by E. L. Todd
“Damn crazy.”
CHAPTER THREE
Clementine
I put a vase of flowers on the counter in the kitchen. The natural light from all the windows brightened up the place and made it look like a dream home. It reminded me of a dollhouse, classy and open, but it also had the hint of coziness. I loved the place and never wanted to leave. I would grow old and die here.
A knock on the door interrupted my thoughts. Judging the hard sound, the visitor was a man. And I assumed it was Ward.
I opened the door and saw him hold a large box of diapers. There were other boxes scattered at his feet. “Wow, delivered right to my door…”
He chuckled. “Pretty convenient, huh?” He walked inside then set the box on the ground. Then he retrieved the others.
“You know, I’ll get all that stuff at my baby shower.”
“I know.” He patted the highest box. “But they had a sale at Target. I couldn’t resist. Besides, I figured most people would get you newborn diapers. I got you different sizes when he’s too old for them.”
“That was thoughtful…”
“And I got him this…” He opened a bag and took out an outfit. It was denim jeans with a blue striped t-shirt. “I saw this and thought of him. He’d look cute in this, right?”
My eyes watered and I wasn’t sure why. Seeing Ward excited squeezed my heart. Our baby was going to be loved so much and by so many different people. “It’s great.” I blinked my tears away.
He caught the look. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” I fanned my eyes. “These are happy tears.”
“Oh.” He put the outfit down and smiled. “I’m sorry…I’m just really excited. It’s all I can think about, honestly.”
“Me too.”
He stared at me for a moment and I held the gaze. Then it became tense. Looking at him made me miss him, and not in a friendly way. Having a baby was the last thing I expected, but I was grateful it was with him.
He cleared his throat. “I’m going to put these in the nursery.”
I leaned down to grab a box. “I’ll help.”
“No.” His command sliced through the air.
I flinched and stepped back.
“I don’t want you to carry anything.” His voice came out more gentle, trying to make up for the savage way he snapped at me. “Sorry…” He stacked the boxes then carried them up the stairs.
I grabbed the outfit then carried it into the kitchen. I imagined a little boy looking just like Ward running around in the outfit. He would play catch with Ward in the backyard then swing on the tire. It was a reality I couldn’t wait for.
Ward returned then joined me at the counter. “Man, that kid already has so much stuff.”
“I know,” I said. “People keep buying me things.”
“That’s thoughtful.” He headed toward the fridge. “Can I grab a water?”
“Sure.” He didn’t need to ask.
He twisted off the cap and took a deep drink. He wore dark jeans and a black t-shirt, looking handsome as hell. When women saw him at the store buying diapers, they probably burst into tears on the spot.
“So, what’s new with you?” he asked as he stood on the other side of the kitchen island.
“Just counting down the days until he gets here…”
“Me too,” he said. He took another drink and looked around the house. “I’ve been thinking about something…I hope you keep an open mind about it.”
“Okay.” I wasn’t sure what he was going to say but I hoped it wasn’t something that would lead to a fight. Ward and I had been getting along so well. It was like the way it used to be before we broke up. The closeness was nice.
“I would prefer it if you didn’t work,” he said. “You could stay home and be a full-time mom. And of course, you could continue your passion of music at the same time. I would support you completely. Plus, the house is paid off so you don’t need to worry about that.”
That was a generous offer but I couldn’t take it. “Thank you, Ward. But, no thank you.”
Disappointment filled his eyes. “May I ask why?”
“It’s not your job to support me.”
“We’re a team,” he said quickly.
“I don’t want to rely on someone else to take care of me,” I said. “And I don’t mind working at PIXEL.”
“But it’s not what you’re passionate about.”
“Even so, I have another person to think about now.”
He took a long drink of his water. “So, where’s our baby going to be when you’re working?”
“Mom will babysit him.”
“And you’re okay with that?” There was obvious disapproval in his eyes.
“Well, she did a pretty job with Cayson and I…”
He put his water down. “That’s not what I meant. I’m sure your mom is great. But wouldn’t you rather be at home with him?”
“Well, of course,” I said. “But I need to work.”
“But I—”
“It’s very sweet of you to offer but no. I can’t accept that.”
He lowered his head in sadness.
If we were together it would be different. Or if we were married. But I didn’t think that was likely to happen. The relationship we had now was perfect. I wasn’t sure if I could risk it just because we might want something more. And I wasn’t sure if I could trust him again anyway.
Ward dropped the topic. “You feeling okay?”
“I feel great.”
He looked at my stomach. “Any kicking yet?”
“No…” I automatically touched my stomach. “But it’ll happen. Probably when I’m in bed trying to sleep.” I chuckled.
“It seems to work out that way, huh?” He had a smile on his face but he still seemed a little down.
“It’ll be worth it though.”
“So…what are you doing tonight?”
“Just staying home.”
“Want to get dinner?” he asked.
I was wary of spending too much time with Ward. But I also wanted to spend time with him. “Yeah, sure.”
