“That’s a potent threat.”
“It really is.”
Rick heaved a sigh and marched towards Elizabeth and Edward. “Really, you two?”
Elizabeth pointed at the small sailing ship. “Board or walk the plank. And I might make Hope be the one to walk the plank while you watch. Oh, actually, sign this first.” Elizabeth held out two slips of paper and a pen, which declared they were tourist fishing licenses filled out with our names and my address. She pointed at the fishing shop nearby. “I picked these up for you just in case, because I’ve heard readers often pretend to fish while enjoying their book.”
Rick’s eyes lit up, and he scribbled his signature, checked over the copies, and took the page that declared itself to be a fishing license. I followed his example. While I didn’t go fishing often, I did sometimes, and I usually liked it.
“I can’t tell if you’re encouraging or discouraging me, Elizabeth. Well, you’re encouraging me to go fishing, but I’m not sure I want to walk the plank knowing I might be able to go fishing.”
“Board!”
I got behind Rick and pushed him in the direction of the ship, which was tied close enough to the pier we could just step on. “Do what she wants, otherwise our e-readers will get thrown overboard.”
He boarded the boat, and I followed him.
While the ship could easily fit six or seven people, Elizabeth made shooing gestures with her hands. “Take these two away, far away! Don’t bother returning them. They’re extras.”
I laughed, as I was aware of what she had in mind. “You’re something else, Elizabeth.”
“Enjoy your sailing, have a good time, and don’t drown. There’s suntan lotion there somewhere, and aloe in case you get burned. Rick, defend her pale countenance! Don’t miss any spots.”
I rolled my eyes, as I was hardly pale, tended to dodge burning, and likely wouldn’t need any aloe. However, I’d accept Rick’s attention, especially once we had some form of privacy. “Really, Elizabeth?”
“I’ve been hearing that question a lot today for some reason.”
“It’s because you keep saying ridiculous things,” Rick muttered.
Elizabeth huffed. “Make him walk the plank for me, Hope.”
I rolled my eyes, as I had far better ideas of what I could be doing with Rick. “Sure, Elizabeth. I’ll make him walk the plank.”
After she left, the captain, a younger man with a friendly grin and windswept hair, started the engine of his sailing boat. “The wind isn’t ideal, I’m lazy, and I figured you’d rather have a pleasant cruise rather than listen to me curse at the rigging. Some of the purists make fun of my motor, but when they’re stuck on dead waters, I’m cruising along. I’m John, and I’ve been tasked with giving you two some peace and quiet.”
Rick sat, twisted around and hollered at his cousin, “I changed my mind about you for now.”
Elizabeth waved and laughed. “Have fun.”
“Rick really likes his peace and quiet.” I held up my e-reader. “If you dump us somewhere peaceful and quiet, you won’t even hear us complain as long as there’s food and water nearby.”
“Since there’s only the two of you, we can get out ahead of the rest of the group. The marina will be chaos while everyone comes in and out. The spot they picked to snorkel is about thirty minutes away, and they’ll have their hands full, as there are instructors coming in to teach those who’ve never done it before. It’s really an impressive venture. There are a lot of islands near here, so everyone should have a good time. The spot I’m taking you to is on the coast, but you’ll find it a pleasant getaway.”
“See, Rick? Elizabeth cares. She’s not actually making us deal with your aunt all day—or my brother. You’ll have to give her a card later.”
“Can I give her a hard time instead?”
“Sure, just don’t forget the card when you do it.”
John took us on a cruise around the islands nearby Charleston before showing us the coast, telling us the history of the area, what lurked beneath the waters, and about the local wildlife we might spot if we were patient and had a good eye. Every time a new bird flew overhead, he took the time to tell us the species, where they usually lived, and how often we might see them.
Several hours after leaving the marina, John killed the engine and coasted his ship alongside a long pier leading up to a villa perched on a rocky outcropping overlooking the ocean. I whistled, wondering how the hell Elizabeth had pulled off acquiring such a place for us on short notice—or if the tricky woman had been planning the getaway for longer than I thought.
“If you would like to walk the plank, I recommend you use the end of the pier and just walk off,” John announced with a grin. “I have been told to kick you off my ship, and that everything you need is inside. Enjoy your stay. Someone will be by to tell you how long you’ll be tragically stranded here.”
“Wait, what?” Rick blurted.
I laughed. “We’ve been kidnapped and marooned, Rick.”
“I didn’t think she’d actually do it,” he spluttered.
“Ah, but you were hoping she would.” I grabbed my e-reader and stepped onto the pier. “Thank you very much for the tour, John. It was lovely.”
“You’re welcome. Enjoy your stay. If you want to go on another tour, my card should be inside.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” I lied, as I had zero intention of going anywhere with a week and a half of peace, quiet, and Rick to enjoy. Rick followed me, and he went through the motions of thanking John although his attention remained fixed on the villa above.
I waited for John to leave before saying, “How terrible. We’ve been marooned. Whatever shall we do?”
