by Zoe York
“Jared?”
He shook his head. Shit. “It’s not you. It’s not that I don’t want you.”
She glanced down and giggled, and when he followed her gaze he realized it was fucking obvious that he wanted her. He’d been so inside his own head he hadn’t noticed his dick was practically inviting her to reach out and stroke him. He groaned, and she covered her eyes.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, still laughing.
“That makes two of us.”
“I’m going to go inside now. Put on jammies, something flannel and baggy, and eat a pint of ice cream.”
That only gave him the image of undoing a loose pajama top, button by button, then slowly licking ice cream from between her breasts. “Good. That’s good. You should do that.”
“We’re okay?”
He nodded. They would be just fine.
“You’re going to Colorado with your brother for the holidays, right? When are you back?” She stared at a spot on his shoulder.
“Oh. No. Actually, Jackson has to work. So I’m around.”
“Oh.” Her voice fell. “I mean, good. Great. So you’ve got some time off.”
“Tomorrow’s my last day. Unless there’s a national emergency, I’ve got leave until after New Year’s Day.” Now he was hoping for something to come up, some last-minute rescue of a diplomat’s kid or something. He could go be a hero instead of a sex-avoiding loser.
“I still need to buy some presents for my family. Maybe you could help me.”
“Sure.” He backed up, heading for his door. “Not tomorrow.”
“No, not tomorrow. Too soon.”
“I meant because I have to work.”
“Oh.”
“Cass?”
“Yeah?” Her voice sounded small all of a sudden, and he wanted to pull her in for a hug. But if he did that, he’d kiss her again, and if that happened, he’d probably Hulk his way through her door and toss her on the nearest flat surface.
And that wasn’t how he wanted to lose his virginity.
But fuck if he could remember what his plan had ever actually been in that regard.
“Tomorrow wouldn’t be too soon for me. If you have a pipe burst in the middle of the night tonight or something like that, you pound on the wall, okay? Nothing’s changed between us. I’m still your go-to guy.”
She nodded, but they both knew he was lying.
Everything had changed between them.
And deep down inside, something significant had changed for him.
Half a pint of Cherry Jubilee ice cream had not cooled her feverish libido. Neither had an all-too-quick date with her shower head when she’d first gotten home. Now she was curled up in bed watching Three Men and a Baby and silently thanking the apartment gods that her bedroom didn’t share a wall with Jared’s place. Because she was pretty sure she was going to fall asleep with his name on her lips and her fingers buried deep between her legs.
And tomorrow, they’d go back to being just friends. Neighbors. Secret crushes.
Well, that cat was out of the bag. Not-so-secret crushes that they’d pretend didn’t exist.
She thought about how hard he’d fought for control after pulling himself away from her. His very impressive bulge had done wonders for her ego, as had the look in his eyes when his mind had wandered—she’d give all the pennies in her bank account to know what he’d been picturing in that moment. She was pretty sure the heat of it would set her on fire.
One kiss with Jared—now officially the hottest sexual encounter she’d ever had. A few mediocre screws in high school had set her up to think sex wasn’t her thing. And it had always been kind of clinical with her husband, even before they started trying to get pregnant, although he’d been fairly giving. Craig the dentist had been more lusty, but she got the feeling he could take it or leave it some of the time. Football or fuck? No telling which way Craig would go.
But Jared… The man was practically vibrating with sexual energy. She didn’t want to think about how many women he’d kissed like that, practically picking them up in his giant arms. And how many of those lucky bitches got to keep kissing him as the clothing disappeared?
She gasped at herself. Bitches? She groaned, but jealousy was a nasty mistress. Nothing personal, ladies, but I want a piece of what you’ve had and I don’t think I’m ever going to be so lucky.
The next morning, Cassie woke up late. It was a slow, heavy drag back to consciousness, and she didn’t want to let go of her dreams because they’d been rich with naked Jareds—and naked Cassies. Over and over again, he’d done wicked things to her in her sleep, and for a minute as she lay there blinking at her ceiling, she was excited. Their chemistry the night before had been off-the-charts. So what if he’d put the brakes on it after the barest of kisses? He wanted her the same way she wanted him.
But then doubt crept in. He’d said no for a reason. A pretty strong one. And she knew his track record. She supposed it was sort of noble that he didn’t want to screw around with her and then hurt her, but damn… She’d been hoping that player façade had been just that—a cover for a truly nice guy deep down inside.
All the warm fuzzies from her night of erotic fantasies faded away. Right. He might want her, but not enough to change his dirty boy ways. Fine. It would be pretty easy to just be his friend if that was the case.
Her phone beeped with calendar reminders for the day. She had an open house that afternoon, and she needed to swing past the office first. It was pretty quiet in the days leading up to the holiday break, but real estate deals had been inked on Christmas before, so she always liked to be prepared. She also liked that the realty storefront wasn’t a place she had to go to every day. Her briefcase and smartphone were all the working space she really needed most of the time, and the printer/scanner/fax machine on her bookcase in the living room was handy as well.