“I’m in the mood for pizza. How about you?”
“I could eat New York pizza at any time.” It was too delicious to turn down.
“Great, let’s go.”
***
“Any weird cravings yet?” he asked as he ate his slice across from me.
“Pickles.”
“Pickles?” he asked.
“Yeah, I eat them right out of the jar.”
He chuckled. “That’s interesting.”
“And I’m really into oranges too. I used to hate them but now I can’t stop eating them.”
“I’ll make sure I bring some when I come by.”
I finished my third slice. “Then I’ll have pickle breath.”
“Sexy…”
I laughed and almost snorted.
He watched me with affectionate eyes. “I love hearing you laugh. It’s cute.”
I felt my cheeks blush. I didn’t know what to do or say so I ate another slice.
Ward seemed to know he made me uncomfortable. “Is everything okay with the house? No leaking pipes or sticky doors?”
“No, it’s perfect,” I said.
“Let me know if something goes south,” he said. “I can be a bit of a handyman.”
“Where did you learn the trade?”
“I did construction when I was younger. It was side projects here and there. I didn’t care for it but I learned a lot. Now I can fix your house if you need me.”
“Thank you for the offer.”
“I mean…you couldn’t even build a crib.” There was a teasing look in his eyes.
I kicked him playfully under the table. “Hey, I was stressed out.”
“You would have figured it out. You just needed a break.”
I wondered if he meant that or if he was just saying that to make me feel better.
Ward seemed to know what I was thinking. Sometimes
I forgot how well he knew me. “I have complete faith you would have done it alone. You were just worked up, Clementine.”
“Really?” I asked quietly.
“Yeah,” he said with a nod. “But I also want you to know that you’ll never have to do anything alone again. I will always be here, even when our son is a grown man and out of the house. I’m here for the long haul.”
“I understand you will have your own family someday. I don’t expect you to be there all the time.”
His eyes looked wounded. “Regardless, I will take responsibility for my actions. I will always be here, whether I have another family or not. And Secondly, I’ll never have a second family. There is no one else for me. There is only you. I’m not sure how many times I have to say that, but I guess I’ll keep saying it until you understand.”
Emotions rolled through me and I wasn’t sure how to contain them. Ward said the sweetest things to me but he also made me uncomfortable. I remembered the way I kissed him when I found out we were having a boy. I wasn’t thinking. It was an impulse move.
Ward stared at me like he expected me to say something.
I picked at my crust and tried to find something somewhat intelligent to say.
He sat absolutely still, just looking at me.
Shit, this was awkward.
He sighed in disappointment. “Clementine.” His voice came out hard. “When the shooting went down, Skye and I were running at the same time. I knew where Skye was going and I had the power to stop it. I didn’t. Instead, I ran to you. There was no internal struggle. If I was going to save someone it was you. So, this lack of faith in me is starting to hurt. I was patient and understanding at first because it was a lot to take in at once. I knew I messed up because I didn’t tell you upfront. But I’ve proved, several times over, that the only woman I’ve ever loved is you. You really can’t give me another chance? Because I see the way you look at me. I see the look of longing in your eyes. And I see the way you miss me. You can try to hide it all you want but you’re a terrible actor. When you kissed me at the hospital you made it so obvious. I will take this as slow as you want. But I’m tired of being completely rejected.”
My heart was beating fast in my chest. It raced and thumped, pounding in my ears. I could actually feel my heart contract as it filled with blood. The sound of the parlor faded to the background, and Ward stared at me like a wolf on the hunt. He wanted to sink his teeth into me and he wouldn’t let me get away. He cornered me without mercy.
“You have nothing to say?” he asked coldly. “You’re the only woman who seems to think I’m anything less than perfect. Even Cayson likes me and believes I love you. Cayson.”
I looked at the table and avoided his gaze.
“We’re having a conversation,” he said with a growl. “So look at me.”
I obeyed automatically.
His blue eyes were dark enough to be gray. “If you didn’t love me anymore I would let this go. But you do. We have a chance to be a real family. I think we should take it.”
He was putting me on the spot and forcing me to confront feelings I wanted to keep locked deep inside.
“This isn’t a monologue,” he said coldly. “Now respond.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat. “There’s something that scares me…”
“Tell me.” His voice held his patience.
“If we try again and it doesn’t work out…”
“Yeah?”
“What will that do to our son?” I asked. “Would we be able to recover from that again? Do we want to put him through that? Would our relationship ever be the same? Or will we just fight so often we can’t even be in the same room anymore?”
He rubbed the back of his neck while he considered my words. “I think the risk is worth the possibility.”
“I don’t.” My voice didn’t falter.
“Clementine, you and I are both mature adults,” he said. “And it will work out this time.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I’m never going to let you go again.”
My breathing hitched slightly.
“If we could make it work and we were happy…we would have everything we’ve ever wanted. Isn’t that better than us being around each other and pretending we aren’t desperately in love? You’ll never be able to move on with another man, and I’ll never be able to move on either. This makes the most sense—for both of us.”
