by Alan Filewod
Inspector: (while heading towards the desk) You been back long?
Him: Just got back.
Inspector: Why did you tear the doorbell and the phone out?
Him: I didn’t want to be disturbed.
Inspector: Figured as much. But why? Did you do it as soon as you got home?
Him: No.
Inspector: So when did you do it?
Him: Friday morning.
Inspector: At what time?
Him: I don’t remember.
Inspector: Do you remember why?
Him: It’s kinda vague.
Inspector: Try.
Him: I woke up around nine, quarter past nine, and …
Inspector: What time did you get home?
Him: Around five-thirty, six o’clock.
Inspector: Did you come right home?
Him: What do you mean, right home?
Inspector: You didn’t stop anywhere to eat?
Him: No. I wasn’t hungry.
Inspector: You walk home?
Him: Yes.
Inspector: How come your customer didn’t give you a ride home? Was it the first time?
Him: It’s not his style. As soon as he comes, he feels ashamed. And he gets mad. Especially when he’s drunk. He gets all red in the face when he comes and he stays that way after, cause he’s so mad. He usually throws the money on top of my clothes and throws me out the door.
Inspector: How long did it take you to get home?
Him: I dunno, maybe 15 minutes.
Inspector: You must’ve been pretty tired by then …
Him: No, not too bad. But I had a terrible headache.
Inspector: (looking at the map) Do you walk fast?
Him: Average.
Inspector: A fifteen-minute radius from your place … that brings us where?
Him: Forget it. You’ll never figure it out and I’m not telling you.
Inspector: (to himself) That’s none of my business either?
Him: I got to my place around 5:30. It had rained all night so it was nice ’n’ cool. The sky was clear. It was nice out.
Inspector: Did you go right to bed?
Him: Yes.
Inspector: Were you stoned?
Him: Stoned? Why?
Inspector: Forget why. Just answer, okay?
Him: N … No. I wasn’t stoned.
Inspector: Did you fall asleep right away?
Him: No.
Inspector: How long did it take?
Him: I dunno. Maybe half an hour, maybe more.
Inspector: And you woke up around nine.
Him: Maybe nine-thirty. I didn’t notice. My clock is fast anyway and I can never remember when I set it at the right time. So I never look at the minute hand. Just the hour hand and I figure the rest out approximately.
Inspector: Okay … So you woke up between nine, nine-thirty. Nine, nine-thirty in the morning?
Him: Yeah, whaddaya think?
Inspector: You sure?
Him: Of course, I’m sure.
Inspector: What time did you get up the day before?
Him: Around noon.
Inspector: So between noon Thursday and six o’clock Friday morning you hadn’t slept at all?
Him: …
Inspector: I’m talking to you, buster.
Him: Huh?
Inspector: I want to know if you slept between the time you got up Thursday morning and the time you went to bed Friday morning.
Him: Not to speak of.
Inspector: What does that mean, not to speak of?
Him: No, I didn’t sleep.
Inspector: And you went to bed at six and you didn’t fall asleep ’til six-thirty, seven?
Him: That’s right. It happens to me a lot. Especially in the summertime. Can’t sleep cause of the light. I don’t have any curtains. I hate curtains. That’s why I live on the third floor, with no neighbours out front, no neighbours out back. Across the street, there’s the Dozois housing project. And out back, it’s the rear end of one of those warehouses on the Main.
Inspector: What do you do when you can’t fall asleep? Smoke a little joint?
Him: Sometimes. But not this time.
Inspector: How come?
Him: Cause I didn’t feel like it. That’s all. I splashed some cold water on my face and went back to bed.
Inspector: That’s it?
Him: Yeah. No … I read for a while.
Inspector: What didja read?
Him: A … a book one of my friends lent me. But I was too tired to understand what I was reading so I put it down and counted sheep.
Inspector: And then you fell asleep?
Him: Yeah. It didn’t take long …
Inspector: What was the book about? Do you remember the title?
Him: No. I only read a few pages. Couldn’t understand a thing. I just told you that.
