by Robin M Helm
Joshua leveled a glare at Richard over Elizabeth’s shoulder, pushing her hair from her tear-stained face. “You know? Exactly what did he tell you?”
Xander reached out to touch her arm.
“He said he went to a party at Grant’s house last night and got drunk. That’s why he missed church this morning.” Joshua pushed her away a little to look into her face. Her eyes were so trusting that Joshua felt physically ill. Skylar felt the force of Joshua’s emotions and put his hands on the boy’s shoulders.
“That’s all?” Joshua hissed, his eyes locking with Richard’s as he looked over Elizabeth’s back.
“What else is there? Richard?” Elizabeth turned to look him full in the face.
She has given you another chance. Think, Richard. You must tell her, pleaded Garnet.
He will not, the coward. He thinks that he can cover his sin. He will wait for the proof, said Xander tersely.
Richard lifted his chin in challenge to Joshua and returned his stare. “Nothing. There’s nothing else.” Nothing you can prove, Josh.
“Come with me, El.” Joshua took Elizabeth’s hand and pulled her with him, their guardians right behind them. They went to the main church building and into her father’s office. Joshua already had the computer booted up and had logged into his Myspace.
Joshua took a deep breath and put his hands on either side of Elizabeth’s face. He looked into her eyes with kindness and compassion. She began to breathe quickly, and Xander moved to her side. Skylar and Garnet stood in front of the desk, watching the tragedy unfold.
“This will be hard for you, El. I’m so sorry to have to hurt you this way, but I don’t know what else to do. Sit down, and pull up your page,” Joshua said gently. After she sat in her father’s chair, Joshua leaned over her and placed his head beside hers. Her page came up, and Joshua spoke again. “Now pull up Caroline’s page.” Richard stood behind them so that he could see the monitor. He felt an impending sense of disaster. What has that witch done now?
As Caroline’s page came up, Elizabeth could not make a sound. Then she began to gag and retch. Joshua grabbed the trashcan and shoved it under her face just in time. She leaned over it and vomited until her stomach was empty. He handed her some tissues, and she wiped her mouth. Xander’s reaction was visceral. His insides twisted; he had never known such pain. He nearly doubled over from the weight of it himself. How can she stand it, Lord?
Using the mouse, she clicked through the pictures. Caroline had made an album of her night’s activities with Richard, entitled “There’s a first time for everything!” and she had commented on every picture. There must have been sixty shots at least, and they were up close and sharp. Richard looked sleepy and drunk, but he was obviously nude and actively participating in a wide variety of sexual acts with a naked, leering Caroline. She was all over him, greatly enjoying herself, smiling and unashamed. Nothing at all was left to the imagination. It was pornographic and depraved.
Richard hung his head in shame. I wish that I could die.
Garnet stepped beside him and put his arms around him. Richard, you will survive this. You will learn from this. You will be stronger. Do not despair.
Elizabeth, unnaturally calm, went back through the pictures, reading the comments. She knew that all of their friends and many adults could see the pictures. She went to Richard’s page. It was full of comments from Caroline, Grant, and Lydia extolling Richard’s sexual prowess and the great time they all had getting drunk together, telling him to look on their pages for “a surprise.” Lydia was proud of her role as the official photographer, and she bragged about her skill. Elizabeth then looked at Lydia’s and Grant’s pages; both of them had posted the entire album, too. She took a deep breath and returned to Caroline’s page, sitting quietly and staring at the screen for a moment. The only signs of her agitation were the way she twisted her hands in her lap and the tightness of her jaw.
Xander felt completely useless. He had never known what it was to be incapacitated by agony. He wanted to make everything better for Elizabeth, but he realized that she would have to find her way through the pain. She is a faithful servant, and she is strong. Dear Lord, please help me to comfort Elizabeth. Please give me the words. Help me to help her, Lord. He had never prayed before, but it was as natural to him as breathing. He did not even realize that he was praying.
