The waitress took our order and as we looked out at the treacherous weather. A reporter on the television screen above the counter interrupted the regular broadcast with a local weather report. “This just in…due to the amount of heavy snowfall over the pass into Grants Pass, in Josephine County, County highway 199 will be closed until further notice,” the reporter announced.
“It’s closed?” I gasped. “Is there another way we can take to get home?”
“I don’t think so. The main highway is 199. Let’s ask our waitress,” Austin said.
The nice brunette waitress brought a tray. “Here are your waters and your food should be ready soon.” She set three waters on our table.
“Can I ask you a question?” Austin voiced, getting her attention.
“Sure.”
“We were just listening to the news and they just said that all the roads going out of here were going to be closed…”
“Yeah, they always close the roads this time of year. Too many accidents.”
“We were wondering if there was another way out of here? We live in Rogue River by Grants Pass area,” Austin said.
She shook her head. “They close all the major roads. I’m afraid you’re probably going to have to stay overnight somewhere. From the looks of it I don’t think it’ll let up anytime soon. Sorry.”
“Thanks,” Austin sighed.
“I would hurry up and try to get into a hotel soon. I don’t know how fast they fill up when they shut the roads down. I would think they fill up pretty quickly.”
“We will. Is there anywhere you suggest that’s nice but affordable?” I asked.
“Well…” she thought for a moment, “You know... there is a really nice place just up the street. The little lodge right before you reach the caves.”
“Thanks,” I said. She smiled kindly and walked off.
The day passed by more quickly than I would have wanted it to. Each minute gone was agonizing ― we were so close and yet so far away. The moment when Collin would have to return home hovered constantly in the back of my mind.
We ate dinner quickly to make sure we got rooms before they were all sold out. Arriving at the check in desk just in time, we discovered there were only three rooms left in the entire lodge. We took two, one for me and the other for the boys. This was my father’s explicit instructions. If we hadn’t gotten two separate rooms, I think he would’ve packed up his winter gear and headed out on foot to come and get me. Katherine, on the other hand, was worried. She kept calling the boys every half hour to check in on us and make sure we were fine. A few times, she asked Austin to give the phone to the receptionist at the front desk just to ask her about the weather, as if to verify Austin’s report. Sometimes she called just to tell us that, according to the weather report on TV, the snow was letting up. It made me smile when Austin would tell her, “Yes, mom, we see it’s letting up,” or “No, mom, the weather channel is right. It’s coming down really hard now.”
It was getting late, and I could feel the exhaustion from the long day kicking in. I willed myself to stay awake, forcing my stinging eyes to widen, but despite my best efforts they weighed down, closing slowly.
Collin noticed, stopping his conversation mid-sentence with Austin. “Bre, maybe we should go back to our room. You look like you’re about to pass out at any moment.”
“Hmm…” I opened my eyes and tried to speak, but a yawn escaped instead. “No, I’m not tired. You guys can stay…” I yawned again and hoped they wouldn’t notice how weary my voice sounded. “I’m fine.”
Chuckling, Collin stood up and said to Austin, “Come on, I think it’s time. We should get to bed. We’ll want to be up early to see if the roads are open.”
Austin walked out of the room. When Collin reached the door he turned to me, “Is there anything you need before we leave?”
“No, thanks, but…you guys really don’t need to leave,” I said with one last effort to keep them there, almost sounding a little desperate.
A smile slipped briefly across his face. “Goodnight, Breanna,” he murmured, and shut the door softly behind him.
“Goodnight,” I whispered, then listened closely as their door shut in the room next to mine.
I lay down as my heavy lids closed without complaint. I dozed off almost instantly, still thinking about Collin. The next thing I knew, I was abruptly awakened by a loud thud coming from the boys’ room. I lay there for a second, exhausted, but slowly focusing to see what time it was. The little red numbers on the bedside clock said three-twenty in the morning. What could possibly be going on in their room so early in the morning? I got out of bed and carefully walked over to the door. I peeked out of the small hole into the hallway, checking to see if someone was trying to get into another room, but no one was out there. The sound definitely came from the boy’s room.
