“The very same.”
Tsu waved a hand to silence them. “It’s obvious neither of you two are married. You’ve no practical experience with the first few weeks. Let’s catalog what’s happened to Lachesis: she lost her family, her profession, her Dying Art, was in a major shuttle incident, thought she was going to be murdered, got picked up by Security, publicly humiliated at least twice, failed at Supervision, then ended up being told she was worth some potato cuttings and up for a cull order. And she’s married to Rainer.” Tsu counted on his fingers. He needed both hands for it. “I think we need to take a step back and look at the mess we’ve made.”
Rainer’s eccentricities and suffer-no-idiots mentality made him plenty of enemies, but it didn’t make him a bad officer. He knew every inch and system on the ship, was the first to crawl into a tube or vat or exploding core. He didn’t care who loved or hated him, he took no prisoners, made no excuses. He was extremely competent sitting in the captain’s chair and inspired fierce loyalty in many of his five hundred and eighty-four reports.
The fact that he wanted his wife to be happy spoke volumes to anyone who really knew Rainer.
Forrest hadn’t been terribly upset about the damage to Medical. Keenan was mortified and aggravated, and Bennett wanted Rainer-flavored blood. Gribbons was ranting about Rainer breaking down ship order and rule of law.
And no one had tried to take care of Lachesis except Rainer, and Rainer was one of the worst-equipped and positioned people on his ship to deal with it.
Tsu picked up one of the rocks on his desk and turned it around in his fingers. “Kells, if I gave Lachesis my word that if she wanted a separation from the Commander would she take it?”
“A divorce? I know they don’t want that,” Kells said.
“No, not a divorce. On Earth they called it a separation. When two spouses needed some time apart to get their heads clear.”
“Where would we put her?” Keenan asked.
“We’ll find a bunk somewhere for her.” Finding somewhere for Lachesis to sleep was the most minor problem. He’d put Bennett on it. Would take his First Officer all of an hour.
Kells looked skeptical. “Maybe, but she can’t be alone. She’s a werewolf, and making her feel alienated will make things worse. She needs to feel like she is part of NightPiercer.”
Ark had sent everything along with Lachesis herself: every Crèche report from the time she was an infant to every performance report and observation. Graduated School at sixteen with excellent marks, started studying navigation at fourteen, had made Livestock : Sheep by twenty-two. She’d applied to Crèche Pool, of course, but had been excluded from the Pool and surrogacy. Still, she’d been allowed to progress through her Crèche career purely on her exemplary performance.
“Lachesis works diligently to overcome her natural personality, behavior, and emotional inclinations. Her Omega breeding is apparent. The Lachesis she presents is a restrained and sanitized version of her true self. This becomes obvious if observed carefully while under emotional stress. This disqualifies her from the Pool, surrogacy, and marriage. Given her clear desire to live a harmonious life, her work ethic, and exceptional mental capacity, Civilization Management recommends she be permitted to progress in her chosen career to mid-level so long as she causes no problems, and is continuously supervised for feral and dominance behaviors. It is not advised Lachesis ever be in a position of authority. Lachesis should be re-evaluated on an annual basis to determine the weight of her contributions versus the effort of managing her.”
“Thank you, both,” Tsu said, glancing at them, “I will deal with Lachesis from here and contact you if I have more questions or need guidance.”
* * * * *
She’d never been on a bridge, except once when she had been a kid, and gone on the field trip that all the little kids had gotten to go on to see all the parts of the ship. NightPiercer’s bridge was different from her memories of Ark’s. More polished metal.
“He’s expecting you.” Bennett stood as she entered, indicating the door to the Captain’s room with a too-civilized nod of his head. The rest of the bridge crew pretended to ignore her.
She stepped to the door indicated. It opened for her, then slid closed behind her.
Captain Tsu sat at his desk: a simple metal affair bolted to the floor. Tablets lay scattered on its surface. Green plants lined the walls, giving the air a moist, clean scent like the Biomes.
