The Two Leaders

by Kugane Maruyama

  “We’re all exceedingly grateful to Lord Ainz. He’s given us so many fish… But those fish, they don’t have any innards. How do they survive? Are they like those monsters that don’t need to eat? But they don’t have bones, either…”

  “Those are food created by Lord Ainz and the other Supreme Beings.”

  The fish Cocytus had brought them came from an item called Dagda’s Cauldron.

  “What? They can simply ‘create’ enough fish for us to live on?” Shasuryu shook his head. “When Zaryusu and the others visited from the Supreme Beings’ castle, they told us fantastic tales. They said that the Great Tomb of Nazarick contains multiple separate worlds, that it was the realm of a true god. So Lord Ainz has the power of a god?”

  “Well, yeah!” That should have been obvious by now! Mare cocked his head in genuine confusion.

  Ainz Ooal Gown was the greatest god and their creator.

  “I see. Everything is thanks to him. We are very grateful.”

  “I’ll let him know.”

  3

  10:30 AM Nazarick Time

  “What a racket. Silence!” Ainz made a sweeping motion with his left arm. Then he froze and held the pose.

  After a moment, he returned to his original stance.

  “What a racket. Silence!” He swung his left arm and froze again. Watching himself in the full-length mirror before him, he made minute adjustments to the position of his hand.

  “…Silence! Here…? No, maybe it’d be cooler to tilt my hand more to the left?”

  He returned once more to his original stance.

  “What a racket. Silence!”

  Satisfied with his pose, he picked up a notepad sitting on the table next to him. “Another pose down. Next up, practicing lines for buying time.”

  He circled with a pen the lines he’d been rehearsing and then turned the page.

  Most of the lines written there were variations on “I’ll think about it.” Any that were too roundabout or trying so hard to be cool that they wrapped back around to lame were crossed out.

  Ainz was only a normal guy, so it was hard for him to act like a ruler. That’s why he made sure he was prepared for anything by repeatedly rehearsing like this. It goes without saying that the notebook was a collection of lines he had come up with.

  It had already been an hour since he had started practicing, but the word rest wasn’t in his dictionary.

  Ainz was a supreme ruler, but to be frank, he barely worked at all. The one at the top had to decide policy, so unless they were dealing with an emergency or something of high importance, he was free. Albedo took care of minor affairs, so all he had to do was take a look at reports that came in.

  But when he read the reports, he never found anything that worried him, so he really only had to glance through. It felt like a leader should have a heavier workload, but as long as he had Albedo and no emergencies cropped up, he figured it was fine.

  That’s just how things work in a properly functioning organization. The one at the top doesn’t need to be laboring on the front lines.

  Outside of raising morale, there was no reason for the general of an army to be swinging his sword out in front. It was foolish to take the risk.

  Really, instead of doing the adventurer thing, I should be gaining knowledge—training my brain—so I’m prepared for an emergency. But how can I do that? Who can I get to teach me—without destroying everyone’s image of Ainz Ooal Gown?

  All beings in Nazarick loved, respected, and bowed down to Ainz, their absolute ruler. Yes, the children—in a way—created by his former guildmates looked up to him. In the same way a father can’t betray the respect of his children, Ainz couldn’t betray the members of Nazarick. That was why he practiced so hard—he at least wanted to look the part.

  Of course, what he was doing embarrassed him.

  If it didn’t, he wouldn’t have locked the door and prohibited maids or his eight-edged assassin bodyguards in the shadows from entering. Neither would he periodically grow incapable of tolerating it and dive into his bed with a mortified cry.

  “I need to act…like the highest ruler of Nazarick should…” Anguished, he flipped through his notebook. There were still many more lines he had come up with in his spare time. They were never-ending.

  Ainz Ooal Gown was an undead, so large emotional fluctuations were automatically suppressed. Still…

  “I want to relax…”

  The vestiges of Satoru Suzuki’s mind were shrieking in exhaustion. I’m sick of this!

  But— He clenched his teeth. “What am I doing? C’mon, Ainz!” He jeered at his pathetic wishing for escape and looked back at the mirror with renewed energy in his eyes.

