by Rachel Leigh
Taking a deep breath, I chalk this up to another wasted trip. It’s safe to say that Madison has lost her damn mind. Tommy chose sides. And I have no doubt that Madison is the one stalking Willa. She admitted she knows she’s in town. The clock is ticking before she finds out that Willa’s staying at Anderson’s. Unless she already knows.
15
As soon as I get back to Anderson’s house, I head straight upstairs to check on Willa. It’s unfathomable how heavy this girl weighs on my mind these days. I’ve been convincing myself that I’m not falling for her, but as I second guess every other thing I feel or do, I question my feelings for her, too.
My heart drops when I don’t see her, and I immediately think the worst.
She left town already. Someone got to her.
When I hear the shower running, I don’t even hesitate to open the door. A cloud of steam hinders my sight of the shower in the large bathroom. I don’t even think she heard me come in. I drop my pants to the floor and rip off my shirt. Gripping the curtain, I slide it open just enough to step inside behind Willa.
My hand ghosts her back before I finally touch her wet skin. She jumps. “Oh my God, Lars. What are you doing?” She attempts to hide her breasts with both hands. “Get out!” she shouts.
She continues to rattle off hateful words, but I don’t even hear her. All I can focus on is the very noticeable bump that pushes out her belly button. She’s not showing much, but she’s definitely pregnant. As she spews nonsense, I lay my hand flat against the skin of her stomach. Something ignites inside of me. Something raw and real and unexpected.
“Come downstairs, Lars. Your dad and I have a surprise for you.”
Tossing my school bag on my bed, I holler back. “I’m coming.” My feet move so fast that I can barely keep up with them as I hurry down the stairs. “Did you get me the PlayStation?” I ask as my heart jogs inside of my chest.
“Even better,” Mom says. “Come sit on the couch.”
Sitting down, I fold my hands in my lap and wait, expecting them to drop a present in my hand. Mom grabs my hand and places it on her stomach.
“What are you doing?” I snatch my hand away. “Where’s my PlayStation.”
“You’re getting a baby brother, Lars.”
“I don’t want a baby brother. I want the new PlayStation.”
The look on Mom’s face is tranquil but her smile quickly fades. “I’ll have Dad pick you up the PlayStation tomorrow,” she says before walking away.
“You could have at least pretended to be excited,” Dad tells me with a gentle swat to the back of my head.
“Pretending means I might actually care. I don’t care at all. I don’t want a stupid brother. He’ll just take everything away from me.”
“Lars?” Willa says, snapping me out of my trance. “What’s wrong?”
“Hmm?” I look up at her, realizing that I’ve been staring at my hand on her stomach. “Sorry, I’m just..surprised is all.”
“Can we talk about this after I’m done taking a shower. This feels really awkward.”
“I wanna help you raise the baby, Willa.”
“You don’t know what you’re saying. Are you drunk?”
Taking her hands in mine, I look deep in her eyes. “I know that I talk in riddles and half of the time I don’t make any sense. Hell, half of the time I don’t even make sense to myself. But this is my chance to make things right. I wanna help you raise this baby.”
Stepping to the side, she pulls the curtain and extends a leg to get out, but I stop her. Pulling her by the waist, our bodies crash together. I don’t even give her a chance to react before I guide her mouth to mine.
Just when I think she’s going to retreat or slap me, she grabs the sides of my head and forces my mouth harder onto hers. Her tongue sweeps against mine and our teeth clank together.
“You’re so fucking beautiful.” My fingers weave in her soaked hair.
“And you’re a liar.”
“No lies. It’s all true.” I kiss her again. I’ve kissed Willa before. It was forced but satisfying, nonetheless. This is not forced and it’s everything it should have been that first time.
“How can I ever believe anything you say to me after all you’ve done to me.”
Her words throw me off guard because I assumed she forgave me. “I thought we were past that.”
“No. You moved past that. I’m still stuck in that day.”
“I’m sorry.” It’s all I can say. “I’m so sorry, Willa.”
