by Rachel Leigh
"Umm. Yeah. I'm about ten weeks. I think." Originally I told Lars I as eleven weeks, last week. I know exactly how far along I am because I started my period two days after Lars and I slept together. It wasn't until last month that my period never came and I took a test.
"Nice. Congratulations," Mary replies. She begins punching some stuff into a screen then instructs me to lie flat on the table. Lars lingers right next to me. He's so close that I can feel his breaths hit the bare skin of my stomach. Mary squirts some gel on my stomach then flips on a large projector on the wall in front of me.
She begins moving the wand all around my stomach and I watch the screen intently, not sure what exactly I'm looking at.
"Alright. We're going to have to do a vaginal ultrasound because you're still just a bit early for the abdominal scan."
I push myself up on my elbows. "Is that normal?"
"Absolutely. It's very rare that you'd be able to see a ten-week gestational sac through the abdomen. No worries, hun. We'll get you all checked out. I'm going to step out and you'll need to take your clothes off from the waist down." She looks at Lars. "Just push the door open when she's all set."
Folding my clothes in a neat pile, I realize that the pain has subsided. It's been minutes since I felt the sharp twinges. Lars holds out his hand to take my clothes from me. "I think I'm ok now."
Lars goes over and pushes the door open a crack then returns to my side. "You wanna leave?" Because I'm not too keen on them shoving a wand up your pussy." He grabs ahold of a wand about the length of a ruler and holds it up. "You'll never enjoy my dick again."
Bursting out in laughter, I snatch it from his hand. "Put that down."
"You sure you don't want me to loosen you up a bit with it before she rams it in? Ya know, a little foreplay?"
"Stop it." I blush.
"There might be some extras in the cupboards. We can bring one home for later."
I shoot him a stern look when extra light breaks through the room from the open door.
"All set?" She asks as she takes her place by the monitors. Tearing open a plastic wrapper, she pulls out a condom and proceeds to roll it onto the wand. My first time using a condom and it's not even on a penis. That's about as backwards as this entire situation. "Ok. Legs up. You'll feel some slight pressure and let me know if you feel any pain." The wand rolls in and I try hard to focus on the screen and not what's going on beneath the sheet.
"Is that her?" I ask, pointing to the screen at a tiny little lima bean.
"It sure is."
It's moving around. Not much, but tiny little flutters. A few seconds later, Lars' phone begins vibrating loud enough to catch my attention. At the same time, a swooshing sound rings through a speaker connected to a monitor. It's fast and strong.
"That's your baby’s heartbeat."
Warmth radiates through me. A happiness that I didn't even know existed. That's my baby’s little heart. I look up at Lars, but he's nose-deep in his phone. "Lars. Did you hear that?" He doesn't lift his head. His eyes are wide and his face his pale. "Lars," I say again.
"Hmm?" He lifts his face from his phone and looks at the screen. "Ah, yeah. Nice and strong heartbeat." He kisses my cheek. Though, his expression doesn't change. He's here, but he's not really here.
"What's wrong?" I whisper when he presses an elbow next to my head and watches the screen with me.
"Not yet," he mumbles.
My phone begins vibrating in my pants on another chair and we look at each other. Lars probably knows what it's about. I, on the other hand, have no clue what's going on.
After Mary snaps a few pics, she pulls the wand out and I pull the sheet down over my legs. "These are for you." She hands me a couple pictures of my little lima bean. "Go ahead and get cleaned up and I'll be back in a minute to take you back to your room."
I hold my breath, counting the seconds in my head until she's gone. "What happened?" I spit out as soon as the door latches shut.
"Holy shit, Willa. You're not gonna believe this." He hands me his phone. "Read that."
December 22, 2020
BREAKING NEWS
Josh Moran, 18, of Redwood, AZ, has been found deceased in an apparent murder-suicide.
Chills circulate through my entire body. I slap a hand to my mouth and look at Lars who has returned to his pale ghost-like state.