Sometime sooner than later she’d buy a house. She had the funds for a good-sized down payment, but after leaving the condo she shared with Mitch, she’d wanted to be back in Coronado without making a rash purchase decision. The modest one-bedroom apartment had come available at exactly the right time in her life. And now she was reluctant to move on even though her father railed at her about the foolishness of paying rent every month when she could be making an investment in a property of her own.
When real estate was the family business, renting was a four-letter word.
But her parents did like that the complex had a few Navy SEALs living in it. And so did she—most of the time. She would again. But as she showered and pulled on pressed black pants and a light blue cotton sweater, she was just angry. Pissed at herself for falling for someone she’d known was off-limits. Mad at Jared for not being the perfect fantasy guy next door. And angry with the rest of the male population of Coronado and the larger San Diego area for not conveniently providing her with more dating candidates.
Of course…there had been the FedEx delivery guy with the cute smile. He’d hinted at offering his number if she needed anything. But at the time, she hadn’t needed what he’d been offering. And the same with that chef who’d started working out at the gym at the same time she did. If she went to the ten a.m. spin class tomorrow, he’d probably be there. And when she walked in, he’d finally stop taking his time putting his gear away and snag the bike next to hers.
Okay. So there’d been options, and she’d ignored them. Because she’d wanted Jared.
But he was now confirmed as off-limits, so she was done being foolish.
The next cute guy to smile at her, she’d smile back. And if she got a number, or was asked for her number—no more head in the sand.
So much for going back to how they were before the kiss. It was like they’d taken a cosmic jump back to before they met, which wasn’t at all what he wanted. Cassie in his life wasn’t optional, even though she was doing her darnedest to pretend it was. Three days had passed since she’d blown his mind with a few whimpers, and Jared hadn’t seen her since
. In reality. In his fantasies, she was still front and center, a constant drug in his bloodstream distracting him both night and day.
At night he’d wake up on his stomach, grinding against the bed in a way that was more mortifying than hot. During the day all he could do was think about her. Not dirty fantasies, but real-life scenarios about what she’d be like in a relationship and whether he could trust her. His secret was buried so deeply if he revealed it to her she’d be the only other person in the world to know it. She was avoiding him for a reason—she didn’t want to be just friends. And deep down neither did he. So if he could get in front of her and admit how he felt, they’d hopefully get back on track. Sharing would be the next step, but imagining his confession had him breaking out in a cold sweat.
It was Tuesday, so she’d go to the gym mid-morning and pick up her Community Share vegetable box in the afternoon. He’d gone with her at Thanksgiving when she’d requested a double order, and he knew she’d put in the same order for Christmas. Even though she hadn’t asked him for help this week, he planned to meet her at the parking lot where the farmer did his weekly meet-and-greet drops. It was better than sitting outside her apartment from seven a.m. on, waiting for her to open the door. Not that he’d considered that—for long. He didn’t want a restraining order to interfere with his decision to woo her.
And any courting of her would have to be pretty significant given how pissed she was at him. Her silence and total avoidance proved that point.
He set out on foot, trusting that if he was sweet enough, she’d give him a ride back. At the very least so he could help carry the boxes up the stairs. And maybe—if he was lucky—because she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about their kiss, either.
His confidence took a big hit when he reached the parking lot ten blocks away and found her fluttering her eyelashes over a Starbucks latte. At a guy holding a matching latte and standing way too close to Cassie for Jared’s comfort.
He took a deep breath and observed the scene unfolding in front of him. No point in operating without intel. She was flirting, but it was casual. Her arms were crossed in front of her body and two canvas shopping bags were clutched in one hand. That plus the latte made a pretty clear barrier. He resumed his approach, slower this time.
Mr. Starbucks leaned in and murmured something Jared wasn’t close enough to hear. Cassie shook her head.
“Are you sure?” Jared read on Mr. Starbucks’ lips as he moved back into view.
Cassie laughed. “Maybe another time.”
Their voices carried through the air. “Sure,” Mr. Starbucks was saying. “We’ll be at the picnic area at the north end of Sunset Park tonight around seven if you change your mind.”
A night-before-Christmas-Eve barbecue? Oh, hell no. Jared lifted his voice before he could stop himself. “I was hoping she might have other plans.”
Cassie jerked her head toward him. She was wearing sunglasses, like him, so it was hard to read her expression. “Is that right?” Her voice was bland and impersonal. Not a great sign.
He slid his glasses to the top of his head. “Sorry to interrupt. I figured you’d need help with the extra order.”
Chalk one up for honesty. She allowed him a small smile before glancing back at Mr. Starbucks. “It was nice to meet you. Welcome to the food co-op. I’ll see you around.”
With each short, clipped sentence, his hope returned. By the time she’d swiveled her attention back to him, he was grinning like the cocky bastard he usually was.
“You look happy,” she said dryly as she stepped past him. The farmer had a table under a pop-up canopy beside his truck, and there was a short line of people waiting to collect their boxes of locally sourced produce. Jared didn’t really get why she didn’t just go to the grocery store, but buying veggies this way obviously made her happy. Like a nice glass of wine or a perfect sunset, Cassie appreciated the process of choosing and preparing her foodstuffs as much as eating the end result.