“Sir,” she greeted him, standing three paces from the desk.
Tsu looked directly at her. “Does Commander Rainer know you’re here?”
“No, sir. I didn’t tell him.”
“Why not?”
“I didn’t see any reason to, sir.”
“You’re afraid Rainer would have flown into another rage,” Tsu said.
“No, sir, I’m not afraid of him.” She wasn’t, but at the same time, he scared the hell out of her. “He’d feel like his trust had been challenged again. It’s already very shaky.”
Tsu nodded. “This has been a botch job from front to back. You and Rainer both have the right—collectively and individually—to feel like you’ve been thoroughly screwed by the system.”
Tsu clearly had no idea how Rainer had used that system to his advantage. Sort of amusing the system had bit back, but it wouldn’t deter Rainer.
When she didn’t reply, the Captain switched to bluntness. “Do you want to be separated from the Commander?”
Her gut plummeted and cold sweat patched her shoulders and the small of her back. A divorce meant euthanasia. It meant not having a reason to exist. Weathering Rainer was far preferable. The nightmare couldn’t last forever, and she was the only one in a position to stop him if he became dangerous.
What was she thinking? Rainer was dangerous. He’d already proven that. She should tell Tsu.
“No, sir. I don’t want a divorce.”
“I’m not talking about a divorce. I’m talking about a separation.”
Something burning but uncomfortable squirmed under her heart.
Tsu filled in the silence for her. “I’ve found a spare bunk. Four-up, mixed, mid-level specialists: Crèche, Medical, Operations.”
“I don’t want a divorce,” she said again. She didn’t know what she wanted. That was the problem. She only knew what she didn’t want, and for some crazy reason, a divorce was high on that particular list.
“I understand you’re afraid,” Tsu said. “It must have been very difficult to go to Medical, be sedated, and know you weren’t going to wake up.”
“I don’t remember, sir,” she said, but a rush of dark memory flowed over her like water. Some part of her remembered. Blood drained out of her face. Tsu saw it, and she fumbled, and said, “Not consciously. I remember the feelings.”
“I’m told you were very dignified,” Tsu offered.
The feeling stubbornly clung to her like she’d sneezed into algae powder.
Tsu pressed onward. “This is not a divorce. You’re still his wife. You may see him as much as you want. This would be so you can have your own space, and the option of not seeing or smelling him. We’ll disable his command override on the bunk. He’ll have to knock.”
Warily, she inquired, “For how long?”
“Until you decide if you want to go back or want a divorce. I’ve informed Commander Keenan she doesn’t get a say in it, and I’ll tell Commander Rainer he doesn’t get a say either.”
“And back to euthanasia.”
Tsu laid his palm on the table. “No. That’s not going to happen. I have all your files from Ark, and while I went through them carefully before we struck our deal, I’ve also had a chance to observe you personally.”
“I see.” She nodded, still not sure on what the Captain expected her to say to any of this, but he clearly wanted her to acknowledge each point of his pre-planned speech.
“You need a purpose, Lachesis, and that purpose needs to be more than Rainer’s wife. It’s not fair we didn’t consider t
hat this transfer, for you, would be your own Generation Zero event. So, with that in mind, I’m going to give you your choice of purpose on NightPiercer. Of course, if you think being his wife is a full-time occupation, I’ll understand.”
So a profession was on the table. No harm asking what they had in mind. “I also need a new Dying Art. Navigation and Cartography are extinct on this ship.”
“I can’t help with that right now. Your professional choices are to be Crew, and I’ll keep you in mind if something more specialized to your talents becomes available. Or you can try to pass the Operations entry exam. Either of those should keep you busy and tired enough you won’t miss your Dying Art at first.”
Operations. Yuck. Boring and bland, acting as a bridge between the specialist sections. Generalists. Dull as toast unless a senior officer, and then it was likely a parade of everyone else’s bullshit and nonsense. Operations had been invite-only back on Ark, and everyone in School had wanted to be invited to take that exam, but she’d been glad to be passed over.
