by M. Robinson
“I want to stay at Michelle’s then,” Courtney added.
“Wow, all my daughters want to leave me alone tonight… is it me?” he asked with a laugh.
“Please…” we all pleaded in unison with pouty lips.
“All right, I guess it’s fine with me. Just call me and keep me updated if plans change.”
Our parents were friends with all our friends’ parents. That’s the thing about Miami—the elite run together.
“Oh my God, Brooke! This fucking car kicks ass! Ahhhh! I want a new car!” she yelled.
“You just got a brand new Mercedes a few months ago,” Landon announced, catching us off-guard and making us turn to face him.
Christine was my best friend since elementary school. Her older brother, Landon, had just graduated from our high school and was going to start classes at UM in the fall for international affairs, whatever that meant. Christine and I were going into our junior year of high school.
“Ugh! What are you doing here? I thought you were packing,” she complained, grabbing the keys out of my hand to unlock my car.
“Nice to see you’re going to miss me, sis,” he replied, making me chuckle.
“Oh… I know why you’re here; it’s because Brooke is here.”
I blushed and looked down at my feet. I could feel his eyes on me.
“Let it out already, just tell her you like her, big bro. Everyone knows it! You’re just too big of a pussy to do anything about it but jerk your wang with your own hand to images of Brooke naked.”
“Christine!” I shouted.
“What? My room is next to his.”
I never wanted the ground to swallow me whole as much as I did at that moment. Landon and I always had an interesting relationship—I was his little sister’s best friend. I knew what she was saying wasn’t way off; I wasn’t that naïve. I saw the way he looked at me when he thought I wasn’t looking, and how he sort of found his way to be near us when I was around. He went to all the football games and basketball games. All the girls on the squad said it was so he could see me in my bloomers.
Landon was shy and introverted as opposed to his loud and extroverted sister; they were on opposite ends of the spectrum. I had no idea how they were even related, let alone siblings. He was good looking just like his sister. They both had blond hair and honey colored eyes, but that’s where their similarities ended. He had defined cheekbones and a narrow jawline with perfect white teeth and thin lips. A muscular, toned build from playing soccer that I would catch myself staring at when he joined us on the patio. He was still one of the popular guys at school but in his own way.
I sort of had a crush on him ever since I could remember, and had been waiting for him to make the first move. I could never bring myself to do it first; I wasn’t that kind of girl. People often called us Ken and Barbie.
I peeked up at him through my lashes and he had the most intense stare as if he was contemplating what to say next.
Just ask me.
“Ahhh! You have keyless ignition!” Christine yelled, breaking our connection and bringing our attention back to her. “I don’t have keyless ignition; this is bullshit! Your car is better than mine.”
“What are you guys doing tonight?” Landon questioned, trying to ignore his sister’s outbursts.
“Oh… um… we’re going to Tony’s going away party.”
He nodded, grinning. “So am I. Maybe we could all go together. I leave soon and it would be nice to spend some time with you.”
My eyes widened.
“I mean, spend some time with both of you,” he clarified, clearing his throat.
“That’s my brother’s way of saying he wants to hold your hand and kiss your lips,” Christine declared, smiling through the sunroof of my car. “You should totally hold his hand and kiss his lips and then get married and have his wiener touch your lady bits so you can have his babies and we could be sisters in law.”
I shook my head, laughing. “Jesus, do you have no filter?”
“I’m just trying to speed up the process of you guys getting it on. It’s been seven years in the making, let him finally get his dick wet, Brooke!” She looked over at Landon. “I love you!” She kissed the air and sat back down, continuing to inspect my car.
“I’d like that,” I stated.
He cocked an eyebrow with a surprised look.
“No! Not that… I mean, not that I wouldn’t mind that… I’m just saying that… us… going at it… I mean, no…” I sighed.
He chuckled. “You’re really adorable when you’re nervous. I’d like that, too. How about we pick you up around eight? Sound good?”
I smiled, nodding.
I drove home with butterflies in my stomach for the night ahead, and never in my wildest dreams did I imagine where the night would lead.
“Are you still taking your prescription?” my mom questioned as I closed the fridge door.
“Mmm hmm…”
“Then why do you look like you haven’t been sleeping?”
“Is that your nice way of saying I look like shit?”
“Devon…”
I laughed. “I’m fine, Mom, just been studying for finals.”
She cocked her head to the side. “Then you shouldn’t be coming home every weekend.”
“I want to come home every weekend; I miss you girls.”
She nodded. “I know you do, but you need your own life. Don’t you want to meet a nice girl? You’re twenty-five years old and you’ve never brought a girl home. I’m starting to worry.”
“Maybe he’s gay,” Lauren, my sister, chimed in, walking into the kitchen.
“Nah, he’s too manly to be gay,” Alexis, my other sister, responded, walking in behind her.
“Thanks for the vote of confidence, girls,” I replied.
“No problem, big brother,” Alexis said.
“Where’s Liv?” I asked.
