The Seaside Angel

by Evie Grace

  ‘When I say that I offer marriage, I do it out of love, not convenience – not for Mercy and your sister’s memory, but for you, because you mean everything to me. I would do anything for you – give you up, if I had to. This is your decision.’

  Hannah thought of the wards and how the Lettsom didn’t feel like hers any more. She thought of the giant behemoth of the infirmary, the challenge and satisfaction of keeping it running smoothly, the conflicts with the doctors and the governors, the minutiae of keeping the bathing attendants happy, and the patients adequately fed. She recalled Matron once talking of how she had missed out on marriage.

  James’s love was selfless, thoughtful … he’d said he loved her. And if she was honest with herself, she loved him too, deeply. Their affection for each other had been tested, and not found wanting.

  ‘I realise that it’s a lot to think about,’ he said eventually. ‘You can have as much time as you need.’

  ‘I have some questions,’ she said.

  ‘Ask me anything you like.’

  ‘I have a reputation, thanks to what’s happened. You will lose patients.’

  ‘That is up to them. I will always have enough work – it’s the nature of the job. I know I’ve talked of this before, but I have no doubt that Suzanna would give her blessing to my marrying again. She wouldn’t have wanted me to grow old alone … and childless.’ His voice was taut with suspense. ‘Neither of us will forget those we’ve loved and lost, but we must move on, honouring their memory and the parts they played in shaping us. Hannah, does this mean that you’re reconsidering my offer?’

  ‘I have one more question, an obstacle which is harder to overcome than anything else we’ve encountered,’ she said. ‘What if I should turn out to be like my mother?’

  He smiled. ‘Don’t all daughters turn out like their mothers?’

  ‘I mean, what if I develop the same tendencies as her, the melancholia and insanity, like Ruby?’

  A brief frown crossed his eyes.

  ‘We would cross that bridge if we came to it. When you marry, it’s for better, for worse, in sickness and in health. There’s no suggestion in your attitude or character that you would exhibit these signs. Is that all?’

  ‘Not quite. Are you sure you’re willing to take on an infant who was born out of wedlock?’

  ‘To be honest, I adore her already. Who could fail to love an innocent child like little Mercy? But these are all side issues.’

  Hannah’s heart beat faster. She didn’t care any more. She could hear Alice saying, I told you so, and Charlotte’s expressions of disbelief, that she would give up her vocation for love.

  ‘What do you say?’ he said. ‘You’ve gone remarkably quiet.’

  ‘In this situation, I believe it’s the custom for the gentleman to go down on one knee.’

  ‘You mean?’ A flicker of a smile crossed his face.

  ‘Ask me,’ she said softly, and he raised himself from the chair – awkwardly with his arm still encased in plaster – and knelt in front of her. ‘You might have to help me up afterwards,’ he chuckled. ‘Take my hand. I’m sorry I can’t give you both.’

  Smiling, she reached out and caught his fingers in hers.

  ‘You’re trembling,’ she whispered.

  ‘So are you …’ He gazed up at her. ‘My dear Hannah, I’ve loved you since I first set eyes on you. You took my breath away and stole my heart when you turned up at the house that day with the boys from St Pancras. You’ve impressed me with your courage in speaking out when you see something is wrong, and the way you care for our patients as if they were part of your family. You have also infuriated me at times with your stubborn refusal to acknowledge our feelings for each other, but I admire your determination and grit in going forward with your ambitions, staying true to yourself. You are the most caring person I’ve ever met, selfless, compassionate and kind.

  ‘When I met you, I was a deeply dejected man – grieving for my wife, stuck, in a way, but your friendship has healed my broken heart.’

  ‘Oh, James …’

  ‘Will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?’

  A tear rolled down her cheek. He released her hand and reached up to wipe it away, his touch like fire against her skin.

  ‘I was hoping to make you happy,’ he said, half smiling.

  ‘I am happy,’ she exclaimed. ‘Oh, let me help you up. The answer’s yes, my love, my dearest man.’ Her eyes stung and her heart ached with a joy she had never experienced before.

  ‘I thought you would turn me down,’ he said as she helped him to his feet. ‘May I kiss you?’

