by N B Dixon
She nuzzled his neck, making him jump. “You have nothing to be sorry for. You did your best. It’s me who should say sorry. I didn’t mean what I said before. I know you’re not like Lord Locksley and Guy of Gisborne.”
“Guy won’t get away with it.”
She stiffened in his arms. “Don’t challenge Guy for my sake. I can’t bear to lose you, too.”
She kissed him fiercely. For a second, Will’s face flashed into his mind. It had been just after the last time they had kissed that he’d come home to find Will hurt.
Lucy’s mouth was hot and demanding on his. Robin pushed down the memory and kissed her back. He could feel her heart hammering in time with his. Their clothing was a barrier between them. He wanted to see her properly, but still he hesitated. He had never lain with a girl before, and nervousness mingled with anticipation.
“Lucy,” he gasped between kisses. “Maybe we should stop.”
She pulled back so her lips were inches from his. Robin saw the hurt in her eyes. “You don’t want me?”
“It’s not that. It’s just…your brother.” His body still clamoured with need, ordering his mouth to stop talking.
“I want to forget,” Lucy whispered. “Just for a while. Please, Robin, help me forget.”
He rolled over in the hay, taking her with him. His fingers found the lacings of her dress, and he tugged them loose. Her light, cool fingers slid beneath his tunic to skim his bare skin, and he shuddered at the sensation. He lifted up enough to wriggle it over his head. He eased her dress down, tracing feather-light kisses over her bare shoulder. Her skin was like warm silk under his lips, not rough, as Will’s had been.
Now the dress was off and she was revealed before him. She gazed back at him, her blue eyes trusting, her cheeks flushed.
Removing his hose was a joint effort, and then there were no barriers left. As he covered her body with his, he whispered, “Am I hurting you?”
She combed her fingers through his hair. “No.”
They were the last words either of them spoke for a long time.
***
Robin lay gazing at the thatched ceiling above them, Lucy sleeping in his arms. He wished he, too, could sleep. His mind was a jumble of chaotic emotions that would not let him rest. He’d heard that he should feel different after lying with someone for the first time. Robin couldn’t deny that it had been pleasurable, but surely he should be feeling happier? He cared about Lucy and wanted to protect her, but despite all his efforts, he had not been able to put out of his head that moment with Will in the stable.
He had told himself at the time that it meant nothing, but had found it impossible to forget. Things had changed, at least for him. He was more aware of Will than he had been. He could not help following him with his eyes when he entered or left a room.
He tried to imagine telling Will what he and Lucy had done, and cringed. He wondered how it would feel to have Will’s body pressed against him as Lucy’s had been. How it would feel to kiss… Robin forced himself to turn off the image in his head as heat flooded his face. What was wrong with him? He could not think of Will in that way. It was wrong, unnatural. Men were not supposed to feel like that about other men. He remembered vividly the priest at Nottingham Castle lecturing him on that very subject. But he could no longer deny what he had felt in the stable. It was more powerful than anything he had felt for Lucy. Robin almost laughed. He was not supposed to fancy her, either. She was just as off-limits, but at least she was of the right sex. He longed to grab up his clothes and go, but he could hardly leave her there.
As if she had heard his thoughts, Lucy stirred and opened her eyes. For a moment, she looked confused. Robin watched as memory returned. A hot flush suffused her cheeks as, with a gasp, she pulled free of his arms. Cold air rushed in to touch the places where her skin had warmed his. Without a word, Robin handed her the sacking they’d used as a blanket, turning his head away as he did so.
“I…we… Oh, God in heaven.” She pushed her hands through her hair in a vain effort to tidy it. “Robin, what must you think of me?”
“Stop it.” His voice came out more gruffly than he had intended.
“I’m sorry. I was upset.” Tears stood in her eyes.
Robin searched for something comforting to say, though in truth, his own embarrassment made him long to bolt from the barn. “It was no one’s fault. We were both willing. It’s over.”
“I never meant for things to go this far. Not so soon.”
“Nor I, but they have. I should walk you home.”
She shook her head. “I can manage.”
That hurt, but Robin did not let it show. He turned his back, allowing her a measure of privacy. His tunic and hose lay crumpled where he’d thrown them. He scrambled into them, grimacing as damp fabric touched skin.
“You can turn around.”
She was kneeling in the hay, picking bits of it from her untidy braid. It clung to her dress as well. Watching her, Robin knew he had failed her yet again. He’d gone looking for her, intending to offer comfort, but all he had done was make her more miserable.
Lucy got to her feet without a word and crossed to the door. Robin knew he should say something. To part like this after what they had shared was wrong, but he could think of nothing to say. He could only sit in silence as she left the barn, the door closing behind her with a soft click.
***
Katrina was afraid. The meeting with Robin had not quite gone as well as she’d hoped. He seemed to have forgiven her for striking his servant, but he had been distant and preoccupied. Katrina had had the distinct feeling he wanted nothing more than to escape from her. Was it possible his hatred of Guy meant he wanted nothing more to do with her?
