by Kealohilani
Lani took a deep breath in. The memory of the wedding hung there for a second— as if a remote were malfunctioning and hitting the pause button and the play button over and over again.
There was one final destination she had to take Jharate to if she was going to be completely open with him. She exhaled hard and the memory switched to one last quick montage— but this time every moment revolved around one man.
Lani zoomed quickly through many lighthearted, joyful, and playful moments between Josiah and herself. She then jumped to the moment she had misunderstood Josiah’s feelings and broken up with him because she did not know that he loved her.
She zipped past her countless efforts to make up with Josiah and then to a progression in the mending of their relationship— to the point where it seemed as if they would reconcile.
Josiah beamed every time he saw Lani and both of them looked incredibly happy. But Lani and Josiah had only been seeing each other on campus and at church until the next memory when Josiah accepted Lani’s invitation to his own birthday party at her house.
Lani watched herself as she joyfully shopped for the birthday/reunion and spent a great deal of money getting Josiah’s favorite foods and making everything perfect for his first time back to her house since their break-up. Her dad got off work early to make his famous spaghetti that Josiah loved so much and Lani decorated the house and made a cake. Once she had finished everything for the party she sat down to wait. She waited. And waited. And waited. Josiah never came.
Lani took the deepest breath yet and let it out forcefully. She still had one last memory of Josiah left to share. Lani and Josiah stood in one of the campus parking lots together near Josiah’s car. Only the yellow glow of the parking lot lights kept them from being surrounded by complete blackness.
The smell of delicious food, the sound of college students laughing, and the booming sounds of island music floated through the air at the international student festival— where Josiah and Lani had just run into each other. She asked him why he hadn’t come to his birthday party. The light was completely gone from Josiah’s eyes. Now they were cold, harsh, and distant.
“I remembered what you did to me and I’m not going to give you another chance to hurt me.”
“Please don’t think that way. We didn’t cheat on each other or do anything irreparable. All we did was have a big misunderstanding. I didn’t realize that you loved me before, Josiah. Now that I know, I promise I will never leave you again.”
She touched his arm in reassurance. He yanked it away from her. She pleaded with him to stay and work things out. His face was like stone and he refused coldly.
Tears welled up in her eyes. He turned his back on her to walk away. She was crying so hard that she couldn’t see as she tried to follow him. She stumbled and fell to her knees.
“Josiah! Please! Please forgive me! Josiah!”
He left her without a word. The last things she saw were his headlights, swimming through her tears— as he backed his car out of the space he was parked in, and left her there in the dark, alone.
Pain, regret, and anguish crashed over her as she realized nothing was going to be fixed— ever. It would never be fixed because Josiah had made it clear that there was no forgiveness. Everything around her was still a blur and she realized that she was in no condition to drive. She called her friend, Maika, and he drove her home— with Lani sobbing all the way.
Somehow this last memory had seemed as if Lani were living it from both her original perspective as well as that of an observer. Although she no longer wanted anyone but Jharate, the memory was still sharp.
Lani exhaled hard. She knew that the worst was finally over. She figured she’d better show Jharate one more thing— just so it wouldn’t appear as if all she ever did was cry all the time— but this had been going on for so long now that she didn’t want to make him wade through another montage of memories.
She thought hard and remembered a conversation with Kendra not too long ago that she felt would best sum up what she wanted him to know about her. The image of the dark parking lot melted into her warmly-lit bedroom with Kendra and Lani both sitting on her bed eating chocolate.
“You just need to get over him!” Kendra stated emphatically. “He’s not good enough for you. Maybe you should take a break from dating for a while.”
“Thanks. I think you’re right that I should try to move on— but I’m not sure how. I thought he was the one…”
“That’s why I’m more careful about which relationships I get into. You give your whole heart every time.”
“Yeah, but you know, all relationships fail until the last one. And when it finally is the last one— I don’t want to ruin it by starting it out wrong. I know you wouldn’t want to lose the man of your dreams by holding back when he needed to see your heart either, so be careful not to have too many walls.”
“That’s true.”
“I’ve always said that I’d rather be a hopeless romantic than a skeptic, because while the hopeless romantic may get burned many times— the skeptic will never really experience love.”
“I don’t know how you do that.”
“Do what?”
“Keep your positive outlook when you’ve been through so much. Not only that, but you go on and you help others feel better, and you achieve all these crazy things most people don’t even do when they’re happy! I haven’t even had half of the drama you’ve had in the dating arena— and I don’t have nearly that much hope.”
“Hold out for it, Chicky. It’ll be worth it in the end. Don’t stop believing in love.”
“Yeah, but our country has a horrible divorce rate. I mean, think about it— of all our friends, Justin’s parents are divorced, Kara’s parents are divorced, and even our newest friend Erik’s parents are divorced. That leaves your family, Raoul’s, and mine that are still together.”
“Yes, but—”
“And those are the ones that even made it to having a family. A lot of marriages end in the first couple of years— sometimes in the first couple of months nowadays. I don’t want to get married just to go through a divorce.”
