by Fox, Lizzie
“What do you think of the Florida idea?” He asked, his deep, baritone voice shook anxiously.
“Is it too soon, though?” I asked, but really it was rhetorical. “Still, that’s a great opportunity—for the band. A Grammy-award winning singer asked for you guys by name. I don’t see how you could pass that up, wedding or not.”
Seth blew out gently, flicking his black hair back off his forehead with a swipe of his hand, and looking utterly sexy doing it. I moved closer, needing to feel him next to me; the heat of his skin and the musky scent of him was comforting to me. He easily took the hint, parted his legs and pulled me in between them. “Yeah it is a pretty big deal. But so little time to prepare.”
“You can do it, though,” I said with all seriousness, looking up at him. “You really can. You have those songs you prepared for Summerfest, they’re almost done, right? And…chances are if Miles Madison heard you guys before, he’s probably looking forward to some of your familiar things. So, I don’t think you have to worry about that at least.” I reached out and brushed the pad of my thumb over his stubbled jawline.
“You make a good point,” he admitted reluctantly.
“That’s why you keep me around, right?” I kidded, and he chuckled.
“Well, that, and this.” His hand sank south, diving into my top and gently grabbing a handful of the heavy mound in my bra, with a salacious look upon his face. I laughed, and gently pushed him away.
“Tease…”
“So really—the wedding part. What do you think?” He asked, sounding…hopeful? “I like the idea, actually. It’s the band stuff that terrifies me.”
I cocked a brow. “Singing makes you more terrified than getting married? I think you might have your priorities skewed.”
“Not a chance. I know marrying you is the right thing to do.” He slid his hand into my hair, threading his fingers behind my head, and teasingly brushed his lips over mine.
Sighing quietly, I smiled slightly into his kiss. “I think I like the idea, but I want to take a look at everything first. For all I know the area Shane was talking about could be on some oil-stained beach full of needles or garbage.”
Seth snorted, cocking his arched brow. “Do you really think Shane would allow that? Really?”
“No… probably not,” I said, with a laugh.
“Just as well. I’m pretty sure he sent me a bunch of websites. He probably did you too. We can look in a little bit.” Threading his hand in my hair, he turned my head until my neck was exposed, and he flicked the tip of his tongue gently over the soft spot under my ear. I felt my eyes shut, and the air charged between us. The mood went from nervous to aroused in a second flat.
“Why not now?” I asked playfully.
“You know why. There’s something we need to do first.” He pressed himself against me, his hips slowly grinding the hard length in his jeans against my thigh, and I moaned gently, feeling the familiar pulsing between my legs that he was so good about putting there. I didn’t protest one bit. Feverishly, we stripped off each other’s clothes and fell into bed, and I was happy to momentarily lose myself within Seth, my gorgeous and talented, sexy fiancé, while we burned up the sheets. And, for a short time I forgot about what in the world around me was making me sad.
“This does look really nice,” I mused aloud, impressed. Hours after our lovemaking session that made me feel like a million bucks. I felt adored and sated, and Seth and I were still in bed, around 1 A.M., looking at the websites that Shane had sent us about the areas nearby that performed the beach weddings. I was navigating on the laptop as we lay on our stomachs with the blankets pulled over our bottom halves only. The A/C in this place wasn’t the greatest, and neither of us had any hesitations to being naked—especially around each other. It was insane how in such a short time I felt totally comfortable with him. I never felt like this with my ex, but I did with Blake. Just one more reason why he and I were just… right.
Seth’s body half-covered me with an arm draped over my shoulders and a leg tossed over my thigh, and he peered over my shoulder at the screen as I navigated through a set of photos. They were beautiful— stretches of white sand beaches, turquoise blue water, a pretty floral arch and lovely people dressed in casually, beachy wedding wear.
“I can’t really picture you in one of these linen shirts and khaki shorts, though,” I said with a chuckle, pointing to a photo of a handsome gentleman wearing what I described.
Seth laughed. “Hey I don’t have to always wear ripped jeans and t-shirts. I’m just cheap as fuck.”