With her shitty personal skills and feral personality, she’d have ended up in middle-management hell, trapped forever as some junior lieutenant pushing duty roster approvals around. Everyone would bring her their problems, and she’d have zero power to do anything without approval from her supervisor. She’d be that useless duty officer everyone loved to hate, including herself.
And she’d have to call Rainer ‘sir’ the rest of her life.
“I’m very flattered, sir,” she lied. “I was never offered the chance on Ark, but the truth is, Operations has never interested me. I know I’ll never rise above a certain rank because I’m a feral and a cull. I’m not signing on for a life of middle-management hell.”
Tsu sort of smiled. “You’re not a cull because I say you aren’t. You’re also feral, but so are some other wolves. Crèche says it’s a problem for them, but it’s not a problem for my Command unless you make it my problem. Keep in mind if you go Crew, it’s going to be cricket cages.”
“I know how Crew seniority works.” Crew had a lot of upside. A lot of Crew’s work was mopping, algae vats, cricket cages, and cleaning unspeakable gunk out of various places, but it also included Biome and Farm access if you got enough seniority to bid those assignments.
Tsu pressed his palms together. “Keep in mind you can’t pass the medical for Crew right now. Medical tells me you’ll need another six to eight months before you’re completely recovered from AGRS. We’ll berth you until then. You should study for the Operations Entry exam any way to stay occupied.”
No, she still had Rainer’s Telemetry data to comb through. That would keep her busy for at least a few months. “I’ll take Crew, thank you.”
“You’re a hard sell. You must really not want to be Operations if you’d rather clean cricket cages.”
“Either way, sir, I’d be shoveling shit. I’d rather shovel cricket shit and not be told how fortunate I am to be doing it.”
“Fair enough,” the Captain said. “I’m trying to encourage you to take the Entry exam.”
“Not interested. Sir.”
“If you pass the Entry exam, you may take the Command Aptitude test.”
“What?” That test was invitation only, and only for current officers. It was absolutely not for people like her. She’d never expected to be invited for it on Ark even if she’d made it to Civilization Management. And that was before she’d learned she was a feral cull that had been replaced before her baby teeth had fallen out.
“You’re familiar with the test, I take it,” Tsu said.
This had to be her husband’s doing. What strings had he pulled this time? Whose ear had he whispered into? What strings did he even have left to pull after his Medical stunt? The Operations exam was a fucking gift, the Command Aptitude test? Not a chance that wasn’t firmly getting dangled in front of her by a string that led straight back to Rainer.
Her brain cleared enough for her to focus on the Captain and speak. “If it’s the same one as from Ark, yes, sir. It’s where you test an officer for leadership aptitude.”
“Exactly. It’s dangerous on NightPiercer. We don’t screw around and make it nice. Injuries are typical, deaths aren’t unheard of. Even in the Medical simulations.”
Which was exactly why only a very select group of the strongest candidates took the damn test, and they only got one bite at the apple. Risking death or injury on an already valuable officer in a simulation wasn’t done casually. The scenarios were custom-crafted to torture every candidate, and since there was no way to really simulate a sense of danger or peril, the solution was to make the simulations legitimately dangerous. Real fire, real radiation, real suffocation, real injuries. Real consequences.
NightPiercer’s Crèche didn’t even want her to manage oysters. “Sir, I’d only have just passed the Operations exam, and not even had a solar year of service. I would be wholly unqualified.”
Tsu raised both brows. “The test is designed to draw out who you really are. You either have what it takes or you don’t. The tests are tailored to the collective group taking it at the time, and I have a few ideas about how you would fit into the current group. You’ve done six years in Crèche on Ark. My Second Officer is Crèche. Pass the Entry exam to prove you have a good grasp of ship fundamentals, and I’ll play my hand as Captain to personally sponsor you for a spot in our crucible.”
She eyed him. “Why would you even dangle that in front of me?”