“Read books, keep each other company, and go fishing.”
According to his tone, I would be battling the fish for Rick’s attention, but I could handle that—for the most part. “You’ll just have to hope there’s fishing rods and bait here somewhere.”
“I can improvise if needed.”
“How does one improvise fishing rods and bait?”
“I can dig for worms a little inland, and I’m sure I can think of something.”
Part of me wanted to have Rick show me how a desperate man made himself fishing gear, but the rest of me selfishly wanted as much of his time as possible. “I’m sure she wouldn’t have gotten us fishing licenses without providing fishing gear, and I am willing to negotiate for fishing time, assuming I’m properly cared for prior.”
“So, if I want to fish, I have to tire you out so much you’re okay with fishing while you recover?”
That sounded nice. “Yes, please.”
“I’m sure an arrangement can be made. I guess I do need to get her a card, don’t I?”
“I’ve been told you have presents inside, and one of them is a permission slip from my parents to court me.”
Rick slapped his forehead. “Are you serious?”
“I’m serious. It seems your family believes you need a great deal of help with your eviction from the pool of eligible bachelors. My father seems oblivious to what all the permission slip entails, and my mother is a pervert and has made certain assumptions.”
“Your mother isn’t blind, and my mother tells me I’m handsome. It just means she’s smart and your father is blind.”
I nodded my agreement with his assessment of the situation. “I’m obviously pure and innocent.”
Rick snorted at that. “Sure.”
“I am!”
“Obviously, I have not despoiled you sufficiently, then, if you believe there’s anything pure and innocent left about you. Shall we go inside and rectify that?”
“I want to see this permission slip and your presents. I want to open some presents, too. Elizabeth said she’d have everything sent here. I’m still not clear on how we’re getting home, but I guess we’ll figure it out.”
Rick took my hand and led me up the staircase leading up to the top of the cliff and the villa at its top. A wraparou
nd porch offered an excellent view of the ocean, and on the other side of a wall-to-wall window, two familiar furry noses pressed to the glass, and their tails wagged a mile a minute. “Our puppies!”
I bolted for the door, discovered it was unlocked, and knelt so I could greet my old man of a dog. He washed my face with his tongue, and Lenore strolled over with her tail bannered high, joining in for her fair share of attention. Annabel Lee plowed over her owner and bounced on him in her excitement to see him.
It took a while to calm our animals enough we could escape them, and Rick made sure the door was firmly closed to prevent any escapees. I picked up Lenore and snuggled with her, making happy sounds in my throat while burying my face in her fur. “Elizabeth is sneaky! How did she get our animals?”
“Well, truth be told, I asked Jacob to watch Annabelle Lee since I knew he’d also have Edgar Allan Paw and Lenore. And you told Elizabeth who was watching your pets. And I, fool that I am, didn’t insist my dog stay out of my cousin’s fiendish hands—and I bet Jacob knew we’d both appreciate seeing our pets.”
“We’ve been played, Rick.”
“We really have been, but I can’t say I mind.”
I didn’t mind, either. “We have our dogs, we have a week and a half, and I think we should make the most of it before we pretend we have absolutely no interest in each other just to see how long we can give those jerks the run around for setting us up.”
“In my defense, I was working up to trying to do something about this situation myself. I was starting to lose sleep worrying another man might step up.”
“Please. Are other men going to try to charm me with hilarious news headlines?”
“Probably not. I will admit, I had no idea such an odd hobby would have won me so much.”
“I feel the same about a baseball to the head,” I admitted. “Without that baseball, I’d probably still be at the same old job doing the same old thing stuck in the same old routine. Who knew something so bad could be so good?”
Rick leered at me. “I can show you all about how something so bad can be so good.”
He really could. “I will take you up on that after we open presents and convince our dogs and my cat that we’re not abandoning them in the next ten minutes. We’re going to have to negotiate about living arrangements in the future, however. I need heated floors, a fireplace, and a nice tub. I’ve become spoiled, Rick.”
“Conveniently, my deep, dark, and dirty secret involves the penthouse floor of your building, where I happen to live. I, too, have heated floors, a most excellent tub, and a fireplace. When I realized you had moved into the same building, I had to take precautions so you wouldn’t spot me or my car.”
“Why were you hiding it?”
“I didn’t want to come across like some weird stalker. I’d even purchased first, since the penthouse was in a good location. It was more than I wanted to spend, but the view is great, the condo is even better, and I had enough to pay it off in full. I’m doing some upgrades, though.”
“Upgrades? How can you upgrade perfection?”
“My perfection didn’t have fully heated floors; only the bathroom and the bedroom had them, so I had everything else done upon learning how much you and your dog enjoy them. I also upgraded the fireplace, as mine was too small for two people, two dogs, and a cat to comfortably enjoy. Honestly, I might join you in your apartment for a few weeks, if you’re all right with that, while the renovations are finished. There’s nothing quite like getting up in the morning and dodging construction workers. I made the mistake of telling them they could start as early as Jacob would allow. The person below me leaves at six and didn’t mind the workers starting that early.”
