by Michael Todd
“Get in line for your chance to snag her,” Katie told him with a smirk.
“You are actually the one I was trying to find for T’Chezz.” He gurgled in laughter. “He wants your pretty little head on a platter.”
“Well, it looks like you found me.” Katie smirked. “Now what are you going to do?”
Damian stood back and watched Katie’s interaction with the archdeacon, trusting that she wasn’t going to physically damage him.
She turned to Damian. “Got anything to put in his mouth?”
Damian turned left, then right, not really sure what she was asking for. He reached into a nearby pew and grabbed a small hymnal. He slammed it a couple of times against his leg, and then handed it to her. “This work?”
“Yessss.” Katie’s voice wasn’t entirely her own as she took the small book and turned it so that the spine was toward the archdeacon. She grabbed the man’s cheeks and hissed, “Open up!”
She slid the book between his teeth.
Damian’s eyes grew large and the hairs stood up on the back of his neck.
A muscular paw came out of her chest, its skin scaly and black and the claws long and sharp. It went into the archdeacon’s chest and grasped something inside tightly.
The archdeacon’s body began to shake, his eyes rolled back, and foam formed at the corners of his mouth.
Now Damian understood. She didn’t want the archdeacon to bite his tongue.
The archdeacon snarled wildly, and although Damian wanted to help, until that demon was removed there was nothing he could do. Katie’s eyes grew red as her demon started to pull the archdeacon’s demon from his chest.
“Demon,” Katie called, her eyes now completely red. “Sacerdos ex hoc veni! Sacerdos ex hoc veni! Omnia sancta, eximes te!”
“What are you doing?” Damian yelled.
“I’m trying to coax the demon out so I don’t hurt your friend,” she explained. “Otherwise this will beat him up so badly that he will wake up wondering what the hell happened to him, with no recollection of a demon invasion.”
“Please.” Damian’s voice was a whisper. “Just help them.”
Katie screamed loudly, and her voice echoed through the old church. She needed to pull the demon’s attention away from the priest. The paw clenched tighter inside the archdeacon’s chest and he groaned loudly, wheezing for air. She knew if she didn’t get that demon out of him soon, he was going to die.
“Sacerdos ex hoc veni! Sacerdos ex hoc veni! Omnia sancta, eximes te!”
After several attempts, she was able to pull the demon out of the priest’s body. As soon as the demon was removed, the priest collapsed and his breathing returning to normal. Katie stood up. The snarling and hissing from the demon apparition in front of her grew loud as she allowed Pandora to speak through her.
“I can make you a delicious deal,” Pandora cooed.
“What is that?” He chuckled.
“If I were you, I would keep the laughter to a minimum,” Pandora growled. “I will not destroy you completely if you tell me who’s trying to find our weapons and stash.”
“I will tell you nothing,” he growled.
She laughed. “Okay, then I hope you enjoy the fortieth level of hell.”
“Wait,” he said, becoming very quiet. “There may be someone you know working to find those weapons. Your human let the cat out of the bag in LA, and now T’Chezz wants her head and her swords on a platter. There has been nothing like this in over a thousand years. You think that because you are a Seventy-Two you can just allow it to happen? Even help these humans?”
“You are not fighting for our leader,” Pandora snapped. “You are fighting for a demon who thinks he should be a leader; a demon who will get what is coming to him. If I were you, I would get out before it gets really bad. You know you can see it coming.”
“I will only get out of this when you are buried in hell and my leader is standing in his rightful place on top of mounds of human bodies,” he growled. “You do not scare me. You are weak and pathetic. You can’t even control your human.”
Pandora hissed and lifted the demon high into the air, squeezing with a passion unlike anything Damian and Katie had seen to date. Light burst from the demon’s chest as she chanted. As wind began to blow through the small church, Damian stood back and covered his head, trying stay out of the path of flying debris.
“Ad inferos enim tuo tu et daemonium parum est amicitia,” Pandora hissed. “Back to hell for you, and your little demon friends too!”
As the demon screamed in agony, Pandora burst into a deep maniacal laugh.
There was a bright flash of light, and the demon was gone. The church stilled.
Damian watched in shock as the demon paw retracted back into Katie’s chest and she let out a deep breath, cracking her neck back and forth. The archdeacon was slumped over but breathing, and Damian was still in one piece.
There were two more demons to dispose of, but Katie took a moment to gather herself. She was woozy; unlike before, when she had bounced right back.
That demon was stronger than most, Pandora told her. It takes a lot out of you for something like that, but trust me—it will be easier with these two numbskulls. They think they are badass, but they really are puny little suckling demons.
Katie shook her head and looked at Damian. The priest was expressionless, just standing there with the cross in his hand. She steadied herself and finished the project, removing the demons from the other two men.
The only one who had not been infected was the driver. Damian agreed to talk to him about what had happened and what to do next, so that he could choose whether to have his mind wiped.
The rest of them would wake up unharmed, with no recollection of what had happened there that day. It had been a success for the most part; no one had been seriously injured, and the infected had been exorcised.
Damian was relieved, and made the sign of the cross when Katie wasn’t looking. Perhaps, he thought, you should judge a person by their actions, not their words.