Elizabeth turned and looked up at her childhood buddy. “Thank you, Josh. You’ve always been a true friend to me. You need to go now. I’ll be all right.” Her voice was quiet, but controlled. Joshua patted her shoulder and left the room with Skylar, pulling the door closed behind him.
She turned the swivel chair to face Richard. He stood like a statue, shocked and mute. “Did you think I would never find out, Richard? Did you think it was all right to do those things as long as I didn’t know?”
Xander knelt beside her. Peace, my little one. You are the handmaiden of the Lord. Feel His comfort.
Richard went to his knees in front of her, putting his hands on her legs. Garnet bent over him, his hand on Richard’s back. “El, I’m sorry. I know I should have told you the truth. I thought I had dreamed all of it until I woke up in bed with her this morning, and I didn’t know anyone was taking pictures.”
“So, that’s why you lied to me – first at your house over the phone, then in the youth building when you got the texts, and again outside in the parking lot? You lied to me because you thought you wouldn’t get caught? You lied because you knew I wouldn’t believe Caroline? You lied because you didn’t know Lydia was taking pictures?” Her voice rose a little with each question. Be calm, my little one. She took a deep breath to settle herself. The tears began to roll unchecked down her cheeks.
“El, I lied because I didn’t want to lose you. I couldn’t tell you what I’d done. It made me sick.” Richard began to sob with his face in her lap and his hands on either side of her thighs. His shoulders heaved, and he shook with pain. “I never meant to hurt you. I love you so much. You have to believe me. Please forgive me.” He thought his heart would burst from his chest. “You can’t possibly hate me as much as I hate myself.”
Garnet bowed to his knees by Richard and spoke into his mind. It will be well, Richard. God still has a plan for you.
She gently stroked his wavy brown hair. “I could never hate you, Richard, because I love you. I believe you, and I forgive you, but I can’t trust you anymore.” She spoke very softly, and her heart broke a little more with every word she uttered. “I can’t be with someone I can’t trust to tell me the truth, even when it’s hard.” Her voice broke on the last word, and Xander rubbed her back, willing his strength to help her.
Richard looked up at her, his beautiful tear-tracked face twisted with his despair. “You’re breaking up with me? Please don’t do this, El. Please don’t leave me. Everything is caving in around me; you’re my rock.” Garnet put his arm across Richard’s shoulders.
Elizabeth loved him. She loved his eyes, his face, his humor, his confidence, his childlike delight in surprises – she loved all of him, and she could not imagine her life without him. She would be alone again. Richard had filled her hours with phone calls, long talks, texts, sweet kisses, and laughter. She wanted to tell him that everything was all right. She wanted to comfort him – to hug him and tell him she would stay with him. But she could not. I am with you, my Elizabeth. You are not alone. You will never be alone.
She breathed deeply, held it a moment, and sighed, slowly releasing her pent-up breath, and Richard heard her answer in that sigh. “Richard, I should not be your rock. God loves you more than I ever could. He is your rock, and you should ask Him for forgiveness. Don’t make this harder than it has to be. You haven’t lost me – I’ll always be your friend. You can call me if you need to talk, and I’ll always be there for you as a friend.” Stay strong, my little one.
“But that’s all, isn’t it? Just a friend – no more than that.” His voice was dead, flat, hopeless. Accept it, Richard. Be
strong in the Lord and in the power of His might.
“That’s right, Richard. We won’t ever be more than friends again. Don’t wait for that to change, because it never will,” she replied kindly, but firmly.
Somehow he stood, pulled her into his arms, and hugged her, kissing her cheek before he turned to go. Xander stood with her, his hand on her arm.
As Richard left, he saw her father coming down the hall. Richard fled in the opposite direction, ran to his car, and drove home, Garnet flying above his car. His parents were his friends on Myspace, and he wanted to tell them the truth himself, before they saw the comments splayed across his page. He also was in a hurry to block Caroline, Grant, and Lydia from ever accessing his Myspace again. He should never have trusted them in the first place. Richard laughed bitterly at the irony. Who am I to be talking about trust?
