by Tricia Owens
Apparently he wasn't disappointed that Matthew didn't think of himself as Sebastian's sub.
Apparently he didn't care at all.
That changed when Fabian laughed at Matthew's answer. A glimpse of embarrassment passed over Sebastian's face. Or had it? It was gone so fast-- Matthew was sure he had imagined it, especially with Sebastian looking at him coolly as he was now.
"What are you doing here?" Sebastian asked him. "Ah, wait. I know." His smile was mirthless. "You're looking for a companion. A plaything." He nodded at the subs dancing on the tables. "Plenty to choose from. You should get started." His blank gaze shifted to Fabian even though Matthew's gut told him Sebastian would rather be talking to a wall than to the other man.
But apparently talking to Fabian was preferably to talking to him.
Warmth passed in a wave through Matthew. His face was hot, and not for any good reason. He'd been dismissed, removed from Sebastian's regard. Ignored. It was... devastating.
Matthew did the only thing his flailing mind could think to do. He turned and hurried across the club and up the stairs. If he'd possessed the coordination he would have run.
He burst through the door with a gasp that was half-sob. This was what he'd wanted, wasn't it? He clasped his hands behind his neck as he strode quickly away from the club. He'd just proven he wasn't like that shudder-inducing Fabian, that he was independent and strong even if -- even if he had gotten a massive hard-on from licking Sebastian's boot. Even if he had never felt freer than when he'd given himself to Sebastian completely.
"What have I done?" he asked himself.
He slowed to a stop, chest heaving. If he didn't turn around right now he would never see Sebastian again. He wouldn't have to crawl. He wouldn't have to suck cock. He wouldn't have to suffer through comments and looks that made him so hard he thought he would die if he didn't cum.
But was it all about the sex? He could find another Dom. Or a submissive for his own.
Yet both of those possibilities left him cold and limp. It was Sebastian's face and body that came to mind when Matthew fantasized. It was Sebastian who filled his dreams, Sebastian he looked for every time a customer entered the Lonely Diner.
A man could be celibate. It would suck, sure, but he wouldn't die from it. What he could die from was loneliness. Not just the lack of companionship, but the lack of a soul mate, someone who really got him. Someone who saw through all his bullshit and said, "This is who you are. I've seen it and I love you. Now you need to see it and love yourself too."
No one else had come close to doing that. No one except Sebastian.
Matthew slowly turned on his heel. He told himself not to think, to just walk. He didn't know what he'd say when he returned to the club but it would work out somehow. It had to, otherwise -- no, he didn't want to think about that.
Sebastian and Fabian were where Matthew had left them, Sebastian still positioned defensively against the wall as if he thought Fabian might jump him if his back was turned. They weren't fighting, but the topic of discussion had brought a faint twist of distaste to Sebastian's lips.
That vanished the moment he glanced up and saw Matthew walking towards them.
Surprise and delight brightened those baby blues and this time there was no attributing them to anything else. Sebastian was glad he'd returned. The brightness disappeared, replaced with caution, but Matthew had seen what he needed to stay.
"I was wrong to leave," he blurted as soon as he was within earshot.
Fabian, in mid-sentence, turned and glared at him. "We're in the middle of something."
"He has a right to be here," Sebastian said calmly. "I told you. He's my sub."
Fabian sneered. "Sure he is. He looks and acts like another sub you couldn't satisfy." He gave Matthew the once-over. "In case you haven't figured it out yet, I'm on your side here. Sebastian failed us both so I'm making sure he owns up to it."
"Owns up to it?" Matthew repeated with growing annoyance.
Fabian faced Sebastian. "You need to take me back."
Matthew winced at the demand.
"Do I," Sebastian said softly.
"Yeah. You and I need another chance. You made mistakes and I made mistakes, but we can move on. I trust you to get it right this time, and then I'll be the slave you've always dreamed of."
"You will never be a proper submissive, much less the slave of my dreams, if you refuse to trust your Master," Sebastian murmured.
"I do trust you!"