And even though he didn’t get it, it made him happy to be there with her. Plus she looked good. She was wearing jeans today, and the faded blue denim highlighted her sweet curves in a way that made his mouth water. Her long-sleeved t-shirt hugged her in all the right places, too, and he couldn’t be sad that the temperature had dipped a bit in the last few days. It wasn’t quite the white Christmas he’d hoped for, but something about seeing Cassie a bit bundled up made him think of mistletoe and hot apple cider. And more mistletoe.
“Yeah, I’m happy,” he finally responded. “Now that I’ve caught up with you. You’ve been…busy.” Busy avoiding him, but he didn’t add that.
She raised her brow in a non-response and stepped forward in line.
Once she’d signed for her boxes, he helped carry them the short distance to her car. She looked around for his truck and he grinned sheepishly. “I walked. Thought I might catch a ride back with you.”
“Sure…” she said, reluctantly.
“Is that okay? I can walk back if you’d rather.”
She laughed. “No, it’s fine.”
They didn’t talk again on the short drive home. When they got upstairs, she hesitated on the balcony between their doors.
“Can I carry this inside for you?” he asked, not caring if he sounded hopeful. His box was bigger and heavier, but for a second she looked like she might ask him to just hand it over. He wouldn’t, but she could ask.
Instead, she nodded and juggled her own box as she unlocked the door. He followed her, relieved to be allowed back in—first step her home, second step her heart.
Chapter Four
Jared set his box of produce on her counter, then backed up, giving her some space to put stuff away.
But he didn’t leave.
“So…” Cassie said, uncomfortable with the silence. “How’s leave going?”
He nodded. “Decent. I went shopping yesterday. Bought you a Christmas present.”
Her breath caught in her throat. It wasn’t that she was surprised—she’d picked up his gift a few weeks earlier, a nice GPS unit because he’d said his was broken and the one in his phone was a “total piece of shit.” But yesterday…she hadn’t given him any reason to think they’d be exchanging gifts.
“I like presents.” She smiled behind the safe cover of the fridge door.
“Are you doing family stuff tomorrow? Maybe I could take you out for lunch first?”
Argh. All of a sudden, spending time with her parents and sisters was the last thing she wanted to do. Unless… “Do you want to come with me? As a friend,” she hastened to add.
He frowned.
“My parents have a big party tomorrow night, lots of champagne and appetizers, that kind of thing. My mom has a bunch of brothers and sisters, and they all have kids. So it’s basically her family. But it’s not…close. More formal. We wouldn’t need to stay very long, just an hour or two.”
“Sure. I only have one suit.”
“It’ll be fine.” She grinned. “And then I have to go back for lunch on Christmas Day and exchange gifts, but if you don’t mind watching the turkey roast for me, I’m happy to share my dinner.”
He frowned again, looking at the giant bag of multicolored potatoes on her counter. “You aren’t cooking all this for your family?”
She wrinkled her nose. That had been the plan, until her mother and sister decided they were going on a diet after she’d put in the food-box order. “They’ve decided to do a salad and grilled meat buffet thing instead. That’s okay. It means more leftovers for us.”
“You were going to have Christmas dinner all alone?”
Well, her first plan had been to invite him over, but then her grumpiness intruded. The anger had quickly evaporated at the sight of him in that parking lot, however. A few Jared-free days had been good for her perspective on the situation. He was right to protect their friendship. And by acting pissy, she’d been the one to damage it, not him.
“Not anymore, though, right? That’s all that matters. St
op frowning, you’re going to crease your forehead permanently.”
He scowled. She moved across the kitchen without thinking and pressed her fingertips to his brow. She had to reach up—way up—to do it, which meant she had to stand close to him. Way close.
He closed his hand around her wrist, but instead of moving her hand away from his face, he held it in place. “I’ve missed you,” he said gruffly.
She swallowed hard. “I…I’ve missed you too. I’m sorry I went quiet.”
He shook his head, and his nose brushed the inside of her wrist. Then he kissed her there, a sweet press of his firm lips against her arm.
And her heart started thumping double time.
“We should’ve talked,” he said, his voice a delicious rasp against her skin. He kept his eyes down, trained somewhere in the vicinity of her elbow. “We need to talk now.”
“In a minute,” she breathed, gliding her palms to the back of his neck. His hair was almost shaved back there, and she teased her fingertips over the neatly trimmed line, exploring the contrast between the soft brush of hair and hot, tight skin. She pressed her cheek against his chest, reassured by the sound of his heartbeat, a quick thump that mirrored her own.
This hug wasn’t anything like the kiss they shared Saturday night. It was sweet instead of passionate, tentative instead of hard-charging. But it was hopeful, not scary, and from the way her nipples were throbbing inside her bra and the rough hitch in Jared’s breath against her hair… She knew it wasn’t chaste.
They were standing on the precipice of something fiery hot, and they wanted to be sure before they dove in.