by Rachel Leigh
“I’m not protecting her,” I shout. Though, I am protecting her. I didn’t realize it until I was on those steps, but I have to protect her. The thought of any of these guys, or any guy for that matter, touching Willa stirs something dark inside of me. It’s this indescribable feeling that makes me lightheaded and nauseous. My heart races. My palms sweat. I can’t wrap my head around it. She’s having a baby. Even if it wasn’t mine, we don’t fuck with a pregnant girl.
Talon chimes in. “You sort of are.”
“Mmhmm.” Tommy retorts as he stuffs a handful of chips in his mouth.
“Damn straight he is. And we wanna know why,” Zed says.
Fuck. I’ve gotta get the hell out of here.
“You all figure this shit out. I’ve gotta go.” I head to the door, grabbing my leather jacket off the back of the couch on my way out. I have to leave this house. I can’t be here.
As soon as I step outside and close the door behind me, I fill my lungs to the point of pain. Exhaling quickly, I keep moving to my car.
Without any idea where I’m going, I get in and drive.
11
“Oh Willa Jean,” Rick, my stepdad, singsongs as he inches closer and closer to my locked door. “I know you’re in there.”
I don’t respond. I never do. I sit quietly with my arms cradled around my legs while I rock back and forth on the bed.
The Lord is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid? I repeat the verse in my head. The Lord is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid?
“Willa Jean?” he says again with a gentle knock to the door. “Daddy needs to talk to you.” The whooshing sound of his belt ripping through the loops of his pants has me holding my breath, while my heart beats at an unprecedented rate.
Hugging my legs tighter, I bury my face into the tops of my knees. The Lord is my light..
“Willa Jean!” he shouts louder. My entire body jumps so quickly that I knee myself in the mouth. Sucking in my bottom lip, there’s a metallic taste on my tongue. “Open the damn door or I’ll break it down.” I suck harder, feeling the blood seep into my mouth.
Swallowing hard, my throat aches as a lump lodges in my esophagus. I eyeball the window, but quickly remember what happened last time I escaped it. He was waiting for me on the other side. Like a villain in a horror movie, he stood there ever so casually while I dangled from the sill. Then his arms wrapped around my legs and he pulled me to the ground. The rest is a blur because I prefer it that way.
Holding my breath again, I listen.
Nothing. No sound of his heavy breathing. No footsteps.
Leaning forward, I try to look through the gap between the door and the old hardwood floor for a shadow or any sign that he left. Coming up on my knees, I shudder when the springs of the mattress squeak. My body freezes, the air still in my lungs from my last inhale.
Once I hear the clanking of metal on metal at the door, I jolt up. Fleeing to the window.
He’s coming in.
I have to get out.
He’s coming in.
Fidgeting with the lock, I finally get it unlatched. I slide open the window and punch out the screen. But I’m too late.
“Now, where do you think you’re going, young lady? We haven’t said our bedtime prayers.”
“I just—”
“Just what?” His voice is husky and stern and it sends alarms ringing through my head. “Just thought you’d sneak out and go see that boy who fucked you this summer?”
“No.” I shake my head while staring out the window. “I just needed some fresh air.”
Where are you, Mama? Why aren’t you here? Why did you have to leave me?
I close my eyes when I feel his presence draw closer. A breeze hits the side of my neck, before he sweeps my hair to the side. His calloused fingers scratch along my collarbone. “I thought I told you to stay away from that boy?”
“I have been.” I choke out the lie, but it’s pointless. He won’t believe it anyway.
“You screwing him again?”
“No. I swear, Rick...err, Dad. I haven’t done anything with him. It was just that once. I promise.” Rick doesn’t like it when I call him by his first name. He calls me his little girl and demands that I call him Dad. He’s not my dad. He’s nothing like my dad. My dad was a good man. Rick is a sick and sadistic monster that people worship as if he is their God.
“Turn around.”