  Boldly, she put her arms around his neck, inclining her face towards his. He bowed his head and pressed his lips to hers, the contact making her giddy with delight and desire.

  Eventually, she tore herself away. ‘When will we be married?’

  He smiled again, as though reading her mind.

  ‘As soon as possible, if you’re happy with that.’

  ‘I’ll write my letter of resignation to Matron.’

  ‘I realise how much I’m asking of you, but I’ve wished for a long time to have you at my side—’ There was a cry from the chest and he frowned. ‘I’d almost forgotten … Go on. She’s calling for her aunt.’

  ‘She’s quite demanding, much like her mother,’ Hannah smiled.

  ‘Is she hungry or thirsty?’ he asked as he accompanied her to the makeshift crib. ‘Does the wet nurse still attend to her as arranged?’

  ‘Dear Effie comes three times a day, but that isn’t enough for a hungry infant, so I supplement her diet with pap and goat’s milk. I have a bottle ready for her. I keep it outside in the box on the windowledge.’

  ‘Let me get it.’ He hauled the window open and fetched the bottle, while Hannah collected Mercy who was squalling pitifully. ‘It needs warming.’ She nodded towards the iron pot she’d rigged up over the fire. ‘If you place it in the water, it’ll heat up quite quickly.’

  ‘Perhaps not fast enough to save our eardrums,’ James smiled. ‘Hannah, you can’t live like this. It isn’t right.’

  ‘It’s the best I can do. Mercy has clean clothes, warmth, fresh air, food and more love than I thought capable of bestowing on a single human being.’

  ‘What I said wasn’t an insult. I admire what you’re doing, but I find it painful to see you in a place like this when, in my mind, you deserve nothing less than a palace—’

  ‘Will yer keep that racket down? Either feed the child or put it out of its misery. I ’ave a piller that’ll do the job very well.’ The words were accompanied by a hammering at the door.

  ‘Oh dear. That’s one of the other lodgers.’

  ‘Then something must be done. I’ll go and—’

  ‘No, James. You would be at a considerable disadvantage – Mr Garling is twice your size and has the use of both arms.’

  ‘You mean, he would enter into a fight with me?’

  ‘I wouldn’t put it past him. Pass me the bottle – take it out of the pot with the tongs, then wrap it in the cloth. That’s right.’

  He handed the bottle to her. She sucked on the teat to unblock the hole, then turned it upside down, pouring a couple of drops of milk on to her wrist.

  ‘That’s perfect.’ She offered Mercy the teat, and after a moment or two of crying and snuffling, she took it. ‘Silence is golden. Are you sure you still want us after that?’ she asked when the only sounds she could hear were the baby sucking, and the air bubbling back through the milk as she drained the bottle.

  ‘More than anything in the world,’ James said.

  On the first Wednesday in June, Alice was with Hannah at the lodgings James had found for her, having decided that Mrs Wells’s rooms weren’t suitable for his fiancée and an infant.

  ‘You’ll have to put her down soon, you know,’ Alice chuckled as Hannah walked up and down the bedroom, rocking Mercy gently in her arms.

  ‘I know.’ Breathing in her sweet, milky scent, Hannah ki
ssed Mercy’s forehead. ‘I’m getting married! I can’t believe it.’

  ‘Neither can I, when I look back to all the times when you said you’d never wed.’ Alice went to answer the doorbell. ‘Miss Gold is here,’ she said, returning with a young woman who was dressed modestly in a navy coat and hat.

  ‘You’ve come to take Mercy,’ Hannah sighed. ‘I’m not sure I can give her up.’

  ‘You’ll see her after the wedding, no doubt.’ Miss Gold smiled and, reluctantly, Hannah handed Mercy over and watched as the baby settled contentedly in her arms, confirming what she already knew: that she and James had chosen well. She couldn’t wish for a better nanny. ‘I’ll look after her, Miss Bentley,’ she said. ‘Oh, I’ll have to get used to calling you Mrs Clifton very soon.’

  ‘We all will,’ Alice said.

  ‘I’ll take her downstairs – I have the pram waiting.’ Miss Gold gave Hannah a small curtsey. ‘I hope you have a lovely day.’

