by J. S. Cooper
“People do grow. You know?” Jane said. “People evolve and sometimes when we can't accept that they're evolving it’s because we're the ones who aren't evolving.”
“Wow. That's pretty deep,” Magnolia smiled. “And I think it's true. I agree with everything you just said?”
“I love you girls.” I said. “Thank you so much for coming. It means the world to me that you all dropped everything you were doing and came so late at night. You don't know how much it means to me.” “We'll always be here for you.” Magnolia said. “Girlfriends for life. You feel me?”
“Yes.” I smiled a warm happy smile. “Girlfriends for life.”
Chapter 16
Tyler
I sat in the corner of the diner, sipping on my hot chocolate and eating my blueberry pancakes, and I'd never felt so alone in my life. I rested my head in my hands and looked out the window. Cars were going by and it was dark outside. And yet all I could think about was how bright the day had been before the previous hour had happened. Olivia and I had finally made love and it had felt as beautiful and as wonderful as I thought it would feel. And now here I was by myself, banished because she didn't know how to open up to me. She didn't know how to tell me her feelings. She didn't know how to express her anger, and I didn't know how I could change that.
I was starting to feel nervous. I was worried that she regretted what we'd done. And now, maybe she felt like she was trapped, even though we didn’t even know if she were pregnant. And she could prevent it, if she wanted to.
My phone rang and I grabbed it eagerly, hoping that it was Olivia telling me to come home. But when I looked down at the screen, it was my mom. I answered it quickly hoping that everything was okay. "Hey Mom, what's going on?"
"Hey, Tyler. How are you my dear?"
"Mom, I'm okay. Why are you calling? It's so late there."
"I was just thinking of you and I thought I should give you a call."
"You were thinking of me?"
"Yeah, something in my heart just told me to call you. You okay?"
"Yeah I'm okay, Mom. Thanks for calling. I miss you."
"I miss you too. How's it going there with Derrick and Olivia?"
"Oh, great. You know, Derrick's found himself a lady."
"Of course, he's always got a lady.” She laughed in that familiar way that made me love her so much.
“Yeah, and Olivia's doing really well. I've actually been staying with her because Derrick's new lady is actually staying in the hotel room with him."
"Oh, wow! So you're staying with Olivia? How's that going?" She sounded excited.
"It's fine Mom, it's fine. Nothing to get excited about.” I didn’t want to get my mom’s hopes up.
“Have you told her everything yet?"
"Have I told her what, Mom?"
"Have you told her how you've been in love with her half your life?"
"Mom, I have not been in love with Olivia half my life."
"Well then have you told her about your sickness?"
"Mom, enough!"
"Tyler I know you didn't want to let anyone outside of the family know. I know how much it means to you that people continue on in their life and not feel sad about your sickness, but you can't go through this alone." Her voice caught and she sobbed. "Please Tyler you love her and she needs to know."
"Mom, look it's complicated right now. I just don't know what's going on."
"What happened son? You sound sad."
"Nothing happened, but I'm just sitting here in a diner by myself, eating blueberry pancakes. It's not exactly how I expected to be spending my holiday in San Francisco." "Why are you in a diner by yourself? Where's Derrick and where's Olivia?"
"Mom, I told you Derrick's with a woman, I was staying at Olivia's."
"So why isn't Olivia with you right now?"
"She kicked me out of her apartment."
"Oh no! Tyler, what did you do?"
"I didn't do anything, Mom." I pressed my mouth together, there was no way I was going to tell my mom that I had sex with Olivia and the condom split. There are some things you just didn't tell your mom.
"Tyler, I don't believe you. Olivia's a great girl. There's no way she'd kick you out in the middle of the night for nothing. You didn't say something stupid to her again?"
"What do you mean, say something she stupid to her? Who do you think I am, Mom?" "Tyler, I know you and I know you like to put on a front. I know you like to pretend like you're some big man on campus."
"Mom, I can hardly be a big man on campus. I'm almost 30 years old. I don't go to college anymore."
"I'm just saying that was the persona you used to put on. And I know like you'd like to put on a front that you're confident and you've got all these girls and you like to flirt, but maybe you need to let your guard down. That's not who you are and Olivia should know that. And if you really want to win her heart, you have to be honest with her."
"Mom I know. Okay, I know. It's just hard, okay? I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me because I was sick."
"But Tyler, you more than anyone knows that life can be short. You need to let her know and she can make her decision for herself."
"But Mom, I don't want to let her know and have her make the decision based upon the fact that I was dying, okay? I was dying. I get it, you get it, we all know."
"No Tyler, that's the problem. We don't all know, your best friend doesn't know, the love of your life doesn't know. You've been keeping it inside. You've been letting everyone think you've just been working all this time, but you haven't. You've been in the hospital and me and dad, we love you, but this has been a really hard time for all of us. And if we lost you and your best friends didn't even know that you were sick. Do you know how they'd feel? Do you know how we'd feel? How would I be able to look Derrick in the face and tell him that you kept this a secret from him? How would I be able to look Olivia in the face and tell her that you kept it a secret from her? Oh, and you loved her all these years as well. It's not fair to them Tyler, it's not fair."
