by J Peach
“The next time you want to cause a fuckin’ scene because I found the courage to leave yo’ fuckin’ brother, think about all the bullshit I’ve gone through while I was with him. All that I’ve lost.” My head fell back, and I released a tired breath before letting out a humorless laugh. My glare soon fell back on Jessica. “But I’m a low-down dirty bitch because I left that? Jessica, get the fuck out my face before I toss yo’ ass over that fuckin’ balcony!” I screamed at her. I was so angry. Rage literally fueled me.
For the first time since I’ve known Jessica, I saw fear on her face before she quickly left and ran down the stairs.
Blindly, I made my way back over to the couch. Once my butt settled on the soft cushion, I felt the air leave my lungs as my chest grew tight, and my throat burned.
“Janessa—”
I broke down at the sound of the girls’ voices calling my name. I couldn’t believe the lies that he told her, nor could I wrap my mind around the fact that she threw that back at me in the manner she had. As a woman, I couldn’t understand how another was so comfortable with doing that. As if it couldn’t happen to them.
“Babe, it’s okay. Nessa, don’t cry,” Nya mumbled as she hugged me.
I was hurt, and I couldn’t mask it. The mention of the miscarriage just broke something in me.
“I can’t believe she would throw that in my face or that he would even tell her a lie like that. It hurts because it took so much for me to push that down. To be able to pull myself together for my kids and pretend like nothing happened. Then, to continue to be with him and act like he wasn’t this monster. But I was loyal because of what he did for us. I felt like I owed him so much. What’s really fucked up is I still feel like that. After everything, he still had this hold on my mind that made me feel like I owed him everything.” Roughly wiping my eyes with my hands, I chuckled again, even though tears still rolled down my cheeks.
“Crazy thing is, his momma knew what was going on. I told her why I left, and she said, if he beat yo’ ass, then you deserved it. For the life of me, I couldn’t think of one reason why I deserved it. How the hell am I the bad guy in this?” Again, I laughed as I cried harder. “Now, I’m going to go to jail for probably attempted murder or something because of what I did to her.” I sobbed as my hands covered my face.
“No, no. Babe, you’re not going to jail. We have this whole area to ourselves and trust me, no one saw anything. Even if they did, no one saw anything. I don’t even know why she was let up here to begin with. But if she tries to press charges, we’re your alibi. You were with us all night, drinking and dancing. Nothing happened. Okay?” Nya squeezed my hand reassuringly.
“Okay.” I nodded. “Thank you.”
She shook her head. “No thanks needed. We look out for each other around here. Plus, she needed that ass beating. She was foul as fuck for bringing that up and throwing that shit in your face. I’m glad you snapped because had you not, I would’ve fucked her ass up for you. Having a miscarriage by someone else’s hand is unfair and not funny in the least bit. I’m happy you fucked that bitch up. I’mma go get you some water,” she insisted.
Nya stood but ended up stumbling. That told me she wasn’t as sober as she led on to be.
“You don’t have to—”
She waved me off as she got her balance together. “I know, but I am. Now, be good. I’ll be back.” She walked off.
Sha’yonna sat next to me and slung her arm over my shoulder. “I’m sorry you went through all that. If I had known you then, we would’ve murdered him and burned his body. Had you not revealed all that just now, no one would have known just from how you carry yourself alone. You’re pretty damn strong, Nessa. So, fuck both those bitches, Trell’s pussy ass, and his raggedy ass momma. Fuck those bitches.”
Smiling, I chuckled, but I nodded no less. I thought about how Sha’yonna flew across me and tackled Jessica, and that made my smile widen. “Where the hell did you come from? Yo’ ass ran across me so damn fast.”
“Oh, my god! She did! Hell, I was about to swing on her when Sha football ass came from out of nowhere.” Yonni hollered out a laugh.
Sha waved us off. “What I tell you? I got you. I meant that shit. Yonni, yo’ ass should’ve known what was up when I announced the bitch was foe and not friendly. That meant if a bitch step, we’re banging. I saw her ass inch up, and my kick a bitch ass switch lit the fuck up.”