“She’s at school, working on the play that they have coming up,” Mom responded.
I nodded. “That’s right, I remember her saying something about that.” I took a bite of my sandwich and then Lauren took it right out of my hands, making her way into the living room.
“Thanks for the sandwich!” she shouted.
“Brat!” I yelled back.
“Devon, I’m being serious,” Mom scolded, bringing my attention right back at her. Alexis was busy texting on her new phone I brought back for her. She was a freshman and all her friends had cell phones, and I didn’t want her missing out on anything. They would have a normal upbringing, nothing like how I had grown up.
“I completely understand that, Mom, but I honestly don’t have time. Between work, school, and you girls, my plate is full.”
She sighed. “That’s what I worry about, Devon; you took this role of man of the house when your dad died and as much as I appreciate it… I’d love to see you happy and settled.”
I grinned. “I am happy; taking care of you girls makes me happy. Mom, you know you couldn’t afford everything on your own. Dad’s life insurance only covers so much and you have two more college tuitions to pay for. I already help with Lauren’s now… so can you get off this conversation? I’m fine. I’m sleeping. I swear,” I lied.
I never slept, even with the medication. I stopped taking it years ago.
“What about therapy? Are you still talking—”
“Mom! Stop worrying. I’m doing everything I’m supposed to be doing. I promise.”
“Okay, I love you, honey. I’m a mom; it’s my job to worry.”
I smiled. “You’re a great mom and I love you for it. Now here,” I said, handing her an envelope of cash.
She opened it and threw it back at me. “No! You pay for enough, I don’t need this.”
I rolled my eyes. I didn’t understand why she always did this, I ended up winning every time and it just prolonged the inevitable.
“Go buy yourself something nice then. Maybe the girls need something; isn’t homecoming comin
g up for Alexis? It’s her senior year.”
She nodded.
“Then see, you might need it for something. I made some amazing tips at the bar last week. Don’t worry about it. I have money for myself, this is for you,” I exclaimed, not calming her scrutinizing glare.
I worked at a bar near the UF campus and made a killing most days. I was graduating with my master’s degree in business at the end of the semester. I had been saving enough money for the last few years to get Alexis a car as a graduation present; I had yet to tell my mom. I knew it wouldn’t fly over very well so I was postponing the wrath.
I helped my mom as much as I possibly could since my dad died when I was sixteen. I didn’t mind it. I was grateful that the fucker was dead and underground; I hoped he was rotting in hell where he belonged. I took the responsibility of being the man of the house and never looked back. I took pride in taking care of my mom and sisters; they were all I had left. My mom endured years and years of pain that we have never talked about. My sisters and I didn’t talk about it, either.
It’s as if he died and took all the truths and secrets with him. That’s what I had therapy for, but I loathed going and sitting with a complete stranger that didn’t know shit about me and only pretended to care to get paid after his sixty minutes. I stopped going to him years ago, but I didn’t want my mom to worry; she had enough on her plate. I told her what she wanted to hear and it had worked for me for the last four years.
Most of the time, I was able to block everything out, except when I was sleeping. As much as I tried, it was always there… waiting for me.
Taunting and haunting me.
“Devon, what would I do without you, honey?” my mom asked, pulling me into a tight hug.
I wrapped my arms around her. “Good thing you will never have to know.”
I spent the rest of the day hanging out with Alexis and Lauren. Lauren told me about how her junior year of college was going and this guy she was talking to. I reminded her that I needed to meet him, before anything was set in stone, in order to scare the living shit out of him if he touched her or hurt her in any way, although I didn’t tell her that part. Alexis spent most of the time on her phone and I finally had to grab it out of her hands for her to pay attention.
I loved being active in my sisters’ lives. I often wondered how much they remembered from when they were kids; they weren’t that young to have forgotten about the things that happened in our house. The community remembered my father as a hero and their most treasured officer. When he passed, we all suffered a loss… on the outside. I couldn’t speak for everyone else, but for me, it was a victory.
I would be lying if I told you that I didn’t worry about the types of men my sisters would fall for; I knew that the apple didn’t fall far from the tree and little girls admired their fathers. I prayed that, in their case, it wouldn’t be true. My mom never dated since he passed and that worried me more than anything, she had to be jaded, and I couldn’t blame her if she were. My dad put her and this family through the ringer, multiple times.
He never hit my sisters, only my mom and me. I could still see the sadness and regret that she held in her eyes every time she looked at me. I was her baby boy, getting beaten by the man she married, the man she loved at one point or another, the man she said her vows to, the man she raised a family with. I knew she felt responsible for every one of his actions and blows, even though she never had any control over it. She was a victim as much as I was, as we all were.
Except, you couldn’t help how you felt. No one could change your mind when it’s set on something. It didn’t matter how you appeared to the world, all that mattered was how you felt when you lay your head on your pillow at night and let your eyes close and your subconscious takeover.
No one knew what happened when you were alone with your thoughts. Everyone had fears and things that terrified them, and I couldn’t escape mine, especially when I was asleep.
