by Fox, Lizzie
Where my voice was low, Miles went higher somewhat and echoed me with his own guitar riffs. And…if I did say so myself it sounded fucking awesome. The crowd going wild egged me on, and pretty soon I was entirely comfortable, like this was exactly where I was supposed to be. Later, I’d realize how much that scared me but for now? It was a huge rush. Miles and I played off each other like old friends and complimented each other’s mannerisms. I wasn’t a dancer, but I knew how to work a crowd. It was such a damned amazing rush…
By the time the ending riffs rang out and I sang the final words into the mic, I was burning hot and dripping with sweat but not caring, not even how weird it felt in these damn pants.
The crowd screamed when it was over, and the thrill I felt hearing people call my name—my name!—was insane.
I glanced over at Jessie as the audience erupted, and Miles draped an arm around my shoulders. She positively beamed and jumped gently on her feet. I grinned at her and gave a little wave. “Seth Archer, everyone! Be sure to look for him on my new album dropping here in a couple of months! Thanks for being here! You can find his stuff at their website and on Facegram. Right?”
“That’s right, man.” Miles shook my hand, and though my vision was basically blurred, blinded by all the lights and camera flashes, I waved out at the audience and walked off the stage, my mind heavy and zoned from everything that had just happened.
I was immediately pelted by Jessie, who threw her arms around me excitedly. “Oh my god, you were so amazing!”
The adrenaline still coursed in me which was good because if I really thought about it, I was going to freak out.
I just sang on a stage in front of forty-thousand people, with Miles Madison. My song. And people cheered. They didn’t boo… they liked it.
Holy. Fucking. Shit.
“Seth? You okay?”
I shook my head and scrubbed a hand over my face, realizing that I was probably supposed to be talking. I glanced down at Jessie. Tear stains streaked her red face, but she wasn’t sobbing. She beamed widely and gripped my arms tightly; she practically trembled beside me. I grinned triumphantly at her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her into me. “Yeah I’m good. Just… wow, I can’t believe I just did that!”
Normally, Jessie couldn’t quite reach to kiss me without pulling me down, but her shoes gave her a little height. She used it to her advantage to repeatedly pelt my chin and cheek with kisses, and one of her hands threaded into the base of my hair. I felt amazing, doing what I’d just done, but her praise meant the world
“You were really, really good. Just don’t forget me when you are up here again getting your own Grammy,” she said with a lighthearted smirk. It shouldn’t have bothered me so much, but suddenly it felt like a dark veil shrouded my vision. I peeled her arm off my neck, gripped her wrist firmly in my hand—not too hard, just enough to pull her out of her elation—and I gave her a stern look. Instantly, her demeanor changed, and the bright smile fell off her face. I should have felt really bad, but she needed to hear this.
“Do not joke about that, Jessalie. I don’t like hearing you say that I’d forget about you if I got big, or famous, or successful. I mean it. I would never, ever forget you, and if being ‘big’ means I’d have to, then I’d walk away faster than a lightning bolt. It means shit to me, you mean everything—do you understand that?” my brow furrowed as I looked her over. I was a bit more serious than I had wanted to be, so I loosened my grip. Momentarily, she seemed a bit perturbed, but her expression softened.
“Okay. I get it. I’m sorry. It’s just…” She smiled wryly and looked away. “I don’t want you to give up success for me, baby. If it’s something you want…I’ll follow you along. Really.”
Sighing gently, I tugged on my lip ring with my teeth as I regarded her. There was something vulnerable about her right now, and I knew I’d hit a nerve somehow. I would bet anything it had something to do with some of the shit Adam pulled on her while they were together, and suddenly a punch to the cheek didn’t seem like nearly enough punishment for the raging douchebag.