  Beep-beep-beep-beep! Just then an electronic noise sounded.

  It was music to his ears. He seized the band on his left wrist to stop the beeping and sighed in relief. “If time’s up, time’s up. Yeah. Time’s up, so that’s it for now.”

  He didn’t forget to throw the notebook into a box. When he closed the lid, multiple locks clicked shut. If anyone tried to brute force their way in, they would trigger multiple attack spells, which would utterly destroy the vicinity. Its defenses were so tight only someone level 90 with a thief-type class or someone level 80 or higher who was specced specifically to be a thief type could open it.

  Only after using this serious item did he put the notebook away in space. He put it into a place with many rare items. High-level thieves could even steal items that were put away. That said, even if they restrained their opponent, they couldn’t steal everything. The limit was an item or two from a single player. Still, the prospect of being robbed once or twice was enough to make Ainz shiver even though he wasn’t supposed to feel fear as an undead.

  And in this world, some people were born with special talents, so who knew what might happen? That’s why he put the box in with other rare items—he figured any thief would steal something that looked more valuable.

  After putting it away, he reconfirmed something.

  Just like a housewife repeatedly making sure the door to the house is locked before going on vacation, Ainz made his checks and then finally sighed.

  Only after all that was done did he leave his bedroom. He was headed for the room he used as his office. Greeting him with deeply bowed heads to show their loyalty were Albedo, a regular maid, and then Mare.

  The appearance of the other two wasn’t rare, but the boy was unexpected in this place. Surprised, he crossed the room and sat in his ebony chair by performing a movement he had rehearsed more than thirty times—a way of sitting that didn’t involve treading on his robe or loudly adjusting the position of his chair.

  Next, he focused on the way he leaned into it. Sitting back too fast, or with too much of his weight behind the motion, was lame. A king had a king’s way of settling into his chair—probably.

  But I have no idea how a king leans back… I’d love to see a king do it sometime…

  Business manners prescribed sitting on the middle of the seat and not leaning on the backrest, but Ainz Ooal Gown wasn’t a businessman.

  And so Ainz practiced a way of sitting that he felt must be correct for a king.

  “Raise your heads.”

  The three of them finally looked up. He found it rather annoying and a waste of time that they would never raise their heads unless he said something, but he couldn’t disregard their desire to express their loyalty, so every time he bit his tongue and said the same thing.

  “Okay, first I’ll ask Mare what he’s here for. How about it?”

  “S-sir!” His voice cracked a bit out of nervousness.

  Ainz smiled. Of course, his fleshless face didn’t change shape, but it took on a sense of warmth.

  Perhaps Mare was sharp enough to pick that up. He took a breath and seemed a bit less stiff. “U-uh, I, umm, brought this for you.”

  Ainz didn’t ask, What is it? like a nastier boss might. If Mare had something for him, he would simply take it. It was pos
sible he was forgetting some order he himself had given.

  “Oh? I mean—good.” The maid stationed in the room today moved to receive it on his behalf, but Ainz held out a hand to stop her. “Mare, bring it here directly.”

  “Yes, my lord!”

  Mare straightened his back and came forward to offer the folder.

  Ainz took it unhurriedly and looked inside.

  This is… Oh, it’s the invitation I sent around.

  Three guardians had responded in the affirmative.

  “Given the order of the names, I expected one of Cocytus’s underlings to bring it. Thanks for going out of your way, Mare.”

  “N-no, it was nothing! Cocytus was busy, so I insisted on coming instead. Besides…” Mare stroked the ring on his left ring finger. It was a loving gesture.

  His Ring of Ainz Ooal Gown. Well, I am glad he values it, but it’s a little weird to put it on that finger… And why do his eyes glisten so much when he looks at me?

  Feeling someone bristle, he glanced at Albedo out of the corner of his eye. She wore her usual smile.

  His eyes moved to her left ring finger.

  As he thought, she wore her ring there, like Mare did. It was as if putting it there was the correct thing to do.

