“No.” He shook his head resolutely.
“Listen.” I dropped my hands to his shoulders. “Just one tiny touch. Like a feather. I promise to pull away if you don’t. Faster than yesterday.”
I realised I was actually begging him now. Since when had being touched by him become this important to me? I had no idea. I just knew that I wanted to be able to kiss him more than anything else in the world at that moment.
“At the very worst, I’d just fall asleep for another couple of hours, right? It’s still too early for me to get up anyway,” I added in a lighter tone, willing for him to relax a little, as tension seemed to be coming back into his every muscle.
He shook his head again, but the fact that he didn’t voice his protest this time, gave me the courage to push for more.
“Put your hands behind your back,” I instructed. “Sit on them if you must, so you don’t grab me impulsively or something. Would it make you feel better?”
He was still gripping my shoulders, and I slid my hands down his arms.
“Please, Vadim. Just one tiny kiss.” I circled his wrists with my fingers, prying his hands off me. “I’ve never begged a man before I met you.”
“I’m not a man, Jade.”
“For me, you are.” That was true. It was the reason I wanted to go through with this—for him to be able to have me as a man in every single way.
Eyes on me, he appeared to study my expression carefully. No, not the expression, I realised. Vadim was searching much deeper than that—he was watching my emotions.
“Carefully,” he conceded finally, dropping his hands at his sides.
“I will,” I promised, leaning in.
Slowly, to give him enough time to get ready and react if needed, I brought my face closer to his. Gripping his biceps for balance, I kept some distance between our bodies, aiming for just one single point of contact—his lips.
“Now,” I whispered, carefully angling my head to prevent our noses from touching. “Ready?”
My mouth hovered a hairbreadth away from his. I felt the warmth of his body against my naked breasts and strained to keep away when all I wanted was to press myself to him.
With another slight exhale, I leaned in just a fraction of a millimetre, brushing his lips with mine.
Light as a feather.
Just like I’d promised.
Freezing cold dusted my face, sweeping from my lips out in every direction, as if I stuck my head into a pile of fresh snow in the dead of winter.
Gasping, I leaned back, meeting Vadim’s terrified stare.
“We’re not doing this again,” he said, his face white as the snow I imagined I felt on my skin.
“This is . . . unusual, though. Isn’t it?” I mumbled, feeling confused. Why did it seem so easy for Andras and Natasha?
“Must be.” He got off the bed and zipped up his pants—the cool, collected façade back in place.
“That one and only time you were with someone,” I started and immediately regretted bringing it up as his expression tensed even more. “I mean, you have been able to touch, at least for some period of time, before . . . you know . . .”
“Before the murder?” he finished for me, buttoning up his shirt, his movements fast and determined. “My thirst for your energy is limitless. The more I take, the more I want. I don’t see a way to decrease it.”
I dropped my gaze to the quilt on my bed, going through what he said. The problem seemed to be closed into a circle. I believed if he took my energy on a regular basis, he might learn to regulate his hunger. Yet since there was a danger for me, he refused to take at all.
“Well, the good thing is, I’m still alive . . . So, when we try again—”
“It’s not happening, Jade. I’m not playing some kind of demon version of Russian roulette with your life, just for a slight chance to gain control over this.”
His reluctance was perfectly understandable.
What made no sense was my own willingness—even eagerness—to keep going, even despite the now familiar tiredness settling over me once again.
“I’m not giving up, Vadim,” I promised stubbornly, climbing under the blanket again as sleep became harder and harder to fight. “Just so you know.”
Chapter 21
A SMOOTHIE IN MY HAND, I was running from the Metro station to my office building.
Vadim had offered me a ride, but I only let him walk me to the Metro station this morning then took the train from there, as usual. That was my attempt at keeping things in my life normal, despite that there was nothing normal about the demon in my world.
He was the one who made the smoothie for me, with yogurt and frozen berries and whatever else he had found in my fridge. It was absolutely delicious, I had to admit, and probably significantly healthier than my usual breakfast of coffee and a protein bar.
I glanced at my phone and sped up on my run along the footpath. I was almost an hour late this morning. With my flexible hours, I often worked overtime. And with numerous social functions being a part of my job description, work often stretched into the night. Even with my leaving early the day prior, no one would mind my being late today, except me. I had planned to be in the office on time, the reason I was late was the man in my bed last night.
His touch had proved to be the ultimate sleeping pill. Even that one light kiss that felt hardly more than the brush of a butterfly wing, made me sleep in.
Instead of waking me up, Vadim had turned my alarm clock off and got busy making the smoothie.
I took another swig of it. Damn, it was good.
Something about the way he had said goodbye to me that morning didn’t sit well with me. I could tell his failure at self-control had affected him more than it should have in my opinion, and I was worried he might decide not to see me anymore in some misguided attempt to protect me.
The thing was, I didn’t feel like I needed protection from him. My thoughts kept flying to him ceaselessly, like a moth to the light, at any given moment of every day. And I didn’t have it in me to fight it anymore.