Just then the door opened slowly and I saw Collin slide out and shut it after him carefully. He paused, glancing at my door before he walked down the hallway and out of sight.
Where could he possibly be going at three o’clock in the morning? I put my shoes on and grabbed my room key from the table. I shut my door as gently as I could and headed in the direction Collin went. The front of the lodge was quiet and empty. A lady sat at the front desk, reading a magazine, not even noticing me in the lobby. I scanned the whole room but didn’t see Collin anywhere. There was a sitting area just beyond the reception desk where I decided to look next.
I walked across the foyer and peeked around the doorway. Collin was sitting in front of a big stone fireplace with a roaring fire blazing from it. I watched him for a moment as he stared at the crackling fire, deep in thought. The light from the flames bouncing off his pale skin made the definition in his face even more flawless, and the corners of his eyes shined with every motion of the flickering light.
I debated whether I should go back to my room so he wouldn’t know I had followed him or if I should be brave and sit with him. I was torn. Still undecided, I remembered his strange behavior earlier in the day. It seemed as though he wanted to be alone more than anything, so I decided to slip back to my room. I began to turn around, but as I started to take my first step, one of the floorboards creaked loudly and I froze.
“Bre?” Collin’s voice called from behind me. I closed my eyes, realizing I had just been caught. I was mortified, but there was no way out of this one. I had to say something.
I opened my eyes and drew a deep breath before turning around to face him. “Hi,” I said awkwardly.
“What are you doing up so late? I woke you, didn’t I?” The words came out remorseful, but his smile contradicted them. He seemed pleased by my sudden presence, which eased my nerves a little.
“Um…” I didn’t know how to respond. I didn’t want him feeling bad for waking me. I was glad to be awake now that I was standing in front of him.
“I’m so sorry. I knew after I stumbled over Austin’s shoes and hit the wall that was going to wake you.”
“Really, it’s all right,” I assured him. I stood there tugging at the sleeves of the sweatshirt he gave me earlier, twisting the cuffs around my hands. As the uncomfortable silence lingered on, he finally spoke.
“Would you like to sit down?” he finally asked, smiling and scooting over to the other side of the couch to make room for me.
“Sure.” I came around and took a seat next to him. I wished now I had taken a quick look in the mirror before leaving my room. I probably looked like a mess.
“Austin didn’t wake up, did he?” I asked, praying the answer was no.
“Austin,” Collin breathed out a laugh and raised one eyebrow. “Nothing could wake that boy up.”
I smiled. “Is Austin the reason you’re out here at three in the morning?”
His eyes sank to the floor. “Yes and no.” That question seemed to trouble him, which I didn’t understand.
When he didn’t elaborate, I finally asked, “What do you mean by that?”
Collin breat
hed in heavily. “What I mean is…yes, I couldn’t sleep because of Austin…but…” His stunning face was suddenly vulnerable. “It’s hard to explain. I have a lot going on right now.”
We sat there for some time, not saying anything. I watched him stare at the fire. He looked like he was miles away. While I was waiting for Collin to speak, I wondered what his internal struggle could be about. As I looked at him, I noticed something I hadn't before: his eyes. They were identical to Austin’s.
Just then Collin interrupted my thoughts. “What are you thinking?” he asked without looking away from the fire.
I didn’t want to push Collin to tell me what was bothering him, so I told him what I was thinking instead. “I can’t believe I never noticed your eyes and Austin’s are identical.”
His tone was sharp and caught me off guard. “You’ve only known me for two days.” He clamped his jaw and softened his voice, but there was still an edge to it. “You sound like you’ve known me for years.”
He looked out the window, shielding his face from me. I could feel the pain rising up in me. What did I say that set him off?