My head shakes, no. I can’t look at him. It’s too hard to look at him.
“I said turn around,” he roars as he spins my body so that we’re face to face. I pinch my eyes shut tightly.
The Lord is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear?
His palm presses to the top of my head as he pushes me down. I collapse on my knees and tears spill down my cheeks.
The Lord is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid?
My stomach turns at the sound of his zipper coming down. The weight of his pants drops to my knees and his fingers clench my cheeks. “Open up, little girl.” When I don’t, he pinches harder, prying my lips apart by shoving two fingers inside my mouth and pushing down on my bottom teeth.
I dig my nails in the palms of my hands so hard that it’s all I can focus on. Blocking out his touch and the act that I’m being forced to commit, I focus on the beautiful pain of my nails piercing through my skin. I count as I alternate hands. Squeezing one, then the other—two, three, four, five.
Once I get to forty-six, he’s done.
Swallowing hard, I take what was given to me. His hand presses to my forehead and he aggressively shoves me backwards. My head hits the frame of the open window. “Go to bed. You’ve got school tomorrow.”
Swiftly, I’m crawling on all fours over to the trash can and throwing up what just went down before he’s even out the door. “Don’t forget to say your prayers. The Lord will forgive you for your sins,” he says before the door slams shut.
Wiping the back of my hand over my mouth, I curl into a ball on the floor. I notice the light of my phone where it lies on the floor. Somehow I must have kicked it off the bed when I was trying to get to the window.
Stretching my arm out, I grab it and slide it toward me. Numb of emotion with a stomach that’s completely empty, I push myself into a sitting position before swiping the screen.
Lars called. But, why?
Without even thinking about it, I return the call.
“Hey,” he says on the first ring.
“Can you come pick me up?”
“Yeah. Sure. Is everything ok?”
“Meet me around the corner of my house.” I end the call.
There’s no reason for me to stay here anymore. I’m eighteen years old and I can make decisions for myself. It’s time to face it: mom isn’t coming back. I need to leave now.
12
With a bag thrown over her shoulder, she leans against the stop sign beneath the streetlight. Lifting her head, she looks in my direction and begins walking to my car while I come to a rolling stop. I press the button to roll down the window, but she opens the door instead and climbs in.
“Hey. What’s wrong?” I ask her. It’s apparent something happened. Her puffy eyes and timid behavior are no mask for whatever she’s trying to hide.
Her hands fold in her lap and she stares straight ahead. “Just drive. Please.”
Giving her a minute, I don’t ask any more questions. I drive in complete silence, unsure where I’m even going. I left Talon’s an hour ago and drove down every road in this town before I found myself calling Willa to just ask how she was doing. She didn’t answer, though. Two minutes later, she called me back, and here we are.
“I’m gonna need that money, Lars. I have to leave Redwood tonight.”
“Tonight? You don’t even have your car.”
“I’m taking a bus. It’s not my car. It’s hi
s.”
“Willa, let’s be real for a minute. You’re not leaving Redwood tonight.” I chuckle, though I don’t find it funny at all.
“You should have just stayed away, Lars!” she shouts, and for the first time, I see Willa in a different light. No longer the quiet girl—she wants to be loud and heard. “This is all your fault. You pissed him off and now I’m paying for it.” Tears slide down her cheeks and, in this moment, I realize something is very wrong.
“Did he hurt you?”
Her demeanor changes as fast it comes. “What? No. No one hurt me. I just...I just have to leave. Please, just give me the money and I’ll go and never return. No one will ever know about the baby, I promise.”
I haven’t had much time to think about the baby. It’s only been a couple days, but I think it’s time that I start. For whatever reason, she wants to leave. Maybe I should let her. Protect her from Zed. Protect her and the baby from me and my ugly secrets.
Pulling down the dirt road, I follow it to the end where power lines stack in rows across an open field. This place has a significance to all of us. I had my first beer out here. We used to throw raging parties with huge ass fires and drink until the sun came up. There are no houses for at least a couple miles, so it’s the perfect spot to have privacy.