Chapter 19
“Now Joshua was clothed with filthy garments and standing before the angel. And he spoke and said to those who were standing before him saying, ‘Remove the filthy garments from him.’ Again he said to him, ‘See I have taken your iniquity away from you and will clothe you with festal robes.’”
Zechariah 3: 3-4
Xander stood behind Elizabeth in her father’s office, holding her tenderly, his strong arms around her shoulders. She was a porcelain sculpture, pale and motionless.
As David approached his office door, he saw Richard running down the hall away from him, and he knew that something terrible had happened. He and Roark hurried into his office where his younger daughter, a large piece of his heart, stood facing the door with an empty, forlorn expression on her beloved face. Seeing her father’s concern displayed in his eyes broke her calm, and raising her hands to her face, she began to weep, pouring out all the pent-up emotions she had felt in the past hour. Her father quickly crossed the room and hugged her fiercely to him as she buried her face in his chest. Xander stepped to Elizabeth’s side, still stroking her arm and whispering words of peace. You are beloved. You do not have to go through this alone, Elizabeth. Accept the peace of your Heavenly Father. He loves you more than any human ever could. I am with you. I will always be with you.
David Bennet was well known to be a long-suffering, even-tempered man; he had rarely been truly angry in his lifetime. However, upon seeing his baby girl suffering and heartbroken, his rage flashed red hot. I should have protected her; I should have been able to do something to prevent this. What has Richard done to her?
Roark spoke into his mind. Pray for strength, David. Pray for peace. You must be the father she needs now. You must let go of your anger and trust in God’s promises. He will never give you more than you can bear. When you are weak, He is strong. All things work together for the good of them who love Him.
Lynne, entering David’s office to meet them for the ride home, was shocked at the scene before her. Elizabeth was sobbing hysterically as David crushed her to his chest. Lynne, followed by Niall, approached her husband and daughter, and she was stunned at his expression – he was livid. She had never seen her husband so angered, and it unnerved her; she was speechless.
Tentatively, Lynne moved beside the couple and put her arms around both of them. Niall touched her back, saying, Pray for them.
Lynne wondered, What in the world could have happened to upset El this much and to make David so angry? Dear Father, please help my husband to calm down. Please help El get through whatever has made her cry like this. Please give me the words to say and the strength to do the right thing. Father, my loved ones are hurting, and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to pray for right now. Give me the words. Interpret my heart. The tears ran down her face as her mother’s heart ached for her daughter and her husband.
After a few minutes during which Lynne continued to pray, Elizabeth’s cries began to quiet, and David relaxed his grip on her, though he still held her in his arms.
“Sweetheart, what’s wrong? Let us help you,” Lynne whispered to Elizabeth.
Elizabeth turned her face toward her mother. In a broken voice, she choked out the words, “I wish I had a heart that had never loved him.”
What has Richard done? Lynne noticed that the computer on her husband’s desk was running. She stepped to it and ran the mouse over the pad to re-activate the monitor. Caroline’s Myspace page came up, and she said in a low, strangled voice, “No!” She now knew the source of her daughter’s tears. How could he have done that to El? Dear Lord, how could he have done that?
David heard his wife’s voice and turned toward her. He saw the pictures, and he wanted to smash the computer. He wanted to rip it from the wall. He wanted to beat Richard to a pulp. Roark spoke to him again, None of that would help Elizabeth. None of that would change anything, and you would hate yourself if you did those things. Give this to God. Richard needs you, David. You’re his pastor, too. He and his parents are dealing with this now, and they need their pastor.
David released Elizabeth and moved to his desk while Lynne stepped aside so that David could see the screen. As he clicked through the images and read the comments, Xander and Lynne held a quieted Elizabeth. Finally, David clicked out of Myspace, shut down the computer, and faced his wife and daughter. He was himself again. “Let’s pray about this together.”