The doorbell rang at exactly eight o’clock and at first, I thought that Christine had lost her damn mind because she usually would just walk in and come up to my room. But when I told Maria, our housekeeper, that I would get the door and opened it to Landon standing there, I smiled, understanding why.
“Hey,” I greeted.
He took a deep breath. “Wow, Brooke, you look beautiful.”
“Thanks.” I dressed in a red mini-skirt with a black crop-top, and black wedge sandals. I curled the ends of my hair and went light on the makeup and jewelry. I grabbed my overnight bag and closed the door behind me.
“Here, let me take that for you.”
“Oh, okay.”
Christine was sitting in the backseat, smiling like a Cheshire cat, as I opened the passenger side door to get in.
“Wait,” he said, placing his hand over mine to open the door.
“Awe… my brother is such a gentlemen; you should totally suck his dick.”
“Christine, shut the hell up.”
I laughed and she winked at me. We drove in silence, and at one point, he reached over and grabbed my hand. I remained calm and collected on the outside, but on the inside, I was flipping out.
Christine wished me a very happy birthday with a huge hug and kiss and then bailed out of the car as soon as we got there, saying something about letting us be alone and that she would catch up with us later.
Landon grabbed my hand again and we walked side-by-side into the house. There were people everywhere and alcohol was flowing loosely; I was never much of a drinker. I didn’t like how it made people act stupid and foolish and I didn’t want to be out of control from my judgments. I guess it’s my type A personality. Landon led us to the keg and filled two cups. I took one, not wanting to seem immature.
We socialized with our friends for a few hours, people wishing me happy birthday with hugs and kisses and I would catch people’s stares and whispers every so often. I excused myself to go use the bathroom and I ran into Marie, one of my fellow cheerleaders.
“So you and Landon? Are you finally official? You know that boy has been in love with you since elementary school,” she stated, following me into the restroom.
I shrugged my shoulders. “I’m not really sure what’s going on. I mean, he’s leaving for college,” I replied, applying powder on my face in the mirror.
“He’s going to UM, Brooke, not South Dakota. He’s getting an apartment with Aaron and Jacob near campus; he won’t be far from you.”
“I don’t know. I don’t want to read anything into it. I guess we’re just hanging out and seeing where it goes.”
“It’s going to go with him putting a ring on your finger. You guys are so meant to be; you know it as much as everyone else does. Stop being so evasive.”
I rolled my eyes. “Whatever.”
“Have you kissed him?”
“No! We just showed up together and he asked me to hang out this afternoon. We haven’t done anything.”
“Well, girl, you are in for a surprise because word around the school is that he has a huge dick and actually knows what he’s supposed to be doing with it.”
“Oh my God, shut up!”
“You know he had sex with Stacy and Amber, and I think he did with Jamie and maybe Celeste.”
I shook my head. “How do you know this?”
She sat on the edge of the sink. “Because I know everything; plus, I heard Stacy telling Victoria, and also, Amber said something to Ashley. You know… the normal high school runaround.”
I laughed.
“But I want details, so make sure to take notes.”
I rolled my eyes again. “Have you seen Christine? I haven’t seen her since we got here and that was a few hours ago.”
“I saw her with Derrick. You know they have that torrid love affair that they love to make public. I swear they have seen one too many soap operas with how much they love to fight in public.”
“True story.”
I was about to round the corner to where I left Landon.
“Nah, man, it’s not like that.”
“Of course it’s not. You’ve been puppy-eyed with your dick between your legs ever since we can remember,” Jacob added to their conversation. “I can’t believe it’s taken you this long to grow some balls and actually ask her out.”
“She’s not like other girls,” Landon asserted.
“How do you know that?” Aaron questioned.
“I just know,” he nonchalantly rebutted.
“Damn, man, you haven’t even touched her pussy yet and you’re already whipped,” Jacob remarked with a sloppy laugh. “Her parents are the happiest married people I have ever seen. I know my mom is always fucking bitching at my dad about why he can’t be more like Brooke’s dad.”
I smiled. Maybe I could have that too… with Landon.
“Her parents are good people, but Brooke does things to me; I mean, look at her. She’s like a real-life Barbie doll, and not only that, but she has a heart of gold. She’s been an amazing friend to my crazy-ass sister who would have probably ended up in rehab or pregnant by now if it hadn’t been for Brooke. I respect that and you can’t help but fall for her.”
“Awe…” they said in unison, making fun of Landon. “That was really sweet, man. Did you grow a vagina overnight? Do we need to take you in the back and inspect you to make sure you still have a dick between your legs?”
I heard a punching sound and then an “ow” before I walked up to them, pretending like I hadn’t heard their conversation.
“You want to go for a walk?” I asked Landon.
He nodded and I grabbed his hand. We made our way over to the dock and slipped off our shoes to dangle our feet in the water.
“So beautiful,” he admitted.
I looked up at the moon. “Yeah, I know.”
“I was talking about you.”
Our eyes locked.
“Oh…”