She nodded, still troubled. Niall attempting to communicate was a breakthrough but if he insisted on a digi-drive after every visit, it could cause some real problems. Ana sighed. One more thing to worry about.
Ana took the pet bed upstairs, Jax trailing behind. Closing the door, she placed it on the floor, then told Jax what it was. Jax looked at her, highly insulted.
“I didn’t say you had to sleep in it,” she said, laughing. “Just that’s what it’s for.”
Jax pushed it under the bed, then climbed on the chair, turning her back and staring out the window. Ana laughed again, then retrieved the pet bed. Entering the closet, she sat down and hunched over. Pulling out the small scissors she had hidden, she slit the bottom seam. When the opening was large enough, she separated the fluffy foam inside, then reached into the bag at her side. Pulling out the papers she had removed from the journal, she slid them between the foam and moved them around, carefully covering everything and making sure no edges stuck out. Sewing the seam back up, she placed it on the floor, took the now empty binding, and stuck it in her shirt. Rising, she grabbed some linens and dumped them on the bed. Jax turned around, suddenly more interested in what Ana was doing than in staying annoyed, and eventually jumped off the chair and trotted to her side.
“I’m going to do the sheets and towels, so Daddy doesn’t have to,” Ana said to her companion. “Want to help?”
Jax nodded, so Ana started stripping her bed, dropping the book on the floor and kicking it underneath. Jax retrieved the towels from the bathroom, dragging them behind her. She gathered everything up and dumped it in the basket. Marching down the hall, she and Jax to put everything in the machine and started it up. Returning to her room, she made the bed, sliding the book back into her mattress before covering it with the sheets.
Ana had placed the digi-drive with the blank ones on her bureau. Hiding it in plain sight was less suspicious and she made sure to keep it on the end so it didn’t get mixed up with the rest. Everything else had been taken care of and now all she had to do was wait.
She retrieved the pet bed and placed it on the floor. Jax went to shove it again and Ana told her to leave it. Jax shot her a disgusted look, climbed on the bed, and made a big show of crawling under the blankets. Ana laughed again, shaking her head as she thought about the people who believed her companion would ever consent to sleeping anywhere else.
Ana fell on her bed after the workout, giggling madly. Her instructor had tried to kiss her good-bye and she found it hysterical for some reason. Rolling over, she smothered her laughter in the pillow, not sure why she was laughing but unable to help herself. Jax looked at her, mildly concerned, which made her laugh harder. It wasn’t until the laughter turned to tears that she began to understand what was wrong.
She didn’t want to go. She was scared, lonely, and she missed Jan. Being home made her feel safe. But more than that, she could hide. Hide from the world and all the horrors it held. Even her nightmares were manageable at home. Now she was headed to a place more dangerous than the island. At least there, Jan was waiting at the end. Now, she had nothing but whatever Vice Premier Drake planned, and Ana was sure it wouldn’t be good.
She eventually got her herself under control and was headed to the shower when the flashback hit. Jax came to investigate when she heard Ana hit the ground. Seeing her writhing on the tiles, Jax took off. Flying down the hall, the little creature threw herself at the master bedroom door. When there was no response, she threw herself again. On the fourth hit, Ana’s father opened it, wondering why Jax was causing such a commotion. Jax grabbed the bottom of his robe and pulled, leading him to Ana’s bedroom.
Ana’s father saw Ana, now rigid with unseeing eyes and mouth stretched as far open as it could go, and ran to her side. When he tried to lift her, her body was so stiff he couldn’t get her off the floor. Yanking several towels from the closet, he placed them under her head, then pulled a blanket off the bed and wrapped her in it. Sitting by her side, he held her hand, speaking softly as he waited for the flashback to pass.
Ana spent over four hours in the flashback. Alternating between spasms and locked muscles, she could barely move once her eyes cleared and she realized where she was. Looking at her father, she started crying uncontrollably, clinging to him as if drowning. Her father rocked her as the tears flowed, heedless of the sweat dripping off her.
“Daddy, what am I going to do?” she cried, softly hiccupping.