Josh Moran went missing sometime at the end of October. His car was pulled from Lake Ruin, just east of Redwood three weeks later. Though, foul play was suspected, his family held out hope.
"He's a good kid. Smart. Funny. Everyone loved him." His sister, Vi Moran, seventeen and also of Redwood, told authorities.
"Well, that's a lie. Even Vi knew her brother was a sicko."
"Keep reading. It gets crazier." Lars moves his eyes from me to the phone.
Authorities were called to the two hundred block of West Elm when Pastor Richard Jeffries was found deceased with a self-inflicted gunshot wound to his head. Beside him, they found dozens of photographs in a biblical box containing child pornography of male and female children that stem back to as early as 2010. The children range in age from only eight-years-old to an estimated sixteen years of age.
"No way!" I choke. "Oh my God, Lars. Kids? There are more kids?" My heart breaks in two. Wait. A box. I stop reading and scroll down a bit at the collage of photos. There's my house with caution tape surrounding it. And the box. There are no pictures, of course. But that's the box Zed had me get. "Lars. I think that Zed was a victim of—" I can't even stomach the words.
Lars nods. "I think you're right."
Oh no. Poor Zed. I'm not sure how old he was or when this could have happened, but if he was a victim, it explains everything. Especially his behavior these past years.
I continue reading...
After a thorough search of the residence, Josh Moran's body was discovered in the basement of the home. His body, badly decomposed, will be taken for an autopsy, but authorities have every reason to believe that Josh was, too, a victim of the late pastor’s.
"I can't read any more of this. I feel sick." I hand him back his phone and get up to get dressed. I feel faint, but I also feel this surprising sense of relief. As I'm unfolding my clothes to get dressed, my phone falls out and I remember that I had some sort of alert as well.
Turning it on, I see a text from Zed. I swipe the phone open and read it.
Z: You can stay in Redwood now. You're welcome.
There's a knock at the door, but we both completely ignore it. "Lars. Read this." I hand him my phone and pull my underwear and pants up.
His eyes flash to mine. Big and broad. "He did it. It was him."
Another knock has Lars walking over to the door. My body visibly shakes as I follow behind him.
The next few minutes are a daze as I process everything. Rick is gone. Rick is gone. And I'm free. We don't have to leave Redwood. I don't have to hide. Lars and I can still be together. Assuming that's what he still wants. I look over at him as he sits slouched in the chair, texting at rapid speed in his phone, while we wait for the doctor to come in. He's so strikingly handsome. Everything about him makes my heart skip and my knees weak. But, what if he doesn't want me or the baby anymore now that we'll be staying? Would I still ask him to go? I don't want to lose him. But, I'm me. An embarrassment to most. Unnoticed by many. Unwanted by all.
My soul aches at the thought of losing him forever.
The doctor comes in, but Lars' eyes never leave his phone.
"Good evening, Ms. Mack. I'm Doctor Shell." The polite older gentleman extends a hand. "I've had a look at your ultrasound and everything looks great. Are you still having the pain?"
"Actually, no. It stopped all of a sudden," I tell him, but I'm so focused on Lars right now as he stands up and walks out the door without a word. "Well, what you're feeling is pretty normal. At this stage of pregnancy, things are shifting and making room for the growing uterus. Ligaments tug and pull and sometimes, they can be pretty painful
. But, I assure you, you're baby looks great. If you have any more concerns, just give us a call."
A sense of relief unravels through me.
The doctor walks me out and I look up and down the hall for Lars, but he’s nowhere in sight. "I think my...friend is in the waiting room. Thank you so much," I say, before going through the exit doors. When I reach the lobby we entered in, I still don't see him.
"Excuse me. Have you seen the guy I came here with?" I ask the receptionist. The same one that checked us in. She points to the exit and rolls her eyes.
"Thank you," I tell her before walking through the self-sliding doors.
It's dark and cloudy and there's a weird mood in the air. A feeling of dread and the unknown. Lars has his foot kicked up on the side of the building and a cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth. This is the first time I've ever seen Lars smoke. Never even smelled it on him, so I never suspected he did.