Nya walked over with a grim look on her face. “We’re in trouble.” Her eyes were rolling as she spoke. She then handed me the water bottle and flopped down beside Yonni.
My mind went blank as fear immediately struck me at her words. My chest tightened, and I began to pant heavily. Somebody saw what I did and called the police on me. I knew I should’ve taken off after the fight. I did take shit too far. I shouldn’t have pushed her down the stairs or fought her for that matter. She was pregnant, I should’ve known better. She was pregnant…
“Oh, my god, I’m about to go to jail!” I broke into a sob, realizing how bad I had fucked up. “What if she dies? Or loses her baby? Oh, my God—” My words got caught in my throat as I sobbed harder.
My life was over.
“You mothafuckas in this bitch fighting? What the fuck did I tell you, Titanya,” Akil, Nya’s husband, asked, sounding pissed off.
I cried harder because now she was in trouble with him, and I was going to jail.
“It wasn’t her fault, it was mine. We didn’t mean to. I swear. We were just having fun, and they came out of nowhere with the bullshit. I asked them to leave and to leave me alone, but they wouldn’t. I probably killed her and her baby. Oh, my god, I’mma go to jail. It was my fault. Don’t be mad at her. She didn’t even fight nobody.”
I could not control my loud sobs. My mind kept replaying the fight and how badly I beat her up.
“How much did y’all give that mothafucka to drink—”
“Not enough. You came over here being an asshole and freaked her the fuck out. Now you got her thinking she’s going to fuckin’ jail, Akilious. We had just calmed her ass down,” Nya snapped at him.
“How the fuck is this my fault? She’s the drunk mothafucka who probably killed somebody. If she gets locked the fuck up, that’s her fault,” Akil pointed out.
It was true. It was all my fault. I should’ve just stayed my ass at home with my kids. If I had, nothing would’ve happened. “I know. I can’t go to jail—”
Laughter suddenly erupted around me, causing me to jump. Akil, Ashaun, Snoop, Jonell, Jerome, and Mac were cracking the hell up. I didn’t know what was funny, though.
“Y’all some straight up assholes. That’s why I don’t like you niggas now,” Yonni snapped at them, and they just laughed.
“Why the fuck y’all get her ass drunk like this anyway? You mothafuckas ain’t right. Get the fuck out the way.” Jerome pushed Yonni down on the couch then came over to me. He squatted in front of my legs and started laughing. “Yo’ ass fucked up.” I nodded in agreement. “I should call the police on yo’ ass for real, for getting drunk and crying like this. That’s what yo’ ass need to be arrested for. Murder, though,” he shrugged, “that ain’t shit. We all done did it.”
My brows furrowed in confusion at his admission. Did he want me to be okay with possibly killing someone?
Jerome suddenly burst out laughing. “I’m bullshittin’ with you, Janessa. I’ll find and bury her for you. No body, no crime, right?”
Nya slapped him upside the head. “You and Akil are straight up fuckin’ assholes. Leave her the fuck alone. Y’all niggas ain’t shit. Come on, Nessa. Let’s go get you together.”
“So, they didn’t call the police?” I whispered, looking at Jerome and waiting for him to answer. His lips pressed together, and he shook his head. “But Nya said we’re in trouble.”
“She was talking about with me, sweetheart,” Akil spoke up while raising a finger. “I told her if any bullshit went down, I was fuckin’ y’all up. Then her black ass ain’t c
all and tell me about the fuckin’ fight. I had to find out from somebody else,” he snapped while glaring hard at Titanya.
My head dropped back, and I let out a relieved breath. “Thank God. I was terrified.” I felt so gotdamn relieved. “I’m not drinking no more after this.” My hand went to my fast beating heart before I burst out laughing.
“I don’t know. I think I like drunk Nessa.” Jerome chuckled as his finger ran along my bottom lip.
I rolled my eyes at him and pushed his hand away from me. “Right. I’m going to get some water.” I got up and stumbled only slightly. “Yonni.” My hand went out, and my fingers waved, silently asking her to come with me.
She didn’t hesitate to take it either.
“That’s my cue.” She got up, and we went to the bar.
Nya was too busy talking with Akil, so I didn’t want to interrupt her, and Sha was talking with Mac. Yonni, on the other hand, seemed irritated.
