by Dawn Edwards
‘Lightweight told me to tell you he’s having a seat outside,’ Drew told me. It was the first thing he’d said to me since yesterday when Matt showed up. I looked up at him, but he wouldn’t hold my gaze.
Yup, I knew it, he was pissed off at me.
I’d sent him a text message last night, but he’d only responded to let me know he was getting drunk and to leave him alone. It hadn’t helped ease the tension I was holding, and it sure as hell hadn’t helped me sleep.
The music was great, and I was enjoying myself. One of Breton’s female friends who he used to go to school with and was still close with arrived. I’d met her a few times before; her name was Leah. She was one of the few people he still made time for anymore. He excused himself to go mingle. Abby walked off the dance floor with her phone in her hand as Drew grabbed my hand, turned me around so he was behind me, and started to dance, then spun me to face him. It surprised me.
‘Please don’t be mad at me.’ I looked him in the eye, pleading with him.
‘I can’t help it. I’m having a physical reaction to seeing him touch you.’ He turned me around, so my back was to his front and placed his hand on my hip, pulling me into him so I felt his hard bulge on my back. Yeah, there was assuredly a huge difference between what Matt tried to poke me with and the load Drew was packing.
‘Then be with me,’ I pleaded with him.
He leaned into my ear. ‘I want nothing more than to be inside you, but I will not take that step until I know you are mine, in every possible way.’
He wouldn’t sleep with me, not until I was free.
‘You’re killing me,’ he whispered into my ear. ‘Please stop ignoring me, no one else has this effect on me.’ I turned around and looked outside to where I thought Matt might be sitting, hoping, praying he wasn’t witnessing this.
Drew put his finger under my chin, lifting my gaze to his. ‘Your future is right here, stop chasing your past.’
My heart fluttered. ‘I just need a bit more time…’
‘Right, because it’s complicated.’ He threw my words back at me from the text I sent him last night, at least he hadn’t been too drunk to remember. But then he released me and walked away, leaving me alone on the dance floor.
I walked to where Abby was off to the side checking her phone. She looked up and suggested we get some food and walk home. However, Matt, as always, had to ruin the fun and instead, insisted we get a cab and go straight home.
‘I’ve been up since six and played a round of golf this morning,’ Matt whined. ‘In case you forgot, while you were sleeping in.’
‘I do manual labor for 10 hours every day.’ Drew shrugged his shoulders, but I knew he hadn’t done it today on account of the weather, he was just trying to show Matt up. ‘But I’m starved, let's grab something to eat, we’ll see you guys later.’ I watched as the man I wanted more than anything, walked away with my beautiful cousin in the direction of some food trucks, while my other cousin stayed at the bar with his friends.
I hated that my night with Drew was cut short, and I was uncertain what would become of him and Abby. Earlier, I could have sworn that they weren’t interested in each other like that, but was he vindictive enough to pursue her to get back at me? The truth was, I wasn’t sure how he played the whole jealousy card in relationships, or if he was even the jealous type. I didn’t know his dating history, or anything really about that side of him. At this rate, I’d never get the change to ask, let alone find out for myself.
But within a half-hour of arriving home, Abby made her way upstairs and said good night to me. With a sigh of relief, I slept soundly.
Chapter 19
DREW
BRETON AND I WERE FINALLY starting on the back yard now that the Memorial Day long weekend was over. Earlier in the week, when Jessa was here, she would spend her mornings outside sitting down by the beach on a lounge chair, reading her textbook. I saw her watching us whenever we came into view, and as always, I was watching her in a not-so-obvious way. But, as she always did on Wednesday mornings, she left with her father and was due back today.
I still wasn’t talking to her. It wasn’t fair to punish her, I knew that. But I couldn’t deal with my feelings yet, and I was afraid that I might snap at her if I forced it too soon. I was still angry and hurt. I didn’t want her to see my ugly jealous side; it was all new to me, and I didn’t know how to deal with it. I shouldn't be testing it with her. She meant too much to me—at least I knew that much.
I was also wondering if I should continue on with my pursuit of her—or whatever I could call it. I mean, I couldn’t help but be interested in her, but I was able to put my personal desires aside. It would be hard, but I was sure I could at least try.