“Ana, why didn’t you tell me you suffered from flashbacks?” her father asked, smoothing her hair from the sweat-plastered forehead.
“I was afraid you would make see someone,” she whispered. “Since I can’t talk about them, I couldn’t tell a doctor what happened. He would be mad, you would be upset, and I would still have them.”
“How many? How many have you had?”
“This is the fourth. Not including the one on the island.”
“Ana, how many leeches did Jan remove?”
“Thirteen.”
“Does Vice Premier Raven know?” Ana’s father asked, whistling at the number.
“I don’t know,” she replied. “I mean, he probably does. I told Ky what I remembered from the hallucinations. But I never told anyone how many. Only Jan knows.”
“It’s a miracle you survived,” her father said. He pulled up a pajama leg, revealing three scars similar to hers. “I have one more on the other leg. I suffered flashbacks for several years, but they never lasted more than two hours and never occurred less than four or five months apart. Both decreased as time went on and it’s been over twelve years since I’ve had one. I can’t possibly imagine what you’re going through. This is something that should have been bought to the Vice Premier’s attention immediately. You’re going to need to be able to handle these at the Academy and if no one knows how badly you suffered, you could end up seriously hurt. Thirteen leeches is an unheard of number for one person to survive.”
Ana bowed her head. It didn’t matter how many there had been. She survived their assault and now had to deal with the consequences. She doubted her experience would change anything and was worried Vice Premier Drake would insist she get help if he found out. As much as she hated them, she much preferred the flashbacks to seeing one of the Vice Premier’s doctors.
“Daddy, I can’t tell him. I don’t think it will matter and even if it does, it’s too late. If I tell him how many and he thinks it’s going to cause me to fail, I’m going back to the island to spend the rest of my life like Mikal. I’d rather deal with the flashbacks on my own and take my chances.”
“Ana, honey, this is serious. Deadly serious. Every time you flashback, it affects you. You could end up needing surgery for vision or hearing problems, for cardiac or pulmonary issues, or suffer long-term migraines or neurological problems. Not to mention the stress each one puts you under.”
“I can’t, Daddy,” Ana moaned, starting to tremble. “I can’t take the chance of being sent back. I just can’t.”
“What do you think will happen if someone finds out while you’re at the Academy?”
“I’ve managed three of them on my own so far. This was the first time I didn’t see it coming. When I come home, I’ll go for help. But I can’t tell anyone now.”
Ana’s father sighed. The fact she survived thirteen leeches only meant Vice Premier Drake would consider her even more special. Ana was afraid she would be sent back but he knew better. Sighing again, he came to a decision, one he hated but had no choice but to make.
“Okay Ana. I’ll honor your wishes, but on one condition. I want you to start studying meditation along with your Tai Chi. The meditation will reinforce the Tai Chi discipline, helping you focus. Whenever you start to feel overwhelmed, you’re to find someplace quiet and meditate. Immediately. Do you understand?”
“How do I explain that to my instructors?”
“You don’t. You’ll eventually be able to do it without anyone noticing. I suggest you look up classes. If anyon
e asks, just tell them it helps you deal with stress. Continue to keep your legs hidden. You can admit to being bitten, but don’t tell anyone how many there were. Deal?”
Ana nodded. She had hoped the flashbacks would ease once she left the island and never expected to have one at home. In addition to everything else, she was going to have to make sure she was always prepared for another one. Ana wished she could crawl under a rock and stay there. Alone. Forever.
Ana’s father gently lifter her and carried her to bed. Retrieving the blanket, he covered her, then gave her a kiss.
“Get some sleep hon,” he said, leaving the room. “I’ll take Jax with me since Niall is due any minute.”
“Please remember to ask Elva about the digi-drives, Daddy. I think she has a much better chance of getting them to let me record Jax than if I ask on my own.”
“I will. Now get some rest, my little hawk. I’ll see you in a bit.”
Ana slept for a little over an hour. She woke feeling like she hadn’t slept at all but couldn’t stay still. Rising, she took a long shower, then ventured downstairs, pleased to note Niall’s session wasn’t quite over. She had bought a gift and wanted to say good-bye, not sure when she would see him again.
