by Fox, Lizzie
“That would have been nice,” I retorted with a heavy sigh. I drew my legs into my chest and wrapped my arms around my knees, trying to lean forward, but I felt my stomach pitch as I moved. I let out a quiet groan. “Oh god…” I moaned, feeling a wave of nausea.
“Jessie? How much did you have?” In my momentary agony, I didn’t notice that Seth was at the bedside, lifting up the bottle of champagne and peering inside it. “It’s… nearly gone.”
“What?” I swiped my hand out, trying to take it from him. I gave him a push and scoffed at him. “No way, you’re wrong. I only had a couple of glasses.” And a few shots from that stuff in the minibar but you don’t need to know about that…
Seth arched a brow at me, his forehead wrinkling between his eyes. I giggled lightly, reaching out and brushing a finger across his cheek. He was so damned cute, and even more so in my fuzzy state. “Jess. You’re acting a lot drunk for someone who only had a few glasses. What did you eat tonight?”
“Eat?” I laughed loudly. “I knew I forgot something!”
Seth slapped his hand over his forehead, setting the bottle down noisily. The sound reverberated in my ears and made me cringe. Okay… perhaps he was right; I was further gone than I thought. The fact that there seemed to be two of him—lucky me!—and the feeling of being totally boneless and loose should have tipped me off.
“So, you’re saying you haven’t eaten since lunch?”
I shook my head dramatically. “Nope. What’d I have?”
“What’d you—” he began, cutting himself off. “You had a sandwich and soup.”
“Oh. That’s right. I should get that again.”
Seth sighed loudly. “Yeah, probably. Look, honey… I’m really sorry about tonight. I got carried away.”
“You said you didn’t want any of this,” I insisted, jabbing him square in the chest, earning a sexy little grin from him. Or, it could have been a scowl, but either way he was still adorable and hot so… I didn’t care. In my mind it was a grin.
He took my finger in his hand and brought it to his lips, kissing the tip before he let it release to my lap, earning a little giggle from me. “I don’t, really. Miles is trying to get me to do this tour but…I really don’t want to.”
“But you were having fun…” I protested with a pout.
“I was, yes. But really… just a one-time thing. It’s just too much,” he insisted, and I glared.
“Right. Okay fine, have it your way.”
Seth rubbed his hand over his forehead. “Honey, we’ll talk tomorrow when we get up. I’m going to get you something to eat, you’re going to eat it, and then we’re going to go to sleep and talk about all of this when I’m sure you’ll remember it later.”
My mouth fell open, and I gave a shocked expression. “I always remember everything you say!”
“I know.” Seth brushed his hand over my cheek, bent over, and kissed me briefly on the lips. My eyes fluttered shut and heat surged through me and I grabbed for his shirt to keep him near, but he’d already pulled away. I whimpered in protest. “Later, when you’ve eaten and sobered up. Okay? I’m going to order and take a super-fast shower. Promise if they get here before I’m out you’ll get it?”
I nodded and rolled my eyes. “Yes…” I replied petulantly.
“All right. Be right back.” I tried to track him as he sauntered away, but I blinked too heavily, the room spinning and lurching violently. Groaning, I lay back on the bed, trying to focus on the ceiling above, willing it to still.
I don’t remember feeling like this when I was drinking before… this dizziness and nausea. I guess I stopped being used to it.
Oh well, it’ll go away eventually.
I reached for the rest of the bottle and polished the rest of it off and waited for Seth to return… but I didn’t notice when he did because apparently, I nodded off.
28
Seth
Shit.
I hated to even think it. I did.
I was beginning to think Adam was right. Goddamn I hated to think that.
Besides that one time at my first performance, Jessie had gotten drunk right after or during something stressing her out. Call me crazy—and I was—but I recognized this behavior. It was a coping mechanism, I was sure. It’s the same shit I would do when I would have my mind scream at me, and I needed to relieve it by cutting.
