by LeeSha McCoy
But I just can't see any man in the entire kratius being happy with who I am. I feel so out of place here, I did even as a child. Yes, I was happy, but as I've grown older, I've come to realise that there are many things about what I think and crave that aren't normal.
I can still remember the look on my best friend’s face when I told her I fantasised about werewolves when I turned eighteen.
We aren't friends anymore.
I’m so lonely, and that's another reason I don't want to be alone. I know what I need to do to stop feeling this way, but after so long pretending to be someone else to fit in, I can't seem to break the habits.
How can I love myself when I can’t find anyone else to?
‘You need to love yourself first, so they can.’
Maybe Malika and I were born into the wrong roles.
‘Nonsense. We are one in the same, it is your confidence that holds you back.’
‘Possibly…’
‘You know your mother will never let you have the rest of your noir magic until you sort your shit out. That should be incentive enough. Imagine the things we’ll be able to do. We’ll be able to hear thoughts, which means we’ll know a man’s true intentions from the get-go.’
‘I know.’ My brother got his long ago and intends to bind to Anahita, the Queen of Gawta. They seem so happy when they visit, and I can't say that I'm not envious.
“But remember, Anahita waited millennia for your brother. Yet, she has always been herself, and most importantly, happy.”
We turn to Ariella, whose appeared beside my bed, and after Malika greets her, she gives me back control of my body. “Hello, Ariella.”
“Karrisee. I thought you may need some girl-talk time.”
“Nowhere to rush to?”
She shakes her head. “Nope. Aura's dealing with everything until we're done.” She makes the bed before sitting down and tapping the spot beside her. “Come, talk to me.”
I go to her, but I don't sit beside her, I fall back and stare at the ceiling. “He broke up with me.”
“I know. How are you feeling?”
“At this point? Hopeless.”
“I can understand that.” She sighs. “Are you not sick of this yet?”
“I've been sick of it for years, but what am I to do? I can't seem to get out of my own damned way.”
“You need to spend some time alone, and I mean, single. Offload all the fake personas and just be yourself.”
“That's easier said than done.”
“Perhaps, but how will you know what kind of man you want in your life if you're forever changing who you are and what you want?”
I laugh bitterly before turning to look up at her. “What I truly want in a man doesn't exist in the kratius.” I've often felt like giving up my status here and begging her to take me to the world.
Her world is full of werewolves.
I only want one.
She smiles. “Just focus on yourself for now. Y’know, back in the world, there is a really popular saying. ‘You find your true love when you least expect it.’ I agree with Malika. Work on who you are. Heal from Qson and all the other relationships that have hurt you, and I'm sure you will get what you need.”
“Yeah...”
“Hey,” she says, resting a hand on my arm to bring me comfort, “trust me, alright?”
“I do.” I love her to bits. She's always been there for me and my entire family growing up. Mom adores her, too, and so does my dad. We all do.
“Good. Now, get some sleep. Tomorrow, start work on you, alright? Only you can change your life.”
Then she's gone.
Ugh, that is gonna be so much easier said than done…
‘But the sooner you start, the sooner we’ll get there. Think positive, Karrisee.’
“Yeah, yeah…”
Six
Amarey
In the world…
The club was dead, but thankfully, just after my cousins linked up with a few girls, a little dark-skinned shorty approached me, and now we’re at her place watching Netflix on her couch.
Well, she's trying to; I'm about to make her cum for the third time.
She's not as curvy as I'd like, or tall, but she’s a ware, smells good, and her pussy is wet as fuck. Exactly how I like them. I kinda wish she was a little more vocal and demanding, but she ain’t my mate, so whatever. I even tried asking her what she likes, but she seems to be liking everything I’ve done so far…
When my sis first hooked me up like this, it was a little weird, I can’t lie, but sex is a huge part of what we are, and with the men in my family being over-blessed in the endowment department, at least this way I can make sure I won’t hurt anyone, physically or emotionally.
This shit is a mutual exchange.
“Please... Shit. No more.” She pulls at my arm, and although she's not as strong as me, I act like her grip is strong enough to stop me in my tracks.
Only my parents are stronger than me, and this girl doesn’t know who I really am. Ells makes sure I look different when I go out to the clubs at the holds so that I don’t get hounded. All of us James’ are famous in our world, so people would be kneeling and ‘sireing’ me left right and centre otherwise.
And fuck that when I’m tryna chill.
I sit back up, and after Oval catches her breath, she tries to go down on me, but I stop her.
That shocks her. “You don't like head?”
I shake my head, once. “Nah.” I do, but I got bitten bad last year and Ells had to come heal my ass, so now I don't trust these girls’ mouths anywhere near my goods. I might be changed now, but I can still hurt, and I still take a minute to heal.
She quickly shrugs off my refusal, and after freeing me from my jeans, climbs onto my lap to work her way inside me while clawing her nails down my arms.
She’s rough as hell with me…
Good.
It takes me a second to adjust to how different this is as a ware, no doubt. All my senses are heightened to a hundred, and the grip inside her is…
“Fuck.” Like a damned vice.