The little family joined hands as David led them in prayer, the three guardians grouped around them, heads bowed, with their large, angelic hands covering the clasped human hands of their charges.
After they had finished praying, David picked up his phone and called Jim Williams.
~~oo~~
Richard raced into his house, fully expecting to delete the comments from his page before his parents could see them. He intended to tell them what had happened, but the idea of his mother and father reading what was on his page and asking to see the graphic images made him physically ill. I will never feel clean again. I wish that I could bleach my brain and wash away the memories. I hate myself.
Richard’s parents were sitting in the den watching television, Raymond and Sacha standing by them, when he burst into the room, Garnet nearly running behind him. Taking in their surprised faces, Richard slowed down and tried to walk past them. He was nearly to his room when he heard his father’s voice calling him back. I should have known better. They know me too well.
“Richard? What’s wrong, son? Come back and talk to us.”
Richard groaned. He knew that they would still love him, but he could not stand to hurt them again. He hated for them to know that he had lied to them before he had left for church. They will be so disappointed in me.
He trudged back into the den to face them. “I have to tell you something. It’s really bad.”
His mother’s face was so trusting, so loving, that he had to look away. He could not look her in the eyes and rip her heart out.
Richard began to cry, and his sobs wracked his body. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for everything.” Garnet put his hand on Richard’s back. Tell them, Richard. They will help you.
Jim stood and pulled his son to him. “Just tell us what you’ve done, Richard. We’ll get through this together.”
His mother rose and put her hand on his back. “We’ll always be here for you, son.”
“Come to my room with me,” he said through his tears.
The Williams family and their guardians gathered in Richard’s room; he sat down heavily in the chair at his desk and booted up his computer. When Richard pulled up Caroline’s Myspace page, his mother nearly fainted. She held her hands tightly to her mouth to stop herself from crying aloud. Raymond held her arm as she prayed, That wicked, wicked girl! She finally trapped him. Oh, why didn’t I tell him to come home last night? Why didn’t I go and get him? Dear God, forgive me for failing my son. Forgive him for being weak. Please take this hatred for Caroline out of my heart. Lord, please help my family.
Jim Williams, seeing his wife’s distress, folded her in his arms and kissed her hair. The tears ran down his face, and he struggled to make no sound.
Sacha touched his mind with his thoughts. Jim, Richard needs your forgiveness. He needs your guidance.
After some minutes had passed, Jim released his wife, and they both turned to their son. He had put his head on his desk and was sobbing into his folded arms, feeling fully the weight of his actions.
“Richard, let’s talk about this. Tell us what happened.” Jim’s voice was soft and kind.
He took Richard’s hand and led him to the bed. Richard sat on the edge with a parent on either side of him as he told them everything that had happened. The story flowed from him in a flood of words and tears. When he was finished, Jim knelt in front of his son and his wife with their guardians hovering over them, and the small family held hands as Jim talked to God. He poured out his heart to his Father, and God spoke healing to his family. Following his father’s example, Richard prayed and asked God to forgive him. He called his sins by name and admitted what he had done. Delores finished the prayers, quoting and claiming I John 1:9, If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
The Williams family had just finished praying when the phone rang. It was David. After they talked for a few minutes, Jim hung up and turned to his wife and son. “The pastor’s on his way over here. We have some things to discuss.”
Richard’s eyes widened. “No, Dad. Please don’t make me face him. He must despise me for what I’ve done and for how I’ve hurt, El. Please, Dad,” Richard begged.
“Richard, I think you have it wrong. The pastor doesn’t hate you. He wants to help you. You’re going to have to man up to what you’ve done. There are consequences to our actions, and you have to accept your part in all of this. Pastor David is going to counsel all of us. I think it’s a mark of his love for us, and for you, Richard. This is something he wants to do, and I don’t think he’s asking too much of us.”