In a state of frustration, I walk over and snatch it from his mouth and drop it to the sidewalk. The heel of my foot digs into it, extinguishing the red cherry. "You left me. Didn't even stay to hear what the doctor said." My arms wrap around me as the wind picks up.
"I knew everything was fine. Baby was moving on that screen. Heartbeat was healthy."
"You left me!" I shout again. The realization that we're having our first real argument comes to light, but is it really an argument if it's one-sided? Because he doesn't even seem to be paying attention to what I'm saying. "You know what, forget it. Just take me....just take me somewhere." I almost said home. But where is home. I'll never go back to that house. Still, don't have any money. I'm homeless. I'm pregnant and homeless. A stray tear slides down my cheek.
Lars glances at me for second, giving me that sliver of a moment while he takes a break from his phone. I guess this is the end. He really is giving up on me. "Hey," he drops his hands to his side, "what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Pulling my lips between my teeth, I pinch my eyes shut, not allowing any of my tears to fall. "Willa. I'm sorry. This is just really big and I needed to talk to Tommy and Talon and see what the hell is going on."
"It is big. But, so was this visit." Maybe I'm being overly emotional. Lars is right. This is huge. Zed murdered Rick and sent him straight to hell. Josh's body was found and everyone thinks Rick killed him. Maybe he did kill him. Maybe Josh was a victim, too. "You're right. The baby is fine. We need to find out what happened. Let's just get out of here."
No longer needing the wheelchair, we wait for the valet to bring the car around. Instead of shutting his phone off for a few minutes, Lars makes a call through his Bluetooth as soon as we get inside. "You cold?" he asks as the sound of ringing surrounds us through the speakers.
I nod and he cranks the heat all the way up.
"Dude. This is unreal. Un-fucking-real," Tommy says.
"I'm on my way over. You guys stay there," Lars tells him then ends the call. Instead of dropping his hand in his lap, he places it on my leg and gives me a squeeze. "I'm sorry."
"It's ok. I'm just glad the baby is ok."
About five minutes into the drive, I break the silence. "Has anything changed, Lars?" I freeze as I wait for his response.
"Everything's changed, babe. We don't have to leave anymore. We can stay in Redwood. That son-of-a-bitch is dead." He shouts all too excitedly, "He's fucking gone."
I nod with a sly smile. "Yeah. He's gone. But what about us?"
"What about us?"
"What happens now that we're staying? People will judge you—judge me."
Cocking his head to the side, he looks from me to the road. "Is that what you're worried about? Willa, it's you and me. You, me and our baby. Fuck everyone else."
I smile again, and this time, it’s not sly, forced, or fake. "Yeah. Fuck everyone."
"Willa Jean Mack. Did you just say fuck?"
"Yeah, and it felt really fucking good." I slap a hand over my mouth and giggle.
"You naughty little Christian," he teases.
Switching to a more serious note, my smile fades. “We still don’t know who left that message or came to my house.” I look at Talon who glances back and forth from me to the road. “Do you still think it was Zed?”
He takes longer than I thought to answer, which leads me to believe that he doesn’t think it was Zed. I almost feel like I would have been more satisfied if he said yes. At least that way I would know.
“Honestly, I don’t think so. For whatever reason, Zed wanted to help you. I’m not sure why. Don’t think he knew about what happened to you, but it’s like he empathized with you. I could see it in his eyes—heard it in his voice—when he found me at your old house.”
“Well, what’s your guess then? Rick?” My shoulders shrug. “Maybe Madison was lying?” It’s more of a question than a statement because he’d know better than I would, the lengths that girl would go to.
“It could have been any of them. Even Vi. Apparently you can’t trust her as much as you thought you could.”
I nod. He’s right. It could be anyone and there’s a good chance that I’ll never know who it was. Doesn’t matter anyways. I’m putting the past behind me and moving forward.