What would be the point of fighting it?
In a few months I’d be out of the country, and Vadim would carry on with his immortal existence.
The fact that there was a firm time limit on our relationship made me feel protected. How much harm could be done in a few short months? None of my previous relationships lasted that long, anyway. With firm determination, I shoved away the sad feeling that tended to move in on me every time I thought about inevitably leaving Vadim.
The best I could hope for was to help him deal with his ravenous hunger before I had to move to Moscow. At the end of it all, maybe he would be able to touch a woman without the fear of hurting her.
The thought of some long-term good for him as a result of our brief relationship made me feel better. At the same time, the idea of him touching another woman after me scratched unpleasantly somewhere inside my chest.
The recurring thought of eventually having to say goodbye to Vadim pierced something inside me, and again I shoved it deep.
These months were all we had. And I was determined to make the most of our short time together.
“I THOUGHT YOU WANTED to keep things normal in your life and continue travelling by Metro.” Vadim’s voice sounded confused through my phone—rightly so, considering that my request he pick me up by car contradicted my morning statement.
The thing was, after thinking about him all day long in the office, I managed to convince myself that he had decided to stay away from me altogether. It seemed to be the only sure way he had to keep me safe from him.
By the end of my workday, the possibility of never seeing Vadim again had brought me to a near state of panic. I called him, needing to hear his voice, and ended up asking for the pickup, desperate to see his face, too.
“I’ve changed my mind. I’m giving up on normal for as long as I’m with you. Wear your gloves if it makes you feel better,” I added hurriedly.
Wear a full-
body armour or a hazmat suit if you wish, just please come to me.
The feverish need to have him near was quickly becoming unbearable.
“HI.” I JUMPED INTO the car, determined to keep my cool, yet feeling my insides melt at the sight of his smile.
“Did you have a good day, Jade?” Vadim enquired, impeccably polite.
“It was okay, but it’s just got much better.” I winked at him, making myself comfortable on the seat next to him. “Thank you for picking me up. So, where are we going?”
“I thought you’d like me to take you home.”
“I’ve never said that was what I would like.” I gave him a playful smile.
His features strained into an expression of intense focus, as he obviously was trying to catch up with me. It probably wasn’t fair for me to tease him, since he was definitely behind in social interactions with women, or with any humans for that matter.
“Would you consider it terribly rude on my part if I invited myself to your place tonight?” I asked tentatively.
“Rude? No.” He lifted a dark eyebrow. “Careless? Absolutely.”
“Good. ‘Careless’ I can handle. It’s not the first time I’ve been called that.” I shifted my backside closer to him and took his gloved hand in mine. “Can we stop at my place then, to pick up my overnight bag? It’s my day off at work tomorrow.” I threw a glance his way. “And knowing your touch, I may need to sleep in tomorrow morning.”
“Jade, this shouldn’t be taken lightly.”
“On the contrary, Vadim. It should, and it will be. Many dark situations have been made easier through humour.” I squeezed his hand. “I told you, I’m not giving up.”
THE CAR DOOR OPENED, and I exited not wearing a blindfold this time.
The white, one-story building was plain and boxy, without any architectural adornments whatsoever. Behind the trees, in the distance, I caught a glimpse of a fence with coiled barbed wire on top. The term fortified facility came to mind.
To someone who didn’t know what this place was, it might look like a military base, some secret research lab or even an insane asylum.
I shook the uncomfortable feeling off as Vadim walked around the car and stood by my side.
“Ready to go in?”
“Yes.” I took his hand in mine for reassurance.
I distinctly remembered going down the stairs on my previous visits to this place. And true enough, I caught a glimpse of concrete stairs straight ahead upon entering the front door. However, Vadim led me to the left and along a main floor corridor instead.
Grey concrete walls and floor.
Bare light bulbs under the ceiling.
Plain, white doors. All closed.
This did not appear cozy or welcoming in any way. Although, I never got to see the lower level, I had a feeling it wouldn’t be any more inviting, either. Could that have been one of the reasons for the blindfold in the first place?
“Are you hungry?” Vadim asked casually. “I can order dinner served immediately.”
“No. Not right now, thank you,” I replied, still too subdued by the atmosphere of this place to feel hungry. “Maybe later. Where do all these doors lead?”
“Rooms.” He stopped in front of one, at the end of the hallway. “This one is mine.”
Turning the handle, he shoved the door open with a visible effort. The hinges screeched with an ear-splitting sound, and I threw both hands up to cover my ears.
“Sorry, it hasn’t been opened for um . . . a very long time.” He gestured me in. “We don’t use the doors much on this floor.”
I remembered him walking through my closed apartment door again.
“Why have them at all?”
“Privacy. We all have our inner demons to deal with at times and prefer to do it on our own.”
Vadim’s room seemed especially large after the narrow corridors. The wide barred window opposite the door would have let in plenty of light through the day, I imagined, making it bright, too. Right now, though, the glow of the dying sunset painted the inside of the room in a red-orange haze.
