Think Straight

by Darius Foroux

  THINK

  STRAIGHT

  Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life

  Written and Illustrated by

  Darius Foroux

  Copyright © 2017 by Darius Foroux, All Rights Reserved

  Published by Darius Foroux

  www.dariusforoux.com

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. The author of this book does not give medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional or medical problems without the advice of a physician. In the case of depression, anxiety disorder, panic disorder or any other emotional condition, consult your physician before using the techniques described in this book. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for better thinking. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, the author does not assume responsibility for your actions.

  Table of Contents

  Table of Contents

  About The Author (That’s Me)

  You Become What You Think

  Why Do We Need A Book On Practical Thinking?

  Use What Works

  Clear Thinking Requires Training

  From Chaos To Clarity

  A (Very) Brief History Of Thinking

  Life Is Not Linear

  Connect The Dots

  Filter Your Thoughts

  Stop “Thinking”

  Inside Your Control vs Outside Your Control

  Don’t Trust Your Mind

  Look At Facts

  True Vs UNTRUE

  Take Your Time To Think

  No More Quick Decisions

  Release Your Mind

  Draw Your Thoughts

  Be Yourself (Not What You Should Be)

  Take Time To Reflect

  My Money Rules

  Don’t Try To Think Your Way Out Of Everything

  Be Unconventional

  Don’t Ask Why

  Think About The Details Even More

  Take Thinking Out of The Equation

  Don’t Live With Regrets

  Never Look Back

  Spend Your Time Well

  Inner Calm

  Think Beyond Yourself

  Thank You: A Gift

  Further Reading

  About The Author (That’s Me)

  I self-published this book, so it doesn’t make sense to write this part in third person. To be honest, I did write an ego enhancing bio at first. I thought it looked more professional. But after I gave it more thought, I decided to do it differently and introduce myself the same way I do at an informal event.

  Anyway, I’m an entrepreneur, blogger, and podcaster. For the past two and a half years, I’ve been sharing my thoughts about life, business, and productivity on my blog. Until now, more than 3 million people have read my articles. I also co-founded Vartex, a laundry technology company, with my dad, while I was finishing my master’s degree in Marketing in 2010. For my podcast, The Darius Foroux Show, I’ve interviewed thought leaders like Ryan Holiday, Robert Sutton, Jimmy Soni, and more.

  “If you can change your mind, you can change your life.”

  ― William James

  You Become What You Think

  In 1869, a 27-year-old man, who had just graduated as a doctor of medicine from Harvard, was going through a “crisis of meaning.” This was not the first time he dealt with adversity. Throughout his six years in medical school, his education was interrupted by different illnesses and bouts of depression. But this time, it was worse. He even contemplated suicide for months.

  The young man’s name was William James, who later became the leading psychologist in America and one of the founders of the philosophical school of pragmatism. It took James three years to overcome depression. Something he did by himself. To be clear, James wasn’t just feeling down. John McDermott, editor of The Writings of William James, wrote about the severity of his mental state: “James spent a good part of life rationalizing his decision not to commit suicide.”

  During this time, James also had panic attacks and hallucinations. This wasn’t new to him. His father faced the same agonizing things, years before him. This feat made James believe that his condition was biological, and therefore something he couldn’t overcome. But in 1870, James made a psychological breakthrough after reading an essay by Charles Renouvier, a French philosopher. In his journal, he wrote: “I think that yesterday was a crisis in my life. I finished the first part of Renouvier's second Essais and see no reason why his definition of free will — 'the sustaining of a thought because I choose to when I might have other thoughts' — need be the definition of an illusion. At any rate, I will assume for the present — until next year — that it is no illusion. My first act of free will shall be to believe in free will."

  This realization is at the core of pragmatism, the school of philosophy that James and Charles Sanders Peirce founded, years later. James realized that we have the ability to choose one thought over the other. In other words, we can control what we think.

  However, James doesn’t say we can control our consciousness. When we sit down and observe our thoughts for a few minutes, we will notice that a lot of things flow through our mind. The thoughts are just “there.” Nothing we can change about that. But since we have free will, we can decide which thoughts we focus on. Hence, we can influence the direction of consciousness. This realization is critical to the way we live. It’s the difference between “I can’t help but feel this way” and “I feel this way because I decided to feel this way.”

  The emphasis is on deciding. And that’s what this book is about: With practice, you can get better at controlling your thoughts so you can decide what you think.

  And with better control over our thoughts, we can improve the quality of our lives and the outcome of our careers. That’s my proposition in this book.

  You have the ability to decide what you think. And since the result of your life depends on your thoughts, I think it’s the most important thing in life. When we improve the way we think, nothing is impossible to achieve. That simple realization changes everything. Many great thinkers have written about the importance of thoughts. But William James’ godfather, Ralph Waldo Emerson, who also inspired James a great deal, put it most simply: “You become what you think about all day long.”