Katie went over and sat down in one of the pews, staring up at the church’s stained-glass windows. The night had passed as they dealt with the demons, and it was well into morning.
Damian was getting the men from the church cleaned up and situated so that their people could come pick them up. Luckily, since they worked for the same ministry as Damian, there was no real explanation needed for what had happened. Katie turned back toward the front of the church and leaned back against the wood. She wasn’t a religious person, but she had to admit that the church had a calming effect.
In this place you could really think; process what had happened in your day, and look at your future.
So, while you were sleeping on the couch the other day, Pandora started, there was a commercial for women telling them to treat themselves to a day at the spa. I was confused by what that meant, since that kind of treatment was reserved for royalty the last time I was on this plane. Apparently it is for every woman now, because the commercial said, “All women are queens.”
Okay. Katie chuckled. What are you trying to tell me?
I did a lot of work today. I would like to have a spa day, please, to celebrate the queen in me. It doesn’t have to be super-fancy, but you will get enjoyment out of it too. Come on, Mom, pleeeeease?
For the love of God, don’t ever call me “Mom” again. Katie put a hand up to her eyes.
Sorry, Pandora replied.
What exactly does this spa you want to go to offer? Katie asked. There are some spas that offer “services” I won’t allow.
Wait, Pandora said, you mean like “happy endings?”
Yes, among other things, Katie replied. There are some seriously shady places out there, and I don’t want to end up goosed when I am least expecting it. I know you have a hyperactive sexual drive, but I don’t, and I will not put myself at risk for diseases, pregnancy, or the million other things that can happen when you have sex in a spa.
Sex? Pandora exclai
med.
Yes, sex, Katie snapped. What in the world did you mean by “happy endings?”
I don’t know—you get married or something, she explained. I didn’t know you humans got all freaky-deaky inside massage parlors
I feel like somehow I just made the whole situation much worse for myself. Katie sighed. I should have just asked for the name of the spa and been done with it, but no! I ran my mouth, and now my demon is going to go look for massage parlors where she thinks she can get it on.
I mean, it does sound tempting, Pandora replied. If I had my own body, I would love to go to a place like that—though I have a feeling that it is better for a man than a woman in one of those places.
Probably, Katie grumbled.
This is so cute. Pandora chuckled. And someday, maybe, but no. I want a full day of soaps, gameshows, and donuts, not necessarily in that order.
Really? Katie asked.
I mean, yeah. Those are my three new favorite things and I have to beg for them, so if I can get them all at one time I will be golden, Pandora told her. I can already imagine how amazing it will be, curled up in a blanket, eating donuts, and watching the old creepy guy on the soap opera marry the rich twenty-year-old. There is so much wrong with that, it titillates my gazoongas.
I don’t know. Katie thought for a moment. That actually sounds nauseating.
Maybe you are right. Humans and their weak stomachs, Pandora grumped. We can do the donuts after that episode. Maybe we can even get dinner somewhere that night, just the two of us.
I am going on a date with my demon? Katie laughed. This is how pathetic my life has turned out to be. My family thinks I am dead, and I am dating my demon. Wait, the fact that I even have a demon is a testament to my shitty-ass luck. I wasn’t a goth or a vampire. I liked Star Wars and was going to school for a degree in business, but somehow I morphed into this demon-killing crazy bitch. I don’t even know what is going on anymore.
Are you having a breakdown in a church? Pandora asked. From what I’ve heard, Jesus can save your ass.
Right. Katie shook her head. I think he might be a bit miffed with me at the moment.
Hey, if I were you, I wouldn’t count anything out. Pandora chuckled. Sasquatch, Nessie, Jesus…the list goes on and on.
Maybe you are right. Katie sighed. I’ll look into heaven’s side in the future.
Let’s ignore that last part and get back to my spa day, Pandora said. Is that a yes?
I suppose so, Katie replied. It actually sounds like a really good time right about now. And you know what I’ll do?
What? Sleep with someone? Pandora asked excitedly. Katie could almost imagine that vivacious lady she had seen in the coven’s circle jumping up and down, her damned perky breasts too strong for gravity as she clapped in excitement.
Uh, no, Katie replied. But I will get you a donut that you will never forget. Something super-amazing.
I like what you are cooking up here, Pandora said. Special donuts, soaps, gameshows, dick—it all sounds perfect.
Wait! I never agreed to dick, Katie said in a menacing voice.
I know. Pandora sighed. But a girl has to at least give it a shot, right?
I suppose, Katie agreed. But you will never win that one.
I wouldn’t say never if I were you, Pandora replied. One day you might wake up with a hankering for some penis. Just sayin’.
Can we maybe not talk about cock when we are sitting in a church? Katie requested.
Oh, yeah. He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake, Pandora sang.
Katie laughed. That’s Santa Claus, not Jesus.
Same freaking difference, Pandora told her. They are both creeping on you right now.
You want me to see if Big J will have a talk with you?
Oh, no, Pandora bitched. My confession would take years, and he’s too bright to look at. I’d need shades.