Shifting the car in park, I crank the heat up before turning to face her. A blank stare holds to her face as she looks aimlessly out the window. I place a hand on her shoulder. “Willa. Talk to me.” Her body trembles as she jerks away out of fear. “What’s wrong? Why are you so jumpy?”
“I just have to go.”
“What about school? What about the play?”
“Madison can have the part. It’ll make her happy. As for school, I’ll finish up online once the baby is born. I’ll be ok.” She places a hand on her stomach then turns to look at me. “I’ll take good care of her, I promise.”
I shake my head in confusion. “Her?”
A smile grows on her face, raising the cheekbones on her pear-shaped face. “Yeah, I think it’s a girl.”
“A girl, huh?” I drop back into the seat with an audible breath. “I’m not sure I’m ready for a daughter. A son, maybe. But, how do I raise a girl knowing there are men like me out there?”
That smile she wears so well quickly fades, shooting an aching sensation into my chest. “You don’t.”
“I don’t?”
“No.” She shakes her head. “Haven’t you been listening to me. I’m leaving.” Suddenly she begins laughing, but it’s forced. “This is your out, Lars. Take it. Trust me, you don’t want a baby.”
I slap my hands to the steering wheel. “Damnit, Willa. I don’t know what the fuck to do.”
“Take my offer. Please. You’ll never have to see me again.” Her phone begins buzzing in the pocket of her oversized hoodie. Pulling it out, she glances at me. “I don’t know who this is.”
I stretch over to look at the screen. “Is someone calling?”
“No. It’s a text message with a recording.”
“Well, press play.”
We both look at each other when music begins playing. Familiar music. A lullaby.
Rock a bye baby.
The melody stops and a robotic voice cuts in, “and down will come Willa, baby and all.”
The phone flies out of her hand, hitting the dash and dropping to the floorboard. “What was that?” She looks at me with wide eyes and an undeniable fear.
“I have no fucking idea,” I tell her, and it’s the truth.
“Who did you tell?”
“No one. I haven’t told anyone.”
“Liar,” she screams, showing me a side of her that I’ve never seen before. “You’re lying. Who did you tell?” Breaking into hysterics, she begins shaking uncontrollably. “Who did you tell, Lars?”
I place a calming hand on her arm, but she slaps it away. “I didn’t tell anyone. I swear to God, Willa.”
Her head lifts slowly and her jaw clamps firmly. “You don’t even believe in God. Now tell me who you told.”
I have no fucking idea what is going on. I didn’t tell a soul about the baby. Hell, I’ve barely even convinced myself that it’s true.
When I don’t respond, she begins fidgeting with the door. Once it’s open, I jump out the driver’s side and race over to her. Grabbing her by the shoulders, I look into her eyes. “Willa. I swear to you, I didn’t tell anyone.”
“Someone knows. No one is supposed to know. This has to be the person who’s been showing up at my house. Someone has been watching me, I can feel it.”
“What about Vi? You said she bought the tests. Would she tell anyone?”
Her head shakes as she digs into her shirt, pulling out the cross attached to her chain necklace. She rubs it aggressively between his thumb and forefinger. “No, she wouldn’t tell anyone. I don’t think so anyways.”
“Well, apparently she did, because I sure as hell didn’t.”
“I have to go now. Give me the money, Lars.” She holds out her hand like I’m expected to just pull a few grand out of my pocket and say, ‘good riddance.’
“I don’t have that kind of money on me. Not enough to make sure you’re set for a while.”
“Forever,” she says. I question her with a cocked brow. “Not awhile. Forever. I need enough to stay away forever. This is just as much your baby as it is mine. We deserve your financial support since you won’t be helping in other ways.”
