One thing about me, though? I didn’t need to be told twice.
Okay, maybe this was the second time he’d made his lack of intentions toward me clear. But I didn’t need to be told a third time, and I vowed never to make an ass of myself in front of Noah Cavallari again.
“Well…I guess I’ll chalk this experience up to practice in putting myself out there and accepting rejection.” I stood. “Today has not been my day. I think I’m gonna turn in.”
“You don’t have to go.” Noah stood up, too. “Stay.”
“I really need to call it a night.”
He didn’t fight me on it. “Alright…”
Disappointed in my impulsive behavior, I swore at myself under my breath the entire walk home.
And I was still feeling self-destructive when I got there, because when I returned to my room, I did the one thing I knew I would end up regretting.
Taking out my phone, I scrolled down to Eric’s name.
Heather: I can meet you tomorrow night.
CHAPTER SIX
* * *
NOAH
With hard strokes, I took out my frustration on the house as I painted the next morning.
Heather’s words from last night kept playing in my head as I rolled the paint over the wood of the boathouse.
I’m very drawn to you…and very attracted to you.
I’d felt like a piece of shit after she left. She’d taken my rejection personally, when that was the last thing I wanted.
I still had no clue if I was going to tell her why I’d left Pennsylvania to come here. But I knew I needed time without complications. And my twisted feelings for Heather were starting to become a complication.
Shit, if there’s anything sexier than a woman who isn’t afraid to ask for what she wants. But Heather wasn’t exactly a woman. She had a lot of growing up to do. While she was old enough to know what she wanted sexually, she wasn’t old enough to know what was good for her. That would only come with time and years of experience. I wasn’t going to be the one to teach her about the kind of guy not to get involved with. She needed someone grounded, who would make a good husband to her someday, not someone messed up in the head who’d already proven incapable of marriage.
More than anything, she didn’t know the truth. I could never take advantage of her advances—no matter how hard it was to resist. It didn’t matter that she was drop-dead gorgeous, that I was horny as fuck, or that she seemed to be the only person capable of making me smile.
Though I continued to ruminate while painting, at one point, the sound of music playing registered. I got down from the ladder and took a little walk to see where it was coming from.
“MMMBop” by Hanson.
Sure enough, it came from Heather’s room. It was like the nineties threw up in there. I was tempted to yell up to her window and tease her, but after last night, I didn’t think she’d appreciate it.
So I bit my tongue, shook my head, and walked back to the boathouse.
***
Later that afternoon, I was back up on the ladder when my heart nearly dropped to my stomach. I looked over to see someone standing on the roof of the main house. The structure was three stories high, so anyone who fell off was going to be seriously injured.
It didn’t take long for me to figure out it was Heather.
What the hell is she doing on the roof?
She was looking down as if she was…pondering jumping? I found it hard to believe she would ever do that. Why then? Adrenaline pumped through me as I climbed down and ran toward the house.
With my heart pounding, I called up to her, “Heather! What are you doing?”
She put her hand on her chest. “Oh my God. You scared the shit out of me.”
I held my hand over my forehead to block the sunlight. “I scared you? Get down! Are you crazy?”
“Why?”
“Because you could fall. Why are you up there?” I swallowed, terrified of her answer.
“It’s an exposure exercise,” she said.
“What? What the hell are you talking about?”
“I have a massive fear of heights. I’ve been listening to this podcast on facing your fears, and the doctor says to overcome any fear, you have to challenge yourself, expose yourself to it. I decided to climb up here and experience the fear for a bit, to habituate to it.”
My mouth hung open. “That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard, especially when you can fall and break your neck in the process.”
She crossed her arms and looked down at me. “What did you think I was doing up here?” After a moment, her face changed. “Oh my God, Noah. You didn’t think I was going to jump?”
I let out a long breath as my heartbeat started to return to normal. “I don’t know what I thought. But what in God’s name else would someone be doing up on the roof, standing there and looking down at the ground?”
“I can’t believe you thought I was going to off myself. What—did you think your rejection last night put me over the edge?” She started to laugh.
As sick as it was under the circumstances, I was happy to hear her joking about last night. I’d been worried I’d hurt her.
“You do realize this is the second botched attempt at saving my life you’ve had since your arrival, right?” she shouted down.
I shook my head and couldn’t help but laugh.
She climbed carefully down the ladder and walked over to stand in front of me.
“You’re insane, you know that?” I said. “You scared me. I’m not gonna lie. But now I see how ridiculous the whole thing is.”
Her face turned serious. “Do you really think I could do that to my mother after what happened to my sister?”
That question hurt my chest. “I wasn’t thinking. I saw you up there, and I freaked out for a second. I had no idea what you were doing.”
She reached out to pinch my cheek, letting her hand rest a bit on my face. “It’s cute that you cared.”
My body went rigid at her touch. I was way too aware of the fact that it was the first time I’d felt her hands on me.
