Truly

by Carmel Rhodes

  “Aren’t you at Noah’s?” she huffs.

  “No, I’m home,” I tell her, picking at a loose thread on my comforter. “I had pizza with my dad, and we watched game shows.”

  “So, you haven’t been on Instagram?”

  “We don’t all live on social media, Becs. Get to the point.”

  “There’s a party at Noah’s. Skank One and Skank Two are blasting it all over their stories.”

  “What?” I forgo the string and sit up. “No, that can’t be right. I was with Noah all day. He would have told me he was having a party.” Before I even finish the thought, I have Instagram opened and I’m typing Lucy’s handle in the search bar. Sure enough, there are several slides with her in Noah’s backyard. Angry doesn’t even begin to cover it. I fly past enraged and land squarely in—slather sardine oil all over his body and toss him in a tiger cage—territory. “I’m going to fucking kill him.”

  “Are you going over there?”

  “Uhh…yeah,” I snark, jamming my feet into my sneakers.

  “Okay, good. Keep me posted.”

  We hang up and I write a quick note to Dad to tell him I’m staying at Becca’s before jumping in my car and driving the twenty minutes to Noah’s house.

  I park my car in the driveway as a sense of dread washes over me. I haven’t been to Noah’s house since graduation and while we’re in a better place, this place is tied to some memories I wish I could erase. I snag the spare key, pushing inside and storm out back to the yard.

  The party is lowkey, maybe only about fifteen people in total. Noah is sitting on the edge of the yard with Ethan to his left and Ricky, who graduated a year before us, to his right.

  I stomp over to where they sit, partially grateful that the skanks are in the pool and far away from Noah. “What the fuck, Tedesco?”

  Ricky’s dark brown eyes trail down my body and for the first time since I drove here in a rage fueled fog, I realize I’m wearing my PJs. “Looking good, Tru.” He whistles, lifting the brim of his Brave’s hat. “I must admit, I’m surprised Dev let you walk into the lion’s den wearing that.” Ricky is handsome, in a young Michael B Jordan type of way. I remember girls use to follow him around the hallways between classes in hopes that he’d notice them. He’s always been kind to me, despite his looks and athletic ability.

  “That’s your one and only time checking out my girl,” Noah warns, punching him in the arm. Rising from his seat, he takes two steps towards me, a wicked grin parked on his stupid kissable lips.

  “Your girl?” Ricky laughs. “Damn, how long have I been gone?”

  Noah ignores his friend and wraps his arms around me. The toes of his Nikes brush against the toes of my shell toes. “What’s with the attitude, Little One?”

  “Why didn’t you tell me you were having a party?” I snip, trying to hold on to my anger, despite his scent clouding my judgment.

  “It just sort of happened.” He shrugs.

  “And you just sort of invited Lucy? You’re an asshole,” I grunt, pushing him and spinning on my heel.

  He grabs the back of my neck, roughly, twisting me around. His mouth lands on mine possessively, in one of his all-consuming, toe-curling kisses. For the moment, we are the only two people in the yard. I submit to him as his tongue fucks my mouth. His hands find my ass and he lifts me onto my tip-toes. When he breaks his kiss, the world comes back into view and his friends are whooping and cheering.

  “You’re cute when you’re jealous.” He bops me on the nose.

  “I am not jealous.” I pout. I’m pissed off, not jealous. There’s a difference.

  “That’s why you drove all the way out here in your tiny shorts with your nipples on display?”

  I look down and sure enough, my nips are standing at attention. I cross my arms over my chest. “I just think it’s fucked up to have a party and not invite your girlfriend.”

  “I told you, it wasn’t planned. Ricky got back in town today and wanted to hang. Since my girlfriend blew me off to watch Jeopardy with her dad, I told him to come over and invite the usuals. It’s just a kickback. No big deal.”

  As I glance around the yard, I can see the truth in his claim. It’s mostly kids from Noah’s inner circle and a few who graduated with Ricky. He still should have told me, but I don’t have to go all Tiger King on his ass. Inhaling, I speak low and clear. “I’m telling you it’s a big deal to me.”

