by Dawn Edwards
‘Come on, Andrew, can I not count on you for some help?’ she jokingly pleaded with me. She had really grown on me, and I knew my initial assessment that she might be fake was completely wrong.
I nodded. ‘Anything you need, you can count on me,’ I told her wholeheartedly. I’d only known these people a few weeks, but already I was starting to feel a connection to them. Maybe because I’d been starved for a family my whole life, maybe because their world enticed me, but I really wanted to think it was because they were good, honest people who were real, despite their millions. They were a family because of love, not an obligation. That kind of chemistry was hard to fake.
But if I was honest with myself, I knew why I was so enticed by them—Jessa. She had completely captivated me, mind and body.
After dinner, I helped Jessa and Breton clean up, while Colleen, Steve, and Deb went into the family room.
Breton’s phone dinged, and he looked at it, telling both of us, ‘I got to handle this.’ He walked out of the kitchen as Jessa and I walked in carrying dishes. She started to load the dishwasher, as I went back to get the rest of the glasses.
When I returned, I placed them next to her and touched her forearm, causing her to drop the plate and pull away quickly.
‘Shit, I didn't mean to scare you,’ I told her, picking up the plate and placing it in the right slot. ‘Sorry,’
She shook her head, not looking at me, giving me her back, picking up the glasses I just placed next to her. ‘It’s fine.’
‘It’s not,’ I said, standing still, closely behind her. ‘Does he hit you?’ I had to ask it. I was fuming, and I had to know, had to know exactly what I was dealing with.
‘What?’ she asked, spinning around to look at me, finally.
‘Does he hit you’ I repeated, jaw clenched, wanting to hit him.
‘Does who hit me?’ She looked confused, and I could tell she truly was, she wasn’t a good actress.
‘The one who’s making you flinch whenever someone gets near you, or you hear a sudden sound,’ I told her, making it clear that I had been watching her, studying her. I knew her and wanted to know more, desperately.
‘You have no idea what you’re talking about...and neither do I, actually.’ Her look told me to back off, not to press the issue, pleading with me to drop it.
‘I do know what I’m talking about,’ I leaned in to whisper, close enough to make it intimate, but so I could also see her face. ‘I watched my mother get hit all her life, I know when a woman is scared. Don’t tell me I can’t recognize the signs or that I don’t know what I’m talking about.’
She swallowed and looked me in the eye for the first time since I’d pissed her off in the parking lot. ‘He doesn’t hit me.’
Relief should have washed over me, but she still looked scared.
‘And for the record, I’m not using you to get to your dad,’ I whispered to her. ‘If anything, I’m using your dad to get to you.’
I turned around and let that set in, busying myself cleaning up the kitchen as Breton walked back in to help us.
Chapter 14
JESSA
THE SUN WAS JUST SETTING Friday evening and I needed to clear my head after having spoken with Matt earlier. I was shaking afterward. My Matt drama was only compounded by the information that Breton had found about my father and the company. What if it were true? Everything that I thought about my dad could be tarnished, I held him in such high esteem, so many people did. Was it a facade? Had he pulled the wool over everyone's eyes just as Matt had?
I shook my head, No!
There was no way that my father and Matt were anything alike. I chastised myself for even thinking it.
I had let my emotions get to a fever pitch; being exceptionally excited over Drew, while at the same time being awfully annoyed with Matt. Drew brought new feelings to the surface, ones filled with hope, acceptance, truth and warmth—not to mention the physical reaction he elicited in my nether regions. And then there was the anxiety-inducing, confidence-crushing Matt. I wouldn’t be surprised if I stroked out.
I needed the fresh air and the wind off the ocean to think, to strategize and to come up with some steadfast excuses as to why I may not be able to see him much. I didn’t think he would mind the distance, but clearly, he noticed. He was talking about making plans for the coming week when I was in Boston.