Her grip slowly works loose before she’s no longer touching me. Wiping the water from her face, she looks uneasy. “You have no idea the mess you made for me after that night, Lars. No idea. I’m not sure that I can ever move past that. For that reason, I don’t want your help. I just need to leave.” She steps out of the shower, and I let her.
Minutes pass, I’m not sure how many, but I’d guess close to thirty before I kill the water and get out. Once I’m dry, I wrap a towel around my waist.
I never expected to develop this attachment to Willa. I don’t even think it’s just because of the baby. There’s this magnetic pull between us, but I’m starting to think that I’m the only one who feels it. She’s so timid and fragile and I want to be the one to protect her. I wanna wash her wounds and dry her tears—but how can I do that when I’m the reason for her pain.
She’s lying in the bed wrapped in a towel on her side when I walk out of the bathroom. Her sandy brown hair looks as black as coal as it scatters erratically across the white pillowcase. I could leave and give her some space, but I don’t. I’ve made so many reckless choices, and I’m about to make another.
With my towel still intact and beads of water on my chest, I sit down on the edge of the bed. My weight on the mattress alerts her that I’m here and I watch as she tugs the towel tighter to her chest. “You’re wasting your time,” she says softly.
“Do you remember when Colby died?” I answer for her when she doesn’t respond. “Of course you do. You were at the funeral. Your family had just moved to Redwood. I still remember that pink foofy dress you wore while everyone else was dressed in black. You looked like you were at an Easter Sunday service, not a funeral for a four-year-old boy.”
“I picked my clothes for that day. Mom tried getting me to change, but I told her pink made people happy.”
Smiling at the image in my head of nine-year-old Willa, I make the point of this story. “I’m sure it helped lighten the mood. Anyways, I was sitting there with my chin to my chest because I didn’t want anyone to see the lack of emotion on my face. You sat down next to me and asked my name. I’m pretty sure I snubbed you and told you to get lost.”
Her body springs up and she looks at me. “I do remember that. You were so mean. I almost forgot about that day. I guess I pushed it in the back of my memories because I always wanted to believe that you weren’t really that cruel.”
“I was. Still am, I suppose.”
“You’re really not helping yourself with this conversation. What’s your point here?”
“Colby’s death isn’t what made me so calloused. It was Colby’s birth that did that. You see, I was this spoiled fucking brat who got whatever he wanted. Once Colby came along, I wasn’t a priority to my parents anymore. Colby died because of me, and for a while, I didn’t even care. My mom came running in the house soaking wet with Colby’s lifeless body in her arms and I kept playing my video game. Even my friends were freaking out. It wasn’t until my life on that game ended that I threw the controller down and pretended to care. I say pretend, because that’s what I did. There was a part of me that felt relief. And when I say part of me, I don’t mean a small part. My first thought was, I’ll have my parents all to myself again. Who the fuck thinks like that?”
“You were nine years old, Lars. Don’t beat yourself up over it.”
“For the last nine years, I’ve tried to make myself cry because I thought maybe that would mean that I was starting to care that he’s gone.
I’m not a kid anymore. I should miss him, but all I feel is guilt because I don’t.”
“Colby was only four. That was only four years that he was part of your life. It’s not completely unreasonable to think that you just didn’t have enough time to connect with him. You’re not a bad person for it, if that’s what you’re getting at.”
Shaking my head, I disagree. “I am. I’m not a good person. I know that. I hate that I’ve never been able to connect with another human. I think I love my parents, but how do I really know if I do? I’ve got friends, but I’m not even sure how much I care about them. Never had a real girlfriend that I had feelings for. In reality, I’ve never really cared about anyone but myself.”
Turning her whole body, she crosses her legs and tucks the towel between them to refrain from exposing herself to me. Her hand grips the corner by her breasts and her hair falls carelessly around her face. Her eyebrows arch. “If that’s really how you feel, then what makes you think that raising a baby is what you want? If you think you’re incapable of caring for another, why put that pressure on yourself?”