"You relentlessly topped from the bottom whenever we were together. If I didn't give you the sensations you wanted you'd end a session prematurely and stomp off. You tried," Sebastian said distinctly, "to get me fired."
"Because you'd make me wait to cum and I didn't want--"
"You didn't want to obey," Sebastian flatly. "You didn't trust that I would make it worth the wait. Always there were doubts, Fabian. Skepticism. If you don't trust me I can't work with you. That's why I asked Master Regis to take over. But you distrusted him too." His eyes flicked to Matthew. "Maybe you should stop fighting your nature. You might try exploring your dominant side. It's been strong enough to prevent you from surrendering. Maybe you should listen to it."
Matthew refused to look away, even if he felt as big as a mouse after the comment.
"No!" Fabian actually stamped his foot. "I'm a sub. I've always been a sub. I'm beautiful and petite. I deserve to be someone's pet. You just haven't been doing it right. I told you what I want and if you'd just--"
Sebastian cut him off. "A relationship between a Dom and a sub is just that: a relationship. It must bring satisfaction to both partners. I found no satisfaction with you, Fabian. You need to move on to a Dom better suited to you or else train to become one yourself."
A horrible feeling of deja vu hit Matthew. Fabian sounded like a brattier version of himself a few weeks ago. He wanted to ask Fabian, Why are you so hooked on being a sub when you're not meant to be one? It was a question that, turned around, could easily be applied to himself: why had he insisted on being a Dom? Because, like Fabian, he harbored a vision of himself that he was determined to attain against all reason.
"I'm not a dominant," Fabian insisted. His shoulders abruptly drooped. He puffed his bottom lip in a pout. "I know I wasn't easy, Master. I'm a headstrong sub so I did a lot of things wrong. But you have to admit that the fault wasn't only mine. You didn't always give me what I wanted. Most of the time it was all about you."
Matthew was shocked by the accusation. His jaw literally dropped. He was laughably inexperienced and yet even he knew how wrong Fabian's statement was. And in that knowledge, revelation was found.
"Being a submissive isn't about finding a Dom who will give you the experiences you want," he said slowly with dawning understanding. He turned widened eyes on Sebastian. "It's about finding pleasure in serving your Master. It's about taking care of him because you're closer to him than to anyone else in the world. You know his needs. He trusts you with them. It's about... loving him."
Sebastian's expression softened. "Yes. That's exactly what it means to be a sub." His bow lips tilted upwards. "You're a quick learner, baby sub."
Matthew wanted to drop to his knees right there.
Then he thought, Why don't I?
Fabian jumped back as Matthew smoothly dropped to his knees at Sebastian's feet.
Matthew ignored him and anyone else who was watching as he gazed up adoringly at his blond Master.
"You got me," he said. "It's all finally clicked. This is what I want. This is what I need. To be here for someone. To be an equal partner."
"This is not about being equal," Fabian argued.
Matthew barely acknowledged him. "He doesn't get it but I do. This is about being equals. You have needs and I'm the only who can, is willing, to fulfill every single one of them."
Sebastian reached for him, lowered his hand as if uncertain. "I'm your first Dom. Maybe you need to try--"
"It's you," Matthew insisted. "I want to d
o everything for you." He bowed his head, suddenly aware of their location, of the eyes and ears around them. "I'd like the opportunity to prove it. If you'd like to leave this place and go somewhere private I wouldn't mind. I wouldn't mind staying either, though, if that's what you prefer." He swallowed hard. "If you needed me to prove it in public..."
"Absolutely not."
He sighed in relief. He wasn't an exhibitionist but he was shocked by how willing he was to do whatever Sebastian wanted, even if it was that.
He shuddered when fingers brushed the top of his head. "You and I are leaving," Sebastian said quietly. "You may stand and follow me out."
Sebastian turned to Fabian as Matthew stood. The smaller man looked disgruntled and frustrated. Clearly he hadn't expected this to happen.
"You need to walk another path," Sebastian told him. "If it's wrong for you then stop and try something else. You're unhappy as you are, Fabian. And your anger isn't doing you any favors."