There were a few people on the beach, and after I turned around to walk back home, more were sitting on the beach lighting fires. Ours was one of the farthest down before rocks made it hard to pass at high tide. As such, not many people ventured this far down. As I approached our house, I saw Drew walking back and forth between the garage and the beach, hauling wood down. Things were weird between us, but I didn’t want them to be.
His words last night in the kitchen kept running through my head all night, causing me trouble sleeping. I was thinking about them again all day today, but I was left with just as much uncertainty. Was he being truthful? It was hard to tell. I had difficulty trusting people, especially with everything that I was going through right now with Matt.
I was in no good place to be starting something new, even if it was a fling that nothing could come out of, especially one that would be in secret. I should stop whatever it might be, it wasn’t going to end well.
Drew must have thought I was avoiding him, but the truth was I wanted his company over others. I wanted to talk to him, see what was really going on and try to finally decide what to do once and for all. I’d been sulking around the house far too much. I wanted to clear the air between us, to confide in someone. But I knew I couldn’t, only Breton, and he wasn't around.
When I got up to the property, Drew was no longer there, but there was a pile of wood and shrubs along with a cooler of beer. I helped myself to one and took a seat to watch the waves crashing on the shore as the last of the day’s sun was setting. The water usually calmed me. But right now, I couldn’t help but think it was reminiscent of my life. I felt like everything was crashing in around me.
The sun had set when Drew joined me. He sat next to me and said nothing for a few minutes.
‘Thought I’d find you out here, but you kept me waiting long enough,’ I said as he made himself busy lighting the fire. But he didn't respond. ‘Did you want to be alone?’ I asked, afraid his answer might be yes.
‘No, no don’t be silly. I love your company,’ he looked over his shoulder at me, his expression new to me. ‘I’m just afraid to say something that might set you off is all.’
What could I say? Sure, I’d gone off a little, but surely, he had to see my side of it.
We sat in silence for a bit, he poked at the fire and I looked out at the dark sea through the bright blazing fire.
‘Penny for your thoughts?’ he finally asked, breaking the silence.
‘Just taking in the serenity of the moment. These moments are so few and far between lately. Just absorbing it.’
‘I know, it’s great down here.’
‘Yeah, I see why you escape here so often.’ I dug my feet into the sand and leaned back, propping myself up on my elbows.
‘So, cupcake, are you going to tell me why you look like your dog just died?’
‘Feels that way,’ I replied, without looking at him.
‘So, what going on? Here I thought you were trying to avoid me.’
‘I was…’ I wasn’t going to lie to him, I already hated having to keep things from him, no need to toss on extra guilt.
‘But you’re not anymore?’ he smirked, trying to read me.
‘I’m here, aren’t I?’
‘That you are,’ he said, sliding closer to me.
‘There’s just a lot going on at the moment…it’s hard to take it all in.’
‘Yeah…tell me about it.’
We sat there again with a long pause between us.
‘You wanna talk about it?’ he asked me, standing and poking a few logs, then sitting a bit farther from me. ‘You’ll want to move over here,’ he s
aid, sitting on the sand to the left of me. ‘Out of the smoke.’
He moved quickly. ‘Ah, shit,’ he exclaimed, as I looked around him, to see that his beer was knocked over.
‘Oh, I’m sorry.’ I scurried over to push the wet sand out of the way.
He placed his hands over mine. ‘Jessa, it’s ok,’ he told me as I looked down at his shorts to make sure the beer didn’t spill over him. ‘Don’t apologise, this wasn’t you, not at all.’
I looked up to him, knowing deep down that it wasn’t my fault, that the bottle wasn’t even near me, but it was just an automatic response. Whenever anything went wrong with Matt, I always took the blame; after the first few times of being accused, it was just easier to take the blame than to fight it.
‘God, he’s really done a number on you, hasn’t he?’
I knew exactly what he was getting at, and I was ashamed that I didn’t even have a response to give him. He sat back down, and I crawled towards him, sitting next to him, closer this time. It wasn’t intentional, but I didn't want to move farther away. We watched the fire for some time, and neither of us spoke. When the fire had caught, I finally broke the silence, needing to change the subject from Matt; it really made me uncomfortable talking about him with anyone, especially Drew.