I stared at my hands in my lap. “Collin, if I said something wrong, I’m sorry.”
He let out a deep sigh. “So. You and Austin,” he said as if it were a statement of fact. “How long have you guys been a couple?”
The words shivered up my spine and back down into the pit of my stomach. I found myself stammering over my own words. “Oh um…Austin and I are…” I managed to look Collin in the eyes and found that he was looking at me intently as he waited for my response. In that moment, I knew I had to tell Collin the truth. “Austin and I are just friends, that’s all.”
The tension in his face relaxed. “But Austin said…”
“I know, I know…but it’s not the truth. We are not and never have been a couple. Austin is one of my dearest friends and it’s been killing me knowing that he thinks we’re more than that.”
“Oh…”
I thought he was going to say something, but he didn’t. The way he looked at me was the same as the way he'd watched me up on the mountain. I knew sooner or later I would have to ask him about that strange look, or it would continue to eat me up inside.
He spoke again cautiously, “So are you going to tell him that you just want to be friends?”
I nodded. “Yes…I was trying to do it all day today, but I couldn’t bring myself to say it to him.”
“Is it because you really do like him?” he asked, almost hesitantly, like the words were hard to get out of his mouth.
"No," I blurted, "just friends." Immediately I regretted how eager I sounded. I repeated it again, this time slowing it down and controlling my tone of voice. "We're just friends."
He bent forward, resting his elbows on his legs and cupping his hands over his mouth as he stared into the fire.
I knew that moment was probably my only chance to ask Collin my question. We might never get another chance to be alone again. “Collin?”
“Yeah.” He gave me his full attention.
“I need to ask you something.”
“Shoot.”
My breathing was shallow and I swallowed before asking. “Today, when we were alone at the top of the mountain you were about to tell me something before Austin came up…what was it?”
He didn’t speak right away, his hands balling into tight fists. The more time that went by without him answering my question, the more uneasy I became.
I was seriously regretting that I mentioned it, but then he said in his low voice, “Bre, you’ll think I’m crazy.”
I laughed quietly, “Try me,” and I waited. If there was anyone that could handle crazy, it was me. Nothing could top what I had gone through over those past few months.
Collin stood to his feet and leaned against the stone exterior of the fireplace, dropping his head down and grabbing his neck with the loose hand. Whatever he was about to tell me was big. My heart galloped. The suspense was killing me.
I got up off the couch and walked over to him. I placed my hand on his back and asked, “Collin, it’s okay, you can tell me. What is it?”
He looked up, his lips in a hard line and his eyes glistening from the fire. He attempted to look strong but there was an ache hidden beneath the surface.
“Bre…I-I’ve known about you,” he began, his voice was shaky, every word coming out harder than the last.
“I know, Austin told you about me.”
“No, you don’t understand.” He turned to face me, scooping my hands into his without hesitation. I froze. This was the first time we’d touched. His warm hands flowed over mine and it paralyzed me. I couldn’t move. I didn’t want to budge for fear he’d be startled and release me.
For a moment, I forgot what we were talking about. He was very serious in conveying what he was trying to say. “I’ve known about you even before I knew who you were. Even before I met you face to face.”
He stopped to let it sink in.
I tried really hard to hear what he was saying, but I questioned if I was the one saying it and not him. I thought, there was no way those words were escaping his mouth!
“What are you saying?” I whispered, my hands trembling.
“It sounds crazy, but please listen…I’ve had dreams about you for years now. I thought they were just dreams, not real until I came here and saw you, saw that you really do exist.” He stopped for a moment, looking away from me and taking a deep breath. “I can’t believe I’m standing here telling you all of this…I’m not crazy. You have to believe me…”
“Collin,” I said in an unsteady voice, but he interrupted me.
“I know how insane this sounds, but I can prove it…um…I know that you always have car trouble and that’s why you have a job…”
Austin could have told him that since we work together. As much as I wanted to believe it, it wasn’t convincing enough. I let him continue.
