He hesitates, worried I will fall over without his help, but agrees. He disappears before I go inside. I open the door and step over the threshold, doing my best to stay upright.
Ian is in his usual spot in front of the TV, but doesn’t acknowledge me. I close the door behind me and make my way to the stairs without saying a word to my brother. I’m trying to sneak by everyone without being seen, but I fail. I’m greeted by Lana who’s helping dad make breakfast.
“Sunny!” she addresses me. “Are you hungry for some French toast?!”
“Hey, Lana,” I say half-heartedly.
I want to be sincere with my greeting, but it’s strange for her to act like this. None of them really seem excited to see me usually, so I’m not exactly sure how to respond. I’m not suspicious of her intentions or anything, but it’s still noteworthy.
“No, thank you,” I finally say. “I already had breakfast.”
“Okay!”
She runs back into the kitchen and goes back to stirring eggs, milk, and sugar in a bowl for the French toast.
“Welcome home, Sunny,” Dad calls to me.
He’s walking toward me as he wipes his hands on a towel. It looks like he’s doing the dishes again. I have no idea how this family generates so many dirty dishes.
“Hey dad,” I blush.
He seems happy to see me, too, but I’m anxious I might get into trouble for staying out all night without telling him.
“Are you doing alright?” he asks. He studies my face before continuing. “You look almost as white as a ghost.”
He places the back of his hand against my forehead.
“Well, you don’t have a fever,” he comments.
Maybe I’m right about people who can’t see ghosts being unable to see the affects the attack is having on me. Either that, or I somehow cooled down a bit on the walk from the chocolate shop to the house. Which is pretty likely with how chilly it is out there.
“But you are still a bit warm, maybe you should go lie down?” he suggests.
“Sounds good,” I respond, anxious to get upstairs. “I’m okay, just caught a bug from being out in the cold for too long, I think.”
“Want me to bring anything upstairs for you?” he offers.
It’s still weird when he’s concerned enough to pause chores like this. I feel like he wants something from me even though, logically, I know he’s just worried.
“No, thanks, dad. I’ll be okay. If I need anything, I’ll let you know.”
“Okay, hun.”
He smiles at me, revealing a bit of worry, and goes back to cooking with Lana.
Man, am I lucky dad is so trusting of me.
A radio is playing on the table. It’s fun seeing them bonding. Unfortunately, I’m running extra low on energy, so I make my escape and walk up the stairs as quickly as my body will allow.
By the time I shut my bedroom door behind me, I’m ready to lay down on the floor and fall asleep. I barely make it to the window, and have a really hard time trying to open it.
As I’m pulling on the window, I feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn around, startled and have to stifle a scream that threatens to escape my lips.
It’s Degory standing behind me. Apparently, I don’t need to open the window. I stagger backwards against the window and slide down the wall so I’m sitting on the floor.
“How the hell did you get inside?” I blurt, trying to catch my breath from the scare.
He seems slightly amused but more concerned with how weak I am. His eyes are a foot away from mine. They betray him and show the worry in his heart that he’s trying hard not to show on his face. He’s clearly trying to remain strong and calm for me.
Either way, his eyes have me under their spell. There’s no getting around it. My secret is I don’t want to. I will do anything he asks of me.
“It’s called a shadow step,” he answers.
His concern is shadowed by a hint of amusement at my reaction.
“I don’t need you to open the window for me,” he explains. “I can use my shadow step to get inside. Save your strength, okay?
“Okay,” I nod.
I realize I’m still sitting on the floor, so I try to get myself up but I’m having a lot of trouble. Stupid low energy bullshit. He picks me up as easy as if I’m an infant, startling me yet again.
“Whoa, Degory!” I cry.
I mentally kick myself. I hope I’m not loud enough for my family to hear me from downstairs. I whisper the rest of my response, hoping it makes up for my outburst. Thankfully, I don’t hear anyone rushing up the stairs to see what’s going on in my room.
“You don’t need to pick me up, I can walk!” I urge.
“It’s okay,” he chuckles.
He’s whispering, too, teasing me.
“You don’t weigh much, so it’s no problem,” he continues. “Let me take care of you, okay?”
He looks into my eyes and I find myself melting in his arms. Even if I want to fight against his grasp, he knows I don’t have the strength. I’m at his mercy. I nod and he carries me to my bed, sitting me down.
“I should take a shower and change out of these clothes,” I mention, thinking out loud.
I haven’t showered yet today, so hopefully I don’t smell bad. I’m ready to pass out, but I hate feeling dirty.
“Do you mind staying in here while I do that quickly?” I ask him. “I know you only have a certain amount of time here, so I’ll hurry.”
“Are you going to be able to stand?” he asks, blushing.
He must be thinking of me in the shower trying to clean myself. It looks as if he enjoys what he is imagining. Hopefully, I will match up to his image of me.
Of course, if we are ever going to get to that stage together – it will be quite a while before he sees me naked. He’s handsome and very sweet, but I’m nowhere near ready for that yet.
“Don’t worry, I’ll be careful,” I reassure him, while blushing along with him.