You need help—like professional help, Katie commented, looking around as some of Damian’s church people filed in with stretchers and medical bags.
They got each of the priests onto a stretcher and quickly carried them out of the church. Damian followed them to the front door and then turned around, staring at the mess all around them.
He smiled at Katie as she pulled herself off the bench and walked over to him. She looked around the room in silence, shaking her head. The wind had blown things everywhere.
“I guess we should start cleaning things up,” Katie declared. “I’ll take the right side, you take the left, and we’ll meet in the middle.”
“Works for me,” Damian agreed.
Katie walked through the pews picking up pages from their choir’s hymnals and broken glass from the light bulbs that had exploded during the exorcism, and pushing the benches back where they were supposed to be.
The only thing different—and much nicer—was that this fight had ended without a single dead body. They could just walk away free and clear. Just then Katie’s phone buzzed in her pocket and she pulled it out and opened it up.
“Hello?” Katie said.
“Elizabeth, this is Brian. I wanted you to know that your car is here, and it’s clean, gassed up, and ready to go!”
“That is amazing news, and perfect timing.” Katie sighed, a happy smile playing across her face. “You are officially the hero of my day!”
Chapter Nine
When they finally pulled up back at the base, both Katie and Damian were exhausted. They’d had their fair share of excitement for the day, and were not looking forward to the debriefing with Korbin.
Korbin’d had no idea that there would be trouble at that meeting, even though Damian had a little bit of an inkling that there would be. Nonetheless, they would have to report to him on what had happened, and what they were told by the demon that had infected the archdeacon.
Katie decided right then and there that demon-infested priests were exceptionally scary, except Damian—you couldn’t even tell with him.
They walked inside and headed straight to Korbin’s office, not wanting to waste any time.
When they got to the office he was on the phone getting the financial report, surprised to see that Damian and Katie had earned some money earlier that day. They had both hoped they would get there before he got that call. When he hung up, he motioned for them to come in and sit down.
“So.” He steepled his fingers in front of him and eyed them. “What in the world happened?”
Katie was resolute in her courage, and she turned to Damian to tell the story.
“My archdeacon and several other priests were infected by some rather nasty demons,” Damian admitted. “The main one had information about T’Chezz and the fight for Earth, and was very powerful and nasty.”
“Really?” Korbin exclaimed. “Was he one of the Seventy-Two?”
“No,” Katie told him. “And he wasn’t particularly high on the totem pole, either. He was fairly easy to exorcise. Well, anything would seem easy after the mammoth T’Chezz sent up after us in San Diego and LA. This one was maybe a few levels above the normal everyday demon.”
“That’s so strange,” Korbin mused. “Maybe he thought something a bit less conspicuous could get him closer?”
“Maybe.” Katie glanced at Damian. “Also, he was looking for the weapons.”
“What?” Korbin’s eyes opened wide. “We are not ready.”
Katie nodded. “Well, we had to see that coming. We used them on that monster demon in California not once, but twice. T’Chezz had to realize by the end that something big was going on up here.”
“True.” Korbin reached behind his ear to scratch an itch. “I was just really hoping that we would have a bit more time. I wasn’t expecting them to come down on us quite yet.”
“Me either,” Damian agreed. “But I’m glad the priests are okay and that everyone got out of this one alive.”
“Except the demons, of course,” Katie replied.
“All right, come on.” Korbin stood up.
“Let’s go check out the tunnel and make sure everything is straight.”
The three of them headed downstairs to the training area, went through to the weapons room, and came to a stop in front of a large wooden bookshelf. Korbin pulled three books forward halfway until the lock clicked and the bookcase swung open to reveal a passageway.
The underground tunnel led into Joshua’s workspace. It was the easiest and safest way to get in and out of there without putting yourself in danger by going through the front door. Joshua had already retired to his new room in the basement and they didn’t want to bother him, so they headed up to the ground floor. When they reached the top of the steps, though, all three of them stopped and stared at the flimsy wooden door separating the two spaces.
“Well, this is going to do absolutely nothing if we get attacked,” Katie said. “A strong breeze could blow this thing open.”
“Yeah,” Korbin said. “We need to replace this door with one made of reinforced steel—thick, like a vault door —and we could have it lock with a combination so only people who know that combination can come and go.”
Katie chuckled. “I feel like we are locking Joshua up in a cave.”
“We kind of are, but it’s definitely for his own good,” Korbin said. “Those demons are after the weapons, but they are also after the person who knows how to make them. Joshua is the only one left with that knowledge. They would snatch him up in a heartbeat, and either use him for their own amusement or kill him on the spot.”
“That’s… Well, fuck.” Katie’s fist squeezed tight, guilt running through her for dragging Joshua into it. “I feel terrible. He is such a good guy, and now he is going to be hunted.”
“They have all been hunted,” Joshua said from behind them. “They were all hunted from the moment they took the magic into their hands. That is the destiny of my family. Everyone knows that as soon as they make that first sword, they are destined to be hunted for the rest of time. It is just what it is. There is no feeling bad about it or even being scared of it. Most of my family didn’t have a group like you protecting them. I think my dad somehow sent you guys to me because he knew I struggled with protecting myself.”