“You’ve awakened something inside of me that I’ve been searching for my entire life. This unnerving urge to keep you safe, to protect the baby and your body, your feelings and your heart—to be near you.”
Each moment that passes leaves Willa’s eyes sadder and sadder. Behind them, I see so much pain and uncertainty. I just bared my soul to her and I’m sitting here with more vulnerability than I ever knew was possible for me to feel. It's a strange feeling, one that I’m not sure I like. Racing heart, sweating palms, and a gazillion possible outcomes racing through my mind.
When she finally opens her mouth to speak, I predict what’s coming, so I grab her hand. “Stop questioning everything.”
“Don’t do this, Lars.” Her head shakes back and forth, as she gets to her feet. “Please just leave.” She heads for the bathroom door.
“Would you just wait a damn minute?” I jump off the bed and jog over and throw my hand on the door before she closes it. “Why the fuck do you hate me so much, Willa?” I shout, more loudly than I planned to.
She shouts back even louder, her hands flying in the air as she speaks. “Because you ruined my life. You took this sweet and kind girl and shook things up, and in the process, you turned her entire world upside down.” Her hands stop wailing in the air as she slaps them to her chest. “Me, Lars. That girl is me. You crushed me and any hopes or dreams that I’ve ever had.” Tears stream down her face and I place a hand on her cheek, sweeping the droplets away with my thumb. “I do hate you. I hate you so damn much.” Her fists knock into my chest as she chokes on her tears. “I hate you,” she says again and again, before she collapses in my arms.
Knotting her wet hair in my hands, I bring her head to my chest. “I’m so fucked up, Willa.” I never imagined that the girl who would ignite a flame in my dark world would be the one standing in front of me. Never felt anything toward her. Wasn’t attracted to her. It was nothing for me to steal her innocence and run like hell. I’d credit this all to the baby, but I don’t think it’s just that, it’s the baby’s mom that has me in agony these days.
Just when I think that she’s settled down and is ready to talk about what’s next, she lifts her head and her expression goes awry. Before I can even react, her lips crash into mine.
My towel drops to my ankles and I make no effort to grab it and cover myself back up. The next thing I know, Willa is letting her towel fall on top of mine. Our naked bodies connect as if they were always meant to as our lips stay locked. Her sweetness rolls off her tongue and I can only hope that it takes away some of the bitterness on mine.
All my life, I’ve thought that I was numb to feeling any sense of compassion, empathy, or remorse. But Willa makes me feel so many different emotions.
Even now, as her back falls to the bed, and I brace myself gently on top of her, the static between us zaps every cell of my body and I need more—I crave more of this new sentiment. Want it to last forever and fear that she’ll leave and I’ll never experience it again.
Maybe I’m crazy. Maybe this is all an illusion, or even a punishment for my sins. Torture to the third degree. A blood red heart that finally beats with purpose, only to have Willa stomp on it on her way out the door. Leaving me shattered, broken, and lost—even more so than the moment I realized that I needed her in my life.
Or, it’s possible that I don’t need her at all. It could be an enigma. A hunger to feel like my life has meaning, when in reality, I’ve lost the emotional war I’ve waged against myself.
Sliding her hand between us, she grabs a hold of my cock. My eyes question her actions and the wry look she shoots back to me does nothing but leave me more confused. She squeezes so hard that I’m beginning to wonder if her plan is to rip it off and choke me with it. This isn’t the innocent virgin I took to bed three months ago. No, this girl has wild eyes that harbor wild dreams.
Stroking with a firm, tight grasp, we stare each other down. She bites the corner of her lip and that movement, paired with her feistiness, only arouses me further. “Fuck me like it’s the first time, Lars.”
My eyes widen and the shock of her words cannot be contained. I’ve never heard Willa swear. Who the hell is this girl? “What?” I say, taken aback and almost certain that I must have heard her wrong.
“Did I stutter? Erase the memory of that night. Give me something else to remember you by before I leave.”
“But, the baby?” I peer down at her stomach and realize that I was lying on top of her with my full weight. “Shit. Did I hurt you?”