Inspector: And you woke up around nine?
Him: (sighs) Right.
Inspector: That’s not much sleep for a guy who was too tired at seven o’clock to understand what he was reading and who hadn’t slept for the past 18 hours. What woke you up? Did the phone ring?
Him: No. I just woke up. I already told you all this last night.
Inspector: You told us you didn’t sleep long, but you didn’t tell us you’d torn your doorbell and your phone off the wall. We never would’ve found out if we hadn’t gone over to your place.
Him: I woke up because I had a stomach ache.
Inspector: What kinduva stomach ache?
Him: I had like a brick in my stomach, right around the belly button. It hurt. I woke up cause I must’ve rolled over onto my belly in my sleep and it hurt. And I was too hot … it was like I hadn’t slept at all … like I was more tired than when I fell asleep. I was drooling. Don’t ask me why. I felt really sick. I couldn’t focus on anything. All sorts a pictures floatin’ around in my head … but I’m not crazy.
Inspector: Relax. I didn’t say a thing.
Him: No, you didn’t say anything. But you’re goin’ outta your skull lookin’ for some reason to prove to the reporters that I’m crazy. And … and …
Inspector: And what?
Him: I dunno. I’m too tired to think …
Inspector: Do you still have a stomach ache?
Him: It’s almost gone.
Inspector: Okay. So you ripped out the wires when you woke up?
Him: No. I managed to go back to sleep. But it was the same kinda sleep as before I woke up. Made me feel more exhausted than anything else. I kept waking up, moaning.
Inspector: Whaddaya mean?
Him: I don’t know how to describe it. I’d wake up and I couldn’t tell if I was awake or still asleep, or maybe I had been awake before and now I was asleep. And my stomach ache was gettin’ worse. At one point I got up to piss. That’s when I thought about the phone. I called his place.
Inspector: Whose place?
Him: His place.
Inspector: Did you know his number by heart or did you have it written down somewhere?
Him: There was no answer. Made me really mad, so I tore out the wire. As soon as I did it, I realized I didn’t want to be there for anyone. Didn’t want anyone to get in touch with me. Just wanted to disappear. Without even thinking, I went ’n’ ripped out the doorbell. Wasn’t very solid. I installed it myself when I moved in there. Then I unplugged the TV and the radio. … Then I went back to bed and I slept a little better.
Inspector: Then what?
Him: Then what? Nothing. I slept. I got up. I went back to bed. I slept. I woke up. I slept some more. Till Saturday evening.
Inspector: What time Saturday?
Him: I dunno. My clock had stopped. I forgot to wind it. I didn’t even know what day it was and I couldn’t’ve cared less.
Inspector: But you looked at the clock ’cause you noticed it had stopped.
Him: Yeah, but much later. Around 11 o’clock.
Inspector: And you didn’t leave the house at all
between Friday morning and Saturday night?
Him: No.
Inspector: Didn’t eat?
Him: Maybe I ate something at my place.
Inspector: Yesterday afternoon you told us you didn’t mind eating sandwiches, you were used to it, you never eat at home, and when you don’t have much money that’s what you eat.
Him: Yeah, but this time maybe I had somethin’ in the house …
Inspector: Listen, don’t start in again. Okay? There’s nothing in your fridge, nothing in the garbage pail except dirty kleenex, torn up envelopes and some crumpled up flyers, and …
Him: No. I didn’t eat. And I wasn’t hungry. I told you, I had a stomach ache.
Inspector: Still no dope?
Him: No.
Inspector: What do you think made you sick?
Him: I dunno.
Inspector: Okay. So what happened at 11 o’clock?
Him: I decided I’d had enough. That I had to get outta there. I took a shower and went out to get a couple of hot dogs. Then I came back and I called you. I called the reporter at home, but he had left. I called the newspaper. I told him my story. I came here. I let him and his photographer in and then I called you back.
Inspector: You had his home number?
Him: Yeah.
Inspector: How did you get it?
