by Michael Todd
“Are you done?” Derek asked, realizing that she was fucking around with him.
“Are you done?” she asked.
“The thing is,” he said nervously, “I promised Korbin I would watch you all day. Look, you won’t even know I’m here.” He jerked a thumb over his shoulder. “I’ll hide in the background.”
A sparkle finally showed in her eyes. “Oh, like you just did…standing on the street corner reading a newspaper upside down?” She laughed.
He lifted his hands. “I don’t make the rules. They are what they are. Trust me, Korbin will bend every last one of them, but he can’t have all the Damned teams coming after us for just one person. He has to keep some semblance of order. Otherwise there will be complete chaos, with the team we got.”
She pursed her lips. “It’s not because I’m the only girl on the team and he thinks I need protection?” Katie asked, lifting an eyebrow.
“Hey, who knows the real reason?” Derek shrugged.
“Shouldn’t you know?” she wondered aloud, curious now.
“Yes, Korbin and I sit down and gab over bon bons on a regular basis,” he answered sarcastically. “He’s a man of few words, but you know for sure that when he does something he does it for a reason. I’m not one to question that. He has kept us alive this entire time—for the most part—and without this team I’d be roaming around the city, probably wreaking havoc on some humans.”
“Why do I feel like you’ll do that anyway?” she asked, narrowing her eyes at him.
“You know what, Katherine?” he asked, putting his arm over her shoulder. “I think me and you are going to be good friends.”
“Two things,” she said, picking his hand up and dropping it at his side. “One, keep your arm over there unless you want to lose it, and number two, call me ‘Katherine’ again and I might just break your nose.”
“Yep, we were destined to meet.” He chuckled.
Chapter Twelve
Katie had to admit, although she had thought alone time was what she wanted, having Derek there was amusing. It also kept her mind off the fact that her life was anything but normal.
She figured since he was there on that mission, she might as well bore him to death by forcing him to walk around and see all the things she was pampering herself with, like new socks and a toothbrush. She had never been one to go crazy with shopping, probably because she had grown up poor.
“So why do girls go into shops like that anyways?” he asked, nodding at the lingerie shop again as they passed it. “I mean, I’ve had my fair share of one-night stands, and even sex after dating a girl for a couple of weeks. Never did they come walking out of the bathroom in something like that.”
Katie nibbled on a chocolate bar she had bought. “Honestly, I’m not sure that women actually wear them.”
“You seemed to have been thinking hard about it,” he answered, looking from the store to Katie and back again.
She put a hand under her chin to catch a piece of chocolate that had broken off. Tossing it into her mouth, she asked, “What do you mean?”
“Honestly?” he asked, scrunching his nose. “You looked like you were talking to yourself, or even fighting with yourself.”
“Oh.” She sighed and shook her head. “If only that were the case.”
Derek nodded in understanding. “Ahh, the demon?”
“Yeah,” Katie replied, annoyed. “And the messed-up thing is I hate that kind of stuff, the flaunting of bodies, but apparently there’s now a part of me that doesn’t mind it at all.”
Yasss, queen, Pandora whispered in her head. You will learn to embrace my ways. Learn to embrace your body and your sexuality, and we’ll drive all the men wild with our wily tactics.
Yeah, I don’t think so, Katie replied.
The only other option is for us to battle it out, and I really am not looking forward to kicking your ass. I actually enjoy being around you on rare occasions.
Gee, thanks, Katie told her. You are just having the time of your life right now, aren’t you? Torturing me while sitting all comfy inside, not having to deal with the outside world.
Pandora chuckled. Actually it’s kind of a vacation, though I’m starting to get cramped. Maybe could do with a few alterations—open the house up just a bit in the right places?
Too bad, bitch. Katie snickered and turned her attention back to Derek. “You know what I don’t understand?”
“What’s that?”