Setting my hands on her bare shoulders, she shivered lightly. I leaned into her until our foreheads tipped together and noses brushed against one another’s. “Jessie… I mean it when I say I don’t want it. Really. I just want to make enough money to give us everything we need and a little of what we want, too. So how about this? Everything that comes up, we’ll talk everything out and make sure the other is comfortable with it entirely. Okay? But you have to promise to be honest about everything. If something about it—whatever it is—makes you feel sad or weird or anything, promise you’ll tell me. And we’ll deal with it before it gets worse. Okay?” I brushed my fingers over her cheek, and my addled mind reeled with emotion and stress. Good stress, but stress nonetheless. Her heart beat quickly and steadily under my chest as she was constrained against me. Both her hands slid up my sweaty back, and she pulled me against her tighter.
“I get it, babe. And you got it. But you have to promise you won’t give up on this stuff just because of me. Sometimes there might not be a solution. I just saw you out there—you were amazing, and you enjoyed it. Don’t try to blow it off that it was no big deal. It was. You belong there. You do,” she said as I leaned into her. With the noise in the background it was difficult to hear everything, but I got the gist of what she was saying.
With a bent finger, I urged her gaze up to mine. “Yes, it was fun. It was a rush. I’m still reeling from it,” I said, proving my point by holding out my hand and showing her how it shook and trembled anxiously. “But I don’t need it. I don’t want it. I love how you watched me just now—but all the other stuff? The disappointment you had when I came home late, and whatever made you want to drink that much—no. It’s not worth it.”
“But how can you just—” Jessie motioned out to the stage, where the show seemed to be just wrapping up, “—pass this up?”
“Because. It’s not you. And it’s not the guys. It’s fun for now but forever? No way. I’d be nowhere without the guys, and without you. Walking away from that would make me no better than my parents. So, it’ll never happen. The guys deserve this success too. They make me look good, otherwise I’m just a dork with a microphone,” I said with a smirk, and she chuckled.
“You’re not a dork with microphone, Seth. And whether you want to admit it or not, you look pretty good without them, regardless.” She ran a finger down my chest to my stomach and gazed up at me with a sultry smile that reached all the way up to her flirty, twinkling eyes. And, even here with the chaos of the auditorium and the hustle and bustle of the stagehands around us, the air crackled and charged heavily between us. I really wished we were out of here and back in the suite—or even better, back home. As fun as all this was? I still felt uncomfortable, made apparent by the raging adrenaline and the prickly feeling on my skin. It was anxiety-inducing. It was too much. When we went back to Independence Point—to home—I was going to be wiped for days until we had to go to Florida. And, it was going to have an effect on the wedding and everything I planned for afterward. Which no one knew about…but still.
At this point, I wasn’t even sure I wanted to go through with the Florida Regional Rock Fest. If it were just about me? I’d bow out. This was… insane. But it was good exposure for the band, and as such more money for the guys. This was our job, and we needed to make money at it. We were just incredibly lucky that the thing we loved was able to sustain us. How many people can say that nowadays? Given everything that I’d been through, I realized how damn lucky I was. I had a nice, clean home, unlike where I grew up, where we were safe—regardless if Jessie bought it or not. I had a beautiful woman who supported everything I did, and brothers that weren’t blood but still family nonetheless.
I had a surprising inkling of a thought just then that I didn’t think I’d ever be able to think honestly. With my tortured, addled, and shadowed mind it didn’t seem possible but… it was true.
Life w
as good.
I felt my mouth spread into a wide smile, and Jessie snickered lightly. “Hey, let’s get the hell out of here. This was fun and all, but it’s time to go.”
She grinned playfully and settled in under my arm as I draped it over her shoulders. She set hers at my waist and we walked, arm in arm through the cacophony and the chaos of the backstage for the exit door where I’d call an Uber or something to come pick us up. I didn’t know if Miles had a driver planned and I didn’t care. I’d done my piece, and it was time to go.
“Dude. Where the hell you going, man? I’ve got the press all lined up to meet you and all sorts of other things!” I felt someone grab my arm, and I looked to see Miles running to catch up with me.
I crooked a brow. “Press?” I shuddered violently. “Ah, yeah, I think I’ll pass on that. That’s not my thing at all.”
Jessie gave me a concerned look, and I shrugged Miles comment off as he laughed shortly.