  “I’m sorry.” He sounds sincere, and since I’m practically naked, I forgive him.

  “Oh yay, Noah invited his slut. Now it’s really a party,” Lucy sneers, coming from the other side of the pool.

  Noah levels her with his don’t fuck with me gaze. “Says the girl who’s boned every guy at this party. Newsflash, Luce, if anyone here is a slut, it’s you.”

  Her mouth drops open and her cheeks turn a deep shade of red. I would feel bad for her, but, fuck that. She’s a bitch.

  “I need clothes if I’m going to stay here,” I tell Noah.

  “Up in my room. Wear whatever you can find that fits.”

  I press a kiss to his lips and make my way inside. I’ve only been to Noah’s house once, but his room is easy enough to find. I snag a zippered hoodie from the back of his desk and throw that on. With my breasts covered, I head out, feeling weird in Noah’s room without him.

  Ethan stands in the hall, waiting for me. His eyes are on his feet and his shoulders are slumped. “Can I talk to you for a second?”

  “No,” I say, brushing past him.

  “Please.” His voice breaks.

  I pause mid-step. “We don’t have anything to talk about.”

  “Five minutes and I swear I’ll leave you alone.”

  “Fine. Five minutes and I’m telling Becca everything you say.”

  He leads me to the top step. We sit awkwardly in silence for a beat before he speaks. “How is she?”

  “How do you think? Heartbroken and humiliated.”

  “I didn’t mean to break her heart. I just...I was stupid and I was worried she was going to leave me behind once she got to the city.”

  “So, you cheat on her?”

  “I didn’t cheat,” he yells, tugging his hair. “Not physically, anyway. It was stupid. A few text messages. They didn’t mean anything.”

  “Then why do it?”

  He shakes his head. “Because it was nice to feel wanted.”

  “What would have happened once we got back?” I ask because I know that question has been eating Becca alive since she found out. Would he have had sex with her?

  “Nothing. I don’t want Lucy. I want Becca.”

  “You have a fucked-up way of showing it,” I tell him.

  He grunts. “Noah has a fucked-up way of treating you, yet you stay with him.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “He’s like a puppet master and you don’t even realize it.”

  “Five minutes are up,” I grit, standing. I can’t believe I almost fell for his bullshit puppy dog eyes. “Just because you fucked up your relationship doesn’t mean you can fuck with mine.”

  “Yeah, Eth, what the fuck?” Noah says, coming up the stairs. His dark gaze lands on his friend, some unspoken conversation happening between them. They stare at each other for what feels like an eternity before Ethan backs down. He stands and pushes past Noah.

  “Look,” I yell to him, “if you want her, talk to her, but hanging out at parties with Lucy is only pushing her further away.”

  He nods and heads downstairs.

  “What was that about?” Noah asks.

  “He says he wants Becca back.”

  “He’s been a miserable prick since she dumped his ass.”

  “Then, why is she here?” I cross my arms over my chest. “I don’t trust her.”

  Noah wraps his hands around my throat and tilts my head back, so I’m forced to look at him. “I’m not Ethan. I’m not an idiot. I know what I’ve got. I’m not risking you for pass around pussy. Lucy isn’t someone
you ever need to worry about.”

  “What about next year? When there is a whole new crop of Lucy’s vying for your attention?”

  “You’re my girl, Truly. The only person who could ever change that is you.”

  We head back down to the party and the night wears on. Noah’s friends aren’t so bad, except for Lucy and her minions who throw me dirty looks every so often. The crowd thins out a couple hours later and I’m exhausted.

  “Let’s go to bed,” I tell Noah after the last person leaves.

  “Okay, let me just turn off the jacuzzi.”

  I stand, meaning to head for the house, but for some inexplicable reason, I turn towards the treehouse instead. It looms in the darkness like a funhouse of horror. My hands shake and sweat drips down my brow. I suck in one fortifying breath after another, but it does nothing to calm my racing heart.

  “Tru?” I jump as Noah comes up behind me. He stares at me for a moment, taking in my state of panic. “I thought we were passed that. We…I mean, I’ve been rough with you and you like it.”