But…I couldn’t be totally sure. I was going to have to tread carefully.
Jessie didn’t notice that I wasn’t showering at all—she was that far gone—and I had swiped her phone. I searched through her contacts, looking for her friend or cousin and found them both, plugging them into my own phone. The display read after 3AM, but I recalled that Kieran sometimes worked late nights as a bartender, of course. Though last call was an hour ago, since he was a bar manager, he might still be working and up. I thought I’d give it a shot.
Hey, we haven’t officially met, but this is Seth Archer. I’m marrying your cousin in a week. I grabbed your number from Jessie and I’m sorry to bug you, but it’s urgent. If you wouldn’t mind texting me back when you get this, I’d appreciate it.
Satisfied, I left her phone in the bathroom—she wouldn’t miss it yet—and stripped out of the uncomfortable leather pants. They had been plenty sweaty and gross, and probably reeked. I’d shower later.
When I entered in my boxers to grab some new clothes from my suitcase, I noticed the bottle was totally empty now, and I sighed. Jessie was passed out in bed. She didn’t seem uncomfortable, and breathed evenly, so for now, I didn’t disturb her.
Honestly? I didn’t blame her for needing an escape. I swore up and down I didn’t want this lifestyle. And I didn’t. I really didn’t. But I couldn’t deny that tonight had been fun. It would have been better had she been with me. I had paused every so often to tell Miles I was leaving, but Miles insisted, “Oh just five more minutes.” That turned into hours.
I didn’t anticipate the crowds outside the show. For me, anyway. Everything happened so fast, I barely even noticed what happened. The energy was addicting, though, and it went to my head just a little. She could probably tell from the feed that Miles put up on his Chirper page.
I groaned out, leaning and pressing my forehead against the cool wall. No wonder Jessie had been so upset.
But… this was getting to be a bit extreme. I thought. Maybe I was over-exaggerating because of everything that happened with my father. Perhaps this was just totally normal. After all, she didn’t get nasty or mean. She seemed to be totally mindful of everything she did, and the next day she’d be fine. She didn’t do anything she didn’t want to, or anything out of the ordinary. She was a little looser, but that was to be expected.
My stomach rumbled, reminding me that I hadn’t eaten in a long time, and I noticed the waist of my boxers was a little loose. I’d been running myself ragged these past couple weeks, and it needed to stop. Maybe that was part of it; Jessie was stressed watching me get stressed. I couldn’t blame her on that, either.
Maybe this is all in my head because Adam was trying to mess with me before.
Right… I moved to go order room service when my phone buzzed.
Kieran: Hey, man it’s good to meet you finally more or less. What’s up?
I paused before messaging him. Did I really want to go down this road? I could make him mad by accusing his cousin of doing something she wasn’t really doing. Or making Jessie mad when she found out I went behind her back to talk to her cousin about her.
But if there was even a slight chance this had been a problem before… I owed it to her to find out.
Hey… I’m sorry to have to do this. But Jessie has been acting weird lately. I sent it off quickly. There. That didn’t mean she’d been drinking or anything. It could have just meant—
Before I could even finish that thought, there was a reply that made my heart sink.
Kieran: Fuck she’s not drinking again is she?
I guess that answered my question.
Yeah. I didn’t think it was any big deal, it’d only been a couple of times and only after she’d get stressed about something.
Kieran: Ha. That’s how it always starts, but it always spirals out of control. She never told you?
Told me what?
Kieran: She went to A/A for years. Had a sponsor and everything. After the DWI she didn’t have a choice.
What now?
This was… something else entirely. My face and neck heated with… I wasn’t sure. Partly anger because she kept such a huge secret from me—we were supposed to be getting married. Also, sadness because she’d been going through something like this alone.
I wasn’t one to judge. Instead of a bottle, though, I preferred a blade. The result was all over my arms.
So why didn’t she tell me this? We’d talked about everything together. Everything. Why did she need to hide this?
I didn’t know about that.