“You only have one younger brother, Caleb, and he’s fourteen,” he exhaled with a loud sigh. He was clearly frustrated by what he was revealing to me. He paused and it looked like he was really trying to dig down deep. He squeezed my hands in his as he thought hard. “Wait…” his tone changed, dropping the panicky nature and into sudden seriousness.
I suddenly took a deep breath and noticed that I hadn’t been really breathing. I was in total anticipation of what was coming next. I felt like I was on the edge of a precipice, waiting for the cliff to break off and fall into the sea. My eyes focused on his and his on mine. I was like a stone, waiting. “Bre, I know about Josh…”
“Josh, my ex-boyfriend Josh?” I barely got the words out. They were so quiet.
“I saw you in a big crowd in…”
I shook my head, not knowing where this was going.
“Well, I’m not sure where it was but there were a lot of people…you were screaming his name, trying to get to him…it was like a big arena.”
My arms stiffened and my legs locked. He couldn’t possibly know about that. I had a vision about Josh about a week ago. I didn’t see much, but I knew that something bad could possibly happen.
“H-how did you know about that?” I felt like I was about to hyperventilate. I couldn’t get enough oxygen into my lungs. “There’s no way you could know about that…I haven’t even told Becka, my best friend…how?” I shook my head. “Oh my gosh, how could you know about that? I just saw it like…” I said it a little too loud.
“You mean that really happened?” he gasped. His hands squeezed mine.
“No…”
His eyebrows sunk in together. “Now I don’t understand.”
“I mean…it hasn’t happened yet.”
“What do you mean, it hasn’t happened…yet?” He leaned in.
“I’ve only seen it. It’s kind of like a dream. I believe, I mean, I think it will happen, I just don’t know when.” This was getting too overwhelming. “Can we sit for a minute? I’m not feeling so good.” We unlocked hands and I cu
pped my hand over my forehead.
“You’re telling me that you also see things like this?” he asked.
I nodded slightly. “Sometimes they come in dreams and other times it appears in a vision where I actually see it,” I admitted.
He was silent, and I knew I had to tell him the rest. “As crazy as all of this sounds, there’s something else I need to tell you.” Collin sat really still. “I’ve known about you too. I’ve seen you in my dreams for months now and I can’t believe...” The tears were trickling down my face. I couldn’t talk anymore.
“Bre…” He wiped the escaping drops from my eyes.
We sat there in silence, both staring at each other. The wind howled outside, a tree branch tapped on the wall of the lodge. All the secrets were out now, no more hiding from it.
“Now what?” I asked.
We both knew what needed to be done, but the thought was almost too much to bear.
The week was gone within a finger snap. I was able to spend every day with Collin, but unfortunately I couldn’t fully enjoy the time. I still hadn’t had the ‘friends’ talk with Austin, and that loomed over my head.
The drive to Medford was long and excruciating. The heavy rain, fog and high winds outside matched all too well with how I was feeling inside. The storm encroached around me, threatening to swallow me up if I didn’t think of something fast before it was too late. I gripped the steering wheel tight, not because of the weather but because of the situation staring me in my face. I felt powerless to stop it.
I was relieved when Becka insisted on coming. Although, I knew the only reason she wanted to come was to be supportive. She knew how poorly I was handling the idea of Collin leaving. I was thankful she was there.
The boys sat in the back seat of my car. Becka was right beside me in the passenger’s seat. It was noon and we still had five hours before Collin had to be at the airport to fly back to San Francisco. I tried to make the most of what little time we had, but I couldn’t escape from the countless dreams of the crash repeating itself over and over again in my mind. While the three of them talked amongst themselves, the scene of Collin hunched over the steering wheel was the only thing I could think about. A few days ago I tried talking to Becka about it, but she didn’t give me much hope for how I should broach the subject with Collin.
Awaken (Awaken Series Book 1) Page 25