“Yeah, well you’re the one making that call. I never said I wouldn’t help take care of the baby. You made my mind up for me.” I cross my arms over my chest and steel my back. “Besides, I’m still not even sure it’s mine.”
“Seriously.” She shoves me so hard in the chest that I stumble back and my feet tangle in a bundle of tumbleweed. Catching my fall, I tear it off my foot. She shoves me again. “You think I’m making this up?” And again. “You think I wanna have a baby with you? I hate you, Lars Titan. You made my life miserable. I wouldn’t be in this mess if it wasn’t for you and your friends.” And again. Only this time, I don’t move. This time I grab ahold of her as angry tears continue to spill down her face.
“Stop.” I pull her to my chest. “Just fucking stop. I know you hate me. I know I screwed up. If I could take it back, I would.” Her forehead rests on my shoulder and my hand ghosts her head before finally dropping and stroking her soft hair. “I’m sorry.”
“How long until you can have the money?” she says in a placid tone as she sulks into the collar of my shirt.
“Give me a week.” My eyes close and I inhale the sweet scent of her honeydew hair.
“I can’t wait that long, Lars. I have to leave before anyone else finds out—before Rick finds out.”
I’m not sure why I feel this pang in my chest at the thought of her leaving. Two days ago, I barely looked at her. But now—now, I feel like she belongs to me in some fucked-up way. Not in a sexual relationship sort of way, but in a way that I need to shield her from pain and heartache. I need to protect her from her stepdad and Zed, and even Madison.
“I’m not sure who that message came from, but I promise you that I will find out.”
Her head lifts and she looks me in the eyes. “I can’t go home. I can never go home again.”
Why? What the hell happens in that house? What does he do to her that has her so scared of her own home? It doesn’t make any sense. “Can you tell me why you can never go home?”
“Because I’m scared. But, he’ll find me if I stay in Redwood. I know he will.” Her eyes hold sadness, but deeper than that, they hold hope. She wants more than this life she was given. We’ll say goodbye in a week and before long, she’ll be a distant memory because she deserves to find happiness.
“Then you won’t. I think I have an idea.” I take her hand in mine. “C’mon.”
“Where are we going?”
“Someplace where you’ll be safe." I’m about to do something that I never thought I would have to do. I have to betray
my friends. “I have to make a call real quick.” Opening the passenger door, I wait until she climbs in before I close it.
I pull my phone out of my pocket and tap the first name on my contact list—Anderson Thorn.
“Pushing it pretty close, you’re down to the last hour. I was just about to leave for my trip,” he says from the other end of the call.
“What if I told you that I could guarantee you’ll never have to worry about this Josh fiasco again?”
“I’m listening.”
“I’ll be at your house in ten minutes. You have a houseguest coming to stay with you.” I end the call before he questions what I just said.
Anderson wants peace of mind and I can give it to him, but he has to give me something in return. He’s always away on business and this is just temporary until I can get the money from my dad to help Willa leave. As a top-dog mafia leader, Anderson has high-end security and the perfect home to hide Willa away.
We pull up to the mansion that sits on forty acres of desert land. A lot of people in this town come from money. You don’t find many average Joes in the neighborhood, but Marni’s dad is far above average. He’s an extremely successful ‘business’ man who lives a very private life. Well, he did until we came along.
“Do you trust me?” I ask Willa, as she stares at the house in front of us.
“Not at all,” she says honestly, without even giving it a second thought. I’m not surprised. She shouldn’t. I don’t even trust myself.
“Well, for the next ten minutes, pretend that you do because I have to leave you out here while I talk to someone.”
“You’re leaving me out here in Marni and Axel Thorn’s driveway?”
“Just for a few minutes. I’ll be right back. I’ll keep it running, so you’re warm. Lock it after I get out.” I open the door and step outside before closing it. Running my hands down my shirt, I brush myself off then run my fingers through my disheveled hair. Here we go.
Taking a deep breath, I knock my knuckles to the door, but before I can even tap a second time, the door swings open.