Kieran: Whoa fuck. Guess I’m spilling the shit here. She never really admitted she had an issue. She said she went to A/A long after she was required because she just liked it. When she started the A/A she did cut down, though. A lot. We didn’t realize that she still continued; she didn’t even admit it to her sponsor. We even drank casually with her on occasion, it was no big deal. One or two and she was done. After she left Adam, it stopped totally. Not sure what happened to get her going again, but she must be pretty freaked about something.
I had no idea. I feel like an ass for missing this.
Kieran: Don’t. She hid it from everyone. It started when Blake died—you know about him, right?
Of course.
Kieran: Yeah. She would drink for days and not know anything about what was going on. No one blamed her for that. Her heart had been completely shattered. Obviously, you know.
Of course. I know about that.
Kieran: It was after she started up with Adam that it became a real problem. Again, I never blamed her; she dealt with way too much shit from him than she should have. But it flew under the radar for a long time. Her sponsor’s name was Kelly, and she called Jess a ‘high functioning alcoholic’. I could give you her number, if you’d like. If Jess is having a problem again, it’s not likely to go away. She’s going to need help. Kelly could probably recommend someone where you are to help.
I’d appreciate that, thanks man.
Kieran: NP. I’m sorry we haven’t been out there, yet to meet you and that we’re missing the ceremony. If half my staff didn’t quit a month ago we’d be fine.
It’s fine. Thanks for telling me everything.
Kieran: You’ve got it. Please don’t hate her or anything. She bottles up a lot and been through more than anyone ever should have at our ages. She tries to be strong, but sometimes she just breaks. She really doesn’t think there is an issue, so she might not have told you because she thinks it’s no biggie.
Trust me, I’m not one to judge how someone copes. Don’t worry, I’ve got her back. We just need a long talk.
Kieran: Good. Glad to hear it. I’m sorry you found out this way but better late than never.
Agreed.
Kieran: Can you txt me and let me know how she’s doing in a couple of days? Are you still getting married next week?
Of course, this changes nothing.
Kieran: Phew… good. Jess is right; you’re a good guy. Thanks for watching out for her.
Always. Talk soon.
I set the phone on the counter and gripped the roots of my hair tightly, pulling until it hurt, trying to get a hold of my emotions.
I meant what I said, I didn’t judge her. But… this seemed a bit like something that should have been mentioned. A DWI? Alcoholics/Anonymous? What? This was… huge. These were secrets you didn’t keep from your future spouse.
Goddammit… this is not how I figured this night would go. I did figure when I came in, she’d be irritated—I would be if the roles were reversed. But this?
I pressed my palms down on the cool tile of the sink and took a few deep breaths. Don’t get mad… it won’t help… don’t get mad…
Not much I could do until she sobered up, so I needed to get some food and get to bed. We’d discuss everything in the morning.
This time I did take an actual quick shower, not before checking on Jessie to make sure she was still okay. I remembered years ago, having to check on my father every now and then to make sure he was still breathing, he’d drink so much. Not that I would have cared if he wasn’t, but to a seven-year-old who didn’t know how to take care of himself, what else could I do? Poke him and get hit, or let him die and get carted off to wherever? What was the better option?
After the shower, I quickly dressed in boxers and pajama bottoms, not caring about wearing a shirt, while I ordered room service. There wasn’t supposed to be a huge variety of food this early in the morning, but Miles somehow worked magic to make sure the full menu was available to us. Right now, I was glad. A sandwich, fries, and soup sounded great right about now. For both of us.
While I waited, I went and sat down in the bed next to Jessie. She was still sitting upright, somewhat, and I gently moved her until she was propped up on a pillow instead of bent at the neck. I watched her breath, sadly pushing her hair out of her beautiful face and over the pillow.
What in the hell got you so worked up you needed to run so bad, honey? Is it really so bad to risk everything like this? I grazed my fingers over her cheek; it was warm and a little comforting. If it wasn’t for the fact that I knew she was out due to being drunk and smelled a bit sweet, like the champagne she drank, she would be so peaceful and beautiful. Regardless, she was that. This didn’t change anything—truly.