  “Consenting to rough sex with my boyfriend is different than what happened that night, Noah. I don’t know how to explain it, but it’s like my mind compartmentalizes who you were then and who you are now.”

  “Are you afraid of me?”

  “No, not anymore,” I tell him, honestly.

  “Do you trust me?”

  I nod because inexplicably, I do.

  Wordlessly, he takes my hand and leads me to the treehouse. My heart pounds in my chest as memories of that night assault me. My vision blurs as tears spring to my eyes. There’s no air in here, which is crazy considering we are outside. My lungs fight to do their job as Noah pulls me to the couch. He has a book, the same book I’d read that night.

  “Read to me.”

  “What?” I take it with shaky hands. “Why?”

  “Because I want to make new memories here to erase the bad ones. So, when we come back to this place with our kids in twenty years, this won’t be where Daddy nearly raped Mommy, but the place where they read together and fell in love.”

  I blink back tears and open the book to chapter one. “The Boy Who Lived.”

  A bell chimes above my head. Bev, a waitress who has worked at the diner for as long as it’s been around, smiles at me. “Looking for Becca?” she asks, balancing a plate of fried chicken in one hand and a Pepsi in the other.

  “Yes, ma’am.” I smile. When my mom wanted to move here, I thought my life was going to be over. I was born and raised in Chicago, and the thought of living in backwoods Georgia seemed like torture. I hadn’t realized the charm this small town held. The comfort in seeing familiar faces.

  Bev points me in Becca’s direction and tells us she’ll be back around to get our orders after she delivers the chicken. “You look good,” I tell Becca as I slide into the booth. Her hair is down. Soft, blonde waves frame her face. She’s wearing a full face of make-up, which is a rare sight since her break-up with Ethan. And if that weren’t enough of a sign that the old Becca is back, her outfit is. “Is that new?” I point to the pink crop top and high waisted skirt that I’ve never seen before.

  She grins. “Yup. I got it at the mall earlier.”

  Bev drops off a strawberry milkshake for me and a chocolate one for Becca. We order our usual, bacon cheeseburger and fries, and tell Bev to bring a slice of strawberry pie for us to share.

  Adjusting my headband, I ask, “So, are we officially over Ethan?”

  “I’ve decided it’s time for me to move on,” Becca announces, clasping her hands together on the table.

  “And when did you come to this realization?” Not that I’m complaining. I hate seeing Becca upset. She’s the perky one. I’m the brooding one.

  “It’s August,” she says matter-of-factly. “School starts soon, and this could be the last chance I have with some of these people. I refuse to spend the little bit of time I have left avoiding my friends and missing out on parties because of a cheating asshole. I’m young, I’m smart, and I’m hot. It’s time I remember it.”

  It’s August.

  It’s like I blinked, and the summer melted away. Becca’s heading to NYU soon. Noah’s basketball camp starts in a few days. And I’ll be moving into the dorms at the end of the month. No matter how hard we try to fight it, nothing will be the same.

  I lift my milkshake, and we clink glasses. “Does this mean you’re coming to Noah’s tonight?” I’ve discovered that parties at Noah’s house are pretty much a given on the weekends. It bothered me at first because, although I’m starting to be more comfortable around his friends, it’s odd being there without Becca. Lucy and Paige still don’t like me, but their fear of Noah excommunicating them from the social circle is greater than their hatred of me.

  “I’m going, just not for you.”

  “Excuse me?” I cross my arms on the tabletop and take a deep pull from my milkshake as I inspect my friend. New clothes. Hair done. Makeup flawless. My mouth drops open. “Who is he?”

  She smiles coyly. “Ricky.”

  I nearly choke on a chunk of strawberry. “I’m sorry, I thought you said, Ricky, as in Noah and Ethan’s friend, and former teammate, Ricky.”

  “That would be the one.”

  I sit back in the booth, staring at Becca like she’s grown two heads. Bev drops off the food, which gives me a few minutes to compose myself. After assuring her that everything looks great, she leaves us alone again. I squeeze a glob of ketchup to the left of my fries. “I know this is going to sound hypocritical coming from me, but remember, I love you deep.”