We were nearly caught a few weeks ago by Breton. At the time I told her we needed to be careful. As hard as it was for me to do, I was trying to limit my interactions with her, but not to be so obvious about it, especially after the conversation I had with Breton a few days ago. I assumed he’d seen our brief exchange on the dance floor last weekend.
To say I was caught off-guard and ill-prepared to speak on the situation was a bit of an understatement.
‘So, what’s up with you and Jessa?’ Breton just came out and asked me in the middle of the day, as we were hauling sod into the backyard and laying it.
I guess I hadn’t been as subtle as I probably should have been. Shit, I hope he hadn’t already told Steve, or at the very least, wasn’t planning to.
Up until the last weekend, the flirting between Jessa and I had increased a lot more than it had been, despite my insistence that we try to keep some physical distance. But that hadn’t worked out so well, but we were being a lot more careful. There had been more physical contact, and not just limited to the inside of her room, a car or anywhere else we were alone and sure no one would catch us. When others were around, I didn’t think much of it, outside of that we were comfortable with one another.
The flirting and tension between us were undeniable, and I guess Breton had picked up on it. If he caught that, then there was no way my foul mood escaped him last weekend and over the past few days. But, surely, he didn’t know to what extent. I knew he and Jessa were close, but she’d never go behind my back and tell Breton without first speaking to me about it. She knew my job, career and reputation both personally and professionally were on the line.
‘You know me, just being flirty,’ I said, trying my best to convince him. ‘It’s all innocent.’
‘That’s the thing, I don’t think that’s all it is.’ He placed the sod down and looked at me. ‘I’ve been out to bars with you, I see the way you flirt, sure. But the way you look at her is different, and she looks at you in a way she’s never looked at Matt.’
He was right. We’d gone out a bunch, I was flirty, and it came out in my personality when I drank in groups. The girls took to me like fish to water. I was confident enough to admit I’m a good-looking guy, and girls always fell for my accent over here. Breton was a good wingman to have, and I enjoyed going out with him, but now it was kicking me in the ass.
‘At first, I thought your flirting was innocent and playful, and it surprised me that Jessa was returning it, that’s something she never does. Like, ever. She’s usually all shy, reserved and a prude.’ I couldn’t help but smile; that’s my girl but little did he know, she wasn’t all that prudish—not with me, at least.
Not my girl, and that was the problem, and where I figured Breton was headed with this little talk.
‘You’ve noticed too?’ I asked, dumping my sod and turning to walk back to the front of the house.
‘Kind of hard not to,’ he replied, following next to me. ‘Then there was this past weekend when Matt showed up, you completely changed.’
‘Well, I thought it was just all innocent too.’
‘But we both know it’s not, right?’
I didn’t say anything, I wasn’t going to dig myself into a hole and cover myself in the dirt.
‘Listen,’ Br
eton stopped, reaching a hand out to me to stop what I was doing. ‘Either way, I don’t care. I see Jessa happy, and it’s been a long time since I’ve seen that. But my uncle asked me what was going on.’
‘Shit,’ I moaned, running a dirty hand down my face.
‘I guess he saw, or rather overheard, you two in a bit of a…personal moment.’
‘What?’ I nearly yelled, shaking my head. ‘That’s impossible.’
‘Impossible because it didn’t happen, or because you think you’re careful enough not to get caught.’
‘There’s nothing.’ At least I was pretty sure there was nothing, we’d been extremely careful. I picked up another roll of sod and loaded it into the wheelbarrow.
‘Is he pissed?’ I asked when I was calm enough.
‘Surprisingly, no.’ Breton laughed.
‘Tell me what happened.’
‘Last week in Boston, he asked me if there was something between the two of you,’ he started, filling his own wheelbarrow. ‘I laughed it off because I didn’t want to cause trouble, but the truth was I had seen it. I told him not that I was aware, you were a stand-up guy, and Jessa wouldn’t poke the bear or embarrass the family.’ He looked up to me. ‘Not that you're an embarrassment, but her being caught cheating wouldn’t look good,’ he clarified, and I nodded. ‘I asked my uncle where the question came from, and he said that you guys have spent a lot of time together. Jessa seemed a lot happier, and he said that he overheard you two making plans to catch a movie together in hushed voices.’