But I was immensely hurt that she hid this from me. Though, it sounded like she was hiding it from herself, actually, so I wasn’t sure how hard I could blame her.
I watched as her lips spread into a gentle smile, and she appeared innocent and peaceful, almost like a child. That should have been creepy as fuck, except my mind went somewhere else entirely than I ever anticipated it would. I smiled to myself and thought… Would a child of ours have her heart-shaped mouth? Or those green eyes? Please tell me they’d get her eyes and not mine. It wouldn’t be fair to them to have the eyes of such a heinous bastard. Actually, I just wished they’d look like her entirely and not me.
That’s when I knew I had it bad. I knew it was bad before… but this? I never looked at anyone else and envisioned my future. Ever.
No matter how sad it made me… we’d get passed this. This was just a roadblock to forever, and I’d charge it down with a battering ram if I had to. This wasn’t going to get in the way. Unless… she couldn’t stop. Then, there would be a problem. I’d already dealt with this with my mother. Jessie was considerably stronger, but nothing I did helped my mother out. She continued to self-destruct every damned time. I wasn’t sure I could watch someone else do that.
And suddenly just like that I related more to Jessie than I ever had… it was painful watching someone you loved downward spiral again and again and not be able to stop. Just like how she’d watch me before I’d lose my shit.
My eyes swelled with tears that I just couldn’t stop. I couldn’t even fathom letting this come between us, but if she had a legit issue… I couldn’t let her continue on and get pregnant. It could hurt more than just us.
Don’t think that way. We will get past this.
My thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door, and I answered. Assuring the bellhop or whatever he was I could handle the cart myself, I wheeled it into the bedroom.
“Hey,” I nudged Jessie firmly in the shoulder. She sat up immediately, wide eyed as she grabbed her head.
“Oh god… Seth?” She turned to me, appearing confused. “When did you get in?”
When did I…?
Not the time…
“A while ago. You were out, I didn’t want to wake you,” I said, giving her a half truth. I nodded at the empty bottle on the nightstand. “The cha
mpagne good?”
“The what?” She glanced over her shoulder at it and just scoffed. “Eh, it was okay.”
“Strong, huh?”
“Huh?” She blinked at me with a void expression. She shook her head in confusion and motioned for the tray of food. “Any of this for me?”
“Any you want,” I replied, and she promptly reached for a buttered roll, carefully putting it to her mouth and tearing off a small corner. She swallowed hesitantly, watching me with scrutiny as I watched her. She swallowed with a struggle and pulled a sour face, like she was eating something disgusting or was just having a hard time eating, period. Of course, after a bottle of damn champagne and whatever else she probably had, I supposed eating would be tough. “Jess… can I ask you something?”
“What?” she asked, reaching for a glass of water. Her face was nearly euphoric as she downed half of it in two large swallows.
“Do you have a drinking problem?” I dared to ask, narrowing my penetrative gaze at her expectantly.
“Do I—?” She laughed sharply, as if I just suggested the most ridiculous thing to her. “Because I drank a bottle of champagne? Because I was left alone, and there were women all kissing up on you? There wasn’t much but a couple of glasses in here mind you, after half of it fizzed out. I don’t think anyone could get drunk off that.”
“No… I suppose not,” I replied, unconvinced, watching her jerky movements, like she was trying to gain control over her limbs because they were too heavy to move. I knew I wasn’t going to get any straight answers out of her tonight. She had to of had more than that. I was pretty sure if I looked in the garbage cans I’d find hidden bottles… just like what I’d do when I’d cut; I’d hide the evidence.
Sighing under my breath, I decided that I was going to wake up, go to Miles’ room in the morning, back out of the video, and take Jessie home. If I had to borrow money from the guys to pay back the advance Miles gave me—I would.