More like How did Rainer convince you to do this?
Tsu leaned back in his chair. “I believe you will either fail miserably or answer the challenge.”
“Assuming I pass, where do you think a wolf like me is going to end up on this ship with a command qualification?” Rainer. Still playing his infernal games. He wanted her in position to help shove Bennett out of the way and get NightPiercer back to Earth.
And she fucked that damn wolf… she had almost believed him.
“I overheard Rainer talking to you about disruptors. You’re a classic disruptor. Rainer’s my disruptor. I think you may make an excellent disruptor for Rainer or Bennett or Keenan.”
Rainer had manipulated Keenan, Keenan had convinced Tsu, but then tried to an end run around all of them, while Tsu had excused Rainer’s ripping up Medical but also lied about the bees, while Bennett wanted to end Rainer but was angry at Keenan he was still unmarried. Then there were Forrest and Gribbons who had stakes in this. Gribbons had been a bit too willing to put Rainer in a silver collar, and Forrest had been a bit too willing to sedate her but at the same time not pick a fight with Rainer over ripping up Medical.
Tsu’s eyes narrowed a few degrees. “Do you want to sleep somewhere else while you study for the Entry exam, or stay in your husband’s quarters?”
She desperately needed to breathe without smelling Rainer every time she inhaled. She opened her mouth to speak.
Tsu beat her to it. “I need your answer, Lachesis. But as you’ve figured out, there’s only one answer I’m willing to accept.”
Hull Rupture
She had a few things packed by the time Rainer arrived back in their quarters.
“I’ll shower and we can go eat,” he said, depositing his satchel on the counter.
“I need to talk to you,” she said, although the pain in her chest made her doubt what she was about to say.
“About?” He paused, focusing his full attention on her.
“I’m going to be bunking elsewhere for a while.”
Rainer’s expression clouded. “What? You told Kells you didn’t want a divorce.”
The lump in her throat was strange. Instinct told her don’t go. “Captain Tsu gave me a choice: stay with you, separate, or divorce. I chose separation.”
“I don’t understand. Separation?”
Since he needed it spelled out, she’d use small words. “I’m going to a four-bunk that has a spare bed.”
“No. You aren’t. You’re staying here. You don’t want to leave. I ca
n smell you want to stay. I want you to stay.”
“We can still see each other.”
“Then stay here. You have the bedroom. I don’t care about sleeping on the floor.”
“No.” She still was protecting Rainer from Tsu, but she didn’t know why. She should, she needed, to tell the Captain one of his officers was a…
Even her mind couldn’t put Rainer and traitor in the same sentence.
Rainer approached. “Tell me why.”
She backed up the same number of steps. “I need to. I don’t know what’s telling me to stay with you.”
“We’re mates. You are the other half of my soul. Stay here and be angry, I will weather it, but you belong here.”
“Stop it!” she exclaimed, stumbling backwards before he argued his way past her defenses.
Rainer seized her arm. “Lachesis, you have AGRS. You can’t be alone.”
“You leave me alone all the time,” she said, laughing humorlessly as her heartbeat slowed from its sudden burst. She tried to squirm free of his grip, but he held her fast.
“You know what I meant.”
“You weren’t so concerned about my AGRS when we had sex.”
“I was, and you know it.”
“I don’t know anything anymore. I’m leaving to figure it out.”
“They’re just doing us to split us apart.”
“I have Tsu’s word it’s my choice and no one else’s. You told me Tsu’s word was good.”
His expression twisted slightly. “How long will you be gone?”
She inhaled, trying to sense anything on his scent that would give her a clue, but all she got was a noseful of Rainer, his distress, his anxiety, and his fear. “I don’t know.”
“When will I see you again?”
“I don’t know. I’ll ping you. Let me go, Rainer.” Everything said don’t go. Everything said he is yours.
“Stay. We’ll figure this out together. Didn’t you feel it when we kissed? How everything makes sense in that moment?”
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