“You headed into work?” I asked, trying to shake off this weird experience.
“No…ugh, I actually took the night off.”
“Good. You deserve a break. Going anywhere?”
She looked down at her feet for a moment. “Eric is picking me up.”
My stomach sank. The asshole ex is taking her out?
“Oh.”
“Yeah, I decided to have dinner with him, to at least hear him out.”
I knew I should stay out of it, but...
“You really think he deserves that?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. You’re allegedly the more mature one here. You tell me. Doesn’t everyone deserve a second chance?”
“A man who fucks around on his woman doesn’t deserve jack shit. He’s a coward.”
“Did you cheat on your wife?”
This girl did not hold back.
“No, not physically. But there are other ways to hurt someone.”
“Like how? Give me an example.”
“Well, you can want something else. That’s not quite the same as cheating, but in a sense, it’s a form of betrayal.”
“So you emotionally cheated on your wife?”
“I didn’t say that. But the mere desire for something outside of your marriage—whether that be another person or another life altogether—that can be like a betrayal. You have to know how to walk away when it gets to that point—before you hurt the person.”
“And that’s what you did.”
I hesitated. “Yes. Basically.”
“How did we go from you trying to save me from jumping off the roof to talking about your personal life?”
“This seems to be the way with you. One second I’m getting involved in your asinine shit, the next you’re sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.”
She laughed. “Then it ends with me running home with my
tail between my legs.”
That made me chuckle. “Sounds about right.”
“I’ll take your advice on Eric into consideration,” she said as she suddenly headed back toward the house.
I forced my eyes to the ground when I caught them lingering on her ass as she walked away.
“Stay safe,” I called out.
***
It was past midnight, and she hadn’t come home yet. I knew I should’ve just gone to bed and minded my own damn business, but my butt seemed glued to the porch. I told myself I needed to make sure she got home safely, and then I’d call it a night.
But with each passing minute, I became more convinced she’d decided to spend the night with him. Could I really blame her? It wasn’t like I was giving her horny little ass what she’d asked me for. That meant she was going to get it from somewhere else, whether I liked it or not. I just wished it wasn’t with an undeserving asshole who’d already hurt her.
A flash of light appeared from down the gravel road leading to Heather’s house. I stood up to get a look and realized it was the same red Civic that had picked her up earlier.
I watched as he let her out.
When the car took off, she hadn’t moved from the front steps. I struggled to see in the darkness, but thanks to an overhead light on her porch, I could make out her shoulders rising and falling. Her head was in her hands as she sank to sit on the step.
She was crying.
Fuck.
What did he do to her?
My blood was pumping.
Against my better judgment, I felt my feet moving, one in front of the other, as if they were going with or without my approval to the main house.
“Hey,” I called. “Are you alright?”
She jumped. “You scared me.”
“Second time today I did that.”
She wiped her eyes. “I know.”
“I was out on my porch having a smoke, and I saw you with your head down.”
“I’m fine.”
“You don’t look fine.”
“It’s not what you think.”
“What happened?”
She shook her head. “I’m not crying because he hurt me. I’m crying because I found the strength to turn him down when I was feeling weak. In the midst of my vulnerability, I found my self-worth. And it feels really good. These aren’t sad tears.” She sniffled. “You were right. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Even if he never cheated on me again, I wouldn’t be able to look him in the eyes and fully trust him. Ever. I deserve better.”
Damn.
Good girl.
“I’m proud of you.”
I took a seat next to her on the steps.
She turned to look at me. “I’m sorry for putting you in an uncomfortable position last night. I don’t know what came over me.”
I hadn’t expected her to bring that up.
“Don’t even think about apologizing. There’s nothing to apologize for. You were being forthright, and I admire your honesty. That’s why I owe you the very same.”
This was my opportunity to explain myself, so I took a deep breath in. “I need you to know that my turning you down has nothing to do with you. I’m wrong for you in so many ways, and knowing that, I can’t take advantage of the situation—no matter how tempting it might be.”
“Rejection stings,” she said. “But I don’t regret saying those things because I would never know how you feel otherwise. Now I do. You don’t have to worry about me doing something like that again. I only have to be told once—or twice. The bottom line is, I heard it loud and clear. I won’t be coming onto you again.”
“I don’t know…are sure you can resist?” I winked.
“I can manage.” She laughed and wiped the remnants of her tears. “Can we be friends?”
I smiled. “Yeah.”
The tension in the air was thick, but at least she didn’t seem mad.
She looked up at the sky and yawned. “I’m tired, but I’m totally wired at the same time. I won’t be able to sleep. Will you stay up with me for a little bit?”
Considering everything she’d just told me, that seemed innocent enough.
“Sure.”
I liked hanging out with Heather.
“Did you end up eating the bread?” she asked.
I laughed. “No…but I’m pretty sure it’s stale by now.”
“Not if you toast it,” she said. “Want to try?”