  What was the story? From ancient Greece or somewhere? A long time ago Yamaiko had told him the meanings behind wearing rings on certain fingers. Something about how a big artery that leads to your heart is in that finger on your left hand? And so if you touch something bad for you with it, it sends a signal to your heart? So in Japan we call it a “medicine finger” and mix medicine with it…? Does the sous-chef wear his there, too? Oh, this is no good… He’s still looking at me.

  Ainz folded his hands on top of the desk. “What is it, Mare? What are you looking at? Is there something interesting on my face?” He took extra-special care to make sure he didn’t sound angry.

  “N-no, I was just thinking how cool you are…”

  “I’m…cool?” He unconsciously stroked his face. “Hoo-ha-ha! Quite the talented brownnoser, aren’t you, Mare?”

  “It’s not flattery!” He shouted so loudly no one would have ever guessed it was him. “P-please excuse me, Lord Ainz. But I really do think you’re cool. Even just before, when you sat in your chair, it really seemed like the way the highest ruler of Nazarick should sit.”

  Ainz sent a questioning glance to the maid. The homunculus, intuiting her master’s intentions, said nothing but nodded emphatically to say, That’s right. He hadn’t even looked at Albedo, but she was nodding vigorously to agree as well. Even her wings were fluttering.

  “I see. I’m glad,” Ainz replied briefly, stood, and approached Mare. The boy thought he was going to be scolded, but instead Ainz petted his head.

  It was a rough motion but full of love.

  “L-Lord Ainz…”

  “Thanks, Mare. You always say things that make me happy.” He didn’t show any of Satoru Suzuki’s feelings, but it’s kind of embarrassing. “I’m always thinking how grateful I should be to my guildmates.”

  “To the other Supreme Beings?”

  Ainz got down on one knee to meet Mare’s eyes. “Yeah. I’m so grateful to them for making the Great Tomb of Nazarick, and you, and everyone. That includes you, too, of course, Albedo and Cixous.”

  Albedo’s wings stuck straight out as if she was feeling rapturous.

  And the maid who had been called by her first name got incredibly flustered. She was usually so calm and composed that Ainz had to smile at her distress.

  “You are all my treasures.” Ainz lifted Mare up. “I wouldn’t even want to give you back to BubblingTeapot!”

  “Thank you, Lord Ainz!” Cixous thanked him instead of Mare, tears of joy streaming down her cheeks. “All of us in Nazarick thank you for remaining when so many of the Supreme Beings have gone. We may be inexperienced and offend you often, and perhaps it’s rude to say this to one of our creators, but I will anyway: Please allow us to devote ourselves to you.”

  “I’ll allow it. I believe I’ve said something similar to Albedo and Demiurge before, but I am the ruler of the Great Tomb of Nazarick, your master, Ainz Ooal Gown.” He was momentarily surprised that he pulled off these lines he hadn’t rehearsed. But when he thought about it, it made sense. He was only saying what he truly thought, so what was there to even pull off?

  Mare hugged him, burying his face in his shoulder.

  Good thing I’m not wearing my usual gear, he heard the coolheaded part of his brain say.

  He felt the robe around his shoulder getting wet, but he let Mare be. When the sniffling quieted, he petted his head and put him down.

  He took a handkerchief out of his pocket and wiped Mare’s face.

  It might have been the careless mopping of someone who had never wiped someone’s face before, but Mare let it happen.

  “Okay, Mare. Go wash your face.”

  “Wh-what are you going to do, Lord Ainz?”

  “I have to go to E-Rantel. There’s some kind of meeting with the guild leaders. I’ve been begging out of them up until now, but I’ve run out of excuses. Off I go…”

  Ainz checked on Albedo, who was conspicuously quiet. Because her head was lowered, her hair hid her expression. But the slight trembling he could detect scared him. It made him think of an active volcano about to blow its top.

  “What is it, Albedo?”

  Just then—

  “Guh! Hagh!”

  —the scenery flew past his eyes as he was struck in the back.

  Of course, it didn’t hurt. He wouldn’t take damage from anything that wasn’t magic. He did feel a slight impact from being hit, but there was nothing that could be termed pain. Even so, his human vestiges caused him to reflexively shut his eyes for a moment—despite the lack of lids.