Willa Jean Mack is gone. I'm not the same girl I used to be. Lars changed me that night three months ago and every night after that. I'm learning that it's ok to say fuck off. I don't have to be a doormat or hold back my feelings. I'm allowed to push back and when the world wants to know why I'm so quiet, I'll scream in their face at the top of my lungs. I have a voice now and you can bet your ass that I plan to use it.
26
Two weeks later
There are three things that I know for certain: the pastor is dead. Zed killed him. Now Zed is gone.
We thought it would be best to attend school like usual. Treat the day normally and relinquish all suspicion. It would be totally feasible for Willa to take some more time to mourn the death of her stepdad and his actions, considering no one knows what she went through with him, but she's here. She's wearing a smile with her head held high.
Willa and I have been staying at my dad's house. Even spent Christmas with my dad, and to my surprise, it was pretty laid back and I actually enjoyed his company. I can't even remember the last time I sat down and had dinner with the old man.
After Margo, the housekeeper, cleared the table, Dad brought out gifts. And when I say he brought out gifts, I mean for his granddaughter. Mountains of clothes, and pretty much anything a baby needs that isn't a necessity. To say he's excited is an understatement. I know he didn't personally pick any of it out, but he's making an effort.
The cafeteria is exactly how I remember it. Crowded, loud, and smells like ass. The walls in this place hold some good memories, but going virtual was the best choice I ever made.
Truth is, I was failing. Fucked off at school, fucked off at home, and I needed to get my head on straight. Granted, staying with Talon didn’t give me that boost of motivation I needed, but the lack of distraction helped.
Talon and I had the grand scheme to try and do better so we could get into a good school with Tommy. We knew that Zed would be working for his dad and staying in Redwood. At least, that’s what we all thought. Talon and Tommy are smart as hell. My grades are mediocre, so chances are, Willa and I will stay local and raise the baby in Redwood.
I can see that Tommy heeded my advice to befriend Willa. Didn’t want to force him because she’d think I was trying to make her friends, but I pretty much told him to take her under his wing. They’re sitting at the same table I sat with the guys at every day for lunch. Willa is sandwiched between two of the biggest full backs the Ravens have ever seen. Tommy says something that makes her laugh and I feel myself smiling along with her. She’s so fucking cute. How I never saw it before boggles my mind. Maybe I did and I just never allowed myself to explore it because she was an outcast—the quiet girl who was sheltered. I know now that she put her walls up so high because she didn’t want to be seen. At least, not in the way people
were looking at her. But, I see her now, and I love what I’m looking at.
As if she senses my presence, her head slowly turns to face me. The way her eyes light up does something funky to my chest. Her chair slides back and she walks hastily over to me. “What are you doing here?”
The chattering voices fade away and all I hear and see is her. Willa is my calm in this chaotic world. She drowns out the noise and brightens the darkest day.
I wanna kiss her, but I also know that all three aides are watching me because, technically, I’m not supposed to be here. “Wanted to surprise you.”
“Well, you did. I’ve missed you.”
“Me, too. Crazy how just a couple months together every day can make one day apart feel like an eternity.”
“Come sit with us.” She gestures toward the table where her food is sitting.
“Actually, I wanted to give you a little high school experience that no one should ever miss out on. Finish eating then meet me in the hall.”
Walking away, she leaves me standing there. But, instead of sitting back down, she says something to the guys, picks up her tray and goes to the trash and dumps it. “Hey, you need to eat.”
“I did. Now give me this experience that I can’t miss.”
Taking her hand in mine, we leave the noise and static and step into the empty hall. “This way.” I lead her down the hall past the senior lockers. Looking both ways first, I push open the janitor closet.
“No. Uh uh.” She pulls back, but I pull harder, getting her into the closet and closing the door. “Lars, we cannot have sex in here.”
“I know. We can do that at home. I just wanna make out with you.”
“And that’s an experience that I don’t dare miss out on?”
“Mmmhmm.” My lips shadow hers. “All the cool kids are doing it.”
"Just how many girls have you brought in this closet?"
I don't answer, I just kiss her. Hard, passionate, and with enough tenacity to make my dick instantly harden. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.