“What do you mean, ‘not your thing’? Publicity is all part of it, bro,” Miles insisted sternly. “Maybe you don’t want to be huge, but this album of mine needs to be. Executives and shit have dumped a lot of money into it, and if it doesn’t make them money, I’ll get dropped, Grammys or not. So… I hate to do this, but you are sort of obligated, man,” Miles said flatly, and I sighed. I did remember reading a clause about being available for publicity, I just didn’t think much of it other than some small interviews here and there or social media shit. After all, Miles was the real star.
Jessie elbowed me in the ribs lightly and flashed me a warm smile. “We’ll be okay, don’t worry about it.”
“We?” Miles chuckled tersely. “Ah, yeah. No wives or shit. It’s bad enough the whole world knows he’s attached, seeing it in their faces well… it can hurt sales.”
Jessie blanched, like she’d been smacked across the face. And I didn’t blame her one bit. Keeping her hand in mine, I turned until I faced Miles straight on.
“Listen, I’m fine with doing whatever shit you want me to do. But the second my family gets pushed away, that’s when I have a problem, man. I’m not ashamed of her, or them, and if people don’t like me because I’m unattached well then, where the fuck were they for the first twenty-six years of my goddamned life?” My voice rose in volume and frustration with every word I spoke. “I refuse to pretend to be someone I’m not just for a few sales. And if that’s where we’re at, then I think we have a problem,” I maintained, narrowing my eyes in a defiant glare at him.
Miles’ grin was smug, and almost… angry. “Archer, man…if that’s the way you feel, that’s fine. I assume you haven’t spent any of that deposit then? All you gotta do is return it all, and we’re golden. You’ll be given your royalties as they come in.”
Shit. He had me, and he knew it. I’d already spent a big chunk of it, at least enough to not be able to pay it back. I gritted my teeth and forced a smile.
“Really, babe. It’s fine,” Jessie insisted, though there was a look of disappointment on her face.
“See? Listen to your girl,” Miles said with a chuckle. “I’ll make sure she has everything she needs, and it’ll only be a couple of hours.”
Letting out a low groan, I ran my fingers through my hair, grabbed the roots and willed the panic to stop. Jessie said it was fine… and there isn’t much you can do about it anyway. Money’s already spent…
After I went on this huge tirade about how I’d rather be with her and didn’t want any of this crap, here I was taking off. Forcing my eyes open, I smiled sympathetically at her, catching her hands in mine. “I’m sorry, honey. I forgot about all the publicity crap. I won’t be gone long, I swear.”
Jessie just waved me off, putting on a brave front. “It’s okay. Really.” She squeezed my hands in solidarity before releasing and giving me a gentle shove, but not before shooting Miles the briefest of glares. It was so fleeting, I was almost sure I’d imagined it. “Go. Have fun. Be amazing like always.” She flashed me a wink that seemed more confident than she really was, and I relented.
“I promise, I’ll take care of him,” Miles said with a smirk, and that was almost more disconcerting than anything. I was aware of his lifestyle and knew he’d been on his best behavior while I was here.
“Yeah, I’m sure.” Jessie feigned a sweet smile at him as Miles took my arm and tugged lightly.
“Let’s go man,” he said with a nod of his head, and I sighed reluctantly and nodded. “One sec.” I pulled out of his grasp and took my fiancée in my arms, cupping her cheek in my hand and briefly looking into her worried eyes. She smiled again, pushing away her trepidation. “Go. Really. I’ll be fine.”
I leaned in, caught her lips in a blazing kiss, claiming her to remind her she was mine and I’d be back. I didn’t want this…really. “I love you. Be home soon,” I whispered into her ear.
“I know.” She squeezed my hand once more, and Miles nodded politely at her before he tugged me away. Caia, his bitch of a manager, came up to Jessie and was talking to her. She appeared less than thrilled when I peered over my shoulder, and my motivation sank.