"I know, Mom. It's just a lot, I didn't expect any of this to happen, okay? I just wanted to be able to live my life."
"Does Derrick know anything?"
"Know what Mom? You know, he doesn't know I'm sick. Or was sick.”
“But does he know that you're in love with his sister?"
"No."
"You were going to tell him two years ago, weren't you?"
"I was, but then things happened. It didn't seem like the right time."
"You were also going to tell Olivia two years ago when she came home for Christmas that you loved her."
"Yeah, but I didn't want to tell her when I found out I was sick."
"But you're better now Tyler."
"Yeah, that's the hope, right? That I’m better. But there's nothing ever guaranteed. Mom I just don't know what to do. I feel like life just keeps throwing me bad apples. And I don't know if I can keep on dodging them anymore."
"Maybe if you had Olivia by your side, you could dodge some together Tyler."
"Mom, you're such a softie and a romantic. Life isn't like the movies. The man doesn't always get the girl."
"Yeah, but I think you'll get Olivia."
"Why do you think that?"
"You forget I'm your mother, Tyler and you forget that Olivia has been in my life for a long time too. I've seen how she looks at you. That girl loves you, she really loves you and you know what? I'd love to see her as a part of our family."
"Oh Mom, you're killing me, I just got here a couple of days ago. I can hardly go and tell her that my mom wants me to marry her and have babies with her and well, you know." "I don't know. Maybe you can, maybe she'd love to hear it. I know her parents would love to have her back home."
"Mom, this isn't some utopia. It doesn't just work like that. People have lives, she loves her job, she loves her friends. In fact, she's with her friends right now complaining about me."
"Why is she complaining about you
Tyler?" My mom sounded cross. "What did you do? Please tell me you didn't flirt with another woman in front of her?"
"Mom, would I do that?"
"Yes you would. I know you like to play those tricks to get her jealous. That's not going to work."
"Mom, that's really not what happened, trust me."
"I think you need to tell me Tyler. What happened? What's going on?"
"Mom, it's not something I can talk to you about right now, please."
"Tyler"
"Mom, please"
"Tyler, you tell me right now"
"Mom fine, okay I was having sex with Olivia and the condom split, okay? We think she might be pregnant and she's upset. And she wanted to talk to her friends, but she doesn't know what she wants to do, okay? Did you want to hear that, really?"
"Oh Tyler that's not good." She sounded disappointed. “But also, the probability of her being pregnant is very slim. Did neither of you take Sex Ed?”
"Mom I know that, trust me.” I sighed.
"But the good news is..."
"There's good news here?"
"The fact that she slept with you has to mean that she still loves you." My mom sounded happy again. "Tyler you need to go home and you need to tell her everything. You need to talk to her okay?"
"Well, I can't go home yet until she calls me and says, it's okay"
"Tyler, I'm telling you right now, you need to go back now and you need to talk to her." "But Mom, she said she wanted me to leave"
"Tyler, as your Mom, I'm telling you, go home, get some flowers, tell her you'll be there for her and tell her you have something important you want her to know."
"Mom, I'm scared. What if she hates me? What if she's upset that I never told her the truth? What if she doesn't want me forever? What if she thinks I'm just going to die?"
"Tyler, nothing is promised to us in life. You know that. I know that, but I pray to God every night to make sure that you're well and you're safe."
"I say my prayers every night as well, Mom, I pray to God to keep me healthy and to send Olivia my way."
"Tyler, I'm not going to tell you twice, you need to go home and go and get your girl, okay?"
"Yes Mom."
"I love you."
"I love you too, Son. Call me tomorrow and keep me updated. I got to go back to bed or dad's going to be wondering where I am."
"Oh night, Mom. Thank you so much for calling. I love talking to you. I'm very blessed to have you in my life."
“No Tyler, I'm blessed to have you in mine. Love you, boy. Good night."
"Good night."
Chapter 17
Olivia
"Are you sure you don't want me to spend the night?" Birdy asked me as she stood at the front door. "I really wouldn't mind if you need the company."
"Oh, you're a sweetheart, Birdy, but I'll be okay. I'm going to call Tyler and tell him to come home. We need to talk."
"Oh girl, I feel so sorry for you, but actually, you know what, maybe this is the best thing that could ever happen to you."
"What do you mean this could be the best thing that could ever happen to me?" I chuckled, though I wasn't feeling much like laughing.
"I mean, maybe it will bring you guys together. Maybe it will force you guys to have the conversation you were holding off on having.”
“I guess. I mean, this isn't exactly how you want anything to start ...” I was going to say a relationship, but I mean, is this the start of a relationship?
“Stay positive girl, stay positive." Birdy gave me a big hug and held me close. "You know, I know I sounded jealous earlier about you and Tyler, but I really hope it works out. I think he's a good guy for you. And honestly, I think you're the right girl for him."
"Oh, Birdy. Do you really think so?"
"Yeah, I do." She gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and then she pulled away from me. "Okay. I better get home. I've got a lot of guys to text back tomorrow."
"Oh, Birdy. You see, you're going to have yourself a man soon too."