Fabian shifted from foot to foot. "What are you--"
"I didn't give the police your name but they're going to find out you were behind the vandalism. Find a lawyer and you'll probably be able to get out of it with a slap on the wrist."
Sebastian smiled, suddenly playful. "Just don't slap back."
Fabian's expression waffled between panic and tentative hope. He was too befuddled to say anything as Sebastian led Matthew up the stairs and out of the club.
They walked in silence down the sidewalk. Matthew hoped they were heading for Sebastian's house, which wasn't too far away. His head and his heart were light, floating. He felt amped, like he'd slayed the dragon and won the princess -- make that prince.
"We're probably far enough away that Fabian won't notice you going your own way," Sebastian said from up ahead.
Matthew tripped over his own feet. He hastily recovered and jogged up to Sebastian's side. "What are you talking about? You think I was acting back there?"
Blue eyes slid to him, reflecting rare uncertainty. "Weren't you?"
"Hell, no. I meant every single word I said, Sebastian."
"And yet you're not calling me Master."
"You don't always call me baby sub," Matthew pointed out with a smirk.
Sebastian took in his smirk with a raised eyebrow. "No?"
"No," Matthew said confidently. "You called me Matthew twice when we were together in the Raven. I'd bet money that you've never done that with someone who's paid for your services. I bet you've only ever done that with someone you met outside of work. Someone you wanted personally."
"You're wrong," Sebastian said. "I've never called a submissive by his name during any play session."
Matthew stared. Sebastian smiled. "You're the first."
"I am?"
"I think you're cute."
Sebastian blushed.
Matthew tripped again and nearly busted his head open on the sidewalk.
~~~~~
"At least now I know I'm not into pain, right? I mean -ow!"
"Big baby," Sebastian chided him as he repositioned the tape on the bandage covering the right corner of Matthew's forehead. "It's just a scratch. It's the bruising that looks dramatic." He leaned back and studied Matthew. "Also, you are into pain but it has to be administered correctly."
He was sitting on Matthew's lap, hands on his shoulders. Matthew had decided this dining room chair was now his favorite piece of Sebastian's furniture. He cupped Sebastian's slim hips and tugged him closer as arousal flared between them.
"I don't think so," he argued playfully. Sebastian was so slender that Matthew knew he could throw the other man onto the nearby dining room table and ravish him. And yet he had no desire whatsoever to take Sebastian that way because he knew Sebastian wouldn't find pleasure in the domination.
"I think I could tie you up and spank you until your ass is blue," Sebastian said, his voice just above a whisper. "And as you were crying and begging me to stop, a pair of nipple clamps applied at the correct tension would make you cum like a geyser."
Matthew wiggled uneasily beneath him. "Sounds like more pain than pleasure."
"Then why is your cock trying spear me?" Sebastian grinned like a fallen angel and leaned closer to whisper in Matthew's ear. "You want to fuck me, don't you?"
Matthew tensed. "Anyone would," he said defensively, afraid Sebastian believed he still wanted to be a Dom. "But I wouldn't do it."
"Not even if I asked you to?"
Matthew jerked his head back so he could look into Sebastian's eyes. His heart thudded against his ribcage. "Why would you want me to?"
Fingers ghosted down the side of his cheek. Sebastian looked thoughtful. "Being a Dom isn't about being invulnerable. I find enjoyment in pushing you to the edge, in convincing you to do things for me. If I ordered you to fuck me, you'd still be doing what I want you to."
"I hadn't thought of it that way."
"You have to trust me."
"I do," Matthew said immediately, remembering what a sore spot it had been between Sebastian and Fabian. He smiled sheepishly. "I've got so much to learn. I hope you have a lot of patience."
"Only if you make it worth my while."
Sebastian was teasing but Matthew took it to heart. He wanted to be the best submissive the other man had ever known. That wouldn't be the case right off the bat, but Matthew was determined to work as hard as he could to be the model sub. The only obstacle was time.
"I'm a quick learner," he reminded Sebastian with a smirk. He let it fade. "But I need time to make a few mistakes along the way."
Sebastian's fingers curled beneath his jaw, gently taking hold. "You told me you'll do anything for me."
