by Dawn Edwards
‘He’s a serial one-night stand, two-date-max kind of guy. I don’t think girls ever make it so far as needing checks.’ She laughed.
‘I wonder if he checked me out,’ I blurted my thoughts out loud.
She laughed and looked at me with an obvious look on her face. ‘You’re working for my dad and have total access to his family and house. I mean, I’ve known you less than two months, and you are sitting in my bedroom. I’d wager Brett knows things about you that you don’t even know.’
Well, that caused an uneasy feeling to settle in my stomach.
‘He’s a good guy, though,’ I added. ‘I really like him. I had my reservations about him at first, but I truly do like him.’
Her face softened, and she smiled a true loving smile. ‘Yeah, he’s the best, he just needs to get his priorities straight and finish school, he’s starting to piss my dad off.’
‘He’s just having some fun before the realities of the real world.’
‘You seem to like the real world, or at least your job.’
‘It is a lot of work, but I like being busy, and I’m able to use all my projects as part of my portfolios. I’m really excited about it, for my future.’
Jessa let out an audible sigh. ‘I wish I was excited about something.’
‘You don’t like Harvard?’ I asked.
‘No, it’s not that. I enjoy learning, but I’m not excited about it. I know when I graduate, I’ll end up working with my dad, and that’s fine, but it doesn't excite me. It will pay the bills, and then some, but I doubt it will fulfill me as your work clearly does for you.’
‘What would fulfill you?’ I asked her, wanting for some unknown reason to understand her more. She looked straight at me and shrugged her shoulders.
‘I wish I knew.’ She sounded vulnerable again.
‘What do you like?’
‘Nothing I can make a career out of,’ she admitted, sounding totally defeated.
‘So, you’ve never had a dream job?’ I asked her, thinking she probably wouldn’t have to work if she didn't want to.
‘Well, I like food, but I can’t cook, and I like fashion, but I don’t really have the figure or imagination to design. I love to travel, and, well, I know I’d get to do a lot with Cahill Global, so that’s a plus I guess, but it will be boardrooms and trade shows and such.’
‘So basically, you don’t have a dream job.’
‘No. I’ve never been passionate about anything enough,’ she said trailing off. ‘Never really been given the chance to have that independence. My life’s sort of been mapped out for me for a while now.’
I felt there was more to what she was thinking, I was good at reading people, and I knew there was more to what she was saying. I wanted to hear her thoughts. ‘But…’ I prompted.
She looked to me, and I held my ground. I could tell she was thinking of what to say. ‘See, the thing is, I’ve just become so complacent in my life. I just feel like I can’t let my parents down. I’ve never really gone against what they thought my path should be, and now even more so since Josh’s death. It’s like all their hopes and dreams for him have now been projected on to me, in addition to everything they may have wanted for me. I just feel my whole life has been planned out. I went to the private school my parents thought best. Then my dad wanted me to go to Harvard, so I applied and got accepted into business to work for him after. Even now, I haven’t even graduated yet and I’m working for him. Everyone knows I’m the boss’s daughter, so they know I didn’t earn the job, and they don’t treat me like just any other co-worker…Just would have liked to have a choice in my life.’
‘What would you have chosen?’
She let out a little laugh, ‘I honestly don’t know.’ She paused, looked up at the ceiling as if by some chance it had the answers to her questions, and then back to me. ‘You're the first person to ever ask me what I wanted. As much as I hate having my life planned out, I can honestly say I don't know what I truly want. How sad is that?’
“You'll find your way…we all do.’
I tinkered with the final screws as we sat there with just the sounds of the waves and the wind conversing with one another drifting in from her open window.
‘Finished,’ I proclaimed, standing the shelf upright.
‘Oh, looks good,’ Jessa announced, looking down to the pile of wood that wasn’t even close to being put together yet.
‘Where do you want it?’
‘Can you put it in my closet please?’
I nodded and lifted the shelf into the closet that was about as big as the room I grew up sharing with my brother.