Ana’s father was nowhere to be found and she assumed he was in his office. She felt a strong urge to knock on the door, the books calling every time she passed. Mentally chastising herself, she went to the kitchen instead. Making a bowl of steamed vegetables and rice, she grabbed a bottle of juice and sat at the counter. Munching on the food, she contemplated what had happened. She had spent so much time trying to avoid thinking about things that it caused her to flashback. This one had been the worst so far. She didn’t remember much but she felt much more uneasy than she had after the others.
Finishing her meal, Ana dumped the dishes in the washer, then went and got Niall’s gift. Standing outside the front room, she waited patiently. When Niall opened the door, he looked at her and a slight smile appeared. She smiled back and squatted, handing Niall the drive she had made this morning.
“Jax!” Niall cried, laughing.
“Yes, Jax,” she said. Pulling out his gift, she presented it to him. Niall looked at it, standing stock still. His arms lifted and he held out his hands, reaching for what she held. Ana smiled and handed the gift to Niall.
Ana had found a stuffed monkey the same color as Jax. She had also purchased a stuffed cat with a large bushy tail. Taking the toys to a custom clothing store, she requested they dye the fur around the monkey’s eyes black and asked for black and white rings around the cat’s tail. Once they were delivered, she swapped the tails. She couldn’t do anything about the ears or the fingers, but hoped it was close enough for Niall to feel it was just like Jax.
Niall took the stuffed toy, clutching it tightly, and gave her a slightly larger smile.
“Jax,” he cooed, hugging the toy.
“Like Jax,” she said. “Now you’ll have something to remind you of her when she’s not around.”
Elva looked at Ana with appreciation. Taking Niall’s free hand, she led him to the door.
“Please make sure my mother knows she’s not to touch the toy,” Ana said harshly. “She hates Jax and resents me and these sessions. Unless she’s told hands off, she will destroy it.”
“Your mother would be that cruel?” Elva asked, startled.
“Yes, she would. You saw how she was the first day. She had to be told by Vice Premier Drake himself to behave. I don’t want to have to go to him every time I give something to my brother. But if you inform your superiors about how the toy has made Niall open up and infer that taking it away will cause him to suffer, my mother will have no choice. And please make sure he still has it every time he comes for his sessions.”
Elva nodded, sighing deeply.
“This case is already difficult. Most parents would never have had the child, knowing what they faced. I don’t fault your mother for her choice, but I do often wonder if she is qualified. She claims she wants what is best, but from what I can see, it’s only what she thinks is best, not what really is. I’ll make sure Niall keeps the toy. I’ll also see about the Academy allowing you to record Jax, but on that, I can’t make any guarantees.”
“I know. It’s why I got the toy. I am glad he understands what it represents. I wasn’t sure he would.”
While Ana and Elva had been talking, Ana’s father joined them.
“Has the visitation been approved?” he asked Elva.
“Yes, although your wife is not happy about it. You’ll be allowed to take Niall to and from his sessions as well as having him three mornings a week. I recommend you get Niall into a routine as fast as possible. The change in location is going to upset him.”
“I know. I’d like to have him more often, but I think for now, it’s better if he stays with his mother most of the time. As he settles into the new routine, we can discuss making my time with him longer.”
“Indeed, Mr. Swift,” Elva replied. “If it were up to me, Niall would be here and only visiting her. But Niall is used to his mother being around and that stability is something he desperately needs. I’ll be in touch.”
Ana squatted and hugged her brother. He didn’t fight her but didn’t respond either. Kissing him, she turned away, not wanting him to see her cry. Niall let Elva lead him to the transport, clutching the toy as he was lifted inside. Ana stifled a sob, then made her way to the living room, not wanting to watch her brother go.
“Ana, I’ll make sure your mother doesn’t dispose of the toy.”
“Thank you, Daddy,” she said softly. “I am glad he liked it, even if he doesn’t understand it was a gift.”