“Well, even if worse comes to worst, it’s better to have had two or even three marriages than none. We can’t live in fear unless we want to end up living alone. And do you think Erik’s, Justin’s, or Kara’s parents would give up the kids they got just to avoid the pain of divorce?”
“Of course not! They all love their kids. But do you think you could give me just one-tenth of your optimism— like a happiness transfusion or something?” Kendra asked with a laugh.
“Sure. They just discovered that it’s transferred through pillows!”
Lani smacked Kendra in the face with her big fluffy pillow. Kendra grabbed the matching pillow off the opposite bed and the two girls squealed in delight and giggled together as the eight-year span of memories came to a close and Lani finally pictured black.
As Jharate and Lani slowly re-entered the real world, Lani took in a shuddering breath and exhaled. It felt better to have her deepest darkest fears out in the open now, but she also couldn’t help feeling like she’d just been run over by an emotional freight train.
And now, she was vulnerable. She wiped a few tears away from her eyes— refusing to make Jharate watch her cry one more time— and took another deep breath.
Lani searched Jharate’s face, trying to read it. She saw shock in his eyes for sure. She held her breath as she waited for him to say something… anything. Jharate put his arms around her and pulled her close to him, in a strong protective hug.
“Thank you for opening your past to me. I am deeply honored that you have entrusted me with that knowledge. I am astonished that you have endured so many heartbreaks— and yet, you are so willing to give your heart to me.”
Lani felt heat rushing into her cheeks and a deep blush came over her face. She was glad Jharate was still holding her close so that he couldn’t see it. She smiled and breathed in deeply, enjoying his w
onderful scent— feeling safe and secure.
“I do not know why Josiah would not forgive you, Lani. However, his thoughtless loss is truly my gain. I would never behave in such a cold-hearted and foolish manner.
“My love for you is unconditional and will grow each day. You are truly extraordinary and deserve to be treated like a queen. I will never treat you in the manner in which the men from your past treated you. They do not know what they have lost.”
Lani pulled away from him slightly so that she could look into his eyes. They were so sincere. She smiled and sighed happily.
“I feel like I’ve known you my whole life, Jharate.”
“You are not alone in that feeling.”
Jharate pulled her to him once again, held her tight, and kissed her sweetly on the top of her head. Lani beamed as a wave of love swept over her. She held very still, enjoying this moment in his massive gentle arms. Many minutes passed in blissful silence— as if the sands of the hourglass had decided to be merciful and slow down just for them.
“Lani?”
“Yes, Jharate?”
“Who is Prince Phillip?”
Lani couldn’t help laughing before answering him.
“He is a prince from one of my favorite stories who had to fight hard to win the hand in marriage of Princess Aurora. He even had to kill a fire-breathing dragon for her.”
“I would fight a dragon for you, Lani. I would fight any foul creature that dared to harm you or distress you in any way.”
“I believe you.” Lani smiled.
Lani snuggled into Jharate and sighed happily. She fought to stifle a yawn and suddenly realized how tired she was. She was sure that she had been sharing her memories with him for well over an hour.
“Wow,” she said. “I didn’t notice how late it had gotten.”
“Perhaps you should retire for the evening, my love.”
“As much as I am loving our time together, I think I might have to. I’ll see you in the morning. No, don’t get up, angel. I’m just going to bed. Thank you so much, Jharate.”
“Nonsense, sweetheart. A gentleman always rises when a lady rises. And, he walks her to her abode.”
Lani giggled.
“Of course, how silly of me. I have always loved a gentleman. Must be the weeks of being on the run on another planet that made me forget my manners. I would love to have you escort me.”
Jharate walked her to the edge of where the women were sleeping. He stopped and kissed her hand.
“I love you, Lani.”
“I love you, Jharate.”
Lani stood on her tiptoes and kissed him tenderly on the cheek. He turned her face gently toward him and kissed her softly on the lips— then kissed her hand once more with a sweet and passionate kiss, as she began to walk slowly over to her bedroll.
He held her hand with both of his until she gently slipped away. She walked several yards and then smiled at him over her shoulder. She knew she would sleep well tonight.
She turned and walked the rest of the way until Jharate was out of sight. She knew he couldn’t be sleeping more than fifty yards away from where she would be sleeping— but she missed him already. She reached her bedroll, and saw Kendra already lying on the one next to hers.
“Hey,” Kendra said quietly.
Lani sat on top of her own bedroll and smiled as she replied, “Hey.”
“You okay? I mean, you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to— it’s just I haven’t gotten to talk to you since the— well, you know.”
“Yes, I know. I don’t really feel like talking about it in detail, but I’m okay. Jharate saved me before anything serious could happen. And… we’re in love.”
Kendra smiled as she whispered back.
“I’m so glad he saved you— and I wish you luck with him. I hope he makes you very happy. Heaven knows you’ve been through it all when it comes to—”
Lani jumped up and screamed. Her shrill frantic cry pierced through the air— quickly joined by Kendra’s. Lani felt Jharate’s hand on her arm in an instant.
“What is it, Lani?”
“A spider!”
Lani rushed behind Jharate and pointed where the giant furry arachnid was crawling on her bedroll. Kendra perched herself on a stump to try to avoid the horrid hairy black thing. She was screaming something about its eyes. Jharate bit his lip to keep from laughing.