When he made a powerful argument like that I didn’t have a defense.
He leaned over the table and lowered his voice. “Now, give me a chance.”
My resistance was waning. “I can’t just jump back into a relationship like we used to have…we’ve been broken up for five months.”
“That’s not what I’m asking,” he said quickly. “I’m just asking for a chance. And a chance entails an open mind. And it also entails exclusivity. I don’t want you to see anybody else and I won’t see anyone either. That’s all. The rest is up to you. We can move as slow as you want. I’ve never had a problem with that.”
I played with the wrapper from my straw in my fingers, needing something to do with my hands.
He patiently waited for my response.
“Okay.”
The irritation left his eyes, replaced by a lightened color. His shoulders weren’t so stiff, and a slight smile formed on his lips. “Thank you.”
***
We entered the house then turned on the lights.
“Do you want me to get you a security system?” he asked as he moved to the couch.
“No, I’ll never use it, especially when there’s a little boy running around. It’ll go off every minute.”
“And then when he’s a teenager sneaking out to meet girls in the middle of the night it’ll be ringing nonstop,” he said with a laugh.
“Oh man, I’m dreading those years.”
“I’ll have the manly talk with him.” His hand moved to my stomach. “Do you mind if I read to him? I want him to know my voice.”
“You’re going to read to my stomach?” I asked, slightly amused.
“Why not?” he asked.
“Well, he can’t hear anything.”
“Actually, he can,” he said. “I read an article about it.”
I noticed he knew a lot of things about babies. “You did a lot of research, huh?”
“The second I knew you were pregnant.”
Ward had been preparing for the baby before he even knew it was his. It was the sweetest thing I ever heard.
“So, that’s okay?” he asked.
“Of course, it is.”
He pulled out his phone then bought a baby book on Amazon. “The Little Giraffe,” he read aloud.
“Sounds good.”
He moved to his stomach with his legs reaching past the arm of the chair. Then he began to read quietly, putting life into the story.
My hand moved across my stomach, soothing my baby and wondering what he would look like when he joined us. Ward’s hypnotic voice relaxed me. I wanted to fall asleep but I also wanted to know what would happen in the story.
Then I felt a kick.
“Oh my god…”
Ward stopped. “What?” Concern immediately came into his voice. “What’s wrong?”
“No.” I left my hand on my stomach. “He kicked.”
Ward quickly sat beside me then placed his hand on my stomach. “I don’t feel anything.” He sounded depressed, like he just lost everything.
“Keep reading,” I said. “He likes your voice.”
Ward started to read again, his hand on my stomach.
Then he kicked again.
“Oh my god!” Ward put his other hand on me and held my stomach. Then he closed his eyes. “Wow…I can’t believe it.”
“He’s going to be a soccer player.”
Our son kicked again and Ward look into my eyes. “This is amazing.”
“It is.” My hand rested on his.
He intertwined our fingers while
he continued to stare at me.
We spent the rest of the evening feeling our child kick. Ward would read until our son moved in my womb. Then we would feel him with bated breath. We never grew tired of it, so amazed by the life growing inside me.
“I think he likes my voice,” Ward whispered.
“Or hates it,” I teased.
Ward chuckled. “Maybe…”
“Or maybe he knows you’re his father.”
He turned to e, full of emotions. “I hope so.”
Our hands were still held together. “I know so.”
CHAPTER FOUR
Heath
Roland and I hadn’t talk about our fight since it happened. His sister was shot, and his entire family was thrown into turmoil. After that, our fight seemed irrelevant. I dropped it and so did he. I didn’t mention running into Ander because I knew it would be a bad idea since Roland wasn’t himself.
Roland had become closer to his sister in the past year, especially after he told her he was gay. It seemed to give him new perspective on the meaning of family. He was there for his sister, and when she finally left the hospital he relaxed.
But I was irritated with the arrangement. Roland was a total mess and cried on and off as we waited for news in the hallway of the hospital. Seeing him in pain broke my heart. But I couldn’t do anything about it. I couldn’t hold him. I couldn’t kiss him. I couldn’t wipe his tears away. Forced to keep my distance, I pretended to mean nothing to him.
It shouldn’t be that way.
I wanted to do what I wanted and when I wanted. Only when we hung out with Conrad could I touch Roland’s thigh or kiss him when the need overcame me. But when we were around anyone else, it was back to being a friend.
I wasn’t sure if I could take much more of this.
I didn’t bring it up because I knew it wasn’t the best time. But as the weeks wore on and it was clear Skye would be fine, I grew anxious. Now would be the best time for Roland to tell his family the truth. Sean almost lost a daughter. He would never risk losing his son. If Roland wanted a better time he wasn’t going to find it.
I was watching TV in my apartment when there was a knock on the door. Roland usually just walked inside since he had a key. That meant it was someone else, probably a solicitor of some sort.