“Someday, Ana, someday. I truly believe Niall’s condition is self-imposed, although I don’t know why. It’s just a matter of time before there is a breakthrough.”
“I hope so, Daddy. I used to think him a pain. Now, I love him. And I worry about what Mom is doing.”
“Your mother loves Niall more than anything in the world. She would never knowingly hurt him.”
“But she might unknowingly do it if she’s upset with me.”
Ana’s father didn’t respond, knowing anything he said would make his daughter angry. In some ways, Ana was a lot like her mother.
“Are you hungry?” he asked instead. “I can make some dinner if you want.”
“I’m sorry, Daddy. I was so hungry after my nap I made something to eat. Can we wait a little bit?”
“Sure. Is there anything you’d like to do?”
“Can we sit and talk? I have some questions.”
The pair moved to the couch. Ana sat alongside her father, curling her feet under her as Jax hopped in her lap. Stroking the creature, she hesitated.
“Why don’t you ever talk about what goes on at the Academy?” she finally asked.
“For the same reason you don’t talk about what you went through. I’m not supposed to.”
“Even with your own daughter?”
Ana’s father let out a deep sigh and sat back. Placing an elbow on the arm of the couch, he rested his chin in his hand and stroked it thoughtfully.
“I can’t tell you of my experiences. It’s forbidden. But I can say is this. Some classes will be similar to what you’ve taken before. Some will be interesting, some will be boring, and some will be unlike anything you’ve ever experienced. You’ll learn a great deal, but those lessons will be hard.
“I can also give you some advice. First, never let anyone see you cry. I’m not saying you can’t, just don’t let anyone see you do it. It’ll be taken as a sign of weakness and you’ll be tormented because of it.
“Second, don’t trust anyone. Every student expects to pass and be granted a high government position. As a result, there is intense competition to be better than everyone else and many will have no problem stabbing you in the back.
“Third, do as you’re told. The administration doesn’t look kindly on those who break the rules and punishments are both h
arsh and swift.
“And finally, don’t let anyone bully you. You’re entering well after the semester has started, you’re younger than anyone else, and you’re being given special privileges. I’m not going to lie. You’ll face a lot of resentment because of it. If you stand up for yourself, you’ll eventually gain respect, and they’ll leave you alone. And believe it or not, you’ll make friends. You’ll meet people who will like you for who you are and not want to take anything from you. “
Ana sat quietly, stroking Jax. She had no intention of following the rules. If she did, she would never discover anything useful.
“Please be careful, my little hawk,” Ana’s father whispered, pulling her into a fierce hug.
“I will, Daddy.”
Ana’s father let go, gazing at his daughter with pride. She was a survivor. He just hoped she had the strength to survive Vice Premier Drake.
Ana was restless again. Rising, she started pacing. Her father followed her as she passed back and forth, finally stopping her with one hand.
“You need to calm down,” he said. “If you don’t, you might end up in another flashback.”
“I can’t,” Ana replied. “My body refuses to sit still.’
“Go take a warm bath. When you’re done, come back down. We’ll sit and talk, but only about good things.”
Ana nodded and headed upstairs, not sure the bath would help. Sinking into the warm water, she closed her eyes and fantasized about being with Jan. When the water cooled enough to be uncomfortable, she exited and got into her pajamas, surprised at how much more relaxed she felt.
The two spent the rest of the evening swapping stories, being careful to steer clear of the island and the books. Ana would have gone on talking forever, hoping tomorrow never came, but eventually started to nod off. When he insisted it was time to call it a night, she bobbed her head wearily and headed to her room. Climbing into bed, she curled around Jax, falling asleep almost instantly.
Her rest last exactly three hours. Ana woke in the dead of the night, restless once again. Descending to the living room, she tried to distract herself by turning on the large tab. Unable to sit still, she turned it off and headed down the hall. Fooling the pad of her father’s office by using a fingerprint lifted from a dirty glass, she slipped inside. Closing the door quietly behind her, she turned on the small lamp and scanned the shelves until she found the book she was looking for. Settling into the armchair, she read 1984.
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