Her nails dig deep into my shoulders as she releases a ragged breath, but although I wish her hands were around my throat, I keep that shit to myself. “Yeah, I’d say,” she breathes. “You’re hung like hell.” Her whimper tells me she’s struggling to accept me, but she goes with it, and I quickly realise she likes the pain that comes with it.
Typical ware.
She moans with half my dick inside her. “Hung as fuck.”
I almost chuckle at that, but then she leans forward to kiss me hella passionately, which catches me off guard.
She’s ticking a lot of boxes, it's just a shame I feel nothing in return. I keep waiting to feel a spark with a female, but no matter how many girls I meet, it never comes. I guess it’s wishful thinking to assume my sister was actually gonna make my life easy and set me up with my mate.
I try to shut off my thoughts and immerse myself more into this by inhaling Oval’s sweet scent and grabbing her cushy hips, barely resisting the urge to make her take my entire length. I wanna be buried deep, but I hold back. I don't want my sis coming here to have to heal her either.
Thank God dad insisted on teaching me self-control.
“So good…” Her walls shudder as she begins to rock her hips, and when I feel up her breasts, she rolls her head back and…
Uses me.
I can’t say it doesn’t make me feel a way, ‘cause it does. I mean, I’m down for just sex, but the whole thing feels off, and even when I nut, I don’t feel the same way I usually do.
The whole experience is empty, and for the first time, I think about my mate and how different this would be with her. How she’d—
“Hello?”
I look up at Oval climbing off my lap. “Yeah?”
“You okay? You looked miles away for a minute there.”
“Yeah, I’m good. You done?”
She laughs before looking down at my di
ck. “With that? Hell no. You?”
“Nah.” I’mma try this shit again and hopefully get better results.
“Bedroom?”
I nod as I get up. “And on the way.”
***
It’s just after six when I’m ready to leave Oval’s place. After a few brief conversations between sex, I found out her parents had my mum’s blood, which was why she was able to take my dick so many times. The strength in mum’s blood carries down the generations, so even if she hasn’t had it, she reaps the benefits.
She lingers by the front door and bites her lip. I know she wants to say something, so I tell her to spit it out.
“Um, thanks for tonight, but I don't want a relationship or anything…”
I laugh before giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. “It's cool, neither do I.”
She smiles in relief. “I had fun.”
“Same. Get some sleep.”
“Yeah…”
My stomach growls when I get inside the gold Maserati truck that my sis gave me for my twentieth, so I decide to swing by Andreas’ place on my way back to mine. He’s always got food on the stove; he’s like Grandma James and Grandpa.
Always cooking, always hungry.
He barely sleeps either, so I know he’ll be up, especially at this time ‘cause he lives on US time zones. He's a gamer, so he basically lives online. No one knows who he is but he's pretty damn famous with over twenty million followers on YouTube. Not only is it a good job he's good with tech so he can encrypt all his shit, but that we have a sister that can do anything she puts her smart-ass mind to.
“What’s good, bruv?” he asks when I walk into his kitchen. His place is open planned, so I can see him on the couch from here.
“Nothing. I came to eat.” Von’s lucky he can magic his own damned food. I wish I had that skill. I look in the pots on the stove to find fried fish, chicken, greens, mac and cheese, and cornbread.
I’m about to tear all this shit up.
“Aight. I just finished up a six-hour tournament, so I’ma eat witchu.”
I eye the chat on his TV screen before he switches it off. “A tournament, huh? Is that what they call online girlfriends now?”
He rolls his eyes as he gets up off the couch. “Mind your business. You want a drink? I got some of Uncle Quis’ extra-strength shit here that Von left.”
“Yeah, sure. Who is she?”
He runs his hand over his locs and glares at me. “I said—”
“Come on, man. You really gonna be like that? Does DJ know?” Those two are close as fuck, just like Ells and Harmony. I’m closest to Rome.
“He don’t know shit. He's too busy psyching himself up over Von's sister arriving next week.”
I frown. “He knows?” I thought that shit was just between us James’.
He pours himself a bourbon and then my drink, and I smell how strong it is. “Nah, but he saw a picture of her when he was with Von the other day, and the mate trigger started firing off like crazy.”
“Oh, shit... So both of y'all loved up then?”
“I ain't loved up, bro.” He hands me my drink aggressively, which almost spills. He’s only a few months away from his change now, but his temper is still worse than mine.
And that’s saying something, ‘cause mine can be bad.
“Sure. You ain’t fooling no one with that shit.”
He practically growls before looking away from me. “What’s good with you anyway? How you feeling with all the gruelling shit Har and Ari have you going through?”
He wants to avoid the subject, but that’s cool, for now. “It's alright, I just wonder why they're being so damned hard on me. I mean, Harmony didn’t hold shit back.”
“Yooo.” He laughs. “They really ain't playing no games with your ass. I hope she don't train me, cause boy, she's brutal.”