‘Want this anywhere in particular?’
‘No,’ she called back, so I just put it up against a wall and rejoined her in the room.
I looked at my phone to find it was already eleven. ‘Wow, time just flies with you,’ I commented.
‘Sorry for keeping you so late,’ she apologized, getting to her feet.
“Hush, girl, don’t be sorry, I enjoyed it. Besides, it was better than binge-watching more Netflix.’
‘You should go get some rest, I’m sure you’ll have to be up early,’ she told me, looking around, stepping over the pile of wood, closer to where I was standing near the door.
‘Luckily, I can make my own hours, and I don’t have to travel far for work.’
‘Sweet commute,’ she told me, twisting her fingers around one another, seeming nervous for some odd reason. I wasn’t sure why, it was only me.
We had a heavy night of conversation, we truly made a connection with one another. She opened up and showed me her vulnerabilities, and I told her the truth of my fucked-up family, and that my life was nothing like the one she grew up in.
I looked over to the pile of wood. ‘Why don’t you leave that, and I’ll finish it tomorrow for you,’ I told her, reaching out and taking her hands in mine. I’d wanted to touch her for a while, but always thought I’d be overstepping. But tonight, it was like we broke down a barrier, that I was more than her father’s employee, and a friendship of sorts had formed.
But it wasn’t a friendship I wanted. My feelings had been brewing for some time, this connection was far deeper than any relationship I’d ever experienced, I couldn’t put my finger on it, or describe it yet, but the feelings were different. They both excited me physically and scared me emotionally.
‘Ok,’ she sighed, looking down at our intertwined hands. ‘Thanks so much,’ she told me, truly looking grateful and appreciative of my help.
‘Don’t worry about it, it was my pleasure,’ I whispered. ‘Thanks, I really appreciated you talking to me, and just know, I’m always here for you to talk to. I really loved sitting here getting to know you tonight.’
‘Same,’ she smiled shyly.
She walked me back to the kitchen door. Lying in bed that night confirmed what I’ve thought for a while now. She was different from anyone I’d ever met—and I was in deep. I just hoped I could keep us both from getting in trouble with her father.
Chapter 11
JESSA
I HADN’T SEEN DREW in nearly two days. I left early yesterday morning with my dad to drive into Boston for my morning class and working at the office in the afternoon. He had lots of meetings and they would be late, so we ended up staying in the city Wednesday night, and I worked all day Thursday for him also.
I had a feeling Dad planned it that way, he was always trying to get me to work more. I didn’t mind all that much, I got to spend nearly two days at the office with Zoe and Amber, but it meant that I also had to keep up appearances; which meant seeing Matt.
I invited him over to the townhouse Wednesday night after I got home from work later than expected, and we ordered in some Greek food to munch on while Matt watched a basketball game and I crept social media sites and pretended to be fully engrossed in wedding bouquets on Pinterest.
‘What about this one?’ I would ask Matt, shoving my phone in his face.
To his credit, he
did smile at me, with only a slight look of annoyance. Seemed he was on his best behavior, or I wasn’t being nearly as annoying as I thought I was.
‘It’s totally up to you, as long as there are no thorns, and you are happy with it, go for it,’ he told me sweetly. I wasn’t sure what was with him tonight, but he sure seemed nice. There were no backhanded remarks, no arguing, and he put up little hesitation when I asked him earlier to join me at the townhouse for dinner.
It was nearly eleven by the time the game was over. I had been exhausted over an hour ago, closing my eyes and lying out on the opposite end of the sofa to Matt, resting my feet on his lap. I had mentally prepared myself for this all day. I was in my house, he knew my parents’ rules, and for the most part, followed them. I knew he wouldn’t try too much physically.
It took every bit of self-control to let him kiss me goodnight when he was leaving, I shuddered as soon as he closed the door behind him and felt like I was betraying my integrity by doing so. Taking a few deep breaths to calm myself and stop from either raging at Breton over text message or breaking down in an anxiety attack.
