release her hand, keeping it there as they both offered up ideas to Lily, who evaluated each and every one in the special way she had until she’d decided on a scene involving hot chocolate and a roaring fire.
They settled back like that, Lily drawing, Jack’s hand on Sophia’s, their chatter innocent enough for Lily’s ears and so easy. They caught up on the past week, on what had happened with work, with Samantha and Noah. They ate pizza and played Snap with Lily. Everything was normal and relaxed. She could almost forget they were on a plane, if not for the occasional turbulence and the persistent hum of the engine.
Lily gave a huge yawn and scooted a little closer to Sophia’s side.
‘Tired, kiddo?’
She nodded and rested her head in Sophia’s lap. She didn’t ask, she didn’t seek permission, she just did it and the move was so telling and touching.
‘It’s the middle of the night back in Tokyo,’ Jack said softly, his eyes on his daughter in Sophia’s lap. ‘She’s been going for hours now.’
‘You both have,’ she said, stroking Lily’s hair.
‘She’s quite taken with you.’
She smiled. ‘The feeling’s mutual.’
‘She’s not the only one.’ The sincerity of his voice, so close to her ear, had her entire body warming and her eyes returning to his. Was he saying...? Was he admitting...? She hoped so, so much.
He cleared his throat and looked back to Lily. ‘The travelling has really taken its toll this time.’
‘It is a lot in a short space of time. Have you thought more about settling somewhere more permanent?’ She almost said London and realised it was too personal, too soon, and too close to what she wanted deep down for her own selfish reasons.
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