“What’s wrong?” Arante asked, as she and several others rushed to join them.
Jharate answered quickly before any of them could even see the spider. “I have the situation in hand.”
Many inquisitive and unsatisfied looks were exchanged between the newcomers— but seeing the adamant look on Jharate’s face, they left.
“It is all right, my love. Diamondback spiders are not venomous.”
“I still really, really, really don’t like them! Can you get rid of it for me, please?”
“Yes! Take it away and kill it!” Kendra exclaimed.
“Of course I will be happy to remove it. I would have done so already. However, first, you will need to release your hold, Lani.”
Lani had not realized how tight of a grip she had on his shirt. She now let go with a nervous giggle and gave him a wide berth as he picked up the furry grapefruit-sized creature with ease. He took it far away into the trees where it would not bother her again, before returning to her side.
“You are safe now, sweetheart.”
“Thank you, Jharate. I feel kind of stupid, actually.”
“Do not feel that way. We all have our fears. Furthermore, you have given me the privilege— far sooner than I could have hoped to have had it— of fighting a foul creature for you, just as Prince Phillip fought for Princess Aurora.”
Jharate grinned and his eyes twinkled gleefully. Lani couldn’t help but laugh again.
“And I appreciate your heroism on my behalf,” she smiled.
“Get some rest, my love. I will see you in the morning.”
Jharate kissed Lani gently on the lips one more time and went back to the log where they had been sitting earlier— the same log where he had run from when he had heard Lani’s scream.
Lani felt her heartbeat slowly returning to normal. And— after scanning the area for any possible relatives of that stupid arachnid, and waiting a few additional seconds— she and Kendra slipped into their bedrolls.
“Well I never want to see another one of those things again!” Kendra underscored.
“I second that motion,” Lani declared with a laugh.
Kendra giggled. “What is this? Model U.N.?”
“Ha, ha! I don’t know. It just sounded like something to say.”
“The chair recognizes the delegate from Earth.”
Lani and Kendra looked at each other and burst out laughing.
“Thank you, Madam Chairperson. Those were the days, weren’t they, Kendra?”
“For realz! I still remember that one kid in Justin’s and Raoul’s delegation. What was his name? Johnny… no … Aaron? No, that’s not it either. Well anyway, you know the one I’m talking about, right?”
“The one we all thought was going to marry Angela one day?”
“Yeah, that’s the one! I wonder if they ever did get hitched. Anyway, remember the year that they were representing Pakistan?”
“How could I forget?!”
“Right?! And during one of the breaks he pulled out his ridiculous wanna-be accent that sounded more Indian than it did Pakistani— and he was all like, ‘There are three reasons why you should vote for my bill. Number one, I come all the way from my country to be here. Number two, I take the time to learn your language. And number three, what do you think I have in this briefcase, papers?’ And then he shook his briefcase like a madman. I thought I was going to die laughing! It was so inappropriate and yet, somehow, totally hysterical!”
“True,” Lani agreed, laughing with Kendra. “Half the stuff that kid said was inappropriate— and when any one of us would try to get
him to stop, he’d just amp it up. That’s why I always tried to only laugh at the funny appropriate parts and ignore his jokes when he went too far or got crude.”
“I just laughed at everything— as long as it wasn’t nasty or hatefully-racist or hatefully-sexist. But like real hate— not just humorous sometimes-exaggerated observations that may or may not be true. Comedy shouldn’t be bound by the rules of political correctness.”
“Wish you felt that way about everything!” Erik’s voice chimed in from somewhere off in the trees.
“Shut up, Erik!” Kendra yelled back. “And stop eavesdropping like a psycho!”
“Hashtag selective social justice warrior!”
“Hashtag I’ll hurt you if you don’t shut up!”
They heard Erik laugh, but he didn’t say anything further.
“Where were we?” Kendra asked Lani, speaking a little quieter to avoid being overheard. “Oh yeah, you were saying how you didn’t laugh when he was crude and stuff. And I was just saying that I didn’t think comedy should have to be bound by society rules and political correctness and whatever.”
“He would definitely agree with you,” Lani giggled. “And I loved his humor when he didn’t go too far or get raunchy. For the jokes that weren’t crazy over the edge it was hard not to laugh even when I wasn’t sure if I should.
“Like one time I remember when his voicemail recording was him doing an Osama Bin Laden impression, talking to the CIA who was knocking outside his door, saying, ‘I’m not home! … and I’m armed!’ That kid was a riot! I wonder what ever happened to him.”
“I dunno,” Kendra replied, still laughing. “I think I heard he moved to Alaska or something like that— somewhere really off the map.”
“Like we are?”
“Ha! Yeah, seriously, right? But for realz, Lani, if I was gonna have to get stranded on an alien planet, I’m glad it was with you, Raoul, Justin— and maybe even Erik.”
“Thanks, Minxy. I’m glad you’re here too.”
Kendra yawned loudly. “I’m getting tired. I think I’m gonna sign off now, Chicky.”
“Me too. Sweet dreams.”
“Sweet dreams.”