I laughed. ‘Hushed voices, so illicit. Not really what I’d call a personal moment.’
‘He asked me last night what was up with you, you seemed different on the weekend, wondered if Matt said something to you.’
I just looked at him and shrugged again. ‘Matt’s a dick, I don’t care to waste my time on him.’ That was all I commented on the subject of him.
‘Agreed, but my uncle asked me if I thought she’d call off the wedding.’ He stood straight and looked at me.
‘And?’
‘And I’m wondering if you might have any inside information on that,’ he asked me seriously. ‘Because I can tell you that would make my uncle the happiest man alive.’
‘I don’t have any information on that, but for the record, Steve and I would both be the happiest men alive if she did.’
There, I admitted it, showed him my cards.
‘So, there is something?’ he smirked.
‘I’ve never met anyone like Jessa in my life,’ I sighed. ‘I think she’s just simply amazing.’
‘Does she know this?’
I nodded. ‘But I told her I don’t share, and I meant it. She knows how I feel, but I won't act on anything as long as she’s with him.’
When the wheelbarrow was full, I pushed it into the back yard. ‘Has your uncle said anything else?’
‘To not interfere, and let you guys enjoy yourselves, that maybe you can talk some sense into her.’
I snorted. ‘Pfft, if she really wanted me, she would have broken things off with Matt months ago.’
I looked at him, and he had a guilty look on his face. ‘What is it?’
‘It’s complicated with him at the moment, just don’t give up on her.’
‘What does that mean?’ I prompted. I hated vague statements, and obviously, he knew something. Likely the same thing Jessa was keeping from me. ‘She says the same thing, but for the life of me I can’t understand. The guy is the biggest asshole and doesn’t deserve her, there’s nothing complicated about that.’
‘I can’t explain it right now, but if she could walk away, I know she would. Her hands are tied right now, but they won’t always be,’ he tried to assure me. ‘I can’t say more than that.’
‘So, you think one day she will actually leave him?’ I asked.
‘One can only hope,’ he said, lifting a roll of sod and bending to fit it into place near the end of the yard. ‘It’s no secret to anyone, let alone her, that none of us like him. She doesn’t even like him anymore, either.’ There was more to the story than he was letting on, or prepared to tell me, I knew there was, but he felt he needed to keep it to himself, and I had to respect that. ‘But we also see how much of a different person she is with you, and how much happier she has been since you came into our lives. Trust me, we all see it.’
I didn’t care if they all saw it, I only cared if Jessa saw it. I hated Matt, the douche left me with a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. He was ugly inside and out, and I hardly knew the guy.
But I wasn’t prepared to share her. I had told her in no uncertain terms, that as long as she was engaged, we couldn’t go further, physically or emotionally. As much as I wanted to take things to the next level, for both of our sakes, and those of her family, we needed to slow things down.
Perhaps it was a good thing that she was pissed at me. When I walked away from her on the dance floor, she didn’t follow me and hadn’t made any effort to talk to me, but then again, I hadn’t made any effort to contact her since either. I did watch her every time I saw her and made polite conversation with her around the family, but neither of us made an effort to see talk, text or see each other alone.
After Breton had left for the day to help his mom with some deliveries up the Cape, I carried some wood from old shrubs into the garage to dry. During the next rainy spell, I’d spend the day cutting it to use to start fires for the beach.
I had the large garage door open and saw Jessa get out of her father’s car. Her father walked into the house while she walked into the garage wearing a skirt, shirt and a cardigan with heels, her typical style for when she was working. ‘You coming in for dinner tonight?’ she asked, looking at me hopeful.
‘Umm,’ I hesitated. ‘If I finish up here on time,’ I told her, stepping farther into the garage as she followed me in.
‘Are you mad at me?’ she asked in a low voice, not able to look at me.
‘I’m not sure, I’m just having a hard time working out my feelings at the moment.’ It was honest, I only ever wanted to be honest with her.