Katie nodded toward the store mannequins. “I don’t understand what the fascination is with huge breasts, unnatural waistlines, and fake plastic bodies. I don’t understand why a man wouldn’t want a real woman, someone who worked hard, had a heart, a personality, and a damn sense of humor. Instead, all they’re worried about are tits and ass.” She shoved the rest of the chocolate into her mouth, tossed the wrapper in a trash can they were passing, and slapped her hands together to get off any crumbs. “You men are exasperating.”
Derek chuckled. “I think we were bred to be that way just for women like you. We were meant to make you ask questions like that.” He paused a moment. “But in all seriousness, I don’t really have an answer for you, besides the fact that not all men are that way. They may babble their pointless man talk, but in reality everybody has different preferences.”
“Then why are all the marketing schemes the same?” she asked. “Big busty women, dumb as a rock. Even the mannequins don’t have heads, like none of that matters.”
“I never thought about the fact that those mannequins don’t have heads,” he mused. “Nice catch. I can’t answer that either. I mean, men like all sorts of women. I imagine some like them dumb so they can get away with their schemes easier. Perhaps it’s a preference for simple conversation, punctuated by grunts.” He put up a finger. “Also, some men don’t like huge tits.”
What? Pandora asked, shocked. Everyone likes a big pair of tits, even me. I think you got one of the gay ones. She sniffed. Yup, definitely gay.
Shut up, Pandora, Katie growled in her head.
“There are those guys out there who only care about looks, sure,” he continued. “But some couldn’t care less. It’s the sarcasm, humor, or brain that attracts them.”
“Right,” Katie said slowly, raising an eyebrow at Derek.
“I’m serious.” He chuckled, seeing her disbelief. “Not every man is obsessed with the perfect body. Trust me, I’ve dated the perfect body without anything else, and it is exhausting. It’s not that I think attraction isn’t important. It absolutely is, for sure, but there’s more out there than just boobs.”
He has lost his mammary-festival-loving mind. Pandora groaned.
“Like a total package,” Katie said.
“Exactly,” Derek said, nodding. “The package is the attraction. When a girl is sweet, kind, smart, funny, and can laugh at my jokes—that is what really draws me in. The attraction makes me pay attention, but she doesn’t have to have a perfect body for me to be attracted. There’s an aura around that kind of girl. I can see it before I even talk to her.”
“I get it. I’ve just never heard a guy say it.” She laughed.
‘Cause he’s either lying or he’s a complete pussy. Pandora giggled.
“Personally, I think that’s why the divorce rate in our generation is so high,” Derek added. “There are too many shallow people who are not interested in digging deeper. They want fast and easy. Relationships don’t last without substance.”
Katie chuckled. “Well, Dr. Phil, I think you figured out love. How about we go get my shopping finished and then grab some sandwiches?”
“Sounds good to me.” He looked around for a shop, not realizing that she didn’t mean at that exact moment.
The two spent the rest of the day looking in interesting stores along the Strip, and just for two seconds, acting like they were normal people on an outing. When dusk arrived, they grabbed some sandwiches and strolled toward the edge of town.
“Did you see that little old lady
in the sandwich shop?” Katie laughed.
“Yeah, the one that looked at us like we had six heads?”
“That’s the one.” She laughed. “I thought maybe she was a demon, but then I realized,” Katie took a bite of her sandwich, making sure nothing fell out of her paper as she finished, “nope, she was just a bitch.”
An alarm stopped the two in their tracks, and they turned around when they heard gunshots and watched as two men ran out of the convenience store near them.
Both guys had cheap masks over their faces, but it was obvious from the way they were dressed and how they were running that they weren’t very old at all. Katie stiffened, pissed at what she was witnessing and thinking about the possibility that dead bodies were now inside that store.
Her mind continued making up a story. It was probably a clerk or two, running a few minutes late, dragging ass, coming from their first job. They were just trying to make ends meet, just trying to pay the bills by working at some shitty convenience store on the edge of the town. They probably didn’t even care about the money. They just wanted to get their shift over and go home. Then in comes their fate, two idiots with happy trigger fingers, looking to score some money because they are too pathetic to make any themselves.