I stood up. “Sure. Let’s do it.”
Our shoes scraped along the gravel as we walked together back to the boathouse. Crickets chirped. It was another beautiful night on the lake with the moon casting a glow over the property.
Heather waited on the porch while I went inside to toast the garlic bread. She seemed to know the drill; I never invited her inside, so she didn’t bother to try to follow me.
After I brought the bread out, I sliced a piece and handed it to her.
Heather moaned as she took it into her mouth. My traitorous dick twitched at the sound, and I did my best to ignore that.
She spoke with her mouth full. “Who knew day-old bread could taste so good?”
“It is pretty damn good,” I agreed, taking a big bite. “It’s mmm…bop. MMMBop.”
I cracked myself up.
Heather stopped chewing. “That song was…um…it was just playing on the…”
“On your iPhone. It was playing on your phone because you put it there, because you like cheesy nineties’ music. Nothing to be ashamed of.”
“Hey, it’s the decade I was born into. I have a special appreciation for it. I missed a lot of good stuff when I was too young to remember, apparently. So maybe I do enjoy the occasional unique song.”
“I have a feeling it’s more than occasional. In fact, I’d love to see what else is on that phone.”
She bit into more bread. “You’re never gonna find out.”
I hoped she knew I was teasing. I mean, her taste in music was…different. But so was she—in a good way.
She leaned her head against the side of the house and closed her eyes, almost looking ready to fall asleep, but then she opened them and stared out toward the lake.
It hit me in this moment how comfortable she made me feel. (Well, she made me feel comfortable, and that made me uncomfortable.) Heather was the type of person you could just hang out with in silence. She gave the impression that you could tell her anything and she wouldn’t judge. At the same time, it was okay to say absolutely nothing at all and just be.
Before coming to the lake, I hadn’t known what to expect from this place. I sure as hell wasn’t planning to feel so at peace here. It had crossed my mind that I could live this simple life forever. That wasn’t an option, but it was a nice thought.
As if she could read my mind, Heather asked, “So, what’s your next step?”
“Next step?”
“What will you do when August ends? Return to Pennsylvania, get back to work?”
“Yeah. I can’t leave my business for too long. Or my father.”
“Is your father ill?”
“No, but he’s the only family I have there. My mom and my brother who’s married with three children all live in Minnesota.”
She grinned. “Uncle Noah.”
“Yeah.” I smiled, thinking about my two nephews and niece. “My mother moved there to be closer to my brother and his kids.”
“Your parents are divorced, then.”
“Yeah. Ever since I was about your age.”
“Well, I’d say sorry, but sometimes divorce can be a good thing if the situation that preceded it was unbearable.”
“That’s very true. In my parents’ case, though, it was amicable.” I paused a moment. “What about your parents? You haven’t mentioned your father at all.”
“My father remarried when my sister and I were young. He has two daughters with his new wife, and I barely see him. They live in western Massachusetts. He returns to the lake once a year, stays at a hotel, an
d comes over for dinner. He mostly criticizes my mother and me, then leaves. I dread that visit because my mother is always a wreck the entire week before, during, and after. Well, even more of a wreck than she already is.”
Shit. That couldn’t have been easy for her—that her dad had another two daughters he spent all of his time with. Overall, he sounded like an ass.
“That must be hard for you…”
“Yes, but I can’t change it, so I try to accept it. Aside from his yearly visit, I go to visit them a couple of times a year. I was always more accepting of the situation than Opal, but she had other issues affecting her reactions to things. She saw my father leaving as pure abandonment. I’ve tried to see it differently—that sometimes people don’t get things right the first time around in life. He seems happy now. I know he regrets leaving us the way he did. He’s told me so. Even though knowing that doesn’t make it any easier, I forgive him.”
“I admire how you handle what you’ve been dealt,” I said.
“All I can do is my best. I try not to dwell on the sad stuff, and I try to find some happiness in every day, even if it’s only one thing.”
“What was your happiness today?”
She looked me straight in the eyes. “This…hanging out with you.”
I cut her another piece of bread to deflect how that made me feel, which was all sorts of fucked-up inside. If she asked me that question, my answer would be the same.
I watched her chew on the bread. It was oddly sensual, giving her food piece by piece and watching her eat it. Or maybe that was my depraved mind wishing I could give her something more. Maybe in a different time, a different world, that would have been possible. But in this reality, Heather was too good for me, too innocent and pure.
Though I’d tried to convince myself I wasn’t supposed to view her sexually, my body didn’t agree. It thought Heather was fantastically beautiful. With her long, silky blond hair and laid-back attitude, she was sort of like Barbie’s down-to-Earth cousin. She had an understated beauty and a personality to match—a great sense of humor. Her body, while athletic, had subtle curves in all the right places. As she stretched her long legs out on the porch, I had the urge to rub my hand along the blond fuzz on her thighs. She kicked her shoes off, displaying dainty feet.
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