“I wanna sober up. I don’t like these bipolar feelings I’m having.” I groaned.
I wasn’t wasted like I had been before the fight. But I was still drunk. Although aware of everything, I still felt icky drunk. I wanted to come down completely.
“Sex. It’ll bring you down all the way. Water!” She called to the barman.
“Make that two,” Ashaun said, leaning against the bar. “Ladies,” he spoke, but his eyes were strictly on Yonni. His lips were twisted up into that damn sneaky smirk, the same one Jerome always got.
“Oh, my god.” It hit me. He was the guy she made out with. Yonni’s head snapped in my direction, and she glared at me. My hand went to my mouth, realizing I had spoken aloud. “I’mma… um… yeah, do that.” I grabbed my bottle of water and was about to walk off when she grabbed my arm tightly.
“Janessa.” Jerome came over to us, and I sat down on the stool.
“Now, you’re talking to me?” I stated, and he looked confused. “You’ve been avoiding me for days, Jerome.”
Realization hit him, and he simply shrugged. “I had some shit I needed to take care of. I told you that.”
“Okay,” was all I said.
I didn’t want to put too much thought into an argument or try to get a real explanation from him for that matter. I just didn’t feel like it.
“Okay? That’s it?” He didn’t seem sure from my simple reply.
I shrugged. “Yeah. I don’t feel like asking a bunch of questions that I’m not going to get a straight answer to. I just wanna have fun tonight, that’s it. I don’t wanna care about anything else.” I finished off my bottle of water, then grabbed the one Ashaun didn’t open. “Yonni, let’s dance. I just had a seriously traumatic experience—Keenan?” I mumbled, looking at the dark-skinned guy who had walked away from Mac. “Keenan!” I called again, but loudly, getting his attention.
He stared at me in confusion before recognition covered his face.
“Smoke, you know her?” Mac questioned, his eyes sliding over to Jerome, who was suddenly closer to me than before.
“Yeah, Nessa. Where the fuck have you been?” He looked surprised to be staring at me before I was suddenly engulfed into a big hug.
“What the fuck am I missing?” Jerome asked, pushing Keenan off me. “Who the fuck are you?”
“My kids’ uncle.”
Yonni nudged me in the side. “Kenneth’s brother?” she whispered to me. “Damn, he’s fione!” Yonni mumbled while squeezing my arm tightly. That was really what she thought to say at that moment.
“Seriously, Yonni?” I shrugged her hand off my arm and turned my attention back to Keenan. I was at a loss for words. I didn’t know what to say. Last I heard he had gotten locked up right after Kenneth went to jail.
Keenan pulled me into another hug; that one was tighter than before. “Yo’ ass don’t know how happy I am to see you. I done looked everywhere for yo’ ass.” He sounded excited. “Damn, it’s been so fuckin’ long—how are the kids, where are the kids? You still got them, right?” He shot off questions back to back.
“Her kids good, they’re with my auntie,” Jerome chimed in, seeming irritated. “If you were so worried. Where the fuck was you at—”
I was confused by his hostility toward Keenan. “Jerome, don’t.” My brows furrowed questioningly.
“I was locked up, and when I got out, she was gone. I didn’t know where the fuck you went. I went by yo’ folks place, hoping you was there, but they hadn’t seen you. Those mothafuckas even threatened to call the laws on my ass if I came back to their crib. Kenneth has been losing his fuckin’ mind, not knowing if y’all were alive or dead,” he stressed.
What my parents did to him didn’t surprise me in the least. That was just them. They were too worried about their image. I wasn’t going to touch on that subject, however. Everything else he said, I didn’t know what to think or how to respond. Then again, I didn’t think having a conversation with him in front of everybody was the right thing to do.
“Well, we’re not dead. It’s been tough, but let him know we’re alright. All the extras don’t matter. We’re good.” A huge part of me was excited to see him for the simple fact that Kaeden and Kierra would finally have family they could meet and get to know. For the longest, I was the only blood family they’ve had. So, I wanted them to know Kenneth along with his family.
“I wanna see them. You got any pictures?” he eagerly questioned.