She was uneasy about the girl as well. She had tried to probe Robin’s feelings, to find out exactly how deep they were, and his reaction had told her more than she wanted to know. He cared about the miller’s daughter; that much was obvious. But perhaps it was no more than his concern for her and her parents. How could she make him see that they were meant to be together? The fortune teller had said so all those years ago. It had once been the wish of her own parents. She hoped Guy’s behaviour had not ruined everything.
* * * * *
Chapter 15
Guy paced his bedchamber, pausing every now and then at the window to look down into the manor yard. There was still no sign of them. He’d been on the lookout since morning, and he was growing impatient.
There was a knock at his chamber door.
“Yes?” He expected it to be Xavier, his personal manservant, but it was his mother. She entered the room with a rustle of skirts.
“What are you hiding up here for?”
“I’m not hiding,” Guy retorted. “I am still unsure if this is a good idea or not.”
“My sister is ill. She is travelling here so I can nurse her.”
“And what about Bryan? We will have to let him in on our plans.”
“What worries you? Everything is in place. The king will soon arrive in Nottingham. We’ll have our lands back once John is on the throne.” Her eyes hardened. “You are not having second thoughts, are you?”
“Of course not, but I still think Bryan could be a problem. You know how friendly he and Robin were as boys.”
“That was a long time ago. Bryan knows where his loyalties lie.”
“And if he doesn’t?”
Lady Gisborne’s eyes were reduced to cold slits. Guy took an involuntary step back and immediately hated himself. When had he become frightened of his mother?
“If Bryan betrays us, he will pay the price,” she asserted.
“Talking of betrayals, do you really believe Prince John will honour his promises?”
“Of course he will. Why would he not? It will be we who place him on the throne. He will restore Locksley to us, and we will have all the lands that are ours.”
Xavier stuck his head around the door. “Your cousin has arrived, My Lord. Lady Katrina is gi
ving him refreshments in the hall.”
“Tell him I will be right down.”
***
Lucy wiped the back of a shaking hand across her mouth. A fine drizzle was falling, but her forehead was still clammy to the touch. She couldn’t ignore it any longer. What should she tell Robin, or her parents, for that matter?
It had been nearly two months since Peter’s death, and they were just starting to put their lives back together. Mam had finally stopped crying, and Much would be home soon. How could she drop yet another burden on them?
“Lucy?”
She raised her head to find her mam standing over her. Lucy willed herself not to stare at the vomit at her feet. She had tried to run back to the mill but hadn’t made it. Her stomach lurched again, and she swallowed hard.
Mam was eyeing her with a knowing expression. “Come with me.”
Lucy’s stomach protested with every step. Once they were inside, Mam set about mixing herbs into a wooden cup and adding hot water.
“Have you had your monthly bleed?”
Lucy stared at her in surprise but then numbly shook her head.
Mam set the cup in front of her. “Drink this. It will help with the sickness.”
Lucy sipped obediently. The brew was bitter, but with every new sip, her nausea subsided a little.
Mam sat across from her. “Have you told Robin?”
“No!” Lucy said, more sharply than she’d meant to. “It is probably just an ague, nothing more.”
Mam reached over and patted her hand. “I have brought seven babies into the world, though it pleased God to take four of them from me before they could live. I know a woman who is with child when I see one. When was the babe conceived?”
“It was the day after Peter was murdered,” Lucy said wretchedly.
“You’re saying he took advantage of you?”
“No.” Lucy put her head in her hands so her mother would not see her burning cheeks. If anything, it had been the other way around. She had given herself to Robin willingly. Her one desire had been distraction, oblivion. Much as she loved Robin, it had been the wrong time. She’d hardly seen anything of him these past weeks. She had the feeling he was avoiding her, and no wonder, after how she had behaved. It was for the best, but as her certainty that she was with child grew, so did her misery. This was God’s punishment for her wantonness.
“When will you tell him?” There was no judgement in Mam’s voice. It was this that finally broke the dam of tears Lucy had been holding back for days.
“How can I tell him?”
“Of course you can. It is his child, too.”
“And is he supposed to leave his home and come and live as a peasant? Lord Locksley would never let him. If I’m lucky, he’ll be allowed to acknowledge his bastard and give me a few coins for its upkeep.” Lucy hated the bitterness in her voice but could do nothing about it. “I should have listened to Peter when he tried to warn me.”
“What are you saying?”
Lucy swallowed back another sob. “If I love him, I should let him go. I shouldn’t force him to make such a choice.”
“I think,” Mam said, “that you should leave that up to him. You have no right to decide his future for him.”
“But—”
“It is his child, too,” Mam repeated. “He has every right to know of its existence. I think you will be surprised. Your Robin is no ordinary noble. How many lords do you know who would help a poor family as he has done? If you ask me, his decision is already made.”
“And what if, at some time in the future, he changes his mind?”
“No one knows the future. Tell him, Lucy.”
***
Bryan was staring at Guy as if he had never seen him before.
“You plan to kill the king and Prince Richard?”
“I don’t know why you should be surprised,” Guy said, irritated. “The king’s own family have rebelled against him more than once. He is not exactly a favourite with the Church, either, after the death of Archbishop Thomas Becket. The kingdom would be a better place with him gone.”