  I believe that’s true. But we must realize that actions follow thoughts. That means you can’t change your actions without changing your thoughts. Let’s start!

  Why Do We Need A Book On Practical Thinking?

  The human brain is the most important tool we have. It’s more important than any technology, device, or instrument. Robert Greene, the author of Mastery, put it best: “If there is any instrument you must fall in love with and fetishize, it is the human brain—the most miraculous, awe-inspiring, information-processing tool devised in the known universe, with a complexity we can’t even begin to fathom, and with dimensional powers that far outstrip any piece of technology in sophistication and usefulness.”

  However, there’s one problem. We’re born with this great tool, but we don’t know how to use it properly. We’re highly impractical beings. We think that we’re good thinkers, but research paints a different picture. We think we make practical decisions that we base on logic. But that’s not the case, as Dan Ariely, author of Predictable Irrationality, writes: “We usually think of ourselves as sitting in the driver's seat, with ultimate control over the
decisions we made and the direction our life takes; but, alas, this perception has more to do with our desires—with how we want to view ourselves-than with reality.” (emphasis mine)

  It’s safe to say we’re not practical thinkers! The proof of that is the list of more than a hundred cognitive biases (or thinking errors) that scientists have found over the last century. We often make decisions based on gut feelings, emotions, and without having the right information. I’ve read several books about better thinking and decision making. I liked them. But I had one problem with all the books in this field: They weren’t practical. They do a great job of describing why we think the way we think by sharing stories. But I couldn’t find a practical book that explained how to change the way you think.

  That’s why I wrote this little book. It contains everything I’ve learned about thinking. My goal is to give you at least one idea that you can use to improve your thoughts, and consequently, your life, business, or career. That’s why I share all my best ideas here. I wrote THINK STRAIGHT in a way that you can read it more than once. And I hope this book serves as an anchor to you—especially during trying times.

  To keep this book practical, I combine theory, stories, and personal experiences to share advice you can apply (or not). The first idea I want to share is that these types of books only work if you’re open-minded. If you think that’s not you right now, I can save you an hour of your life. Just get rid of this book. Burn it, ask for a refund, give it away, whatever. No matter what you do, decide clearly: Use it or leave it.

  Use What Works

  I’m not a neuroscientist, psychologist, philosopher, or any type of expert on the topic of “thinking.” I’m a person who has lived his entire life under the impression that you can’t control your thoughts. That way of thinking didn’t serve me well. I was happy one day, sad the next. I got angry easily. And I couldn’t find solutions to simple challenges I faced in my career, business, and relationships. But through experience, journaling, reading, and a lot of introspection, I’ve found a way to get better at thinking.

  How do I know I’m better at thinking than before? I’m no longer a slave to my thoughts and I’m much happier because of it. I use my mind, and it’s no longer the other way around. To me, that’s the definition of better thinking. It has nothing to do with how smart you are or how many mathematical equations you can solve. It’s about using your mind to get what you want.

  I don’t pretend to have all the answers to thinking better, though. However, I do have the answers to how I’ve used nothing but my thoughts to live a happier, healthier, wealthier, and more meaningful life.

  I’m the living proof of the “change your thoughts, change your life” idea. Only three short years ago, I was stressed out of my mind, gave up my entrepreneurial desires, and hated my life. I felt stuck. But I don’t want to be too dramatic about my situation. I think we’ve all been there. And if you haven’t felt stuck in your life, it’s only a matter of time before you will. It’s a natural part of modern day life. I’m not trying to scare you, though. But you know how all these self-help books go, right? “I was down and out. I lost all my money. I was depressed. My life sucked. But then I discovered X. And then my life changed.”

  X is, of course, the idea they want to sell you. Since I'm honest with you, I’m no different. For example, in this book, I want to sell you on the idea of useful and useless thoughts. But there’s a difference. I’m giving you my perspective—nothing more. It’s up to you to decide what you’re going to do with it.

  John Dewey, a pragmatist, and one of the fathers of functional psychology, famously said: “The true is that which works.” But that doesn’t mean we should believe everything we hear or read. That makes us delusional.

  If we want to think straight at all times, we must stay grounded, look at facts, listen to other people’s perspectives, and only then draw practical conclusions.

  Clear Thinking Requires Training

  I view the mind as a muscle that requires regular training to keep strong. One way to train your mind is by learning new things. But I always thought that learning ends when your education ends. For some, that’s when they leave high school, for others, it’s when they get their bachelor’s or master’s degree. During our time in school, we learn new skills, ideas, and theories that change the way we think and operate in the world. But once we’ve established a way of thinking, we hardly change it. We prefer to entertain the same thoughts because they give us a sense of familiarity. We’ve learned that novelty is a scary thing—so we do everything to avoid it. We’re creatures of habit who prefer relaxing our mind instead of straining it. “I need to relax and watch something on Netflix,” is something I hear almost everyone, of all ages, say these days. I’ve said it myself as well.