Him: You really think I’m gonna answer that question?
Inspector: And you had his number at the paper too? He’s not too shy, eh?
Him: The phone book wasn’t invented to wipe your ass with. I know how to read.
Inspector: How come you don’t want a lawyer?
Him: I don’t need one.
Inspector: What makes you so sure the judge is gonna be able to bury this story? What makes you so sure he even wants to?
Him: I never said he could …
Inspector: I know, I know. All you said was, you killed the guy on Cas-grain. You wanted to turn yourself in but we had to come and get you here. And you wouldn’t walk outta here till the judge agreed to meet you. The reporter is just here as a guarantee. That’s all. And anyone who thinks that sounds like blackmail has a twisted mind … right?
Him: Why do you insist on puttin’ all the pieces together? Somebody was killed. It’s your job to find the murderer? You got him. What more do you want?
Inspector: Are you as thick as you seem or have you decided to give me a hard time, just for the hell of it?
Him: Just wait till the judge shows up, then we’ll see …
Inspector: I’ve heard some weird stories in my time, but this one takes the cake. A guy turns himself in, even tho’ the cops never could’ve found him cause no one ever would’ve connected him with the victim, but instead of keepin’ his trap shut, he turns the fuckin’ city upside down and blackmails a judge so the judge can find him innocent … when he’s the one who turned himself in.
Him: You don’t …
Inspector: And to top it all off… he had no reason to kill the guy. He didn’t take his money. He didn’t take nothin’. He kills him then he goes downtown for a few drinks. At one point, he even considers going to check out the action on the mountain. Then he disappears and the next thing we know he’s waiting for us at the Courthouse. And he gives us the runaround for 36 hours while we wait for the judge to show up. He doesn’t want us to know his name. Doesn’t want us to mention the name of the guy he killed. And he doesn’t even want to tell us why. Holy Christ. And you’re trying to tell me there’s nothing wrong with you? Maybe I’m the one who’s crazy? Give me a break. I’m supposed to leave on vacation tonight, not get fired. … Let’s start all over again.
Him: Oh, no. Not again.
Inspector: Let’s go.
Him: Listen …
Inspector: I said: let’s go. Left his place around …
Him: Nine o’clock.
Inspector: Then what?
Him: I took the metro to Bonaventure. Then I took a walk. I walked all the way to Westmount.
Inspector: And from there?
Him: I ran.
Inspector: Where to?
Him: Uuh … to the Forum.
Inspector: What did you wanta do at the Forum, in the middle of summer, at 10:30 at night on Confederation Day?
Him: Make a phone call.
Inspector: You trying to make me believe you ran all that way in the heat just for the thrill of using a phone at the Forum, when you must’ve passed about forty phone booths during your little sprint?
Him: Yes. No. I dunno. That’s what I did. The way you tell it, it doesn’t make any sense, but it made sense at the time.
Inspector: You bet! … All right, so you finally reached the Forum?
Him: Yeah, but it was locked up tight. I went over to the Alexis Nihon Plaza. I called his place. There was no answer. I thought I dialled the wrong number. I hung up and called back. No answer.
Inspector: What’s his number?
Him: You know it as well as I do.
Inspector: Tell me again.
Him: Then I walked out onto Saint Catherine. The wind was gettin’ stronger and there were lotsa people. Laughin’ and havin’ a good time. They were comin’ out of the metro, wavin’ little Canadian flags. I didn’t feel like talking. I felt the way I feel when I come out of a good movie: the movie stays clear in my head until I start to talk about it. I know that if I talk about it, and I always do, I’m gonna lose the sense of it. But this wasn’t even a good movie. It was a cop movie and the worst scene was stuck in my head. Anyway, I did what I always do, when I come out of the movies at Alexis Nihon Plaza, I headed east along Saint Catherine.
Inspector: Okay. And while you were walking, before and after the phone call, did you hear anything? Did you notice any particular noises?
Him: No.
Inspector: You didn’t hear any cannon shots?