Bryan was still staring at him, a look of horror on his face. Guy’s irritation increased. Anyone would think he was planning to do something dreadful, when all he wanted was to increase his family’s fortune. Was that so bad? Someone had to look out for them.
His father had seriously neglected his duties during the last few years of his life. The peasants had lived on Gisborne land and only paid the minimum of taxes. Miscreants had gone unpunished. Guy would turn things around.
“The Locksley lands were once part of the Gisborne estate. They were confiscated due to a dispute. Under John, we will assume our rightful place in society once more.”
“What you are suggesting is treason,” Bryan said quietly.
“It is for the good of England. I would have thought you, of all people, would be pleased. Or do you enjoy being a nobody and living in obscurity?”
“How many innocents will die for the ‘good of England’? What about Robin? He was once your friend. Will you watch him go to his death?”
“Robin is no friend of mine. Anyway, I would not concern yourself about him. From what I hear, he no longer finds the role of nobleman to his liking. He would much rather grub around in the dirt with peasants. He may not even be there, though if I can kill him, I shall. I have a score to settle with him for what he did to our family.”
“You disgust me.” Bryan had risen to his feet. “I want no part of this.” He strode towards the door.
“Wait!” Guy moved to stand directly in front of his cousin. He was pleased to see that he was maybe an inch taller than Bryan.
“How is your mother?” Guy asked, his voice a silky purr.
Bryan stiffened. “You know she is ill.”
“It would be such a terrible shame if her condition were to deteriorate.” Their eyes locked. Bryan’s face had blanched of all colour.
“You wouldn’t.”
“Why, Bryan, what are you suggesting? You think I could harm a poor sick woman? My own aunt, no less? What sort of man do you take me for?”
Bryan said nothing.
“I would not harm her,” Guy went on. “That is, as long as her son kept his mouth shut. As long as her son did not think to warn certain friends of his—Robin of Locksley, for instance. But then, her son would not be so stupid. If he did take it into his head to warn Robin—” Guy heaved a regretful sigh “—well, it’s remarkable how suddenly old women can die.”
Bryan was shaking, unable to meet Guy’s gaze. Without a word, he turned and hurried from the hall. Guy was satisfied. Bryan would keep his silence, and soon, Robin would be dead.
***
“Where are you going?”
Robin swore under his breath. He had been hoping to slip away unnoticed. His father had an ‘important’ visitor arriving today, and Robin had intended to make his escape before it was too late. His father would expect him to welcome their guest, and he wasn’t in the mood. He needed to see Lucy. He’d come to the decision last night. At first, he’d been unable to face her. There’d been no one he could confide in, either about Lucy, or the revelation of his feelings for Will. He’d guessed something was wrong, but the few times it had come up, Robin always changed the subject. Eventually, Will stopped asking.
Being around Will had been so easy once, and Robin was determined it would be again. He would conquer this, and Will never needed to know, but Robin was often woken at night by dreams that left him restless and aching. He couldn’t go on like this. Lucy, at least, he could do something about. He owed it to her. Today was as good a time as any, but fate was conspiring against him.
He turned to Martha. She was regarding him, hands on hips, the way she used to when he was a small boy and she had caught him in some wrongdoing. A sudden wave of nostalgia swept over Robin, a longing for those days of innocence, when his life had been far less complicated.
“Where are you off to?” Martha repeated. “Your fa
ther is welcoming the Earl of Huntingdon in the great hall. He sent me to find you.”
“I can’t see him.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m busy, and I’m tired of acting as though I care about my father’s schemes for political advancement or whatever it is he’s up to.”
“What is her name?”
Robin gaped at Martha, sure he had not heard correctly.
“I… What?”
Martha heaved an exasperated sigh. “Really, Robin, I’m not blind. You slip away for hours, telling no one where you’re going. Then you mope about the manor like a lost soul. What else could it be but a lass?”
Robin looked around to check they were alone.
“Her name is Lucy. She’s the miller’s daughter.”
“She is the girl whose brother was murdered by Guy of Gisborne?”
Robin nodded. It was a relief to have it out in the open.
“You do know why the Earl of Huntingdon is here, don’t you?”
Robin looked blankly at Martha. “No, why?”
“Your father hopes for an alliance with the earl’s family through marriage. He is offering you.”
Robin was outraged. “Offering me? As if I were a pig he was hoping to sell at the market?”
“That’s a bit dramatic, sweetheart. You never know, you might like her.”
Robin seriously doubted it. He’d hate any girl his father chose for him on principle.
“Martha, I need you to do something for me. I have to see Lucy. It’s important. Can you make up some excuse for my father?”
Martha hesitated, but then nodded.
Robin bent to give her a quick kiss on the cheek, wondering absently when he had grown so much taller than her. Then, he was off.
As he walked, he tried not to imagine the wife his father had chosen for him. Some hag or else an infant barely out of swaddling most likely. The latter would be preferable, as it would be some years before the marriage could take place.
“Robin?”
He spun around. “Bryan!” Face breaking into a delighted grin, Robin grasped his old friend by the hand.
“I had no idea you were back in these parts.”