  That makes me wonder what we need rest from? From the repetitive tasks we do at work? From the familiar thought patterns we have? If you really think about it, we hardly strain our minds unless there’s a specific reason—like a test or exam we have to take. Otherwise, we often think, “What’s the point?”

  Well, the point is to train your mind just like you train your body to keep fit. You don’t go to the gym for four years and quit for the rest of your life. So why don’t you exercise your mind the same way you do your body?

  What’s more, the mind is the single most important tool you have. And if you want to use that tool properly, you must train the mind. Stoic philosopher Epictetus put it best: “The life of wisdom is a life of reason. It is important to learn how to think clearly. Clear thinking is not a haphazard enterprise. It requires proper training.”

  The problem is that we don’t know how we must get proper training, as Epictetus put it. For most of my life, my thoughts were out of control. I never thought about thinking. If you asked me to draw my thoughts, it would look something like this:

  That mess you see up there is how the inside of my mind looked like. It was pure chaos. Just a mush of positive, negative, sad, happy and, above all, confusing thoughts. I always thought to myself, “Why can’t my brain stop? Where’s the pause button?” Looking back, I didn’t know how to use my brain as the wonderful tool it is.

  From Chaos To Clarity

  In 2014, I moved to London from Leeuwarden, The Netherlands, the city where I grew up. I went from a city with a hundred thousand people to a city where seven million people live. Things were harder than I expected. Especially when it came to finding a place to live. After doing research and talking to my new co-workers, I learned that it was almost impossible to find an apartment in a short period without getting ripped off. Instead, I decided to rent a room (which was a lot easier) for three months. And I decided to explore different areas in London that were within an hour commute by public transportation to my work. That was my plan. And everything went well. At first.

  After two months, I found a small and affordable one-bedroom apartment in Earlsfield, in South-West London. I had planned everything. I canceled the lease of the room I rented, and signed the lease for the new apartment. My parents and brother even drove over from Holland to help out. And because I didn’t have much stuff, we could just use their car to move my things from the old place to the new place, which were only 10 minutes apart.

  In my mind, this would be the deal: I would just pack up my stuff, get the key to the new place, hand the keys back to the old landlord, and move into the new place, watch Netflix and relax. Also, I expected to do everything on the same day.

  Well, things didn’t go as planned after all. My new landlady changed her mind last minute and decided not to rent out her apartment. She told me this a day before the day I planned the move. All of a sudden, I had no place to live and had an SUV full of my things. That night, in my parents’ hotel room, I panicked. Big time.

  “I don’t know what to do! I have no place, my stuff is in a van, I brought you guys over from Holland, and now I’m sitting here like an idiot.”

  I continued blaming myself for the rest of the day and eveni
ng. You’re probably thinking, “Really?” Yes, looking back on this, I can’t help but think that I may have acted a little bit too dramatic. Well, let’s just call it like it was: I was overdramatic. And not just a little. That’s exactly why I picked out this example because it shows how stupid I was in my thinking. I spent so much time in my head that I had lost sight of the situation. I wasn’t thinking clearly. And for what? Some first world problem? C’mon.

  The next day, I woke up, and with the encouragements of my parents and brother, I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and to start finding a solution instead. I said to myself, “THINK STRAIGHT.”

  I knew I had to replace the mess with clarity. I wanted to get straight to the point. I pictured this:

  On the left: A mush of useless thoughts: Worry, stress, suffering, confusion, not knowing what to do.

  On the right: ONE straight thought that has a (single) useful purpose. I wanted to start using my mind as a tool. In the case of my London story, I needed to look for a solution—fast.

  It turned out that was easy, once I started thinking straight. I booked an Airbnb until I found a new place. In the end, we stayed in an Airbnb for a week. The landlady changed her mind again and decided to rent the apartment to me anyway.

  So, all my stressing, worrying, and thinking were especially useless. How often does that happen? We’re always so quick to judge and draw conclusions based on our assumptions. We’re all human beings. We make mistakes. We change our minds. And we assume things that are not true all the time. That’s normal. What’s not normal is to let your mind go out of control.

  And after many other useless thinking episodes, I decided to change. I didn’t have one big epiphany or super dramatic moment that forced me to change. Life is not a Hollywood drama. People that I know only change after a culmination of problems. At some point, we stand up and say, “Enough.” And you know what? A lot of people never change at all. But that shouldn’t be our concern.