‘And you think the best way to sort those feelings is to ignore me?’
‘I just think it best for me to keep my distance,’ I told her, closing the large garage door.
‘Why?’ she asked, sounding both confused and hurt.
‘Jessa, you are engaged. I’m employed by your father… I don’t want things to get messy.’
‘You’re afraid of my father?’ she asked me. ‘Just when I thought you were different from the rest.’
‘You know I’m different than the rest, please don’t try to add insult to injury.’ I looked at her. ‘And no, I’m worried about you.’
‘Me? Why?’
‘I like you, Jessa, I like you a lot. But I can’t get in deeper. I don’t want to get hurt, or hurt you or make things more complicated for you, or jeopardize your engagement.’
‘You’re worried about me hurting you?’ she asked, looking a bit surprised. I just nodded. ‘Why?’
‘There are a lot of reasons, and the fact you don’t know is one of them. Listen, you deserve someone who knows your worth.’
‘It’s a big trust fund,’ she said a bit dryly.
‘It’s not about money,’ I snapped, ripping my work gloves off and throwing them on my workbench. ‘Not everyone wants you for your money, Jessa. See? You don’t even know your own self-worth. You believe anyone who likes you is only interested in your money or to get close to your father for self-gain. But from what I know, that’s the least of what you have to offer. Why can’t you see that?’
She looked like she might cry or laugh. I wiped the dirt off my hands on a rag and stepped closer to her. ‘Listen, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I yelled, and I’m sorry I kissed you and everything. I know I overstepped, please forgive me.’
She shook her head. ‘No, because I’m not sorry.’ She stepped closer and placed her hands on my chest and stood on her toes to kiss me. I closed my eyes and g
ave in. I put my arms around her and savored the moment. She pushed her body up against mine, and I felt myself growing with every touch. When she pushed into me more, I had to pull away.
‘Jessa,’ I moaned. ‘I’m sorry, I can’t.’ I kept my arms around her.
‘Why?’ she asked into my chest. I was dirty and sweaty after a full day’s work, but she was still refusing to peel herself away from my body.
‘You know why,’ I told her. ‘I’m not prepared to get into the middle of anything, and I’m certainly not sharing you. Especially with that prick you’re engaged to.’
‘You are not sharing me…’
‘No?’ I looked down to her still in my arms. ‘You could have fooled me on the weekend,’ I spit out at her, my anger close to boiling over again.
‘So, what do you want me to do?’
She pulled away and looked up at me. I shook my head. ‘Jessa, I’m not about to tell you what to do, you have enough people dictating how you should live your life. I just want you to be happy.’
She took my hand. ‘You make me happy,’ she told me, and I knew this, I saw the difference from when she was with me and when Matt was around.
I nodded and kissed her hand. ‘Same here. But I can’t do this, I don’t like sneaking around and worst of all, I don’t like seeing others touch you, especially him.’ I had wanted to cut Matt’s hand off and claw his eyes out when I saw them together.
‘I know; I saw your looks when he touched me,’ she told me.
‘And I noticed your reactions too,’ I told her. She didn’t fall into his touch as she did with me, she recoiled and looked pained in speaking or interacting with him. I also saw the way Breton was. He always looked murderous towards him too.
‘Things are complicated at the moment,’ she told me. There she goes with that word again. Complicated. Yeah, no shit, they were also rather complicated between the two of us, if she hadn’t noticed.
‘You don’t owe me an explanation or anything.’
‘I just want to let you know…’
‘Just figure out what you want. I’m not going to pressure you to make a quick decision. I’d much rather you take your time and figure out what’s best for you than rush a decision to please me or someone else. It’s time to put yourself first. I’m not going anywhere, so don’t rush on my account. Do what’s right for you. You may discover I’m not part of your plans. And if that’s the way it is then so be it, we all have a future. Just know that I want mine tied to yours, but we can’t just jump at the chance to start it. Let all the pieces fall into place, there’s a time and place for each piece. Maybe our pieces match, maybe they don’t. Perhaps the foundation is built, but there’s still work to be done for the whole puzzle to fit. I’m prepared to be your lover, your friend… or your contractor.’