"I will. Anything."
"Then stay with me. Be my equal partner."
Matthew licked his lips, afraid to believe what he was being offered. "You sure you won't change your mind if I screw up?"
"'When', not 'if'. I expect it and I'm looking forward to it."
"You just want to punish me!" Matthew accused with a grin.
Sebastian's lips tipped up. "I need opportunities to convince you you do enjoy pain, baby sub."
Matthew tightened his grip on the other man's hips. "Another time, okay? Right now -- right now I just want to make you happy. I want to make you cum. I want you to squirt all over me."
Sebastian's eyes darkened with lust. "By fucking me?"
"Oh, god - yeah, okay. If that's what you want."
Matthew still wasn't quite sure how that would work. How could he submit while topping Sebastian?
He was about to find out. With a glint in his eyes, Sebastian peeled Matthew's hands from him and slid off of him.
"Take off your clothes and stand here," he commanded. "I'll be back."
Nervous, Matthew did as he was told and stripped off his clothes and toed off his shoes.
It was awkward standing there naked but fortunately Sebastian didn't make him wait long.
"Oh, my god," Matthew gasped when he saw the other man.
Sebastian was naked too. His slim, compact body was covered with lean muscle and pale skin. He was hairless, which made his genitals seem larger. The aggressive jut of his cock betrayed his urgency even if Sebastian's expression revealed only a mild amusement.
"You're gorgeous," Matthew breathed. He started to extend his hands before he remembered that Sebastian hadn't told him he could touch. His fingers clenched with yearning.
He was so awed by Sebastian that he didn't notice what the blond man carried until Sebastian held them up.
"Lube and a toy."
Matthew's cock, swollen and stiff thanks to Sebastian's nakedness, twitched nervously at the sight of the butt plug. "I thought I was fucking you," he said weakly.
"Oh, you are, baby sub. But that doesn't mean you can't enjoy a little anal play at the same time." Sebastian cocked his head thoughtfully. "It'll be as if you're being fucked while you're fucking me."
Matthew couldn't control the shiver that rushed across his skin, tightening hi
s nipples.
When he raised his eyes, Sebastian's expression told him he had seen the reaction.
"Hands on the seat," Sebastian said with a coy smile. "Bend over for me so I can prepare you."
Bend over. Two words Matthew hadn't been fond of unless he was the one speaking them. But this time he felt differently. Unlike Fabian, he trusted that Sebastian knew what he was doing and would make him enjoy this. He didn't exactly move quickly to obey, but he didn't fight it, and that was a major breakthrough for him. His fingers curled anxiously around the edges of the chair's seat as Sebastian walked behind him and set the butt plug on the table.
Sebastian cupped one buttock and lightly squeezed. "Relax. I feel like I'm trying to molest the statue of David. There. That's better. Just trust me."
"I do," Matthew said but he held his breath as he listened to Sebastian slicking up his hands with the lube and setting the bottle aside. A moment later slippery fingers teased up and down his crease.
"Relax," Sebastian crooned again. He reached beneath Matthew and grasped his cock. It was an excellent distraction, for Matthew had no sooner thrust into the slick grip when the first of two fingers slid inside him.
He froze, clenching around the digits. More crooning from Sebastian convinced him to relax and allow the fingers to stretch him and apply lube. He lowered his head and looked between his own legs, expecting to find his cock softened from the anal intrusion. To his embarrassment he discovered he was as stiff as a pole and already beginning to leak.
"You're a good bottom," Sebastian murmured as if reading his thoughts. He slid his hand slowly up Matthew's cock and down again. "Some men don't like to be penetrated but your body does. I'm glad."
"Me, too," Matthew whispered. The admission released the tightness along his spine and Sebastian was able to sink another finger in him, twisting and scissoring before he finally withdrew all of them.
Matthew tried to keep his mind blank when the head of the plug touched his fluttering hole but as it began to slide inside him he couldn't prevent himself from panting. His elbows tried to buckle so he locked his arms but his spine still bowed, lifting his ass into the penetration.