Chuckling lightly, I nodded. “Yeah, it’s in my phone.” I walked off to the couch where my phone sat and grabbed it.
Jerome still stood at the bar watching Keenan. I pushed his behavior to the back of my mind as I unlocked my phone and pulled up pictures of the kids. I gave him the phone.
Keenan was all smiles as he stared at the kids. “Kaeden and Kierra. He was crazy about Kierra, that was his baby girl. He didn’t get the chance to know Kaeden, and that fucks with him constantly.”
I shrugged at that statement because that was his fault. He knew what the life he lived would lead to. So, did I, but we were young, dumb, and in love.
“Can I send these to myself?” he asked.
I nodded. “Yeah, gone ’head.”
“I’mma send these to him,” he mumbled while looking at the phone. “He won’t be able to answer the phone or get back to me until the morning,” Keenan stated.
It was like twelve o’clock, and he could just call him. “How can you just call him at this time.”
Keenan’s mouth opened then shut. “He got a phone. We got ways.”
“Well, don’t call him when I’m here.” I hadn’t spoken to Kenneth in years. Hell, I wouldn’t even know what to say to that man.
He glared at me. “Nessa, don’t be like that, especially when yo’ ass know how crazy Kenneth was about you. That man has damn near lost his mind worrying about you and his kids. I wish you would’ve stayed around and found one of Kenneth’s friends. You should’ve known he would’ve never left you out in the dark. That nigga had a whole plan set up for you and the kids had some shit like this happened. If only I hadn’t got caught up in some shit, we would’ve never lost touch. Every time I talk to that nigga, he’s asking about you. He’s on the inside, still having mothafuckas looking for y’all. So, at least let the nigga hear yo’ voice to ease his mind.”
My thoughts went blank. Keenan grabbed my arm and pulled me off to a private, empty room. Once inside, he closed the door behind us.
“Keenan, everyone I knew that was close to him—which was literally not even a handful of people—I couldn’t find. They were either dead or in jail. Kenneth was so damn private about shit; you knew how he was. I don’t understand why he wouldn’t just tell me everything himself. Instead, I was out on the streets with a newborn and a four-year-old. I had to start over with nothing. So, I didn’t know a damn thing, Keenan. I’m not saying I won’t speak to him, I’m just saying I don’t want to right now. You can let him know you found us. I can let you meet the kids.”
“Do they even know who they father is? Or do you
got them thinking he’s dead?” From his tone of voice, it was like he already knew the answer.
I laughed at that. “Of course, they know who he is. They know everything. Kierra was with me through everything. Kenneth never did me wrong, so I would never do him like that. I knew one day he would get out and come looking for us or at least them. I loved your brother, Keenan, so I would never keep Kierra or Kaeden from him. I had to before because I lost all the information on him, and I had to put him behind to focus on us. Like I said, we started over.”
He let out a heavy breath then pulled me back to him into a hug. “Damn, I wish I would’ve told somebody else about you just in case I got fucked up. But Kenneth wanted to keep you quiet and out of sight from his line of work. Well, that’s the past, and we’re heading into the future, new beginnings, new memories. And I wanna meet my niece and nephew as soon as possible.”
“You can meet them. I want them to know you, Kenneth, and if they have cousins, hell, any family. Because they don’t have that, it’s just me. So, whenever you’re ready, you can see them.” Aside from Keenan and an uncle, I never met his family. I was always tucked away.
“Oh, they got a bunch of those bad fuckas around. We can get up tomorrow. I’ve saved my number in yo’ phone. I’ll shoot you a text tomorrow, so don’t be busy,” he said while staring at me.
I glanced back and saw Mac waving him on. “I guess you got to go. Gone ’head.” I gave him another hug. “It was good seeing you, Keenan.”
“Same here. Don’t go ducking off again.” He chuckled, then walked around me and left the room.
Sighing heavily, I walked over to the sofa and sat down. Who the hell would’ve thought my night was going to turn out the way it had? Even though the whole fight with Carrie pretty much ruined my night, I’d be lying if I said seeing Keenan didn’t change that a little bit, but it had. Nervous as hell as I was, I couldn’t help but also be excited for Kae and Keke.