Him: This guy is a real pain. You keep askin’ me the same fuckin’ question and I keep givin’ you the same fuckin’ answer: No. I didn’t hear any cannon shots. No jet planes. No bombs. No military parades. And I didn’t find any grenades on the sidewalk.
Inspector: Don’t get wise. On the night of the 1st of July, there were fireworks on Saint Helen’s Island. The people with the flags were coming back from there. You could hear them right up to Metropolitan Boulevard. So can you explain how you managed to take a walk along the harbour-front without hearing them?
Him: No. … I thought maybe he had gone out. We met at the Love Bar …
Inspector: (shouts) You don’t say! It’s about time! They met at the Love Bar. As simple as that. So you knew the guy?
Him: Yes.
Inspector: We’re finally gettin’ somewhere. When did you meet at the Love Bar? The day before the 1st of June?
Him: …
Inspector: Are you the Yves he talks about in his diary?
Him: …
Inspector: Great. Here we go again. He’s pressed the Off button again. So you met at the Love Bar. Then what?
Him: There’s where we met. And I thought maybe he’d gone out. So I went to see if he was there. He wasn’t. I checked out all the other bars.
He wasn’t there.
Inspector: Did you meet anyone you know?
Him: At least 40 people.
Inspector: Where did you go afterwards?
Him: To the Square. I’d told him …
Inspector: What? What did you tell him? When?
Him: I’d told him I was gonna work that night.
Inspector: When did you tell him that?
(Beat.)
Him: That afternoon, on the phone.
Inspector: (relieved) Phew.
Him: Whatsa matter?
Inspector: Nothing. Go on.
Him: I told him there were so many tourists in town it was worth workin’ two shifts a day. He didn’t think it was very funny.
Inspector: Why not?
Him: Well …
Inspector: Was he jealous?
Him: No. It was just a stupid joke, that’
s all.
Inspector: Were you seeing each other regularly?
Him: You should know. You said you read his diary.
Inspector: Cut the shit and answer me … were you seeing each other regularly.
Him: Yes.
Inspector: You have a fight?
Him: No.
Inspector: So why did you kill him?
Him: When he wasn’t at home, I thought maybe he’d gone lookin’ for me in the Square.
Inspector: Had he ever gone looking for you in the Square?
Him: No.
Inspector: Why not? ’Cause he hated that scene?
Him: No, no. You got it all wrong.
Inspector: If you made more sense, maybe I wouldn’t get so confused. What time was it when you arrived in the square?
Him: I was still around for the first last call at the Taureau … I left right after … Some guy, a customer, asked me where I was going. I told him. He said: Don’t bother, how much? I took off anyway. He started after me, but he fell down the last seven or eight steps. Too pissed to hurt himself … I dunno, the time it takes to walk there … maybe it was ten to three.
Inspector: What were you thinking about?
Him: I told you. I was thinkin’ I must’ve missed him. We must’ve been in the wrong bars at the wrong times. And he’d come and meet me in the square. I’d told him I was gonna be there.
Inspector: You really thought he was still alive?
Him: Yes. When I got there and saw everyone drinkin’ and laughin’, talkin’ and cruisin’, tokin’ up and necking … it kind of erased the picture. And I couldn’t hear the … (He stops suddenly.)
Inspector: You couldn’t hear what?
(Beat.)
Inspector: (louder) What couldn’t you hear?
Him: There was quite a crowd in the square …
Inspector: (interrupts him) What couldn’t you hear?
Him: Huh?
Inspector: Don’t give me a hard time. You started to say something. You were saying that when you saw everyone in the bars having a good time, you couldn’t hear … you couldn’t hear WHAT?
Him: All I meant was, the music and seeing all those people made it seem impossible that he was gone. All those people who had been there the day before, and the day before that, and ever since I been going to those bars. Before I even knew him. Seemed impossible that they could still be around and him gone. Everything seemed too real. So the picture in my head was like … erased.
(Pause.)
Inspector: (takes a deep breath, then) What would you say if I told you your sister was waiting outside that door?