  Hannah thanked her, and within the hour, having put aside her mourning dress she was wearing her silk wedding gown with a train and veil, satin shoes and a gift from James, a necklace of pearls.

  ‘Marry in white, you’ve chosen right.’ Alice fastened the clasp at the back of her neck. ‘I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t even the tiniest bit envious.’

  ‘I have a present for you.’ Hannah opened the drawer in the dressing table and pulled out a small velvet box.

  ‘Oh, you shouldn’t have.’

  ‘It’s a token to say how much we appreciate your friendship.’ She turned to face her. ‘It’s never wavered, no matter what.’

  ‘Well, of course it hasn’t – it wouldn’t be friendship if it had.’

  ‘Open it.’ Hannah pressed the box into her hand and watched Alice’s eyes light up as she took out the brooch, a knot forged from silver.

  ‘It’s delightful. More than delightful. I don’t know what to say, except thank you.’

  ‘It’s our pleasure.’ Hannah heard the sound of a carriage pulling up outside. ‘I think it’s time for us to leave.’

  She took one last look around the rooms that she’d shared with Mercy for the past few weeks. Tonight, she would be staying in a hotel with her husband, and after that, she would be moving into the house in Cecil Square. ‘Alice, look at my hands.’

  ‘They’re shaking,’ she said.

  ‘I’m nervous … and excited at the same time.’

  ‘I believe it’s quite normal for a bride to be a bag of nerves on her wedding day,’ Alice said. ‘Come along now. We don’t want to keep everyone waiting.’

  Outside Holy Trinity Church, they were united with the flower girls, James’s nieces, wearing white dresses with blue sashes which matched the colour of the groom’s frock coat.

  ‘Where is my bride?’ Her heart missed a beat when she saw James come striding towards her. ‘Hannah, you look radiant. Isn’t she the most beautiful lady in the whole world?’ he said, turning to the flower girls, of which there were six, all under ten.

  ‘Yes, Uncle James,’ they said, giggling and skipping in circles around him.

  ‘It’s time for you to calm down, young ladies,’ Alice said. ‘We have an important job to do. Can you remember what it is? One at a time.’

  James drew Hannah aside while Alice arranged the flower girls in pairs, preparing them to walk into the church.

  ‘Are you ready?’ he whispered, offering his arm.

  Smiling, she nodded and rested her gloved hand on his sleeve, and together they followed Alice and the flower girls along the aisle to the altar where they were married in front of a huge crowd of well-wishers – James’s family, Charlotte and Henry, Mrs Knowles and their friends from the infirmary, and many of James’s patients. Hannah had invited Stepmother out of politeness, but she had declined to attend, giving no reason for her absence. She thought of Ruby who would have loved the occasion, and of her mother who had missed out, but this was no time for regrets.

  Tears pricked her eyes as they said their vows – for better, for worse, in sickness and in health – and, after Alice had removed Hannah’s glove, James slid the wedding ring on to her finger. It was a new beginning, the first step into a golden future with the man she loved at her side.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Trust Me, I’m a Doctor

  On a warm August morning, James walked into the dining room on the first floor of the house in Cecil Square where Hannah had been waiting impatiently for him, a newspaper on the table beside her.

  ‘You look worn out, my dear,’ she said as he came across and kissed her on the cheek. ‘What time did you come home last night? I didn’t hear you.’

  ‘It was in the early hours – I didn’t like to disturb you. The poor man had only just been discharged from the house where he’d been treated for a growth on his leg. Rather foolishly, he decided to celebrate his recovery with a few measures of whisky at one of the taverns. On his way home, he was run over by a carriage.’ James sat down, and Hannah got up to pour his coffee: black with one lump of sugar, just as he liked it. ‘Thank you.’

  ‘How is he?’ Her rings glinted in the sunshine which streamed in through the long windows, the sapphire in the engagement ring being the colour of a summer sky over Margate, the gold sparkling like freshly washed sand.

  ‘The driver, who was in shock, dropped him off at home. His wife sent for me because he wasn’t making sense, but having seen him, I put it down to drink. I’ve given him some opium – he can sleep it off.’ He took the lid off his plate and picked up his knife and fork. ‘I’m sorry to rush, but I have appointments from half past eight.’