“Come on, Archer. She’ll be fine. I know you’re attached to her, and I think it’s great—really. I know she doesn’t like me much, but I can’t really blame her. I’m a bit of an asshole,” he said with a flippant laugh. I watched Jessie shoot me another smile before she was guided away.
I growled from low in my chest under my breath and regarded Miles and his smug expression. “You know, she probably wouldn’t have any problem with anyone if they’d stop telling her that I’d be better unattached. You know what that does to a woman who’s been widowed, cheated on, and divorced? Goddammit…” My fists hung at their sides, and I clenched them tightly, shaking my head.
Miles clapped his hand on the side of my shoulder. “You’re absolutely right; those are dick things to say. I will apologize and make it up to her. I’ve already collected all her bills…that swimsuit and robe? All on me, I know she enjoyed that. And I know that there’s been a big deposit already put down on your wedding in Florida, but I’ve already taken care of the rest,” he added with a big grin, and my mouth fell open.
“You’re… shitting me,” I replied, dumbfounded.
He shook his head. “No, I’m serious. I know you’re more of a family guy than this, and I admit having you around, I have selfish reasons for that. My image sucks, and the label thinks that even with your assault charge—and what fucking shit is that? —” I interrupted him with an amused snort that indicated I agreed, “—you’re a good influence on me.”
I laughed wildly. “Me? Just because I’m engaged doesn’t mean I’m a fucking angel.”
“No, I know. But the fact you’ve owned up to all your, you know…” he hesitated, like he was searching for the right words.
“Being mental?” I offered, and he shrugged.
“Well, the depression stuff. I’m a big partier, and you’re not. You have a more mature sort of demeanor,” Miles replied, and I laughed again.
“Mature… that’s good. Another way of saying ‘old’, right?” I cringed, yeah, I understood why Jessie hated that implication for sure now.
He slugged me in the arm, smirking. “Ha, no not at all. You’re not that much older than me. Twenty-seven, right?”
“Basically,” I agreed. I would be soon.
“I’m twenty-four, but my life has been pretty charmed. You give me another perspective.” Miles’ forehead furrowed, and he pushed his fingers against the earpiece in his ear. “All right, man. You ready for this? Just some press junkets, photo ops, and shit like that.”
I nodded uneasily. “Sure, since I don’t have a choice.”
“That’s the spirit.” Laughing, he clapped me again on the arm and nodded away from the stage. Where, I didn’t know, and I certainly didn’t want to but… I realized I was more indebted to Miles Madison than I previously thought. Hell, I was indebted to pretty much everyone now, and it was really starting to wear on me.
27
Jessalie
Why in the hell did they bother with this hair and makeup and the fancy clothes and crap if I wasn’t allowed to come along with him afterward? That’s I was thinking, when I was unceremoniously whisked away and piled into a black town car and dropped off at the hotel without hardly so much as a word. They said I had to be prepared for photos, but with the exception of a few people in the parking lot after we were dropped off by a limo earlier at the back entrance of the Milwaukee Stadium, no one noticed us.
Probably just a bribe to get me to shut up, so they could do whatever they wanted with Seth without my protest. What else could I do, though? Seth had obligations.
He swore that this would be it… he didn’t want any of this. I believed him, even though I still thought he could really be something. He did enjoy it somewhat, whether he admitted it or not, and because of that I was just going to bite my tongue and let him have his moments.
Caia was in such a hurry to get rid of me, I was thankful I’d at least been allowed to grab my handbag from the dressing room backstage, so I had a key to get in. Otherwise, I’d be sitting in the lobby. I’d debated on grabbing Seth’s stuff—all he had was a wallet and cell phone but decided against it. It felt weird leaving it behind, though, and even more uneasy thinking he was wherever he was out there without it. I wasn’t even given any idea of where he was going. Caia was dismissive when I asked her, so I figured that whatever opinion I had on it? Didn’t matter.
Really, I didn’t care what he did. But being totally left out of the process? Not cool. Perhaps I was spoiled since everyone was so open in Night Addiction and involved me with everything. I guessed this was how they did it in the “big time”. Or at least, how Miles Madison did it.