  Becca lifts her burger, and mutters, “Deep, deep.” Before taking a bite.

  “I don’t think it’s a good idea to date one of Ethan’s friends.”

  “Says the girl who’s dating her ex’s brother.”

  I toss a fry at her head. “I prefaced with I know I sound hypocritical, asshole.”

  “Fine. Be the voice of reason, if you must.”

  “I must.” I take a bite of my burger. Once I finish chewing, I tell her, “It’s not easy. I mean, Noah has put a stop to most of the social media bullshit, but I still see the way people look at me. It’s like he’s this God for taking down his brother’s girlfriend, but I will always be the skank who spread her legs for both of them.”

  “You never even had sex with Devin,” she reasons.

  “Exactly.” I take another bite. “But that isn’t the perception. And I’m not saying I regret being with Noah, because I don’t. I’m just saying I wish it were easier. It’s a shitty double standard, but it’s reality. And I just don’t want you to have to deal with that.”

  Becca rolls her eyes. “I’m tired of letting the hive mentality dictate my life. I like Ricky, and maybe I’m being a little bit petty by going to the party with him, but fuck those assholes and what they think. I didn’t cheat on Ethan, he cheated on me, just like you didn’t break up with Devin. We’re allowed to move on, and they will deal.”

  I grin and lift my milkshake again to toast to having my best friend back. We finish our food, and Becca runs to the restroom while I wait for Bev to bring our check. I’m scrolling through my phone when someone slides into the booth across from me. I look up expecting to see Becca but am stunned to find Devin staring back at me.

  My heart thuds in my chest as I take him in. I haven’t seen him in person since before I left. I’ve thought about this moment often since we got back. Mostly, because Newton is a small town and it was only a matter of time before I ran into him. I’ve avoided The Grove and all our old hangouts like the plague, but the diner is neutral territory.

  “Hey,” he says, sucking his lip ring into his mouth. That move used to make my knees weak.

  “Hey,” I say back. It’s quiet for a few beats, neither of us sure what to say next. It’s wild to think I was once so obsessed with this boy that I’d spend hours thinking of ways to make him smile. Now all I can think about is getting up and running. We stew in that awkward
silence until Bev comes around with the check and I slide her my debit card.

  “What are you doing with him?” Devin asks once we’re alone again. I’ve thought about him asking me this exact question a million times, and I’ve yet to come up with an answer that doesn’t make me sound pathetic or like a heartless bitch. “Do you love him?” he shoots out. His voice is both desperate and broken at the same time. Like he has no hope but he’s too much of a masochist to not ask.

  I do love Noah. I love Noah and all his scars, more than I knew I was capable of loving someone. But how do I tell his brother that? I can’t, so I go with the next best thing. “You broke up with me, Dev. I moved on. I thought you did too.”

  “I tried but I couldn’t stop loving you.”

  “NO!” Becca shouts. She storms over to the table with her hands on her hips and fire in her eyes. “You don’t get to put her through hell, then wait until she’s happy to all of a sudden grow a fucking heart.”

  “It’s okay, Becca,” I say putting my hand over hers. “I got this.”

  She glances down at our connected hands then turns to me. “I’ll be at the counter if you need me.”

  I watch as she backs away, glaring at Devin the entire time. “She’s right you know,” I tell him quietly. “It isn’t fair for you to lay this on me right now. I’m finally happy.”

  “So, that means we can’t still be friends?”

  “No, Devin. We can’t.”

  He scrubs a hand over his face in frustration. “Because of him? Because he is so insecure that I’m not even allowed to see your Instagram? What’s he so worried about?”

  “Nothing. Noah has nothing to worry about.” I level him with a gaze, hoping he takes the hint. I loved Devin, I truly did, but Noah owns my heart. It might have happened unconventionally, but when I fell for him, I fell hard.

  Devin assesses me with glassy eyes as if he’s checking to see if I’m bluffing. Once he realizes I’m not, he sits back into the booth. His voice cracks. “I didn’t realize I’d lose my girlfriend and my best friend.”