“For real. I swear she broke my arm in three places last week. Had my wrist hanging for a good few minutes before it healed enough for me to hold back up.”
“Damn.” He shudders. “Fuck all that.”
“Right.” I wonder if she’ll treat him the same in a few months…
“Come, let’s eat.” He grabs two plates from the cupboard. “I’m starving, too.”
“Aight, and then you can tell me about WolfGirl54.”
He side-eyes me. “Bruh…”
Seven
Ariella
I lie beside Davonyé to watch him sleep. I stopped sleeping years ago and can't even force myself to anymore. Not that I mind, because I get precious moments like these, when the world and all its chaos is in order, and I can admire the love of my life in his most peaceful state.
He’s still the finest man I’ve ever laid eyes on, and I’ve seen the faces of millions. I can only see his top half because the rest is hidden by the sheets, but the sight of his powerful form, dark silky skin, and ink for me, still makes my breath unsteady and my heart race uncontrollably…
My love for him has grown to a level I never thought possible. He's more to me now than I could’ve ever imagined he’d be. His company, LJ&Co, is doing amazing, and I’m so proud of how he’s adjusted to it all. His creativity knows no bounds, and his designs are changing the way people all over the world feel about themselves.
His family’s proud of him, too, and I know his father would be if he were still alive.
Leblanc James & Co doesn’t have a face; he set it up that way in order to deal with him never aging, but it’s still famous as hell. He designs all of the collections himself, using me for his women’s pieces and dad or one of the many men in my family for his menswear, then when it’s time to submit them, he changes his appearance to show the rest of his team.
It’s a lot of work for him, but the magic he has—fuelled by mine—makes his life run as smoothly as possible. Even Aura helps him out sometimes, which I love.
But as busy as his days sometimes get, he's always, always there for me.
Always supporting me.
Always finding new ways to love me.
His support means everything. I’m well aware that there are times he misses me. I told him often when I started taking on more responsibly as an elder that it wouldn't always be easy to love me, but still, he's never once shown any kind of resentment towards that fact. Never so much as had a fleeting thought of being with anyone else, and mates or not, it means the world.
I know it’s not ideal loving someone who disappears a million times a day, during important moments and intimate ones. I’m not sure if I’d be quite so understanding, but Davonyé’s forever the king he was when we first fell in love, and I’m grateful for him every single day.
The next step for us now is kids. We’re both a little concerned with how we’ll make it work between both our busy schedules, but I'm ready, and so is he. Aura knows it, too, of course. I haven’t pried into our future with kids, but I feel it in my being that it won't be long now.
I usually have to restrain him at least once during a full moon anyway, but the closer I've become to wanting a family of my own, the harder it's been to do that because I don't want to stop him from changing us. I crave to feel the deeper intimacy that being with him while shifted brings.
There have been times we’ve explored each other while changed, and it’s a lot for both of us. Our scents are so much more heightened, the bond is intense as hell, and the way his fur feels against mine is a test to my control and magic.
Harmony and Jaheim are wanting to start a family, too. Once Har changed and their strength became balanced, it didn’t take her long to convince Jah of how good they’d be as parents. Jaheim may have been hesitant of a lot of things before he found my cousin, but she’s proved time and time again that the love and support of a good woman can free the mind of the most stubborn man.
He’s changed her, too, and it’s been beautiful to see their relationship grow how it has—near death experiences and all. It will be amazing to see them as parents in real life, not just in my visions,
but I also know that they’re waiting for us because they want our kids to grow up together.
We want that, too. Although, I'm secretly hoping for twins. I saw a glimpse of an outcome where I got them before I stopped looking into my future like that. I had to, because I swear life gets boring when there aren’t any surprises.
Davonyé still feels a way about me finding out about his plan to build us this house ten years ago. I didn’t mean to ruin the surprise, but as soon as he thought about it, we both saw the vision of it. Him through me.
He spanked me for it after.
That was so hot…
He suddenly stirs, and after a soft inhale, he opens his dark eyes to look at me. “Bae?”
I smile back at him, my heart fluttering like it always does. “Hey, baby.” He doesn't sleep that much now either. Maybe four hours a night. I think us being binded has a lot to do with that, and Aura.
His eyes wander the length of my body and flicker with blue when my nipples harden beneath my silk nightie. We haven’t touched each other intimately for a few days, and we both miss it.
Badly.
‘Damn…’ I hear, and then I taste toothpaste in my mouth and smell vanilla from where he’s showered us with his magic. “How was your future sister-in-law? Still caught up in her past?”
I nod and replay him the conversation we had. He can't hear what happens while I'm over there. “She's so incredible… I just wish she'd see it.” She beats herself up so much for being different, but if only she knew that she’s everything my brother needs in a mate. Strong, passionate, fiery in nature.
Demanding.
Her body alone I know will bring my brother to his knees.
“She will, and if she doesn't, she soon will after she has your brother in her life.”
“Yeah, if she’s ever ready…” I wish I could just tell her, and it hurts that I can’t. Lessons must be learned on the journey, though, and this time, it’s not mine.