My bed would become quite cozy with two dogs, two people, and a cat, but I could deal with it for a few weeks. “I think I could be convinced with little work on your part. You’ll have to take me on dates to the bookstore, where we bring our pets and shop. Your aunt already said I should have you hold leashes while I browse, but honestly, I think we’ll be taking turns being the leash holders.”
“I like this plan. It involves buying books. The condo is pretty large, and I had a library installed in one of the larger rooms. I’m not sure what the designers were thinking, but I underestimated how much room I have. I have two offices, a library, a study, the living room, which is where the fireplace is, a ridiculously large kitchen, three full bathrooms, and some rooms that might actually be closets? I’m not sure. It’s weird.”
“But is it as weird as a bathroom in a kitchen?”
“Nothing is as weird as a bathroom in a kitchen, Hope.”
“True.”
We explored the villa to discover the entire living room overwhelmed with wrapped gifts, all in red. I shook my head at the insanity. “Elizabeth had warned me she’d gotten you extra presents, but this is ridiculous. What could possibly be in all of these boxes?”
“Well, one of these boxes has a permission slip from your parents, so I refuse to quit unwrapping presents until I find it. Do you know how often men want the approval of potential in-laws? That thing is priceless, and I need to secure it. That way, I can use it when your brother tries to kill me for making off with you.”
“You’re not making off with me. I’m stealing you. I will defend my newly acquired territory viciously.”
Rick furrowed his brows. “I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do here.”
“Smile smugly at my brother, knowing you’re the victor.”
“You’re going to hold a grudge against him for life, aren’t you?”
“No, I’m just going to make him think I will for a while. I shall also indulge in some smug smiles over having stolen one of his friends. It’s his fault for tossing you my way.”
“It’s Annabel Lee’s fault for chewing up my wedding invitation.”
I knelt in front of Rick’s dog and rewarded her with the petting she deserved. “And you’re just the sweetest little girl, doing your best to make sure your wayward master couldn’t leave you. Don’t worry. I’ll help you keep him close to home most of the time, and if he does have to wander off, we can sulk in front of the fireplace.”
“Already decided you’re going to sulk in front of the fireplace should I have to leave for a trip?”
“Yep. I’ll indulge in a good sulk with a good book and our pets.”
“Is it really sulking if you’re enjoying yourself?”
“Absolutely.”
“I will do my best to limit the number of times per month you must sulk, although traveling will happen.”
“I can accept that, but I will expect a trip to the bookstore to refuel after I’ve indulged in my sulk. Sulking is tiring business, you know.”
“I’m sure an arrangement can be made. I’ll even offer some pampering in the tub should I be forced away on business trips. You’ll be so tired and worn out after sulking, after all.”
I liked the sound of that, so I nodded. “I’ll require intensive therapy every time you return, but I’m sure Annabelle Lee will forgive you the instant you walk in the door.”
“Obviously, the solution to this is to properly wear you out before every business trip.”
I could work with that. “And what if I have to go on a business trip?”
“It seems only fair you’ll have to offer me pampering and intensive therapy sessions before and after your trips.”
“That does seem fair.” I laughed at the absurdity of it all. “Your cousin wants me to charm you, then she wants me to seduce you. I believe she wants this to be a permanent arrangement, considering you have been gifted with a permission slip signed by my parents. I thought you should know.”
Rick looked over the pile of presents and shook his head, gesturing at the hoard awaiting our attention. “She could have the entire world packed away in those boxes, and that would easily be the best gift I’ve ever received in my life. I mean, having their approval is worth a lot, but you’re beyond compare.”
It would
take me a long time to get used to the idea of someone holding me in such high regard. “You’re not so bad yourself for a British lord. I think I’m winning this deal.”
“No, I’m winning. I get you. Titles are cheap.”
“Says the lordling!”
“This is going to be one of those fights we have for the rest of our lives, isn’t it?”
I sure as hell hoped so. “Very probably.”
“Good. I don’t know about you, but I intend to enjoy every minute of it.”
About Bernadette Franklin
Bernadette Franklin is a figment of imagination owned and operated by two cats, some plants, and a human.
The human also writes as RJ Blain and Susan Copperfield.
Want to hear from the author when a new book releases? You can sign up at her website (thesneakykittycritic.com). Please note this newsletter is operated by the Furred & Frond Management. Expect to be sassed by a cat. (With guest features of other animals, including dogs.)
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A complete list of books written by RJ and her various pen names is available at https://books2read.com/rl/The-Fantasy-Worlds-of-RJ-Blain.
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RJ Blain suffers from a Moleskine journal obsession, a pen fixation, and a terrible tendency to pun without warning.
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When she isn't playing pretend, she likes to think she's a cartographer and a sumi-e painter.
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In her spare time, she daydreams about being a spy. Should that fail, her contingency plan involves tying her best of enemies to spinning wheels and quoting James Bond villains until she is satisfied.
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The Run Around Page 36