I thought of the bigger picture. My family, my safety, my future. Drew popped into my mind at this and a huge smile crossed over my face.
We had such a great conversation last night. I kept replaying it over and over in my head, his words, his smile, the way he flirted with me making my body respond in ways I wasn’t used to.
As Dad and I were driving back to the Cape after work Thursday evening, I couldn’t help but let my thoughts wander to Drew. He likely would be at dinner tonight, and perhaps we could all hang out this weekend if he wasn’t too busy. I’d have to possibly include Breton in the plans, as it could look odd otherwise. I wasn’t known for having guy friends, and if Matt somehow found out, it wouldn’t be good for me, or anyone else involved for that matter.
There were still a few weeks until Memorial Day weekend when the summer would officially start, but Mom and I still had a social brunch to attend Saturday morning, as we had last weekend also. The brunches were for planning fundraisers and other social events my mother was involved in. I really appreciated and respected the fact that my mother was so involved with causes close to her heart. She put so much time, effort and dedication into organizing and planning events. So many of her friends simply paid an organizer and showed up at the event to take the credit. Not my mother, she got personally invested. One that she often spent a lot of time on was Habitat for Humanity. She would meet with families who would be in receipt of the homes, wanting to know how their day-to-day lives functioned so she could really help make a home that was functional for them. I think she loved this one so much as it aligned perfectly with her passion for design and families.
Another cause was helping military veterans and their families, especially ones who had suffered physical or mental injuries as a result of serving. Over the years, my father had employed a few former military men and women who had been referred to him through the Boston-based organization my mother volunteered with.
This weekend was a meeting for a fundraiser for a local food bank. With the opioid crisis hitting the Cape especially bad, many children and families were struggling. I wasn’t sure how Mom was going to deal with this particular cause. It had been one we’d both been volunteering with for years, aside from last year. With Josh’s death and the cause, I knew it was going to be a hard day for my mom, especially when she would sit and talk to some of the families.
I’d spoken to Dad about it on the drive home, and he assured me that Mom would be ok and that he’d spoken to her about it and asked her about her feelings. He confided in me that she was still speaking to the family psychologist that we had gone to as a family after Josh’s death. That was news to me, and I was happy to know that my mother still spoke to someone who could continue to help her with her grief.
As we pulled into the driveway, the sun had almost set, and the sky was a spectacular pinky-orange color. ‘Pink sky at night, sailors delight,’ my father said to me, following my line of sight.
‘Are you going sailing this weekend?’ I asked.
‘I’d like to. Why? You want to go out with your old man?’
I nodded, I loved being out on the water with him. ‘Yeah, if the weather’s good Sunday. Mom and I have plans Saturday.’
He nodded at me as he got out of the car, carrying his bag into the house. The dining room table hadn’t been set, and I didn’t see Kathy in the kitchen. As I walked up the stairs to my room, I saw my mother walking down the hallway.
‘Deb and Breton can’t make it for dinner, so I just ordered Chinese. Andrew was in town when I texted him, and he’s picking it up. He’s on his way home now,’ she said, looking down at her cell phone.
‘Sure, I’m just going to change,’ I told her, walking towards my bedroom, smiling the entire way, excited at the opportunity to see Drew.
I took off my work clothing, opting for a pair of yoga tights, a long-sleeved, oversized t-shirt that hung off my shoulder, and a lacy tank top underneath it. My hair and make-up still looked presentable from earlier today, and so I decided against washing it off and pulled my hair into my go-to messy bun.
Drew was already in the kitchen when I walked back down, helping Mom set the eating area of the large island in the kitchen. I guess it didn’t make sense to use the dining room for just the four of us.
‘Hiya,’ Drew said and looked up to me, smiling that incredible smile of his, looking me over with those smoldering eyes, as if he were undressing me with them. Holy hell, it was going to a long night if he kept looking at me like that.
‘Hey, Drew,’ I managed to sputter out through my foggy thoughts, pulling out a stool and taking a seat. ‘How’s it going?’