‘My father lied to me.’
Drew looked a bit shocked. ‘Are you sure?’
I nodded. ‘Either that or Breton went through a lot of effort to fabricate a lie.’
‘Could there be a misunderstanding?’
I shook my head again. ‘No, it’s not a matter of forgetting a meeting or misplacing directions, he…’ I stopped, I wasn’t able to say anything, and it killed me. I needed to talk to someone, I felt so trapped.
‘He what?’ Drew prompted.
‘I can’t say…’ I sighed.
He reached out and took my hand. ‘It’s ok, I understand. I don’t know Steve as well as you do, obviously, but he certainly seems like a great dad and a stand-up guy. If he lied to you, I’m sure he had a good reason.’
‘I know he’s protecting me. But still, I wish he trusted me enough to tell me the truth, I deserve to know the truth.’
‘Has he lied to you before?’
‘Not that I know of.’
‘And do you see the importance of him protecting you?’ I nodded. ‘Well then, I say see this as him being better than the lie, see it as him protecting you. Despite how you feel now, maybe it's for the best. It’s been my experience that all truths come out, eventually.’
‘I certainly hope this is one that never does. It would ruin everything… everything,’ I told him, I felt broken, like I couldn’t fix it, but the only thing I could do was buy Breton time to find out more information. The cost of doing so was staying with Matt, and that made me feel ill—physically and emotionally.
‘Is he cheating on your mother?’ he asked in an appalled accusing tone. One indicating protectiveness for my mother. It made me smile.
‘No, something like that I’d tell you. This can ruin everything. Our family, our business, our reputation. It would literally ruin the lives of many people,’ I said, then looked up to him. ‘Besides, has it escaped your notice how sickeningly in love they are?’
He smiled. ‘I know, but it’s not sickening.’ He looked me dead in the eyes. ‘It’s inspiring.’
I took a deep breath, trying to settle myself.
He kissed the back of my hand. ‘I really enjoy your company, Jessa,’ he told me, looking at me, straight into my eyes. ‘I was really anxious that I had scared you off.’
‘No, I don’t think that’s even possible.’
‘Good, because I don’t know what my life would be like without you in it.’
‘Oh,’ was all I could get out. I was surprised. I took a big breath of fresh air. Letting the cool salt air fill my lungs and clear out all the stale city air, replacing it with a fresh new breath.
‘I’m sorry about how I reacted, but you should know, there are reasons…’
‘I’m sorry,’ he cut me off.
‘Why?’ I was confused, this was my apology.
He took my other hand also. ‘I’m sorry that people use you. You, of all people, don’t deserve that. I’m not going to lie to you, I do want to impress your dad, but trying to impress him and liking you are independent of each other. I’m so lucky for this opportunity he’s provided to me. Thing is, I want you to know, that the longer I’m working for him, the longer I get access to you.’
‘You don’t think that you’d be able to see me if you weren’t working for him?’
‘It would complicate things more, there'd be a lot more questions, I wouldn't be able to just spend time with you, like this…’ He leaned in and kissed my check. It was dark, with the only light flickering from the fire. There was no one else around on the beach, and when I came out here, my parents were in the family room watching TV on the other side of the house. Even knowing that no one could see us, I couldn’t stop from looking over my shoulder.
‘You can see me whenever you want, I really like spending time with you too, Drew,’ I confided in him. ‘I think you are the only person who sees me, not my father’s daughter. Pretty much everyone in my life but Zoe has known me forever, they have their own idea of who I am. You two are the only ones who want to know me.’
‘And when you find her, I can only hope I’ll be the first one you tell.’
This made me smile, he knew I needed to find myself. I had a feeling very few people would support me to do so, but he’d be first in line to give me the push to do it.
I leaned into him as he wrapped his arm around me, resting it on my stomach. Of all my body, I hated my stomach the most. On a good day, I just had huge muffin tops, some days it looked like I was pregnant. I moved his hand down towards my hip.