With every moment that passed Katie got angrier and angrier. She felt like there was no way she could just let this pass without doing something.
They may or may not have been demons, but injustice was the same regardless of what form it came in. Katie couldn’t help herself—she had to do something about it. Derek watched her fighting with herself and waited for her to come to her senses, but instead she shoved her drink and sandwich into his hands and turned back around.
“You know this isn’t your fight, right?” Derek asked, one eyebrow raised.
“Fuck that,” Katie said, cracking her knuckles as she stepped away. “Those two idiots probably just killed people, robbing someone of their future. There is no difference between that and a demon robbing us of our futures. A crime is a crime, and if they can’t behave like proper adults, I’ll show them what the consequences are.”
“But this isn’t our op.” He tried again, raising his voice. “This is on the cops. We aren’t the cops, Katie, nor do we have any affiliation with them. They find you beating up a couple of street thugs, they’re gonna turn on you like Gotham City on Batman.”
“I’m not afraid of some beat cops,” she called back over her shoulder, and chuckled. “Besides, they aren’t going to catch me. If I can help kill a room full of demons and get away with it, I can teach two street thugs a lesson and then dip out.”
He shook his head and laughed. “You are nuts. I figured you wouldn’t give two shits about a couple thugs with what you have to face every day.”
“Not all assholes are demons. I knew that before I even knew demons were real. I dated quite a few of them, and I don’t remember any red circles in their eyes or demonic undertones. Nope, they were just assholes.”
“Sounds depressing.” He chuckled.
“You know what’s depressing? How naïve these idiots are going to be. Just watch,” she finished and turned around, her eyes becoming calm.
Katie stepped onto the sidewalk and loosened her stride, taking the “innocent girl” approach. The guys started to slow as she approached, pulling their masks off and stuffing them in their back pockets.
Maybe Pandora was right. Maybe men really were dogs.
These two had just robbed a convenience store and probably killed people, but what happened when they saw a girl in tight clothes? They became completely incapable of getting away after a crime. It was so fascinating that she almost wanted to start conducting experiments on the topic to see how many would end up in jail because they were entranced by a pair of bouncing tits coming in their direction.
Most likely every damn one of them. Pandora grunted. Men are idiots when it comes to that shit—at least most of the ones I have met. Then again, I don’t suppose I’ve been in the right places to meet the best sort of men. I’m sure you will rectify that for me—completely against my wishes, by the way.
All right, Pandora, give me some of your special help, Katie told her. You’ll know what I need.
I got you, the demon said. Go for the nuts.
That’s not very ladylike, Katie told her.
Since when have I chosen the ladylike route? That path is yours, my prudish Princess.
The sounds of approaching sirens forced the guys to pick up the pace once again, but Katie stayed cool, calm, and collected. They slowed slightly as they reached her. Waiting until the last possible second, she thrust her arms out to the sides and caught them both under the chin as she walked between them.
One guy bounced off a pole to the ground with a groan, and the other grabbed his neck and stumbled backward. As if she were fighting demons, Katie immediately took a defensive stance, pouncing toward the guy still on his feet.
He teetered back and forth for a moment, still catching his breath before cussing and throwing a punch in her direction. She ducked and backed up, knowing that he wasn’t going to give up that easily.
Oh, hell no, Pandora said. That motherfucker just tried to hit a damn woman.
Katie kicked and punched until the first guy was unconscious and Derek stood in the background, leaning against the fence and watching in amusement. Katie turned to the other guy, who was still on the ground. She rolled him over on his back and stared down into his eyes, then yanked the gun from his hand. She squeezed his cheeks to force his mouth open, then shoved the barrel of the gun into his mouth.
“How many shots did you take, huh, punk?” she hissed at the perp. “Is there one left in this chamber? If there is, it has your name written on it.”