  ‘I know,’ she said. ‘You’re fully booked.’

  ‘Henry is at the infirmary, doing rounds with Mr Anthony today.’

  ‘I’ll go tomorrow morning to read to the boys.’ Hannah was enjoying being a lady volunteer: part of the house but without the responsibility. She missed nursing, but not as much as she’d imagined she would. She did find it hard to bite her tongue if she saw anything was amiss, though – not that that happened often, because Alice was a surprisingly strict sister. ‘I have some news of interest – let me read it to you,’ she said as he tucked into bacon and sausages. ‘It’s about’ – she would always struggle to say his name – ‘Mr Milani, no less.’

  ‘This is what happened at the summer assizes?’

  ‘He was released from gaol because there was inadequate evidence to charge him with attempted murder, both men being liars.’

  ‘He would have been sentenced for hard bed, hard board and hard labour, if I’d had my way,’ James said, glancing down at his arm. It had healed, but still gave him pain at times.

  ‘I’m less forgiving than you are – I’d have seen him hanged.’

  ‘You don’t mean that.’

  ‘Imprisoned then, for life. It doesn’t matter anyway. He’s gone back to lion-taming and the lion has taken its revenge.’ She carried on. ‘The lion tripped Mr Milani with its paw. As he fell, it leapt on top of him and, having caught him by the throat with its jaws, it closed its mouth and shook its head with a violent passion.’

  ‘My goodness. It killed him?’ James interrupted.

  ‘Let me finish,’ Hannah said with humour. ‘You are always in a rush.’

  ‘I know. I’m sorry. Do go on.’

  ‘The aggressor inflicted frightful injuries on to Mr Milani’s throat before dragging him like a rag doll to the rear of the cage … where it proceeded to engage in eating Mr Milani’s flesh until it could be persuaded away.’ She’d read it before, but this time, she felt sick. She put the paper down, pushed her plate away and held a napkin to her mouth.

  ‘Are you all right? I thought you had a stronger constitution than this.’

  ‘I’m fine, thank you … it was the thought of the lion … and the … oh dear.’

  ‘Can you manage a little dry toast?’ he said anxiously. ‘No? Perhaps we should abandon our plans for this evening.’

  ‘We’re going, com
e hell or high water. We have tickets.’ She was determined to be there – to dance with her husband, to help raise money for the house, and to honour Ruby’s memory. Hannah had promised to take her to the ball, and it had been too late, but she felt sure that her sister would be looking down on them; an angel in Heaven. Although unsure that she should be thinking of dancing when she was still in deep mourning, she knew that’s what Ruby would have wanted.

  ‘Then you must take a nap during the day.’ James stood up and walked round behind her. He rested his hands on her shoulders and kissed her again, this time on the nape of her neck. ‘Promise me you won’t run yourself ragged.’

  She touched his hand. ‘I’ll be careful,’ she said. She did feel out of sorts.

  ‘I’ll see you later, my darling.’

  When he had gone downstairs, Hannah went to speak to their housekeeper who cooked and cleaned for them with the help of one maid. They both lived out, leaving room for the nanny to stay in the attic next door to Mercy’s nursery, while Dobbs occupied rooms above the stables a short distance away. Although James sometimes wished that they had space for more servants, Hannah was happy with the arrangements.

  ‘Will you be dining at home tonight?’ the housekeeper asked.

  ‘We’ll dine at the hotel, thank you, Mrs Tapp.’

  ‘Are you taking the littlun out today?’

  ‘I will, I think.’

  Mrs Tapp smiled. ‘The fresh air will put a little colour in your cheeks. I’ve told the master not to wear you out, dancing all night.’

  Hannah thanked her again and, having spoken to Miss Gold, she took Mercy out along the promenade. She would take her to visit her mother’s grave on another day to see the headstone she and James had chosen to mark Ruby’s resting place.

  ‘What do you think, my little angel?’ Hannah said as she wheeled the pram through the crowds of visitors: ladies dressed in their straw bonnets and elaborate dresses with layers of overskirts; gentlemen perspiring in their coats; children skipping along in summer clothes and sailors’ outfits.