‘What?’ he asked me, kissing the top of my head.
‘Not my stomach,’ I replied, not able to look at him.
‘Why, what’s wrong with your stomach?’ he asked me, sounding concerned as if there was something wrong with me.
I sighed, hating to have to have this conversation with him, embarrassed. I was so happy he couldn't see my face straight on. ‘I just really hate my stomach.’
His hand instantly went back to resting where he had it a moment ago. ‘You know, real men can handle a bit of curves.'
'I wish all I had were curves; my curves are covered in fat,' I retorted and was promptly pulled away from him, so he could see my face.
'Yeah ok, so you got some cushion, so what? Most guys really don’t care, and some prefer curves.'
'You?'
'I like a real woman, I don't really care about size, but yeah, I prefer curves, none of the fake stuff the media pushes on us.'
'These are fake,' I said pointing to my chest.
His face turned to surprise. 'No,' he cried in a questioning curious way. His hand went up to touch, but he snapped it back immediately when he realized what he was doing. 'Sorry,' he started, looking a bit embarrassed, laughing at himself.
'Don't be, have a feel if you want.'
He looked at me curiously, 'You sure?' he asked, raising his hand. I nodded, and he touched gently, leaning closer to me. 'They are harder than I would have thought.' He pulled me in closer to him, closing the already small gap. It was dark, there was only a small amount of light from the back deck and the dim glow from the fire.
'It appears they are not the only thing that’s hard,' I whispered.
He looked down into my eyes, smiling and shrugged. ‘Some things can’t be helped,’ he told me, making no apologies nor any attempts at moving away.
I looked down and saw a bulge between his legs. With another surge of bravery, I asked, ‘Do I turn you on or something?’
‘Yeah,’ he said matter-of-factly as if it were obvious and something I was told every day. 'You know you do. I know you felt it against you the other night, it’s hard to miss.’ He wasn’t lying.
‘Really?’ I was dumbfound
ed, and he nodded, rubbing his fingers lightly over my nipples. ‘Why? How?’ I asked as if seeking the meaning of life; I needed to know.
‘Physically, intellectually, personally…There are lots of reasons why.’ He brushed the hair from my face.
‘You’re attracted to me?’ I had a feeling I knew the answer, but it didn't hurt to confirm it.
He turned into me, pressing his hard erection into my stomach, ‘Actions speak louder than words cupcake.'
'The boobs are fake, though,' I confessed again.
'But you are not, and you are so much more than your boobs,' he told me.
‘Like what, exactly?'
'Oh Jessa, where to start? Well, there’s your eyes. The perfect shade of green, eyes that open to your soul. Just by looking at them I can read your mood. Then there’s this perfect little mouth. Oh, the things that come out of it, and how I want it to make me come…hmmm…but now I'm getting ahead of myself.'
'You mean…' I couldn’t finish the rest.
'Yes, I mean I want to fuck that mouth of yours. I also want to kiss it, hear your voice, get lost in conversations with you for hours. Hear it moan my name, scream my name, beg for more. There's also your chest; although fake, still, they are boobs.' He skimmed his finger gently across my nipple, stirring it to life. Then took my hand in his. 'These hands and these fingers, how bad I want them on every inch of me. Every Inch.'
He dropped my hands and traced my stomach over my hips and to my behind. 'This ass has been teasing me all summer, and one of these days, I may just have my way with it. But this—' his hand pressed gently at the apex of my thighs ‘—this is where I really long to be. I want to kiss you here until your body shakes with tremors, I want my fingers to tease you, and I want my cock deep inside you.' He paused, and I think we were both catching our breaths. 'But none of that would mean anything without your two most promising features.' He placed a hand over my heart and a finger at my temple. 'I'll take your mind and your heart over the rest, and until I can wholly have the rest, I'll be pleased with what I can get. Just don’t ask me to share your body.'
I reached out to him and ran my fingers through his hair. I’d wanted to do it all summer. And then across his cheek and down to his stomach, then wrapped my arms around his back.