Rolling my eyes, I turned my face and kissed his cheek, watching him beam widely as I did. I just loved how he wore all of his emotions all the time, very rarely hiding any of them. “I don’t mind though, it’s just…who you are.”
“No really I’m just cheap. That’s one reason why Shane accused me of needing a girlfriend so bad.” I felt his chest vibrate against me as he laughed. “One of many reasons.”
“Hmmm…” I traced my fingers over some of the ink on his arm. He had a little bit of everything. Song lyrics—some his own, some other bands’ he liked—symbols, designs; everything from a dagger that appeared like it was “piercing” his skin, to some more “tribal” designs, and lines thick and thin over his fingers. It was so hot, even if the reason behind it wasn’t: that he was trying to cover up his self-harm scars and attempt to make him look that much more different from his father. “I’m not sure I can picture you on some pretty beach.”
“No?” He asked, feigning disappointment. “Yeah, I probably look more like the Vegas type, huh?”
I considered this. “No…maybe the beach at night, though. Sunlight just seems too much for you.”
He grinned widely, recalling a conversation we’d had before, comparing him to the moon. “Maybe…” He gently bit the piercing between his teeth, giving his smile a more sultry appearance, and I sighed easily, head rolling back onto my shoulder as his lips brushed over the edge of my shoulder. He had a definite playful glint in his eye, and I felt the desire begin to ebb and pool deep inside. Lucky me, Seth had a voracious sexual appetite, and I enjoyed every second of it, especially knowing any second we were about to have lovemaking session number two for the day. I couldn’t get enough of him.
Just as I slumped forward onto the pillows, basking in the warm tingles left behind on my shoulders and neck as Seth moved over me, kissing and nipping lightly, his cell phone rang. It was loud in the quiet house, and we were obviously distracted, so it nearly gave us both a heart attack.
“The hell? It’s after midnight—who the hell is calling?” I inquired, but Seth just grumbled, fumbling and reaching awkwardly on the nightstand for his cell phone.
“It’s Shane, that’s his ringer.” Irritably, he swiped the display and answered the call. “Shane, this better be—oh.” His eyes widened at me gently. “Oh shit. Wow. Okay… umm… I guess we can? Or I will at least,” he looked to me hesitantly, and I mouthed a “What?”
“No… well, I’m not sure. You’ll have to ask. Yeah. See you in about an hour.” Blowing out a breath, he disconnected the call and set the phone down, pulling himself up into a seated position. “Apparently Christi went into labor right after they left tonight. Baby was just born two hours ago, I guess. Christi had a rough time and Quin is sorta shaken, so…”
Swallowing a lump, I forced a smile. “Oh, that’s not good. But they’re okay now?”
“Oh yeah. Just Anthony and Shane already are there because they were already in town, and Ian and Sabrina were watching Bella. They just left and Quin forgot their bags, so they need me to bring them,” Seth said with a shrug.
“Ah, well that’s nice of you.”
“You don’t have to come, honey. I don’t want—”
“—no. I’m fine. I’m not that selfish I can’t be there for a friend on their big day. Right?”
He cocked his head and looked at me with concern. “You really don’t have to.”
“Are you
trying to keep me away?” I asked stubbornly, and his eyes opened wide.
“No! Of course not, I just—”
Chuckling, I waved him off. “Really. I’m fine.”
“Okay…” he said cautiously. He crawled over me, kissing me sweetly on the lips before he slid out of bed and began to search for his clothes, discarded hours ago. Slowly, I got out of bed and did the same, before opting for fresh clothes from the closet and a warm shower since I’d been so sleepy and dazed. Uncertainly, I followed Seth out of the house at near 2 A.M., wondering why the hell I was putting myself through this… trying to prove to myself that I could do it without losing my mind, maybe?
I soon learned it was a bad, bad idea.
3
Seth
Eau Claire was only about fifteen minutes away, and with the roads being virtually empty it was a fast drive to the hospital. Quin, Christi, and their new arrival were waiting on their bags, and my friends wanted to show off the new baby.