For a Captain of Eden, and someone who is so mature and wise, to be picturing me nude like a normal teenager would? That is strange even for me.
“I’ll be here, then,” he finalizes, his cheeks still red.
Chapter 8
I grab a pair of flannel pajamas from my dresser and make my way into the bathroom to clean up as much as possible. Sitting on the edge of the tub, my feet ankle-deep in water, I clean myself while situated there. I didn’t want to admit it to Degory, but I really don’t have the energy to stand in the shower.
I’m not as clean as I would have liked to be, but at least I’m cleaner than before. It’s definitely better than nothing. I carefully dress myself and brush my hair out, before returning to my room. My mysterious hero is sitting on my bed reading a book from my bookshelf that sits on top of my dresser.
“Anything interesting?” I ask, weakly as I stand in the doorway.
I startle him and he jumps a little in his spot on my bed, looking up at me as if I caught him doing something dirty. His cheeks turn pink, but I’m not sure if it’s from being startled or being caught reading. He instantly puts the book down on my bed, and comes over to help me, allowing me to lean on him.
“No, just passing the time until you returned,” he admits.
There’s a bit of red tint to his complexion again that I find alluring.
“Nothing is as interesting to me as I find you,” he says.
I can feel heat on my cheeks with that comment. Even with his cool skin, it doesn’t stop the warmth from reaching my face. I want to hide my blush from him, but I’m unable to with his arms around me to help me walk.
He grabs my arm and wraps it across his shoulders, behind his head, and places his hand gently on my waist. He, then, guides me to my bed, but it doesn’t seem like I’m even walking. I look towards my feet to see that he is using his hip and grip on my waist to lift me up so I can feel like I’m walking by myself, but he’s really doing all the work.
Degory helps me sit on my bed,
and pulls back the covers for me so I can snuggle up underneath them. He sets himself on the edge next to me. I turn onto my side so that I’m able to see him staring down at me, his hip resting against my stomach. I can feel the coolness radiating from him with how close he is, and I love it.
He uses his hand to touch my face and play with the hair that covers my eyes after rolling over. He has longing, sadness, and pain in his eyes. I want to steal it away so he doesn’t have to keep suffering or battling with himself anymore.
“You have to leave soon, don’t you?” I ask.
It’s the only explanation for all the emotion clouding his gaze. My heart sinks into my stomach at the thought.
“You have to leave and don’t know when you’re going to be able to come back…”
My heart mirrors the emotions in his eyes. He takes a deep breath and sighs, letting the air slowly out of his lungs before responding to my question. I think he’s struggling with wanting to be honest with me, but not wanting to cause me pain at the same time. It’s strange seeing him fight with himself still.
“I’m afraid so…” he admits.
At least he’s being honest with me. I’d rather that then a lie of any kind.
It makes me admire him that much more.
“Being a Captain means I have a lot to get done, and make sure the rest of my Division gets their duties completed,” he explains. “I’m the one that is responsible for keeping them in line and takes the fall when they aren’t. Trust me, I wish that I could stay here with you. It even feels right being here with you.”
He pauses. His whole body tenses next to me as if it physically pains him knowing he has to leave.
“However, being in a relationship with a human?” he continues. “I highly doubt the High Counsel would approve of that…”
I have to hold back tears. Apparently, we have a Romeo and Juliet type of situation going on between us. How cliché. It upsets me knowing that this society I never even knew existed just a few days ago has the power to keep away the one good thing that has happened in my life since my mom passed away.
I don’t want anything or anyone besides me having that kind of influence on my life and the decisions I make.
Does this mean I’m going to need to wait until I die to be with him for more than a couple days at a time?
Heaven – or Eden – knows he’s worth it, but I wish I didn’t have to. I’m not ready to die, but not ready to live a life without him either.
He notices my discomfort, and leans down to kiss me sweetly on the forehead. He keeps his cold, soft lips against my head for some time before pulling away. When he does, he keeps his face close to mine, not wanting to be any further from me than I want to from him.
Our eyes lock and I can feel myself being drawn to him like he has a rope attached to my heart, drawing me toward him. I bite my lower lip, thinking about what it would be like to taste him.
Would it be like the first time, or not?
Either way, that’s all it takes for him to lean back in and kiss my lips. He must have been thinking the same thing.
Passion flows between us, but it isn’t that white-hot passion in movies or books where everything is going a mile a minute. No, it’s a slow, gentle, loving passion that takes its time – there’s no rush. The kind of passion that will never burn out or get old.
His lips taste like snow, but they aren’t as cold as I thought they would be. My memory is nothing compared to what I’m experiencing now. It is so much better.
With his touch, I almost feel rejuvenated again and full of energy – ready to attack the world and anything that might try to come between us. It’s like my need to have more of him gives me strength I didn’t even know I had.
For someone so fiercely mature and wise, his kiss is so tender and careful. Like I’m fragile and delicate. Any sudden move and I could break into a thousand pieces. I don’t mind, though. It brings more love into our exchange. With it, I know that no one in this lifetime will ever love me like he does – just by the taste of his kiss.
He makes me feel loved, beautiful, protected, and special. Like he’s the stars and I’m the universe. His universe.