  It was so sudden he couldn’t quite think straight. His undead mental makeup shouldn’t have been able to be confused, so it had to be Satoru Suzuki again.

  “Nngh, mrrf…”

  When he opened his eyes, he saw his eight-edged assassins clinging to the ceiling. In other words, he realized, I’m lying on the floor, and he tried to get up, but there was some unknown softness crawling over his body, pinning him down.

  What the hell? I have an item that should give me perfect resistance against travel obstruction—and that includes holds! I should be freed the moment I’m restrained… That must mean this is an extraordinarily powerful hold skill!

  The supple creature on top of him was exactly who he thought it was: Albedo.

  “Lord Ainnnnnz!” Straddling him, she sat up.

  “Wh-what is it? What happened?”

  “Oh, you! We don’t have to hold back anymore, do we?” Her eyes opened wide. Her golden, dilated pupils made his spine freeze.

  “Wh-what are you talking about?!” he asked, disturbed.

  Ignoring him, Albedo reached for the chest of her dress. With a little grunt, she tried to pull it down, but the garment didn’t budge. “Magic clothes are a pain. You either need to break them with a skill or take them off normally.”

  “Calm down, Albedo! Get off me!”

  He tried to shove her away, but she was a level-100 warrior. On top of that, when he pushed her, he felt something tender squish and he couldn’t follow through. Her hands moved and began to remove his robe.

  “Don’t strip me! Don’t move your hips! What the—?!”

  “Wh-whoa—whoa—whoa—whoa…”

  “This is your fault, Lord Ainz! I controlled myself for so long, but then you went and said something that made it impossible! This is all your fault! A little while will be enough! Just a little! A tiny little bit! Take pity on me for a few moments! It’ll be over in the time it takes you to count the eight-edged assassins on the ceiling!”

  If she had blamed him for rewriting her backstory, he probably would have lost the will to resist. But Albedo’s behavior—put one way, it was like she was about to devour him—elicited more fear than guilt, so he str
uggled.

  Finally, everyone else, who had been overwhelmed with confusion, leaped into action.

  “Mistress Albedo, you’ve gone insane!”

  “Mistress Albedo, you’ve gone insane!”

  The eight-edged assassins jumped down from the ceiling.

  “Get her away from Lord Ainz! No! Don’t completely restrain her—the hold’ll get canceled! Drag her away!”

  “It’s impossible! She’s too strong! It makes sense, since she’s the captain of the guardians! Master Mare, give us a hand!”

  “Ahhh, okay!”

  Ainz was eventually freed, and after slowly rearranging his robe, he pointed at Albedo, whose arms and legs were being held by the eight-edged assassins. “Albedo, three days of disciplinary confinement.”

  The eight-edged assassins dragged her out of the room.

  “U-uh, Lord Ainz…are you all right?”

  “I’m fine, but…was Albedo always that much of a weirdo? Did she eat something funky…? I know demon races don’t have to eat, but she’s still able to…”

  Mare averted his eyes.

  “I see… Well, no, hmm. I’m sure there’s a lot going on. We can’t rule out work-related stress.”

  Ainz rose and called to the maid. In an attempt to regain some of his obliterated dignity, he spoke in a forceful voice. “Call Narberal and Hamusuke. It’s almost time for us to head to E-Rantel.”

  1:35 PM Nazarick Time

  Ainz, astride Hamusuke, pulled the reins and brought her to a stop. He looked silently at the towering gates of E-Rantel up ahead.

  Though the massive gates could repel even a huge army, Ainz wasn’t averse to them. In the video game Yggdrasil, there were plenty more splendid gates, but these were made not with data but human hands (although the possibility of magical aid couldn’t be ignored).

  Before those gigantic steely gates fairly oozing history and hardship, an emotion he couldn’t put a finger on welled up inside him.

  Even in Yggdrasil there were guilds that conquered cities. I used to wonder why people would base their guild somewhere so difficult to protect, but…now I kinda get it. Maybe conquering a big city is just one of those male fantasies…