But, I had a feeling bringing Jessie along wasn’t the best idea. Hearing about the anniversary of the due date of the child she lost by the man she loved more than anything… that wrenched my heart.
I didn’t help it any by basically not confirming or denying that I wanted kids myself. I should have just told her I was all for it…because I thought eventually I would get there. But I just couldn’t make the words come out of my mouth, and I was pretty sure I broke her heart.
It was really hard to remember that Jessie was six years older than me. Seriously though, at twenty-six I should have been at that point anyway. But, at the same time, I was horrified of passing these disorders on to someone else, despite the brilliant attitude Jessie had towards it.
She wasn’t afraid of it—and look at the loss she suffered. Look at the loss she almost suffered again, when I went on a manic episode and nearly killed myself on my bike. If Jessie didn’t come after me? There’s no telling what I would have done. I’d hate to think I wanted to die, because I didn’t…but my “father” really fucked me up. Really, I just wanted to run away, when I should have just run to her. But old habits die hard.
If she wasn’t afraid… then I shouldn’t be either.
It was just going to take some time. I made a mental note to discuss it at my therapy session tomorrow. Perhaps I should ask Jessie to come with me, too, and maybe talk about some of her concerns with it. She did come sometimes, because it was important for me for her to see all the steps I was going through to make myself better. To make myself worthy: for her. And for any potential child we’d have.
I couldn’t pretend to know what Jessie was going through, though. I was sure a combination of some internal, biological stuff as well as emotional.
Sighing quietly, I pulled my truck into the quiet parking lot of Eau Claire General Hospital, and without a word, Jessie got out and waited for me to grab the bags from the truck bed. Silently, we walked through the lot and into the hospital in the late night, warm spring air.
I knew this hospital pretty well, having stayed here a couple of times for various mental stints, and I didn’t even bother checking at the front desk; I knew precisely where they were. I could also hear Shane’s voice echo throughout the corridor as soon as we got off the elevator to the third floor. He was trying to be quiet, but his voice just had a tone that carried.
Before we turned the corner, I held out an arm, stopping Jessie from walking. I turned to her, eyeing her cautiously. “Are you okay? I mean… really? You don’t have to do this, everyone would understand what you’ve gone through.”
She laughed bitterly. “Then I’d have to tell people, wouldn’t I?” She shook her head. “No thanks.”
I set one of the bags on the ground and brushed my fingers over the side of her sullen face. “We can talk more later. Okay? I need to bring them these bags.”
She nodded slowly and offered me a small smile. I tilted her chin upward slightly and kissed her gently. “I love you. You know that, right?”
Her smile grew wider. “I know. I love you, too.”
“We’re going to figure this out. I promise. First things first though.” I nodded my head down the hallway and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before meeting Shane and Anthony in the hallway.
Shane and Jessie immediately exchanged a knowing look, and he pulled her away from me, giving me a sour, tight lipped expression. “We’ll be back.” Jessie shrugged, as he whisked her down the toward the opposite end of the hallway.
I let out what I hoped was a quiet groan. But it wasn’t. “Damn…”
“Yep.” Anthony agreed, patting me on the shoulder, looking at me as if he knew what I was going through. “She’s got it too, huh?”
“Got what?” I asked, confused.
“Baby fever.” He let out a low sigh, scrubbing his hands through his short hair, looking tense.
“Ah…” I blushed, not sure I wanted to confess.
“I already know. She and Shane have been chatting. They’re both going through the same thing.”
“Shane’s after you for kids?” I asked, surprised.
He snorted loudly. “God yes. Unfortunately… it’s not quite that simple for us. At least you two have all the right…equipment for it.”
I frowned. “I guess that does make it hard. But you don’t have rampaging mental problems throughout your DNA.”
He shot me a “look”. “Are you serious? That is what is going to stop you?” He growled scathingly. “No wonder she’s pissed.”
My eyes narrowed. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” He did… but I was getting defensive.