“I’ll have to get a bed in here,” Vadim said, flicking the light switch.
I swept the room with my gaze, taking it in. Scarcely furnished, it appeared even more spacious. A wide armchair and an antique looking writing desk by the window were the largest pieces of furniture.
“I know you don’t sleep.” I took another step in, my feet sinking into the thick fur of an animal hide on the floor. “But do you never feel like lying down, either?”
“Not really.” He shrugged. “I can relax in the chair just as well as in a bed.”
He had lain in my bed most of last night, though. Now it appeared he did it purely for my benefit.
“How much time do you spend in this room?” I asked over my shoulder.
“Most of it.”
“Right here? In this chair?” I traced the intricate gilded carvings on the frame of the armchair.
“Yes. Reading, working, thinking.”
Centuries.
Just thinking about him sitting here all alone—years trickling by like hours for mortals—made my heart swell with compassion. I moved my gaze to the wall on the right, which was lined with bookshelves, floor to ceiling.
“Have you read all of these?” I pointed at the spines of the books, some of them more worn than others. And I would bet anything that some were made of real leather and embossed with actual gold.
“Much more than just these.” He nodded. “Here I keep only my most favourite books.” He came to stand by my side. Reaching out, he slid a finger along one of the spines carefully, like a caress. “Until recently, reading was pretty much the only way for us to learn human culture in detail and examine the events taking place in your world. These here are my personal collection. The library and the archives are in the north wing. A few decades ago, we also had a television installed there. It helps us to stay current with your news, even though world events don’t affect us much.”
Now, his complete and utter isolation became even more apparent to me. Vadim’s life in here could very well be compared to that of a creature living deep under the sea, watching the world go by with the detached curiosity of a spectator.
“Going to the city must feel odd to you.” I thought about making him walk me to the Metro station on the crowded street this morning, and guilt twisted inside me.
“It’s . . . different,” he replied. “Not unpleasant, though. And definitely exciting. Especially, if the reason for my going to the city is you.”
He turned to face me.
“Valefor!” a male voice suddenly yelled from the corridor. “Purson and Agares are cooking chicken in the kitchen.” A man barged into the room through the closed door, filling the space with his presence like an ocean wave crashing into a cave on the shore—all at once.
Still unused to the Incubi way of ignoring doors when entering, I shrank back and into Vadim’s arms.
“They said you told them to—” The man cut himself short, his gaze stopped on me. “Are we keeping Sources at the Base again?”
“So much for privacy.” I glanced up at Vadim with a short laugh.
His chest heaved with a deep inhale at my back.
“Zagan . . . I mean, what human name do you go by again? I don’t remember.”
The newcomer rubbed the back of his neck, his eyes—the colour of dark chocolate—darting from me to Vadim and back.
“Well, the last one I used was Zayne. And that was shortly before we moved here, a few centuries back.”
“Right. Jade, this is Zayne, the other half of my team. When we were a team, that was.”
“Hello, Jade.” He seemed to have fully recovered from his initial surprise of finding me in Vadim’s room and even bowed politely in greeting. “Nice to see you again.”
Again.
The word shot through me like an eclectic charge. Zayne must have been one of those present in the room with the blindfolded me during my previo
us visits to the Base. He’d seen me on the cross. Naked.
“Um. Nice to meet you,” I croaked, as my cheeks flushed with heat despite my best efforts to control my unease.
Thankfully, Zayne didn’t seem to notice my flustered state, or if he did he hid it well.
“I have to apologize.” He brushed his hand over his close-cropped dark hair. “I didn’t know Vadim had a visitor.”
“Very understandable,” I replied, keeping my tone light. “It doesn’t seem to happen often.”
“No, not often!” Zayne huffed a laugh, humour bouncing with the golden flecks inside his eyes. “More like never.”
“Jade is staying for dinner, Zayne. Her dinner,” Vadim specified. “Do you like chicken Kiev?” He turned to me.
“Yes. Sure.”
Would you join us? The invitation to Zayne almost left my lips, but I stopped it in time, remembering the difference between my own and their definition of dinner and afraid that coming from me it might sound more like a proposition.
“I have the dining table set in the meeting room, unless you prefer to eat here,” Vadim said to me.
“No. Meeting room is fine. Whatever is easier.” The atmosphere around us had thickened somehow.
“Jade.” Zayne made a formal bow. “Once again, I beg your pardon for interrupting.” He tilted his head Vadim’s way, too. “Grand Master.”
“Have a bed for Jade made in my room,” Vadim tossed his way. “She is staying the night.”
With another brief bow, Zayne exited the room, this time opening the door first.
“Is he your friend, part of your team or an underling?” I had some difficulties understanding the dynamics between them.
“All three,” Vadim replied simply. “Come. We may as well go to the meeting room. Your appetizer should be ready by now. I’ll show you the bathroom, too, on the way.”
Grand Master (Demons, #3) Page 12