It’s over too soon. He lifts his head up after several moments. I can’t help but want more of him. To feel his lips against mine. I pout, hoping it’ll get him to kiss me again but he doesn’t give in to my tricks.
I have my eyes closed for several seconds afterwards, not wanting to let go of the sensations he makes me feel. I want to remember every ounce of love, admiration, and desire he imparts to me through his touch. I lick my lips to make it last, but it doesn’t keep nearly as long as I want it to. My lips slowly stop tingling and return to their naturally warm state within moments.
I open my eyes to see he’s studying my features again. However, this time I can see the passion and want he has for me in his gaze, and all over his face. His body is tense from straining to keep his fervor in check. I can see in his features that if he hadn’t stopped himself then, he would have quickly lost control right then and there without holding back.
Lord knows, I would have let him. I’m feeling the same way right now. It’s not something I’ve felt for anyone before, but it seems right and natural with him. So much has happened between us in such a short time, I can’t help feeling a deep connection with him.
“Will you stay with me until I fall asleep?” I request, breaking the silence.
His expression softens, and there’s a shimmer of humor in his eyes. I know it’s unfair of me to ask that of him, but I can’t help myself. He nods without hesitation.
“Of course.”
His voice is rough, and deeper than usual. He tries to clear his throat to remove the rawness, but it doesn’t help. It’s clouded with his instinctual want for me – my body – after our amazing kiss.
I bite my bottom lip again to keep myself under control. I want to go another round, but that doesn’t seem like the best idea right now. Not with him leaving soon, and not knowing when he’ll be able to come back to me.
However, seeing him want me so bad makes me want to jump him and have my way with him, too. Since I’ve never felt this way before about anyone, I’m beginning to question my sanity.
He sits up straight on the edge of the bed so he’s not tempted to start a reenactment, while he brushes my hair out of my face again. I resist the urge to ask him to lay down with me. I know he would accommodate my request without question or hesitation, but I, also, know that he won’t be able to leave if he does.
I don’t want to be the reason he shirks his duties and gets into trouble with his superiors. I have a feeling it will make it more difficult to be together, even in the afterlife, if he were to disregard his responsibilities.
Even with his rejuvenating kiss, my energy fades rather quickly, especially with Degory tenderly stroking my hair. I loved it when mom would play with my hair like this, but I never imagined how relaxing it would be from him. I can see him being a tough, demanding Captain, yet he’s so gentle with me.
I will probably ruin his no-nonsense reputation if I’m able to be with him in Eden. All of his Division regiment mates will witness him being so kind to me and probably not take him seriously as a Captain anymore.
Maybe Eden is a bit more forgiving than I’m imagining. Perhaps it won’t matter if they see us together or not. His very presence demands respect, and it can be shocking with how caring he is with me. It’s fun to daydream about, anyway.
I fall asleep thinking about him. Difficult not to with him so close to me and running his fingers through my hair. I dream of Eden and what our lives will be like if we are able to spend eternity there together. I will have to remember to ask Degory if he knows where I would show up after I die, or if he will try to find me.
I kick myself a little for daydreaming about our possible future. I have no idea when my end will come. I don’t want to wait a lifetime just to be with him. Yet, I have no choice.
There’s not even a guar
antee that we will be able to start any sort of life together right away when I do make it to Eden. If I kill myself, I’m much more likely to become a Malighost and not be able to be with him at all. He may even be the one that would have to destroy me.
It seems so morose to hope that I die young and soon, but I do, just so that I can be with him and not worry. Maybe even help lost spirits with him. God, it all sounds so morbid and unlike me. I guess it’s true what they say: love definitely changes you.
When I wake up from my nap, the sun is starting to set. That just tells me it’s around dinner time. I sit up slowly, my entire body aching, and search around the room. He’s gone. I look down at my pillow and notice that he had placed the scarf he had given me there so that I have something of his to sleep with while he is away.
It makes me smile. I can’t help but look around the room for any other evidence that he has been here. It feels so empty without him. The only evidence I have is the scarf. I’m going through my own internal struggle now, and don’t know how to handle it.
A folded, white piece of paper on my desk catches my eye. It has my name written on it in neat, cursive calligraphy. No one in my family has handwriting like this, so it has to be from Degory. I open it carefully, reading every word thoroughly so I remember every detail.
My lovely Sunny,
I am sorry that I had to leave you. I have been the Captain of Division Six for over a century, a Reaper for over two centuries, and nothing has been harder for me than it is leaving you. Know that not a moment will pass by without you on my mind. Everything I do will be working towards seeing your beautiful, smiling face again. You are my Sunshine. Without you, my world would continue to be dark and lonely.
Stay safe, Sunny. Stay bright. I’ll be with you in spirit until I can be with you again in body.
Forever yours,
Degory Alden
I read the note over and over again, examining and memorizing his handwriting and signature. I have more than just a scarf to remember him by now. I have fallen in love at seventeen with a boy who has been dead for over two centuries. I’m pretty sure the universe is playing a cosmic joke on me.
Waiting a Lifetime (The Waiting Series Book 1) Page 7