“The baby is fine.” She grabs my hand, curling my fingers and placing them at her entrance.
I hesitate, but slide one finger in slowly and she’s soaking wet. Her hips vault up to try and gain momentum as she lets out a whimper. “I’m not a virgin, Lars. You don’t have to be gentle.”
She’s right. She’s not a virgin, because I took that title from her when I planted my seed in her and knocked her up. Fuck. Quit it, Lars. She’s lying here begging for your cock. Give it to her. Enjoy it.
Pushing another finger in, I go deeper, feeling her drench my hand and swell around my fingers. Her right hand grabs my head and pulls my face to hers, kissing me forcefully. My fingers continue to glide in and out of her pussy and my cock aches with need to be inside of her.
As if she reads my mind, she grabs a hold of it again and lines it up where my fingers dip inside her. I pull them out and she uses the pressure from her own body beneath me to swallow up my cock. Damn, she feels so fucking good. As good as that night, maybe even better. Her tight, wet pussy envelops my cock and I can already tell this isn’t going to last long.
Trailing my lips across her neck, I kiss my way down, sucking gently at the skin of her collarbone. Her back arches, and she begins rocking beneath me. Breaking the kiss, I watch her as I fuck her.
Her lips press into a thin line and her nostrils flare as she lets out a whimper, but it’s not a painful cry; it’s all pleasure. She fucking loves this. I invited her into a whole new world when I fucked her three months ago; yet, she’s so angry about it. How can anyone be angry about this? Not just the sex, but the attraction between us. It’s thick and heavy and impossible to ignore. She feels it, too. I know she does.
“Get behind me,” she says.
“You want me to fuck you from behind? But this is only your second time, are you sure?” I’m not sure how it works for girls, but I’d assume that might be too painful or too uncomfortable. Of course, I’m all for it.
“I’d like to try it. I need more. My hormones are out of control right now.” She pushes me up and squirms out from beneath me.
Shrugging my shoulders, I succumb to her demands. I’ve always heard that pregnant women like to fuck like rabbits with all that hormonal shit going on. I guess it’s true, after all.
Adjusting herself on the bed, she gets on her knees then drops forward. The top of her head presses again
st the mattress with her forearms straight on either side of her.
“God damn,” I mutter, as both of my hands sweep across her perfectly round ass that’s staring back at me. I slide one finger down her crack then into her pussy. Her want for me drips onto the bed and my cock begins pulsating again. Fucking her with one finger, I watch as it slides in and out before I shove my dick inside of her. Closing my eyes, I draw in a deep breath, holding still before I spill inside of her. I’m not ready yet and if I keep going, I’m done for.
Her ass begins rocking back and forth as she takes control. Faster, deeper, and more determined thrusts vibrate her ass against my pelvis. “Fuck,” I bellow. “You’re so fucking hot.” I slap one hand to her ass cheek and it only arouses her further. We move in unison. Stretching one hand out, I tangle her damp hair in my fingers and lift her head while she fists the sheet on the bed. “You like it rough, don’t you?” My words come out gruff and barely recognizable.
“Mmhmm.”
The euphoria takes over and I work with my mind and my body at the same time. “I should have known you weren’t as timid as you wanted me to believe you were.”
She seems to like it because her ass rams back into me, taking every inch of my cock. “You took me for a weak girl and made me ten times stronger, Lars Titan. You did this.” Her voice cracks and I can tell she’s close to coming.
Dropping her hair onto her back, I grip both sides of her hips aggressively as I ram into her tight pussy. Our bodies shake and shudder at lightning speed before I let out a raspy groan and hold my breath, releasing inside of her. She revels in the pleasure and cries out with muffled moans, and when I feel her walls pulsate and restrict around my cock, I push harder, riding out her orgasm. Once her body relaxes and her arousal pools at her entrance, I retreat, spilling everything onto the bed.
Rolling onto her back, she drops down on the bed and grabs the towel next to her to wipe up. “That was—”