“Oh, I do. Do you have any idea how many articles float around, on TV or magazines about female fertility? How everything seems to drop at thirty? And then takes another nose dive at thirty-five? And she’s thirty-three, like Shane? God, even I feel bad for what she must be going through.” Anthony clicked his tongue, shaking his head. “Does she know you feel this way? It’s not fair—”
“—she knows, okay?” I replied, throwing my hands up in the air in frustration. “I don’t know what to do, Anthony. Really!”
Anthony’s expression softened. He set an arm over my shoulders. “Just let her and Shane talk for a bit. Maybe they’ll feel better when they get it out.”
Or make it that much worse… But maybe he was right. They just needed to get it out.
“Ready for this?” He motioned his head into the room, I already cringed, hearing the shrill sound of a newborn crying.
“No. I’m not.” But I let him lead me into the room anyway, bags and all.
“What’s up, Archer? Thanks for bringing the—” Quin gestured towards the luggage.
“Sure.” I swallowed nervously, glancing around uncomfortably for a heartbeat. Quin looked exhausted, but he had a big, stupid grin on his face that made even me smile. Just past him Christi lay in bed, with a tiny bundle in her arms. Her hair was messy and purple pooled under her eyes, but she, too, had a huge smile on her face as she spoke softly to the little baby in her arms, wrapped in pink. “Another girl?”
“Yeah.” Quin reached out his hand in a manly handshake and brought me in for a brief hug. “You’re nervous, aren’t you? Where’s your lady?”
“Um...” I replied with a blush.
“She and Shane went off to get something to drink. You know… girl talk.” Anthony rolled his eyes and pretended to scoff. “You know him…”
“Yeah,” Quin said with a laugh.
Christi finally noticed me. “Seth! Why are you hiding? Come in!”
Biting my lip and tensing, I allowed Anthony and Quin to lead me into the room.
“You want to—” Quin asked, but I immediately shook my head, knowing what he was going to say.
“Come on. You need the practice,” Christi said, with a wink. My eyes widened.
“Shit, you’re scaring him,” Quin retorted, and I just gave him an uneasy shove.
“I’m not scared…” I replied, most unconvincingly. But, ta
king a closer look at Christi and Quin’s new daughter, even I had to admit she was kind of cute. In an awkward sort of way. “I’m just not good with kids. You know that.”
“Oh, you are too. I’ve seen you open up to Ian’s girls when you think no one is looking,” Quin protested.
“Whatever.” I had tried, but I was still pretty sure they were afraid of me.
“So, you’re never going to do this…Dad thing?” Quin inquired, raising a brow.
“No. Yes! I don’t know…” I said, raking my hands over my face. “I just…what if they…”
“—So help me fucking god, Seth, if you make the comment that they might end up with mental issues like yours, I’ll get up out of this fucking bed myself, c-section shit and all, and whoop your ass myself,” Christi interrupted, glaring me down. “That’s not an excuse.”
I was saved any more grief when Shane and Jessie, entered, speaking quietly. They’d been grinning and smiling, but the second Jessie’s eyes landed on Christi, and specifically the baby, all the happiness drained out of her face and was replaced with a deep wash of pain. But she quickly painted a smile on her face that probably looked genuine to anyone else—but I knew better.
Of course, Christi offered to let her hold the baby—Jewel was her name—and she wasted no time taking the little one into her arms. I was so overwhelmed by how happy and content she suddenly looked, and how right it seemed that I felt like the biggest asshole on the planet. She stood there, holding onto her, rocking her gently, all while Christi and Shane both glared daggers at me. Then the baby began to fuss and cry, and she had to give her back. The heartbreak on her face was apparent, though she tried to hide it. Fuck, I was a dick.
I didn’t know what was worse; watching her face fall or watching everyone give me dirty looks until we finally left the room, with Anthony and Shane following closely behind. Shane draped his arm over Jessie’s shoulders and looked at me over her head.
“I’m taking your girl tomorrow. We’re going to look for a dress and have dinner and just relax. Got it?” Shane shook a stern finger at me, daring me to protest. I didn’t want to say that we hadn’t officially agreed to go to Florida or even a date, but right now wasn’t the time.