‘Yeah, good, you?’
I nodded. ‘Happy to be back.’
He winked at me as he walked closer, placing a glass in front of me. ‘Me too, cupcake.’
I raised a playful eyebrow. ‘Miss me?’
‘Always,’ he said playfully as my mother walked into the kitchen with a bottle of white wine from the wine cellar—which was really a climate-controlled pantry next to my father’s office with a cooling fridge for white wine, as the house didn’t have a basement.
‘Jessa, can you tell your father that we’re about ready to eat?’ my mother asked me.
I picked up my phone and sent him a text message. ‘Really?’ she questioned me.
‘What?’ I shrugged my shoulders. ‘You know he’s got his blackberry within reach 24/7.’
She simply rolled her eyes at me, she really couldn’t argue with it.
DAD: Be right there.
‘See?’ I held up my iPhone to show her. ‘He will be right with us.’
I reached over the counter to start pulling the take-out boxes out of the bags, as Drew got the plates down from the cupboard. I was happy he seemed comfortable in the house, like it was natural he belonged here with us. What wasn’t so natural was the way he looked at me, and the feelings I got between my legs every time he did.
‘What did you order?’ I asked him.
‘I’m not sure, your mom texted me to tell me she was getting Chinese, and I offered to pick it up as I was in town running errands anyway.’
‘I got a mixture of things,’ my mother said. ‘I wasn’t sure what Andrew liked.’
‘Thanks, Colleen, but you should know by now I’ll eat pretty much anything.’
We had a nice relaxing dinner where the four of us all chatted, and I was able to unwind after all the anxiety I’d been harboring over spending time with Matt and being away from Drew. Drew was like this natural Xanax that calmed me, and I found myself thinking of him far more than I should be. It was harmless, knowing that nothing would come from our innocent flirting.
Drew and I cleaned up after dinner while Dad retired to his office to finish some work, and Mom went up to her room to take a bath and go to bed early. As I put the last dishes in the dishwasher, Drew was leaning against the
counter watching me.
‘Stop that,’ I scolded him.
‘What?’
‘Watching me, it’s weird.’
He laughed at my comment. ‘Fine, do you still need me to finish putting together your shelf?’
‘No, I did it myself.’
He snorted. ‘Yeah right, show me?’ I shook my head, not able to make eye contact with him. ‘That’s what I thought, come on, let's finish up in here, and I’ll go put it together for you.’
I followed him up to my bedroom, sitting on my bed as he took his time putting the shelf together. We were chatting about random things, movies, school, work and maybe joining Breton out tomorrow night. It wasn’t a deep conversation as it had been the other night, but just easy everyday light things that still allowed me to see more about him.
The other night it was deep and serious. Tonight, I saw his personality, his humor, and character traits. Like how when I was speaking, he wanted to watch my facial expressions, the way one side of his mouth turned up in a smile when I said something he liked and the way his eyes lit up at any indication that I might be flirting with him—which often resulted in him not so subtly adjusting himself.
I blushed after the first time he did it—how did I manage to have that kind of effect on a man like him? It made me warm and tight between my legs; I’d need to take a Tylenol to break the fever I’d be suffering from if he lingered too long.
He had been finished putting the shelf together for a while before he finally stood, bending over to stand the shelf right side up. He sat down on my bed facing me. ‘Do you really have that many shoes to warrant two shelves?’
‘No, I just figured with two, it would give me more time alone with you,’ I joked.
‘Well, in that case, let’s make a trip to Ikea for a new bedroom set tomorrow. Dressers are a bitch to put together, a good five hours minimum.’
‘So, here’s the truth,’ I sat up. ‘Sunday, I was hurrying around trying to get ready to go out. My closet is basically a disorganized mess. My foot got caught on one of my purse straps, I tripped, landing on my knee, but not before a heel nearly impaled my leg,’ I explained to him, pulling up my pant leg to show him the big cut I had on my shin.