"I sure hope so," she said wistfully, "I sure hope so."
"Birdy, can I ask you a question?" I asked her softly just as she was walking away. She stopped and turned around and looked at me.
"Sure, what is it?"
"I was just thinking to myself, you're such a pretty girl and so bubbly, and you meet guys easily. Why is it that you're single?"
"I wish I knew," Birdy said, "Maybe I'm just not the sort of girl that guys want to commit to."
"I don't think that's true." I looked at her and for a few seconds and thought, "You know, you were going to tell me about that really forbidden thing you did the other day?"
Birdy nodded and said, "Yeah."
"Well, maybe one day we can go to lunch and you can just tell me by myself. We wouldn't have to let anyone else know if you didn't want to."
Birdy's eyes lit up and she smiled graciously. "You know, that sounds really nice. I'd like that." She let out a long sigh and then gave me a little wave. "You know, Olivia, I kind of know what you're going through. It's hard when you're dealing with someone from your past. It's hard to know what's real and what's not, but you give me faith."
"Thanks, girl. Get home safe, okay? Text me when you get back."
"I will," she said, and then she got into the elevator. I closed the door and then went over to the couch and sat back down.
I looked around my living room and everything seemed foreign to me. I'd lived here now for a year, but it didn't feel like it; it didn't feel like home. Not like it used to. Ever since Tyler had come back into my life, I realized just how much I've been missing. I realized just how much I wanted someone like him in my life. Someone that reminded me of all the things that I enjoyed growing up. It wasn't that I hadn't been able to let go of the past; of course, I had. I loved my life now. I loved my coworkers. I loved my friends. But a small part of me, that part of me that was in love with Tyler as a kid, was still in love with him. That part of me that enjoyed kayaking, going down to the rivers and fishing, that was the part of me that still wanted to be in Florida. That was the part of me that missed being home more than anything.
There was a knock on the door and I got up and opened it with a wide smile. "Did you forget something, Birdy?" I said, as I opened the door and then I froze. It was Tyler. He was back.
He had a sheepish look on his face as he stared at me. He ran his hands through his hair and offered me a shy smile, "Hey, I know you didn't text me yet, but I wanted to come back so we could talk. I hope that's okay."
"Yeah, I guess so," I said, though I didn't let him in.
"I know I said I'd wait for you to call me, to let me know when to come back, but I was speaking to my mom and she convinced me to come."
"Your mom?" I looked at him in shock. "Isn't it like three o'clock in the morning in Florida?"
"Yeah," he nodded. "I guess her sixth sense told her that I needed her and she called me out of the blue."
"Oh wow, your mom's just great."
"My mom thinks the same thing about you."
"Aww, I love her, you know that. She's like my second mom."
"Yeah, I know."
I stood back and let him walk inside, and then I closed the door slowly behind him. We walked over to the couch and sat down. He cleared his throat a couple of times, but didn't say anything. I wanted to ask him what he was thinking and feeling. But I didn't want to be the one to talk first. I didn't want to have to lead this conversation. Not yet. Not now. I needed to know where he was coming from. I needed to know that this was more than just sex for him. I needed to know that something in him was actually really and truly connected to me. And I needed him to open up to me because if he didn't trust me, then we would never have anything, no matter how deep our feelings were for each other. Or how good the sex was.
"I have something important to tell you, Olivia," he said finally, looking down at his hands. "And I don't know how to tell you. I just feel like I should." He stumbled over his words a
nd I reached out and grabbed his hands.
"You can tell me anything, Tyler. Absolutely anything. You know that, right?"
"I know. I know." He looked up and his eyes bore into mine. "It's weird being here with you like this, you know? It's just so weird."
"Why do you think it's weird?"
"Well, do you remember when we were teens and I would spend almost every weekend at your house and we would watch movies, we would do karaoke on the PlayStation that you guys had, we'd play board games, we'd do absolutely everything together?"
"I know," I nodded. "And you guys would tease me mercilessly and cheat so I could never win any of the board games, and tell me I couldn't sing. Trust me, I remember."
"But yeah, do you remember the other things? When we would make s'mores? When we would light campfires? When we would go on long hikes together, just you and me?"
"Yeah, I kind of remember that."
"And you always looked up to me. I was older of course, but you always treated me like I was your protector. No matter what happened, you always knew you could come to me and I would look after you.”
"Yeah, I know. You and Derrick were always there for me."
"And do you remember that summer that I broke my arm?"
"Vaguely. Not really."
"Well, I was skateboarding, remember? And I fell and I broke my arm and remember how you just treated me? Like I was an invalid for the whole summer? You wouldn't let me do anything, and I could see the pity in your eyes. At the time, I quite enjoyed it because I could boss you around and you could do whatever I wanted."
"I knew you loved bossing me around. You would have me going everywhere to get you drinks and snacks. I would ride my bike all over Palm Bay."
"Yeah, and that was cool. And you did it because you loved me and you wanted me to be okay. And that was cool. But I'm the man. I'm the protector. I'm here to be the strong one, and I want to be the strong one for you, Olivia. I want to be the one you can depend upon. And ... oh, I just don't know how to tell you. "