He mumbled and shook his head, his eyes wide. The kid was scared shitless, and Katie was pretty sure he had pissed his pants. She had no intention of shooting him, but she wanted him to believe that she would.
Pandora, on the other hand, was an advocate of pulling the trigger. You have to admit, if you pulled that trigger it would actually be pretty sweet to watch. It would be like research, where we figured out just how far brains would splatter when propelled by the barrel and bullet of a shitty-as-hell 9mm. I’ve actually seen it a couple times, watching the blood splatter all over the place and chunks of brain rolling down the sidewalk. It makes me all excited and wet just thinking about it.
“Hey, there,” Derek said, taking a bite out of her sandwich and mumbling around the food in his mouth. “How’s everything going?”
“We’re just getting to know each other,” Katie replied over her shoulder, pulling twat-waffle’s head farther back. “Isn’t that right, little buddy?”
“That’s real nice,” Derek replied, looking at his watch. “I figured I’d let you know you have about two minutes before the cops get here, so you might want to start thinking about wrapping this up. No pressure.” He took another bite and raised the sandwich in Katie’s direction. “Just an observation.”
“You hear that?” she asked, leaning down beside the kid’s head. “The cops are coming. I guess I can leave it up to you. You want justice from me or the cops?”
He mumbled, panicking, his eyes wide open.
“I’m sorry, I can’t hear you around the mouthful of gun.” She smiled. “Did you say ‘cops?’ Or was that little ol’ me? It’s just so hard to decipher. Here, let me just take this out so you can speak clearer.”
Katie yanked the gun—and several teeth—out of the kid’s mouth and swung the butt of the weapon against his temple. She stepped back as his body slumped at her feet. She shook her head, staring down at the drop of blood on her boot.
“I just cleaned these,” she bitched as she kicked the guy in the ribs. “Okay, all clean again.”
“Hey Vigilantina, come on before we end up in jail ourselves,” Derek said, laughing.
“Fine,” Katie snapped, rolling her eyes and skipping toward him.
“That was pretty nice
work there.” He smiled and handed her drink back.
“Thank you. I learned everything I know from cartoons like Darkwing Duck.” She took a sip of her drink. “Violence makes me thirsty.”
“Wow, taking it old-school.” He laughed. “Okay, I respect that. Come on.”
She slipped the gun into her belt and pulled her coat over it, then grabbed Derek’s arm and turned him in the opposite direction. They walked swiftly around the corner right before the cops crested the hill. Katie almost felt bad for having that much fun.
Key word “almost.”
“Where are we going now?” he asked, looking around. “We just came from this direction.”
“I know,” Katie said, staring at him darkly. “I have to get myself another sandwich, jackass.”
“What?” he responded. “I don’t have cooties. Only Level-One Imps have those.”
It’s gonna be a long night, Pandora moaned.
Chapter Thirteen
“And where exactly did you get this?” Calvin asked, looking at the gun Katie had handed him.
“I took it off a couple street thugs that I caught after they robbed a convenience store and shot a couple people,” Katie explained nonchalantly. “Well, I think they shot some people. I never actually went in to make sure.”
“Demons?” he asked.
“Nah,” Katie said. “Just idiot humans.”
Calvin shook his head. “Well, this gun has never been fired, and is poorly constructed of shoddy metal,” he said, tossing it into the trash piece by piece. “You fired that thing, chances are you would blow your own hand off before hurting anyone else. If the weapon that was actually fired was as bad as that piece of crap, that person probably lived to tell the story. Sorry to disappoint you.”
“Oh, I didn’t bring that back for target practice,” she told him. “It had my fingerprints on it, since I held it in one of the guys’ mouths. I couldn’t just leave it at the scene of the crime with my prints on it, especially since the world thinks I’m dead. I’ve put my mother through enough. She doesn’t need to think I was a gangbanger along with whatever reason she was given for my death.”